The Runner returns – Letter to my Twin Flame


Lying on your back in the hospital emergency room, you find it hard to breathe. Little do you know that this is only your first of three visits to this A&E department this week as you struggle to even lift yourself off the floor. Your whole body hurts and you feel like you’ve just been run over by a train. You’re convinced that you are dying, or at the very least having a heart attack. The pain all over your body, especially in your chest, is unbearable but not even the painkillers can ease your agony or erase the memory of her words. It’s not just the physical pain which leaves you feeling like a carcass; it’s the fact that you feel as if you’ve just been slapped awake from a zombie-like deep sleep. Nothing makes sense right now. You cannot for the life in you begin to understand how her words perfectly describe your deepest feelings, after all, you always hid them so skillfully – or so you thought. How does she know? Who is she? Who are you? And what if, just what if, it is all REAL?

Three years earlier, after a beautiful summer spent together in the most romantic City in the world, she had simply vanished to the thin air. Somewhere in the excitement of meeting her you had omitted to tell her just how unresolved the situation with your estranged wife actually was. You had not intended to deceive anyone but you had not expected to fall so hard and fast for this woman so unlike your “usual type”. When your wife arrived in town to see you, and with you unable to turn her away out of your “duty” towards her, you pulled back; torn between your guilt about wanting to leave your marriage and your deep feelings for this woman. You told her you always valued her as a friend and that everything else had been a “bonus”, not meant to last. She never shared with you the agonizing rejection that she went through feeling you pull away, knowing that she had no tools to manipulate you into staying, into giving her any of your attention, because she truly did love you and did not want to interfere with your life. She only wanted to see you happy. She had no idea that you were pushing her away, not because you didn’t love her, but because you just needed some space to figure out what to do.

When you try to see her again a few weeks later she is gone without a trace. She has left her job, her phone line is disconnected and her mobile phone won’t answer. The emails that you send go unanswered. You don’t know where she lives and there is no Facebook or online presence to trace. You don’t even have a picture of her. You leave messages on her answer phone and try to reach her through mutual friends but to no avail. They tell you she is back together with her boyfriend. You leave her hundreds, perhaps thousands of messages all the while convincing yourself that you are only trying to understand why she is now suddenly avoiding you; that your growing anxiety has nothing to do with the fact that every day without her hurts like hell. You’ve only known this woman for a few short weeks for God’s sake! Nevertheless, the feelings of deep, soul-shredding loss haunt you and you cannot help but feel like you’ve been ripped apart. The magnitude of these feelings seems disproportionate to the short time you spent together; it simply makes no sense. In fact, you don’t understand any of it, but deep inside the realization is growing: this is all your fault and there is nothing you can do about it now.

As the months go by with still no word from her, you do everything to keep yourself busy. Gradually your time together starts to feel more and more like just a dream, like something that happened to you in another dimension, in another reality. 18 months later, having gone through your own dark night of the soul, you finally surrender and leave it all to the powers that be. To gain some closure, you write her a long email where you pour out all your feelings; about your souls being connected, about how much you love her and about the pain she left behind. She never replies. In fact, just reading the first few words sent her into a downright panic and had her hurry for the delete button without ever reading your beautiful words. She too has done everything she can to move on and is simply not ready to revisit her intense feelings for you. You decide to leave the country; in fact, you leave the continent and sell your soul to the corporate devil, throwing yourself into work and back into your marriage in order to regain some normality.


Three years go by and then one morning in your inbox is an email from her. Little do you know that she’s just had a spiritual awakening and is now being bombarded by signs and synchronicities from everywhere telling her to come to YOU. She has no idea what it all means and just wants to know you are happy – and you are now! Suddenly you find yourself back in the sweet synchronistic flow of your energies, back in your uncomplicated, timeless togetherness; burning the phone lines, exchanging emails. In your heart you had always known that she’d return, although you had not really allowed yourself to believe it. Everything seems to click right back into place, as if she never went away.

You want to see her but she hesitates, conflicted about her unresolved feelings for you. Can she trust you not to break her heart this time? She writes to you about love which calls the souls back home; you talk to her about marriage, about children, about how you are still looking for your polar opposite – something she always knew she was. When she writes to you about the union of two souls, without realizing she is answering your deepest questions. Yes Yes Yes!!!!!!!!! Could it be that all along she was feeling the same? You must see her to be sure. You let her believe that you are available, looking for the very things that she so eloquently writes to you about. You know that if you told her that you are still married she might slip away again and you cannot let that happen. With every day your desire to see each other grows. Soon enough, the pull is simply too strong to resist and she crosses the Ocean to arrive at your doorstep.

The reunion is everything you had dreamt of and more. She is still that same woman you never stopped loving, the only one who always saw you for who you are, for ALL that you are and could be. You kiss her passionately, out of breath, telling her how much you have missed her all these years. The feelings of home-coming, of rightness, of simply feeling your restless spirit finally calm upon the waves of her love overwhelm you as you find yourself swept away by the unstoppable momentum of your timeless passion. As you feel yourself falling for her again you desperately look for a sign, a proof that this really is REAL; that this is not just a fantasy. Falling for her again scares you to death. You barely made it through the hell of losing her last time. There is no way you could survive it again.

Doubts seep in. You know she is still with her boyfriend and you are still married. You never discussed your feelings for each other before and it is all still a big question mark for you. As much as you are ecstatic to have her here, your logical mind just can’t keep up. What does this all mean? She has returned, like you always hoped she would, speaking of soul mates, about energies, about choosing love not fear, but you need to be sure that she feels these things for YOU. Nervous to the point of having to smoke a cigarette through the conversation even though you are not regularly a smoker, you finally ask her how you fit into all this. You ask her if she loves you, but then, fearing her answer, in the same breath reject her before she has had the chance to answer.

You tell her how you’ve done all your soul searching and you know what you want, and it is to stay in your “safe” marriage. You blame her for expecting you to be more than you want to be. Yet she is not here to demand anything of you, but to call you to be open, to be vulnerable, to be true to YOU; to discover the meaning of this connection together. After all, you’ve felt it too. But you can’t. Instead, you pull away. You make love to her for one last time but as the sun rises on the city you draw a line across your love. You tell yourself that it was never meant to be more than a temporary thing and that this, here, was only for old times’ sake.

The last few days of her visit are painful for you. All your feelings of being unloved, of not being good enough, of knowing she will be soon gone, of longing for her but knowing you must “ do the right thing” are making your chest tight. You want to touch her, to hold her but you deny this from yourself. You are straining yourself in order to keep it all in and it actually physically hurts. You wish you could just open up but you don’t want to say anything so as not to give her any false hope, or to set yourself up for a great fall once again.

Nothing scares you more than to allow yourself to believe in this love, to trust her, to trust your heart. You don’t even trust yourself anymore! When she gently brushes your arm one night, attempting to break the tense atmosphere, you jump up telling her that if you really loved her then you would fetch the stars and the moon from the sky for her, but you won’t because you don’t. She is taken aback. Why the outburst? She can see just how nervous and closed off you are. The conflict in you is so obvious to her. Unafraid, she confronts you about your thoughts, which she can hear, and their conflict with your heart, which she can feel. You feel exposed, vulnerable, fighting to hold all the intense emotions inside, denying any conflict whatsoever exists and counting the days, hours and minutes to when she will be gone again, while at the same time dreading the emptiness that you know will follow.

On the final day, hit by a sudden fear that you might lose her forever if you don’t speak now you tell her that yes, you DO care, you DO want to see her, but you are afraid of losing her again. You tell her what it felt like to fall from the pedestal that she had put you on, what it felt like to leave her 5,000 messages and get no answer. You tell her you are afraid that she will disappear again. Secretly you know that she is too wild, too spontaneous and too unpredictable, her emotions so raw, so honest, that your logical mind simply cannot cope. You know that if you let her in, she might just run with your heart and vanish, and you simply cannot bear the take that chance.

As you stand there on a New York City pavement the feel of her lips is still fresh on yours. The letter she has just pressed into your hand is now the only thing that remains of her, along with a million questions unanswered. “Read it when I am gone”, she said. Immediately as you read the first words something stirs deep within you. She always did that; managing to touch places within you that you never knew existed; places that she had befriended all those years ago and then left in unbearable pain. Her words are so beautiful and sincere; they speak the Truth, cutting straight through to the vulnerable, real you – straight to where it still hurts. The inner journey that she is inviting you on is one of overwhelming emotions and of unresolved feelings of loss & freedom, love & longing.


My dearest,

You slipped into my life, so quietly, so comfortably… it seemed you had always been there. Everything felt so natural, so open … Just like running into a good friend you haven’t seen for years. We picked up where we left off, as if there hadn’t been any time lost between us. There was an instant attraction – a strong feeling of “At last!” when I finally found that one soul that remembered how I liked to be held, kissed, and touched. It felt like an electric current of energy flowing between us – the release of the awesome power of polarity of our beings. My soul instantly recognized and remembered you and I felt this on a very deep level within myself. I felt like I had known you forever.

All my feelings of not belonging suddenly dissipated in the comfort of our timeless connection and in the call to return “home” emanating from the cosmos which reassured me that this was the love I’d been waiting for all my life. You touched places within me that I didn’t even know existed. From that first moment, I knew that it didn’t matter what happened or what we became because in itself I had found something so precious and special that it would stand the test of time and that it would always be a part of me. Just having that knowledge felt like a whole new world had opened its arms to me and welcomed me in.

A stream of light fell upon my head. I felt it illumine my deepest secrets and bring them to the surface of my consciousness. I was not pleased to see some of them, yet the others filled me with the glory of the Truth. But what do you do with Truth like that? How do you accept absolutely knowing something you don’t want to know; something that will disrupt everything you’ve so carefully set up? How do you trust the silent voice of your heart above everything you’ve been taught?

I had always known there was more. There had to be. Yet no one around me had told about the things I now knew. There was no reason for me to believe as I did. But as much as I believed and I knew, I struggled to understand it. It simply did not fit any preconceived idea or conception, or resemble anything I knew.

But one thing I learned is that some things cannot be explained. Sometimes some things just have to be expected. Even with no factual proof, no solid substance to hold in your hand and nothing to actually see with your eyes… This thing is undeniably one of those things. It’s pure bliss and unmistakably, from the depths of my soul, something blooms. I feel my soul reaching out to touch, to live and die, to breathe, to dance. This huge energetic vacuum is drawing me to life, to you, with a force that is nearly beyond my imagination. I can feel it pulling and pushing me, attracting and repelling me.

A metamorphosis of awareness, new growth, the feel of you burn intensely in my soul. This connection has taken on a life of its own, and I get swept up in its undeniable magnetic force. Somewhere within me you have awakened a deep inner knowing I must follow, like a salmon swimming upstream, at all costs. The journey must be made. Life has become paradoxical. 24/7 I am aware that I am no longer the same person, some transformation has occurred and I will never be the same again. The ground under my feet, everything I knew for a fact to be true, who I am, all of that is gone in a puff of smoke. And worst of all, the fear that it’s all in my head.

Half of my time is spent going NO: it could never work, I am crazy, he is nobody, I dug my grave now I lie in it, why screw up everyone’s life in addition to my own… I doubt myself, I doubt you… even God. The other half is YESSS… misty, high dreams and visions and flashes of being with you, how it feels, how it is, things you say, the timeless feeling of it… Trying to integrate you in my life makes me crazy; trying to balance you against anything or everything else. Trying to rank things, to decide, it makes no sense. You are completely other, this is a completely other thing than anything else, it just doesn’t relate.

I do not wonder if I know you, my soul knows you for me. My mind confirms this every day for it picks at and tries to make sense of what it cannot. You are the catalyst that reminds me who I am. I rediscover dreams, aspirations, meaning and talent that make who I really am. You have allowed me to remember that I am as magnificent as you, that the wall I have hidden behind isn’t necessary anymore. You are the mirror that magnifies my best attributes, the mirror where I see myself in a new light.

With the rest of the world, I exist in a dream awaiting the finale to a sorrowful play, forever torn between wanting to be all that I am, and playing a role to protect myself and others from rejection, from disappointment, from the consequences of these overwhelming emotions that would swallow me whole if I just opened up… But then you come and lift me up and carry me to a place where in the essence I can just be myself. Where two souls blend magnificently in an unrestricted flow of passion, understanding, feeling, acceptance, compassion and love… What incredible freedom!

Just hearing your voice fills my soul with thoughts of the essence of all existence, of creation and all eternity. Each breath brings renewed life to me and my heart swells with a warm glow from deep within. Inside of me I talk to you and it keeps me sane although it feels insane. At nights you come to me and hold me and I am not even sure whether I am awake or asleep. It is this closeness which sustains me through this void, this empty uncertainty of all that lies before me, yet to come.

You’ve triggered so many thoughts and aspirations which now arise within me that I never really thought about before. I have gone through every possible scenario with you over and over in my head. I ask myself who you are … a friend, lover, twin flame, future husband, soul mate, teacher, an angel? In my heart I know it doesn’t matter. From our first hypnotically momentous encounter to this day to forever, in you, I have found something so unique and miraculous, something that I should only want to set free.

If only circumstances would allow, I would say let’s spend all the days of our lives together, let’s build a home in the country, let’s build a family and rise in love hand in hand to heights that others have rarely even dreamed of. But I know that I cannot simply grant upon you such happiness; that such is a thing we can only do for ourselves. And I don’t want to claim ownership of this love because it does not belong to me.

I still fail a lot, think too much and do not listen to my inner self. I strive for fact and question feelings. Maybe a part of me lives in a dream world that only exists in my head. Maybe it is just a figment of my imagination. Or is it the only reality and everything else an illusion?

If it isn’t real, then neither am I. If it doesn’t truly exist, then there is no reason. There is no love.

It must be real. It is my life. It is my self.

It is the part of me that I have not yet become.

Love, J

As you lift your gaze up from her letter, the thumping sound of your heart beating in your ears is so loud that it drowns out the noise of the big city. Your chest feels tight as each inbreath becomes increasingly painful. You recognise every single word as if they were your own. She has just effotlessly, unassumingly revealed her soul and it is, as you always suspected, a perfect relection of yours. She KNOWS you, to the core and you have no idea how you are going to handle this.

All the overwhelming feelings that you’ve tried to hide and deny rush to the surface all at once. They bring pain; relentless, soul-deep, shooting pain, like daggers aimed straight at your heart making you gasp for air. Is this a panic attack? You suddenly feel very faint. Everywhere hurts. You now wish you had at least returned upstairs to your apartment before reading her letter. Somehow you know you won’t be retuning there today. As you struggle to catch your breath, it hits you that she will soon want to hear from you. The thought of articulating any sort of response to her letter paralyzes you with fear. Your knees buckle from underneath you. You are simply not ready.



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The Journey home of the Twin Flames – poem


Awaken dear soul and release your illusion
Seeking love in the world only leads to confusion,
Instead put your faith in the grace divine
Trust the invitation with your destiny to align,
Listen to the silent voice that whispers in your heart
“I am always here, we are never apart”.

In the naked truth of our eternal connection
The soul recognizes its truest reflection,
After all these years you still have me awed
You are close to me like the breath of God,
And it is there in our closeness that we find
the elusive marriage of the heart and mind
where behind the story of our mind’s creation
lies awaiting the path to eternal salvation.

Love from the eternal plains descended to life
Planted between the hearts of a man and his wife,
What was born out of just one look from your eyes
with true love transforms to a promise of Paradise,
For it is only once we experience love for God’s pleasure
That we receive the guarantee of JOY beyond measure,
In the celestial realms of beauty sublime
in our eternal home outside of space and time.

You have ignited in me the flames of desire
Now burning my senses with passion and fire,
So surrender your struggle and give up this trying
For your immortal heart can never fear dying,
Our love like the phoenix reborn from the ashes
Our illusion of reality into oblivion crashes.

When you finally accept there in your heart
The perfection you are, as I’ve known from the start,
Our love will have lived through its own resurrection
The immortal soul purified for its final ascension,
Then every measure of our love and affection
glorified returns to the Source of perfection,
For there in the Oneness of our souls entwining
Lies the pathway home to the City of Lights Blinding.

Jonna 22/04/2015


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How Meeting Our Twin Flame Leads Us Back to God

Divine M and F

So many spiritual paths, while seeking the same closeness with the Creator, still manage to uphold the illusion of separation. God is made into something so vast, so unattainable, that we forget and are discouraged from exercising our own ability to reach into the spiritual realms, to reach God and to commune with Him, where in truth this close relationship with Him is needed.

The meeting with our twin flame is in many ways an invitation from God to re-establish this personal relationship since it offers not only the potential for self-realization but also for the realization of God. Just like the twin flame reunion first happens in consciousness before a physical reunion of the two human forms of the One-Soul can happen, the union with God is a prerequisite of our lasting union with our twin flame, to be realized through the process of surrender.

To truly start to yearn for God, God must at some point give us a glimpse of His sublime existence. The predestined meeting of the twin flames happens for the very purpose of igniting this longing within both; however we rarely realize that it is God that we are in longing for and instead associate all our longing and love with our twin flame. When we seek to know God in this way (initially disguised as a longing for our twin flame) this progressively expands the consciousness of the two souls. Furthermore, the strong bonding this creates between the twin flame couple guarantees the accomplishment of the spiritual purpose behind the meeting regardless of whether the twins are outwardly ready to complete the work or not.

Part of this expansion is the humble realization that our Twin flame was sent to us by God to challenge us and to awaken us so that our One-soul could be guided back into its original state of Oneness. In the spiritual realms, the twins work together towards achieving this goal, however on the physical plane it takes a certain level of spiritual maturity to be able to discern the intricate way in which God and the twin flames themselves guide each other by using the mirror effect as a tool for triggering and healing. As such, the physical plane is only ever a reflection of what God needs the two embodiments of the One-Soul to do in order to better serve the union and the shared mission to bring divine love from the spiritual realms into earth.

In the same way that being a twin flame provides us with a vehicle of transcendence and ultimately ascension rather than a guarantee of romantic bliss on earth, the source of the immense love that we see reflected in our twin flame can only be found by seeking within; since searching for the love that heals the world in the world which is the result of the illusion of separation only creates more illusions. Only pure unconditional love can elevate us and purify our heart in preparation for the ascension back to God. As part of the process we must come to realize our own wholeness and our own perfection because if we don’t, we remain unable to accept the very love that we crave, since the love that we are able to accept directly equates to the love that we are able to give our self.


The divine conspiracy

For the first 25 years of my life I had no idea that a person could reach into the realm of the divine and sublime and experience God in a way that I now know to be true. I was brought up as an atheist and so the whole idea of God or of people having faith in a God seemed ludicrous and foolish to me. Then I met my twin flame.

In meeting him, I felt within me but also emanating from him a LOVE so huge and so unlike any that I had ever known. He was like the Sun that warmed up all the unloved, hidden parts of my heart and soul covered by eternal ice, never to be rediscovered, always to be kept from the Light. The feelings of recognition, belonging, and remembrance, of unconditional love, acceptance, friendship and passion knocked me into another dimension. It seemed as if the whole Universe, God, had conspired to bring us together.

I had never felt the closeness of God, or anything remotely like it, but suddenly I caught myself feeling complete, at one with him, the world and with God. All my feelings of not belonging that had plagued me since my earliest childhood suddenly dissipated in the comfort of our immediate and timeless connection and in the call to return “home” emanating from the cosmos which reassured me that this was the love that I had been waiting for all my life. I felt the divinity within me start to awaken, and I realised that the God that I had denied existed was not in the unattainable vastness of the celestial realms but fully conscious and fully present in me. Clearly this God knew me better than I knew myself by not only sending me my perfect reflection but also the physical manifestation of the person I had loved since the beginning of time. My twin flame was so perfect in my eyes that only perfection itself could have created him – of this I was convinced.


Yearning for Oneness

Unfortunately what often follows these shortly lived moments of love, friendship and passion is the inevitable separation – and our story is no different. With our twin flame we are so close to the intensity of Oneness with God that nothing other than pure love can withstand it. When we are not able to remain in the high vibration of unconditional love, the magnetic pulls simply reverses and creates repulsion. The reason this happens is that God, just like our twin flame, cannot give us our answers until we set ourselves in the correct position towards them. Both are here to point to the answers that are already within us. We are only meant to search within, to get to know ourselves and our own truth, to fully connect with the divine guidance in our hearts, which in turn leads us Home to our twin flame and God.

The thing is; when the longing and memory of LOVE of such magnitude is in a person’s heart and when one has tasted such love then one will do everything to feel that love again. Everything, that is, except to face their own soul, their own pain – initially at least. Many get caught in the illusion that somehow they can avoid their internal work and instead seek to find that feeling of fulfilment and nourishment either by pursuing their twin flame or by throwing themselves into other relationships, work, casual sex etc. I was no different. Instead of facing myself head on, I fell back into my old relationship, and then eventually into a new one.

Nevertheless, while the soul never stops wanting union within itself, sooner or later it also starts to yearn for the original feeling of Oneness with its source. While it is undeniably the voice of our twin flame which beckons to us from the dark when we stand on the edge of surrender, only the closeness with God can fill every empty place, every feeling that is less than whole, less than perfect. In surrender, we reclaim this closeness by releasing our illusion of separation by rising into Oneness with God. It is here that we realize why our twin flame has been kept away from us. It is because God does not want us to depend on anyone else for our sense of completion, or for being able to connect with the flow of divine love within us. We are to recognize the source of these things within our own being first. My twin flame once asked me how I had come to know God if I had not read any spiritual books, followed any gurus, or read any Holy Books. To put it simply, since it was with him that I first experienced the closeness of God, I sought God because it was the only way for me to stay close to him. There was no way for me to separate who he is to me from my connection with God. They were always part of the same experience, of the same love.

There is a saying that a woman’s heart must be so lost in God that a man must seek HIM in order to find her – and truly this is what happened. Through my surrender, I gave myself completely to God’s will. He took my emptiness and filled my heart with love and spiritual insights until this love started to overflow. I understood that it had been my error to seek my wholeness through my twin flame before finding it within myself. I was then able to go on with my life pain-free knowing that the day would come when my twin flame would also rise into Oneness with God and recognise me as the one who was sent to guide him to salvation. I never doubted that this would happen – and in deed it did.

Once we come to trust the divine plan in place and seek to align ourselves with it, we can simply allow this love to flow freely, without triggers, without expectations, without dilemmas. Knowing that this love comes from our own closeness with God, nothing anyone can do or say can take it away from us. Then once we focus this love towards divine service, then all other life, including our twin flame, responds in patterns of their own perfection. This love is then delivered to the world in a joyful act of worship which helps uplift others and points them towards the one clear answer – closeness with God.

On my journey I have learned that the path to true and lasting union is for both twins, together or apart, to first achieve wholeness within, in union with God. Both twins must feel these things on their own and must come to recognize themselves as part of the equation, within the bigger plan that God has for them. Ultimately, the union with our twin flame is only a reflection of our own togetherness in love with God, which once sealed in the celestial realms has no choice but to manifest into the physical plane as such is the divine law: as above, so below; as within, so without.


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The Seven Keys that unlocked my twin Flame Reunion


Each set of twin flames goes through a period of preparation leading up to their reunion. Having fully surrendered, they enter the flow of synchronistic & predestined events, finding themselves increasingly empowered and guided by a higher power. This is the magical path from surrender into illumination where many lessons are finally understood, where insights and events bring about validation and awareness, and where the twins align with the vibration of the Twin flame Sacred Heart and Consciousness.

Since I wrote about the positive direction my own Twin flame union has recently taken, many automatically assumed that the shift happened because my twin had finally “got it”. Unfortunately, this perception that our twin flame is somehow the culprit to our reunion not happening is both misleading and counterproductive. Rather, what enabled the shift was BOTH of us consciously seeking to take FULL accountability for ourselves, as well as our part in bringing about balance within our connection. Personally, I came into realization about who I am, about how I perceive and create my own reality and then consciously sought to align these with the KNOW WHAT YOU KNOW of my heart. Here is my story of the events and realizations which catalysed these changes.

  1. You are responsible for giving yourself the love that YOU need

Almost a decade ago, I spent 18 months trying to build a relationship with my twin and failing at it. I grew increasingly frustrated at his contradictions and not knowing which foot to dance on with him. While he insisted on how much our “close friendship” meant to him, he kept pushing me away using my supposed “expectations” as an excuse. In the end, the emotional price simply became too much to pay and so I jumped at a chance to marry and build a life with someone else. This life, while not fully reflecting who I was inside, provided me with a respite and a temporary escape from the connection – and more importantly, gave me the family I had always wanted. Not realizing it at the time, I acted in perfect reflection to my twin who at the time reverted to his “safe” marriage where he was not able to be his full authentic self but which did not come with the intense fire brought on by the mirror of his soul, me.

It wasn’t until crisis after crisis started to appear in my life at a fast succession now nearly 2 years ago that I became aware of all the time that had passed. I knew in no uncertain terms this was my wake-up call from the universe. After six months of personal hell, I ended up critically ill in hospital. On that very day, my twin flame sent me a letter telling me about “a positive image, reflection and energy” of me which he carries within him wherever he goes. It was the first time in 8 years he mentioned our connection and the first I’d heard from him in over 18 months. However as I lay in hospital ravaged by a potentially deadly infection and recovering from major surgery, he was the last thing on my mind. I simply felt numb and I knew things had to change.

During my slow recovery I could hardly muster the energy to do anything other than the bare minimum to look after my job and children. Underneath it all I just wanted to find myself again. Inspired by one of Teal Swan’s videos, I started doing only things that a self-loving person would do. I would ask myself “What would a person with self-love do?” and go by that. As I made loving choices for myself, I began to feel my whole and complete self being activated and my soul began to feel free. I finally understood that it was MY responsibility to give myself all the love that I needed. I could not expect anyone to fully love me if I did not first fully love myself.

As I started to love and recognize myself more, I moved from making small positive changes to making bigger changes to create a more balanced, loving life for myself and my children. Eventually I made the decision to leave my marriage as I finally had enough self-love to recognise all the ways in which it did not serve my highest good.


  1. You are already whole and at One with your Twin Flame

It didn’t take me long to notice that the more I did things that I loved and that brought out the real me the more I was feeling my twin as part of me; always present when I was present. It was more than just a lingering static memory of him; it was his actual loving, reassuring presence and energy completely entwined and interacting with mine. The more I became my true Self, the more I was moving into closeness with him – and with God. This led me to the deep realisation that the disconnection from him all those years ago had actually led to a disconnection from my Self. This was the first of many Aha moments to come.

It hit me that this reflection, this part of him that I carry within me will never cease to be magnetised by the whole that is him because it is part of him. And I will never cease to long and ache for the part of me that he carries with him, because such is the divine rule; that all that which has been separated from God must return to him. I knew now that I would never return to the way I was before I knew him since this connection would ALWAYS be there. It is forever. I understood that to find peace and wholeness within myself I needed to accept who he is to me. The choice was mine: to accept and deal with it; or to live a life of pain exiled from my own wholeness?

I realized that the Twin Flame reunion is an inside job. Undeniably since we are part of each other, to gain balance within our greater One-Soul, we must first gain balance within. It is only by creating harmony within that we can bring about harmony without. As I remembered the words in his recent email, I wondered whether he was feeling this same oneness with me that I was now recognizing within myself.

3. You can change your reality by changing your perception

With the realization of my own wholeness, the feeling of my twin being very close to me at heart level became very real, and I was feeling him moving closer and closer with each breath. Spirit was now nudging me to approach him and so seven months after his email I wrote and told him about the events of the past year. He replied, saying he hoped I still considered him a close friend and how he wished that I had told him about my illness so he could have come and looked after the house and kids. I was perplexed. How was he still, after almost a decade of little or no contact talking about our “close friendship”? Surely he hadn’t expected that I would contact him in time of need after he had constantly failed to show up for me in the past? This puzzled me a great deal.

In his email he also told me how sad he was that I never had the time to see/catch up with him. It dawned on me that he had asked to speak to me, to see me or to catch-up with me in almost every email during the past 8 years, and that I had simply ignored these requests without any explanation. I suddenly felt like he deserved to hear my reasons and so I wrote to him again, telling him the simple truth, which was that I could not consolidate him with the rest of my life, and how seeing him would bring into ruins the life that I had so carefully built for myself. It was the first time that I had been able to be honest with myself, let alone him, about the pain that I still carried. However as I wrote the words down, I knew I no longer wanted to be afraid.

He replied saying he hoped my dilemma would never get in the way of our common ground, shared values and dreams. I was even more puzzled. This was not the first time he had told me this. Why did he keep on talking about our shared values and dreams when clearly he had never wanted to nor had any time to share them with me? I was now seriously questioning my interpretation of past events, choices, words etc. I was so puzzled that I read through nearly a hundred of our old emails and suddenly a new level of understanding and consciousness was bestowed upon me. My understanding suddenly shifted and I saw both him and myself with new eyes.


  1. You are not your story – and neither is your twin

I realized all the ways in which, my vision blurred by my own ego, I had misinterpreted and even completely misread his words and reacted to him from a place of fear & ego rather than love. Things, conversations, moments all came back to me. The first thing I saw were all the ways in which I had simply not been ready or mature enough to step into my union. Having blamed him for 12 years for being the runner I could now see that I had been the runner all along and that I had been just as scared and unprepared for the intensity of this connection than he had! My heart melted in compassion for him as my renewed understanding towards my own behavior allowed me to deeply understand his.

I could see how our long separation had been both necessary and inevitable. I also saw that his past and current withdrawals had nothing to do with me but rather with the intensity of having to face himself. Certainly I was not the victim here; it was just a story I had been telling myself. At last, I made the decision to finally release all the false stories, beliefs, roles and personas and to fully embrace WHO I ALREADY AM. As I did this I felt free; free from want, from sadness, from my restless search, from all the conditions and barriers that I had set up for myself when I hadn’t known my own power, or the power of God, yet.

5. Your twin flame is of divine service to you, as you are to him

I had been quick to assume that my twin was the unconscious one who either failed to see the truth or who denied it, however I was now bestowed with the knowing that he had always known about our connection, just like I had, and that all this time he had been waiting for me to come into this same awareness. I finally understood that this validation regarding his feelings could never have come from him – it could only come from realizing the truth of our One-soul where our love is always felt and experienced as a One.

Clearly, his love for me was just as unexplainable to him as my love for him was to me. He had always, regardless of circumstances, loved me and cared about me – I no longer needed to hear it, I could feel it. He had always showed up to guide me past the thresholds of the various stages and realizations of our journey, facing me in his own way, in order to serve our Union. I saw how by triggering and challenging me, he had always invited me to heal, to connect with my true self and to face my fears. He always knew just what to do/say to get me to expand in the love.

My twin flame had always been my biggest champion, my biggest ally and my closest friend even when appearances had me believe the contrary. I realised that it was him who by not being there taught me to seek and find comfort within our shared Twin Flame heart; it was him who by triggering all that was unhealed within me taught me how to heal it; it was him who by turning down my love taught me that it needed to be returned to God; it was him who by withdrawing his love from me taught me that I did not need anyone’s permission to give it to myself; and it was him who by allowing our separation to go on for nearly a decade guided me to a place outside of time where we are never separate.

I suddenly felt humbled and immensely grateful as I realized that all this time he had been of Divine Service to me. He had awakened me, reminded me who I am, taught me the meaning of true love, and then called me home to him, to God and to Divine service so beautifully. I felt such deep love and reverence for him. This love filled all my empty spaces and started overflowing everywhere and I prayed to God that I could be of such Divine Service to my Twin Flame in return. I wanted to always be there for his growth for the greater good of all, whatever it took. I now trusted him fully, and I could finally sigh in relief – we are in this together, no matter what.


6. You set the standard for how you show up in the connection

I had always known he was my mirror but I was now starting to see the precision with which the mirroring happens. I saw the internal balance and vibration that we BOTH had to demonstrate to be able to come together and I started to relax in the knowing that if I could balance the inner, the outer would alter in reflection, and that if I increased my vibration, he would have no choice but to do the same.

I felt like there was still a way to go to for things to fully fall into place, however in the meantime I decided to set a new standard for how I show up in the connection. I vowed to remain centered and connected and to meet whatever arises with love, compassion and honesty. I would no longer pussyfoot around him or treat him like some emotionally and spiritually impaired person who is afraid of my love, my passion, my feelings, or expectations, and I would no longer censor my words, emotions or experiences for fear of scaring him away. That energy had only ever created doubt and confusion between us; after all we are mirrors. Instead, I would only emanate the power of knowing what I know and I had absolute faith that he would reflect it back to me. If he didn’t then it simply wasn’t time yet.

I wanted to reach out to him, to let him know that I now take full responsibility for my part and acknowledge all the ways in which I had contributed to the imbalance between us. I offered to meet him. No reply. I sent him my phone number: no reply. I was intrigued. Why was he suddenly silent? I could feel the energy between us pulsing with something unprecedented. Little did I know that once again he knew exactly what to do in order to get me to fully open up to this new awareness within me. His silence literally pulled the truth out of me.

7. It is by knowing WHAT YOU KNOW and by owning it that both you and your twin will be lifted out of confusion into alignment with your destiny.

With a whole new level of transparency and accountability, I wrote him a long, heart-felt letter. I didn’t ask, beg, hope or make any demands – I simply told him everything and invited him to take my hand and rise in love. I was responding to a higher calling, to a sense of belonging and being where I need to be, not only in the greater scale of things but within my own journey. I felt like a bird who never questions its existence or path yet which without any hesitation simply arises high into the sky and allows the warm winds to carry it to its destination.

I knew I did not want him back at any less than his fullest and truest self and he could take all the time and space he needed to get there. I knew that in the meantime God would continue to guide me and provide me with all the love that I needed. However, if I was hearing this call to return to him in order to align with the divine plan, then as part of the One-soul he had to be hearing that same call. There was NO OTHER WAY. Therefore, wasn’t I simply claiming our destiny by asking him to join forces with me on the outside like he had done on the inside?

I knew my email was a signal which would tell him that it was time to come HOME. I was truly calling forth his divine masculine to match my divine feminine; I was now a Queen ready for my King to return home to rule the Kingdom that we had built together. No matter what, we would end up being ONLY LOVE, vibrating together in the heart of God in our eternal Oneness and Life. To return to who we are, to where we belong is to simply stay there: to stay in this love, and this now became my only option.


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The call to return into consciousness and what this means for your Twin Flame reunion


Right this moment, there is a trumpet sound in the skies calling all true twin flames into union. Many, including me & my twin, are hearing the call from God to return to consciousness, to each other, to “home”. This call comes with the reactivation of the cosmic magnets which first drew the twin flames to each other, often across long distances and regardless of personal circumstances. It does not matter how long we have been separated from our twin flame; truly we are being awakened from this dream of duality, and the belief of separation that our mind holds onto. For many twin flames, especially the masculine ones, suddenly the whole idea of a twin flame reunion no longer feels like a delusion, but rather something within reach firmly grounded in this reality.

There is an amazing opportunity for those hearing this call to come into sacred union in this time of planetary ascension. Both twins must reach a certain level of spiritual and emotional maturity for this and there is a lot of assistance available to us at this time. The universe is promising us miracles if we are able to demonstrate our new vibration, i.e. the free-flowing divine, unconditional love anchored in the twin flame consciousness. This is what all of us in surrender are striving for, and while our unions may still be “work in progress”, many twin couples are finding that they are already united as ONE in all the ways that matter; and that the physical reunion is merely a natural and inevitable consequence of our deeper energetic and vibrational alignment with each other and with the divine plan; and therefore it is by making changes on the inside that we change what is being seen on the outside.

This phase of the journey requires stamina and patience. As twin flames, it is fully within our gift to create the energetic and vibrational resonance needed to reach the higher vibration of illumination, where we not only know exactly what is required of us but also HOW to get into union with our twin, if such is our desire. A whole world of opportunity opens up to us as we become like Neo in Matrix when he finally believes that he is the One and learns that he is in control of his own reality. In the same way the cheat codes are there for each twin flame coupling to stop the endless cycle of push and pull, the triggering and the unbalanced dynamic of running & chasing, and ultimately create the life that both twins always knew was theirs to claim. Many are finding the urge to align with their destiny and their position within the divine plan, taking full accountability for their part of the twin flame reunion; and in the process holding that space for the other to do the same.


The twin flame reunion is a gradual and mostly internal process, and one of the prerequisites is that the twin flame couple enters into the reunion fully conscious; and this is certainly a new experience for many of us. What is happening is truly a CONSCIOUS coming together of twin flame couples, which is every bit as magical and awe-inspiring as the initial bonding. Whereas the initial bubble phase provided an intense but temporary energy flow from the cosmos, this energy is now free-flowing and deeply anchored within us, and we are better able to handle its intensity.

When we first catch sight of the endless possibilities of our union within reach, this comes with full awareness of what must be brought forth by BOTH twins in order to successfully navigate this part of the journey. Firstly, both must let go of the very notion of “getting there” at all, and instead surrender deeper into the synchronistic flow of Divine timing for ALL outcomes. Both twins must be willing to seek to fulfil their divine mandate, as well as taking full accountability for their own actions, thoughts and behaviors. Both must then take action individually and together to restore balance within the twin flame dynamic and the stronger cosmic energies, always outwardly extending love to each other. This requires both self-mastery and discernment – and it is amazing to see so many twins finding their feet and riding this wave.10425015_791153830963613_27418826067607161_n

On the flipside, way too many twins still fall into the (ego) trap of believing that the person holding back their union is their twin. They believe that they have done all their internal work and healing and are now ready to reunite, except for one huge hick-up: their stubborn ass twin simply won’t “get it” and is avoiding them, pursuing other relationships, priorities etc. If only they did get it, then reunion would happen instantly. However, no twin ever came into reunion (or anywhere near it) without becoming fully aware and accountable for their own share in creating the imbalance both within themselves and within the greater whole of the union. Therefore thinking that your twin is the reason that you are not united is the VERY REASON you are not.

For all true twin flames, now is the time to step up and call ourselves into greater accountability in relation to our twin flame connection and union. Many of us now understand that to attract our divine masculine counterpart twin flame, we must step into our full power as the divine feminine. We are being assisted with this, as the call has gone out to the divine masculine to RISE IN LOVE and to leave the old ways behind by surrendering to the eternal flame of transformation – and many twins, including my own, have responded to this call. As our masculine counterparts balance their internal energies, connecting with and balancing their feminine aspect, many will come forward with a renewed confidence in the divine plan. This then allows the divine feminine to soften back into our true feminine power, bringing about balance within the greater One, thus bringing about union.

All this takes time to filter down, so be patient and allow your twin the time to come into balance within himself. If my own union is anything to go by, your twin will be feeling and experiencing the EXACT same changes and energies, in perfect sync with you, even when no information is being shared. In the meantime, stay surrendered in the higher vibration and allow God to do the rest. There truly is an opportunity to create and witness miracles. Truly dear souls, EXPECT THE UNEXPECTED.



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Twin Flames: with one look in the mirror, I saw the true ‘runner’

For my Twin

You can take all the time you need to navigate our Union with honor.
You can take all the space you need to bring a fresh perspective to our Union.
You can take all the opportunities life presents, in any form, to amass the information essential to spiral-up our Union. [extracts from the blog)

Last summer, as I dabbled between surrender and illumination, I suddenly came into the realisation that I had been the runner all along; something I had blamed him for for YEARS!! Yes, he may have avoided me, however I was the one who erased him from my life totally for 3 years. I hung my head in shame as I realised just how I had failed to see that despite all his fears and choices that took him away from me (I thought), he had always kept showing up for me & us – and he kept doing so. There are no words to describe how sorry I felt, and also, the relief I got from realising that he had forgiven me and that I could forgive myself too.. It was all for a higher purpose, after all..


The Twin Flames journey never ceases to amaze me. The stage I’m in right now I affectionately call ‘the humbling.’ It’s not the first time I’ve been humbled by my Union and I don’t expect it will be the last (but I’m crossing my fingers, toes & eyes anyway).

One of my recent humbling realizations on the Twin Flame journey was that as long as I could point the finger at my Twin for being the runner, I wasn’t able to see my own tendency to run. Me? The runner? NEVER! It was HIM!

runnerThe arrogant, superior, judgmental part of me thought:

If he’d only turn and face me fully, acknowledge the Union, step into our original agreement (or whatever other creative way my mind wanted to make him wrong), then we could rock this adventure.

Blaming him for being the ‘runner’… ugh… so tiresome and so small…

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Twin Flame Mirror – Finding Wholeness Through the Mirror of Our Soul


We come into this world as God created us; radiating pure love, joy and innocence. The world that we are born into, however, is a world of illusion made up of the projected feelings and thoughts of others. Through our earliest experiences of human interaction, we learn that we must behave a certain way or meet certain conditions in order to receive love and affection. This plants a deeply seated fear in us that somehow simply being our authentic self is not enough and so we live our life from behind masks to suit every person and situation. Eventually, we mistake this projected reality for our own and forget that underneath our human exterior we are an eternal soul, perfectly reflecting the love and light of our Creator.

Regardless of the depth of our spiritual amnesia, our illusion of reality shatters in an instant when life presents us with the most powerful mirror, our twin flame. God sends us this perfect mirror to help us remember our exquisite and divine nature and to become the person we were intended to be. While all relationships reflect back to us certain aspects of who we are and the beliefs we hold about ourselves, our twin offers us a full look at ourselves, down to our deepest core. Just like Rumi once wrote: “You cannot see yourself without a mirror; Look at the Beloved, He is the brightest mirror”, meeting our twin flame is like seeing ourselves in a full-length mirror for the first time. Since our twin flame, at the level of the soul, is the same as us, we recognise ourselves in their eyes. What we in fact recognise is something we have, often unconsciously, been looking for: in them, we find a reflection of the pure light of our own soul.

As the two complimentary parts of one soul, both carrying either the masculine or feminine polarity, the twins face the challenge of awakening these internal energies and then bringing them into balance and harmony. In very simple terms, the twins do this by acting as cosmic mirrors for each other. Their powerful reflection shines the light of truth on everything that both twins need to address and balance before they can fully vibrate at the frequency of divine love. Depending on where each twin is in terms of spiritual and emotional maturity, the mirror can be our greatest ally or the very thing that makes us want to give up. Either way, the mirror brings disruption and acts as the catalyst between the twin flames.mirror17From mirrored lives to mirrored souls When we first meet our twin flame, we are amazed and delighted by the parallel life paths, mirrored experiences, shared interests, values and dreams. We quickly grasp that the sheer volume of synchronicities and similarities are not down to mere chance or coincidence but that there is a divine hand at play. This was certainly my experience. For our first “date”, the man I would later come to know as my twin flame insisted on taking me out to a café he loved. In a city of no less than 7,000 cafes, he took me to MY favourite cafe. We had grown on different continents, in different cultural and religious surroundings, yet we spent the entire evening completing each other’s sentences, speaking the same words at the same time and discovering so many parallels and synchronicities between our two seemingly different lives. But the thing that struck me the most was that as I looked into his eyes I kept seeing myself, as if looking into a bright mirror. He must have been feeling the same, since long before this magical night ended he turned to me with his eyes shining and said: “Jonna, you are the mirror image of me!”

The mirrored lives help spark wonder and curiosity for the twin couple, and the feelings of awe and affinity help create a strong bond between them. Eventually the magic of the connection drives both twins to search for the answers and meaning within, which is where they discover their energetic mirroring at a deep soul level. At this level, it is impossible to tell the twins apart; or to know where one ends and the other starts. Here the twins quickly understand that what they do onto their twin, they also do onto themselves and so they start to get an idea of just how closely connected they are.

Through their mirrored energies and lives, the twins embark on the path of learning what it is to really love another person unconditionally: what it is to “love thy neighbour like yourself”. Their love is so powerful, so potent that eventually the twins realise that there is nothing that can ever lessen their love or change how they feel about each other. In fact, their love for each other grows and grows until it can no longer be contained by the two lovers, and they become overflowing fountains of love for all humanity and God. In fact, when the twin couple discover the reflection of their own soul in each other, they often share experiences of love so infused in God that these leave both twins changed forever.

Within days of meeting my twin, as I was gazing into his soul, I experienced God looking out through my eyes at my twin, and the pure, sublime and infinite love that I, as God consciousness, felt for my twin was almost too much to bear. And as the mirror of my twin’s soul reflected this God consciousness back to me, I saw myself as if God was looking out at God itself. I was left in no doubt of the immense beauty within myself, as well as God’s infinite love for us both. This experience changed me in ways I could never fully describe; none the less because I was raised as an atheist and was one – until that very moment.mirror6Heaven or Hell? You decide. Meeting our twin flame can be an equally sublime and terrifying experience! A lot of this comes down to what we see when we look in the mirror, since being with our twin flame is very much like standing in front of one 24/7. Just like the love, the negative aspects are magnified and keeping anything hidden or unexplored is simply not an option. Therefore, if you are feeling unworthy, lacking in self-love and self-esteem, or refusing to face certain issues in your life, then your twin will reflect in unforgiving detail all that you have yet to deal with.

The mirroring may make you feel like your twin is purposely doing something to you, however in reality they are offering you a chance to let go of the your old patterns, beliefs, fears and templates by shining their bright light on the very obstacles that stand in the way of your union. If YOU are feeling aggravated, saddened or in despair because of something your twin has (or has not) said or done, this is an invitation for you to look within. This is not about your twin at all. This is about YOU and the internal work which awaits you.

For both twins, the aim is to get to a place of fully loving and accepting themselves and others. The truth is that it is ONLY once the twins embody unconditional love to the fullest and are able to meet whatever arises with acceptance, compassion and love that they can fulfil their eternal promise to each other to reunite in this lifetime. Your twin flame loves you too much to help uphold your lies or denial, or to allow you to make this about anyone else other than you. This is all about you: this is YOUR path back into wholeness, back to YOU. Therefore, your twin will hold the mirror up for you, without condition, doubt or hesitation, triggering you into oblivion for as long as it takes for you to get it.

Having our twin flame hold the mirror up can be so intense that it can actually bring about physical, emotional, mental and spiritual distress. My twin actually ended up in the A&E several times in one week when I first wrote him a letter telling him about my feelings. At the time, he was trying hard to convince himself that despite our connection, we did not belong together because he had done his “soul searching” and decided to stay in his “safe” soul-numbing relationship. Sometimes facing the obstacles brought to light by the mirror is just too much for the twin flames – and one or both run away. Running doesn’t however change the fact that our twin sees, feels and knows us as we are, warts and all.mirror5Making peace with the mirror Ultimately, we are who we are. We cannot change what our soul knows. If you are one of those twin flames who thread on eggshells trying not to show feeling or emotion for fear of triggering your twin flame into running, you must realise that you will ALWAYS be a reflection of them, no matter what you do. Not only this, but they can feel you energetically. If you are scared of losing them, they will feel your fear and doubts and reflect them back at you. It doesn’t matter how far backwards you are willing to bend to stay in your twin flame’s life, you are the light which reveals their deepest shadows and brings out their scariest demons.

The mirror will always throw a shadow on how they perceive you. Even if you are happy to be “just friends”, your twin will run away from you convinced that you expect them to be something that they possibly can’t be. Your twin will always project his thoughts, his ideas about himself, all his cannot’s and should not’s on you, until they gain enough spiritual and emotional strength to be able to remain centred without being triggered. Once you realise that you cannot change who you are and learn to love yourself fully, you can stop paying so much attention to your twin flame or how he behaves and you will regain your freedom, balance and happiness, and in the process help them too.

Letting the love shine through Often we look into the mirror that is our twin flame and forget that the image in the mirror is still us. Our twin flame is us. We are one. Just like your twin is not doing anything to you, the mirror is not there only to remind you of all your shortcomings; it is there to help you. The mirror is a two-way mirror and thus works both ways. If you show love and compassion, your twin will show love and compassion. If you do your internal work, rest assured that your twin will be doing it too. If you surrender, so will your twin. The best thing therefore is to always love your twin unconditionally and the way you would want to be loved.

What you need to understand is this: your twin already loves you perfectly but will only reflect back to you as much of the pure Love as YOUR heart is able to hold at any given moment. Thus, the love is already there; all that is needed is for YOU to remove all the obstacles which block it from shining through. Over time, the mirror effect will start to reflect this love back to you, and you will begin to see yourself as your twin sees you. In my case, it took me years but I finally found the beauty and radiance within me that he saw all along.mirror7 Reclaiming your destiny It is through our love for our twin flame that we reclaim our innocence and true nature. Ultimately, our twin flame offers us much more than just a change at a relationship: they offer us the opportunity to be all that God intended us to be while fulfilling the divine mandate given for our life; together in sacred union with our divine counterpart. As we rise in love, we realise that the only way this can ever happen is for both of us to first find our own wholeness. This frees us to allow our twin to choose his own path, knowing in our heart that if we are meant to be together then by God we will be. In the meantime, a reflection of the external bond and love always exists on the inside, between the two souls and the shared sacred heart.

Therefore dear soul, do not worry about what your twin is or is not doing; he is only you. He is your mirror, always there parallel on the other side. Love your twin without reason, without pride, without boundaries and conditions, without fear of abandonment or of looking like a fool, no matter what the mirror shows. Remain focused on the love which nourishes your soul and surrender your need for control to God; fully trusting that as you do, not only will your perception of what is in the mirror change but that your twin will change too. Your twin is your reflection and if you change, so will they. Keep at it and you will see the mirror change right in front of your eyes.

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New Post by MamaFoo!

My jaw dropped when I came across MamaFoo’s blog post! “We’re living in a powder keg and giving off sparks…” I gasped as I read her beautiful words, since this song, Total Eclipse of the Heart by Bonnie Tyler, has always been part of my twin flame journey. In fact, the lyrics have as much haunted me as they have uplifted me the past 13 year. Just like MamaFoo, my twin flame also gave me this song… It became “our song”.
God and Goddess truly are in music – and one of the ways in which me and my twin have always shared and communicated through space and time is music. In addition to this, we have often spoken and written to each other in lyrics, hidden (more or less) in our conversations or emails. This has allowed us to communicate feelings, fears and thoughts without coming straight out and saying things that circumstances or our own fears of rejection would not allow – confessions of love bubbling just under the surface…
The message of the song as so beautifully described by MamaFoo is exactly the message twin flames consciously and unconsciously have been telling each other for a long time now: “you are not alone.. turn around bright eyes, open your mind.. unleash your consciousness.. leave the old ways behind and see your loving self who carries the female or male energy of you being there. With open arms.”
Take some time to listen to this beautiful song:
Love to all, doucejonna

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Twin Flame Push and Pull or Unhealthy Co-dependency? Beware of the Twin Flame Label!


Many are nowadays desperately seeking their twin flame, ignoring the fact that the meeting of the Twin Flames is entirely down to divine timing, rather than how long and hard we look for them. Sure enough, the first person they fall head over heels madly in love is immediately awarded the “Twin flame label”, with all the expectations that come with it. The danger here is that when problems later appear and they find themselves in a dysfunctional relationship or an unhealthy, prolonged on-off pattern with this person, rather than re-evaluating the relationship for what it’s worth they cling onto this person and justify their mutual behaviours under the twin flame label.

Not only is remaining in this kind of connection disserving to your highest good, it will also be detrimental to your twin flame union, if such has been planned for you. The co-dependency and energetic, sexual and emotional chords that you are in the process of creating with this person will make it very hard for you to leave them if & when your true twin flame turns up. Take it from someone who has experienced this. Don’t make this any harder than it needs to be!

Twin flame unions do not play on your ego; nor are they founded upon a co-dependent or desperate love you can’t live without. They do not come with intense emotional outbursts and highs and lows, but rather with a warm and fuzzy feeling of “rightness”, serenity and unconditional love, as well as a calm knowing that just simply is. Having your Twin flame in your life is energizing – even a few minutes with them will boost your energy and creativity for several days. It’s the complete opposite of  being with someone who zaps your energy, such as a narcissist or an energy-vampire.

Patience is key

Personally I think that it’s important not to seek to label any person we meet as our twin flame early on in the connection. To be able to do this with certainty requires you to have a deep understanding and actual experience of the spiritual, energetic, metaphysical and divine properties of this very unique connection – and often this takes time. Furthermore, to start with the twin flame connection resembles other soul and heart-centred connections and drawing conclusions too quickly may make it harder to step away from the connection when behaviours turn unhealthy.

Generally speaking, there are many signs and stages to an authentic twin flame connection and information regarding these is widely available on the internet. Each of the “stages” is divinely orchestrated to bring us to past a point of awareness, acceptance and surrender which allows more of the connection to unfold. The only way to really know is to let the connection to flow and fulfil its purpose within our lives at each stage. During this time the twin partners are held together invisibly by an unexplainable inner force which strengthens the mutual affection and unconditional love between the two regardless of distance, mistakes or choices made. Twin-flame-union

When the going gets tough…

Meeting our twin flame, no matter who we are, is an intense spiritual, mental and emotional wake-up call. Not everyone who meets their twin flame is knowingly on the spiritual path or emotionally mature enough to handle anything like it. In a typical twin flame connection, after an intensely blissful yet short time together the twins hit a period of crisis where old patterns, fears, insecurities rise to the surface in both twins. However – and this is VERY important – instead of clinging to each other like in an unhealthy dynamic, the twins find themselves energetically repelling each other. This is a very important marker of a twin flame connection. This is also where the often mentioned “twin flame drama” flares up.

The crisis and test that follows the intense bubble phase is a trying and difficult stage for all twins. This is where both twins feel the energy start to shift and are often hit with fears of loss of love or loss of control. One or both of the twins will start pulling away, acting aloof, contradicting themselves, trying to define the connection in usual relationship terms, returning to old relationships, meeting someone new etc. This baffles especially the twin left behind since there was no sign or inkling of any incompatibility or discord; no alarm bells ringing in the distance. The separation which follows is unexplainable and sudden and without much drama, ultimatums or huge emotional displays, thus leaving one or both twins in disbelief, thinking it was all just a dream. lost-love

The energetics of push & pull

Often this separation is dotted by intermittent periods of push and pull. These can be very intense times that make us feel insane, desperately looking to our twin and others for answers – and yes, even the most capable, balanced twins may find themselves acting in emotional, illogical and unbalanced ways. However while it seems that the loss, desperation and lack of understanding at this stage could easily lead to mind games, emotional blackmail, threats, and so on, this is NOT how twin flames behave with each other, even at the hardest of times.

It is highly unusual for Twin flames to force or impose on each other, make demands or give each other ultimatums, even when they have done this in the past in other relationships. It is simply not in the nature of the twin flame dynamic. If such behaviors do arise, the other Twin simply will simply not engage in them. A Twin will not emotionally manipulate you or intentionally hurt you either; it is simply unconceivable. If for whatever reason you did cause them hurt, it will be like stabbing yourself in the heart. You learn very quickly not to do it again. Your Twin Flame is your divine partner; here to help you discover the love that you are. They are here to take you home, to your eternal life together in the celestial realms. For them you are an angel, a vision, a dream – how could they ever treat you as anything less?

What happens instead is that your energies will simply repel each other and create a separation between you, without either one of you really understanding why. This is the very reason twin flames do not spend long periods of time in volatile and tumultuous relationship. They simply could not withstand each other’s energies long enough as any imbalance would drive them apart. Sometimes genuine twin flames even initially dismiss their true twin flame on this basis since as much as they feel a special connection to this person, they feel that if it was really “the One”, they would not have separated in the first place, no matter what the reasons were, but rather held onto each other for dear life.

The imbalance of the energies is also the reason why twins don’t stick around and help each other complete their internal issues highlighted by the connection. Twin flames don’t get their hands dirty assisting each other in the clearing process of the past life baggage, dysfunctions and false beliefs – this is more likely to be the job of a karmic soul mate and the twins higher Self. Twin flames can only come together permanently once all they have left is the LOVE that they are, and it does therefore seem that separation for most twins is inevitable: it is the only way to enable the deep changes which need to happen for the union to reach its full potential. In the meantime, the twin partners remain connected to each other spiritually and energetically, just like they have always been. 


But we can’t keep away from each other!

Unfortunately some see the push and pull as a definite sign of the twin flame connection; after all, if they can’t keep away from you and you can’t move on either, it MUST be a twin flame. Unfortunately there is a lot of support on the twin flame forums for this mentality with mostly ladies mutually supporting and reaffirming each other’s stories of just how crap their twin is treating them. In my opinion, we should be very careful of how far we are willing to let ourselves be dragged into justifying dysfunctional relationship patterns or even validating other’s experiences of such in relation to twin flames – and what exactly is our reason for doing so.

Whilst some of these may well be genuine twin flames it is important to be honest with yourself here: is there a possibility that your “connection” is driven by something other than unconditional love and respect? Are there patterns of neediness, control or dependence on one or both sides? Perhaps they returned to an old relationship or only text when they’re drunk. Maybe they ignore you for weeks on end. Maybe you know that they being dishonest with you but you are happy to carry on “as long as they don’t sleep with anyone else”? Do they remind you of your “special connection” every time you attempt to distance yourself from them giving you false hope, yet are not available or willing to step forward? While it is possible that this is part of the “twin Flame drama”, these are also signs of basic human dysfunction and co-dependency. If this is happening, whether this is your twin or not is irrelevant; it is simply time to break the cycle and move on.


The purpose of the push and pull

The push and pull has its own specific purpose in the twin flame connection – and this has nothing to do with the reasons behind the dysfunctional on-off pattern we often see in relationships. In a twin flame connection the push and pull is meant to drive you inwards to seek your own answers within. Meeting your twin flame is guaranteed to awaken you spiritually, and this is another very important marker of a twin flame connection. Both twin partners find themselves positively transformed by the connection, no matter what the outcome is at this stage. The twin flame connection turns you inward, calling you to reevaluate your perception of love and relationships, causing you to balance everything in your life against the awakened knowing and remembrance, shedding everything that no longer resonates with it. In the end what you will find is your own wholeness as the Love that you are – in union with your twin and God. Thus delaying your self-work is only delaying YOUR UNION!

Another important marker of a twin flame connection is the presence of God or a higher power. Twin flames share a sacred love, which is divinely orchestrated to perfect and transform both twins from the inside out. Our twin flame is our guide to salvation, to the remembrance of God and to our ultimate home-coming. They command our deepest reverence, respect and love by just being their imperfect selves and we would never want to do anything that makes them feel less than what they are. Yes, it is heartbreaking when the timing is not right and the twins keep triggering each other into long periods of separation but there is always so much love there, all-ways. Both know internally that in the right time, the right circumstances, they will find each other again- and that this time will come, they just don’t know when or how.imagesCA9GVSR7

Are you creating the drama?

The other thing to consider is that perhaps we are ourselves co-creating the twin flame drama. In other words, when we are still spiritually and emotionally immature, we may take on a victim mentality, believing that they are deliberately doing something TO US, to hurt us and to take us for granted. Are you trying to make your twin responsible for your own emotional responses to what they trigger within you? Be honest. If you are feeling needy and want them to fulfil some lack within you, then it doesn’t matter if this is your twin. Even if they are, you are not ready for a physical union with them. Simple as. Rather, you are being invited to heal and work on yourself. What you will learn is that no one else is responsible for your thoughts and feelings or how you handle them.

Sometimes we get so scared of losing them that we compromise our own integrity and peace of mind, and allow our happiness and stability to be defined by what our twin flame is doing – or not doing. Be brutally honest with yourself here. If you dropped the twin flame label and this person kept pushing you away, ignoring you, lying to you, sleeping with someone else, would you still be so hung up on them? Would you still want to be with them?

It is also important to investigate the source of the pain you are feeling. Twin flames bear no ill will against each other: they are simply too closely connected and too spiritually advanced to ever do so. Yes, the twin flame pain can be excruciating and horrendous but it is only serving to open your heart and teaching you to love more, not to crush your soul or feelings of self-worth. More so, if you are brutally honest with yourself, you might even realize that your twin’s odd behaviour has actually got nothing to do with you since the hurt between the twins mostly arises from fear, outer circumstances and external resistance.

Whatever it is, your twin flame will never try to force, manipulate or influence you, nor will they give you any ultimatums. On the same token, twin flames do not allow themselves to be manipulated. As soon as their or your energy becomes unbalanced, like it does when one tries to make the other responsible for their own imbalances, they will simply pull away – and they will have no choice.egoEven if they are your twin flame, they do not owe you anything. They are not here to fix you – and you are not here to heal or fix them. If this is your twin flame, you will not be expecting them to do your internal work for you. Nevertheless, they will be feeling the same love, going through the SAME intense feelings and triggering than you, and they will have their own way of dealing with it. It is not a very loving thing to point fingers or blame them for only doing the best they can. I can guarantee you: whatever your twin does or says, they want nothing but the best for your soul. They want your happiness and they do truly care about you. This does not mean that they will stick around or remain open with you as they go through their internal turmoil. This does not mean that they will engage with your unbalanced behaviors. So yes, there may be some “drama” but underlying it will be tremendous respect and unconditional love for each other.


The importance of remaining true to yourself

Regardless of the relationship label what matters in the end is how it makes you feel inside and how it changes you. If your relationship is helping you learn, grow and heal, making you face yourself and your ego and to become spiritually more enlightened, then this is where you are meant to be at this moment, regardless of who it is with. However if the relationship is negatively affecting your self-esteem or your dignity, or making you feel worthless, or if there is any kind of violence or co-dependence going on, then you have no business staying in it. Love yourself and the other person enough to let it go. The same goes for any relationship that is actually stopping either one of your from progressing on your individual paths, for example by keeping you stuck in a vicious circle of push and pull. You need to set this person free, even if they are your twin flame – and ESPECIALLY if they are your twin flame. You should not stick around when they continuously act in ways that do not reflect the exquisite beauty of their soul.

Always remain true to you and seek your own happiness and fulfilment. More than anything else, the twin flame journey is a path back to the Self, and once you get there, you will see that the only thing of importance is being in alignment with your own soul and with God’s plan for you. What is meant to be will fall into place. Never allow anyone to treat you badly in the name of love or under the twin flame label, and never seek to encourage others to do so. Instead, listen to your intuition, pray and surrender the outcome to a higher force, or God.

If in deed this is your twin then your unconditional love for them will help you let them go. I won’t say that it will be easy but you will survive – and you will be stronger for it. Sometimes letting go is exactly what the unconditional love for your twin requires you to do, since it is only by setting them free that they will be able to grow, to mature, to awaken, to feel the “loss” of you, to go through their dark night of their soul, and to realize their own wholeness, which in turn will inevitably lead them back to YOU.

True love always returns to us glorified and somewhere deep within true twin flames know this – and this soothes their pain. Sooner or later both twins will face a choice, to either remain in pain, or to return to each other and face the deep love. Everyone, even your twin, wants to be fully loved and known for their real Self and no one can run away from themselves forever. In the meantime, live your life from a place of acceptance, surrender and unconditional love. You will get there.


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