When I first met my beloved, he made me feel wild; wild to the point of wanting to bolt straight out of my life; from everything that I had ever known and learnt to accept as “my life” and to leap head first into this new “reality”. He dissolved all my agitation and unease and made all my feelings of not belonging disappear in the blink of an eye. I knew that this was the person who was going to take me “home.”
Not only that but I felt like a flame sent to blaze his walls down. I recognised the intense spiritual fire between us from the start. It made me feel empowered & confident but also aloof & elusive: I wanted to slip through his fingers, to always be just out of reach; so as to push him inwards towards the discovery of his own soul. Even though I was not aware of it at the time, my behaviour always reflected this. I wanted nothing more than to have him in my life, yet when he wasn’t aligning with his authentic self this would trigger me and one or both of us would both get repelled and separation would follow. It took me years and years to realise this was what was happening for him too. It was only once I became aware of this that I was then able to start to transmute it.
Now, as I prepare to meet my beloved for the first time in almost a decade, I am well aware that all the spiritual growth of these past years has been preparing me for this moment. These past 18 months we have both felt the celestial magnets being switched on again, and we both know without a doubt that it is God’s guidance drawing us to each other. I am both nervous and excited, and as ready as I will ever be, yet I still worry about falling into old patterns. My mind understands the mirroring, the energetics and the triggering (or so I thought!), so I should do pretty good, right? Even then, it is my heart that I worry about. In between feeling empowered and exhilarated, I feel vulnerable and scared in equal measure. I know I must allow my heart to take the lead, as a third dimensional mind could never wrap itself around the reality of such a journey. The truth is that we cannot bring this love down to that level but instead we must rise above this earthy existence and feel the beloved’s love as the pure and all-encompassing love that it is. The only way to do this is to heal and elevate our heart, and to have faith that everything is as it should be in this moment, even when we do not know where we are going.
The thing is, there is no true safety in clinging onto any relationship or situation as permanent. The entire notion of safety is a vile deception. Life and growth happens when we allow ourselves to be swept away by the tidal wave of the eternal NOW. Spending too much time living in the past or projecting into the future is the same as resisting our life, our destiny and God. I have been guilty of this, just like everyone else. It leads us absolutely nowhere.
So many of us today are awakened yet we remain in situations that no longer serve our highest good, for example, staying in a karmic relationship while “waiting” for our beloved to finally file for that divorce so that our life together can begin etc. What we don’t understand is that we are affecting the Union negatively by not trusting and loving ourselves enough to move on from what WE KNOW is no longer serving us – or from that which compromises our integrity. Instead we look to our spiritual counterpart for validation and reassurance when this journey was never about the “other” but ALL about the “self”. What we often see is one twin frozen by the fear of the past repeating itself, while the other projects everything into a future life together. Even though the hearts of both individuals know and whisper at them to rise up to the challenge of becoming who they really are, their minds play devil’s advocate by pointing out past mistakes and future worse-case scenarios, or at what the other is or isn’t doing.
Yet both individuals need to ultimately start living the NOW, for this is the only place where REAL love can reside – and we cannot get there by refusing to look at the present moment. The thing is, whether you are running from Union or chasing it, this journey causes intense, debilitating fear when we are not living from our hearts. When we try to avoid this self-work, we each in our own way push each other away, without even realizing that we are doing it. Just as we want to skip our spiritual self-work in order to jump into physical Union with our beloved, our beloved mirrors this same avoidance by living a life their brain tells them is “safe” and secure, instead of following their heart to become the fullest expression of their authentic self. Eventually both individuals risk slipping back into the matrix; into a life of mediocrity that will not give them all the beauty they dream of but will not come with any of the devastation and heartache either.
Living in the NOW is the key to everything – love, awakening, balance and most importantly, who we truly are. It is our authentic state of being and the natural flow of our spirit. If we follow it, we will be constantly growing and stepping further and further into our true magnificence. Many of us want to do this yet we simply let this world get in the way. Our lives and responsibilities keep us tied to our human reality, but our beloved is always calling us to theirs. Eventually, through our 5D connection with them, we open our eyes to the one REAL-ITY; that of our eternal life and ascension “home” with our beloved – after all, all else is illusion. But the thing is: we MUST choose it first.
What I am trying to say is: do not wait for Union to start living. You CAN make that choice right now. That’s all it is: a choice. But it has nothing to do with what your beloved is or isn’t doing – and everything to do with how much you trust what you KNOW in your heart. We may think we want Union more than anything yet we lack FAITH. We are simply not ready when we are still limiting ourselves – or seeking to control our beloved. Maybe we want them to quickly hurry “home” to us into the “safety” of not having to choose between too many attractive possibilities? Maybe we are too afraid to set them free, believing that we are somehow “entitled” to a life with them since they are our beloved? So when they fail to act within the timeframes that we have secretly set for them, we decide to limit OUR OWN vision; all the while blaming them for not being available, or for not “getting it”.
No, no, no… dear souls! What we must understand is the true meaning of surrender: it is NOT to give up on the connection but to give up trying to control the connection and the outcome, and to open up to ALL the possible outcomes. It is to once and for all RELEASE the illusion of separation. God is there for us, to guide us through this connection but we must first realize our closeness with Him. Let’s not be afraid to surrender our “free will”, for in exchange we gain something so much more powerful: the divine will. Otherwise we are only standing in the way of getting what our heart desires.
There’s so much we can do, even in separation. The journey doesn’t stop there, and a purposeful life is still there for our taking. In fact, we can start today by beginning to fill the vast emptiness inside ourselves with real love, always accessible to us in the NOW, in our own internal connection to the Source of all things. Otherwise we will forever keep tripping up and falling victim to our own neediness.
Another thing that we must realize is that there is only One God – and that God is NOT your beloved, nor you (although He also dwells in you). Do not make your beloved your God… Let go of the belief that they alone hold the key to your happiness in this life. They will not be able to handle the pressure and the Union in this earthly realm, with all our human imperfections, can never survive it. Instead, come to know and love yourself with all YOUR imperfections – and see that the person in the mirror is only ever a reflection of you. Learn to have compassion for your beloved – he makes mistakes and struggles to find the balance between his spirituality and his human nature, just as much as you or anyone else.
We cannot even attempt to understand how God works, nor do we know what is meant for us – and we never will, until we are willing to let go of our idea of what this is. All I know is that this Love eventually dissolves every human boundary; revealing the truths of love, oneness and interdependency, instead of fear, duality and co-dependency. This journey teaches us what it really is to “love our neighbor as we love ourselves”, with compassion and reverence, without condition or expectation. We can all master this path; after all, Love is an act of will, not something that you “fall” into. Once we master giving love, we then receive love, as divinely decreed. As for the polarities, they eventually balance themselves out so that both individuals learn to draw on and remain in the flow of the eternal moment where their love not only resides but where it is renewed and replenished in every moment.
When we let go of our fears and align with our hearts, we find a life filled with Love, guidance, magic and purpose. All that we are really giving up is our mortality, our pointless search and our pain. But we have to make the choice first; the choice to take responsibility for our own choices; not to hide behind our unhappy marriages, cultural and religious conditioning, rough upbringings etc. God will not and cannot move for you until YOU move for yourself.
So, when I next see him, I already know the effect I have on him – and vice versa. While my presence will calm his restless Spirit, he will by no means be “safe”. After all, to be safe would be to live a weak existence in renunciation of the spiritual FIRE which brings us closer to GOD, ourselves and others. To be “safe” would be the same as not loving his soul, the REAL him; to not care about his salvation as much as I care about my own; to not fulfill the role that God gave to each of us to find each other and to dive into the depths of our own Souls to find our own light; in order to act as each other’s worthy allies and guides through the density of the human experience back into the reality of our return back “home”, into the sublime and divine realms of our eternal life. We know that even if we tried we could not offer that to each other. That’s why the preparation is so important; that’s why the separation is so important.
As much I want my beloved in my life, there is nothing I can do to stop being his mirror and a spiritual fire starter. I cannot stop him from being triggered and I cannot subdue or turn off the alchemical fire that flares up when our two polarities meet; igniting all that is still to be purified within us both. I know this. I love myself – and I love him – too much to try and protect him from that fire, or from himself. However what I can do is to master myself – and this is what we should all strive for.
The truth is that your beloved is the person who will take you “Home”, no matter how they act, what they say or who they eat their morning cereal with. This is not a passing infatuation destined to crumble when the romantic fantasies inevitably fall down; it is an ever-expanding love which strengthens as each veil is lifted, allowing us to see each other more clearly and to extend ourselves outside of our ego in service of our own and our partner’s growth and empowerment. Year by year, moment by moment, what is revealed behind all of this is our magnificence, the real, unchanging essence of our beings. This is how we know the Love is true: when it is, and always was, deeply rooted in the REAL-ity of our true spiritual nature and resonance. When we carry this love within our hearts and allow it to purify and transform us from the inside out, we eventually transcend even the limits of mortality by ascending to life-everlasting as the souls that we are.
Therefore dear beloved souls; do not be afraid to LIVE. The Love you share with your beloved is eternal, protected, guaranteed. Don’t be afraid to experience the world and love in all its forms – and allow them to do the same. Don’t be afraid to trigger each other, to run, to chase, to reach for the highest stars; for nothing that is REAL can ever be taken away from you. Instead, find joy in allowing this Love to remain free, not holding onto it or elevating it where his human Self can never reach it, but by setting it free with a smile on your face and a knowing in your heart: True Love will always return; it knows no other way. Become empowered with this knowledge and welcome miracles into your life. Live as if Union is already here, as it indeed is in the higher realms. To live our lives from this abundant place of endless possibility takes courage, faith and devotion – to the journey, to a higher power, to our own spiritual growth and to our beloved – and the first step is always ours to take.