Twin flame push and pull or unhealthy co-dependency? Beware of the twin flame label!

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Many are nowadays desperately seeking their twin flame and so they studiously assess each person they meet against their own twin flame criteria. These people believe that meeting the twin flame is not so much a matter of divine intervention as it is an inevitability since they are convinced it is only a matter of time. Sure enough, as soon as they fall head over heels madly in love with someone they claim this person as their twin flame. The danger here is that when problems later appear and they find themselves in a dysfunctional relationship or unhealthy, prolonged on-off pattern with this person, rather than re-evaluating the relationship for what it’s worth they cling onto this person and justify their mutual behaviours under the twin flame label.

With all relationships what matters is how it is making you feel inside and how it changes you. Therefore I would like to start by putting out there that if the relationship is negatively affecting your self-esteem or your dignity, or making you feel worthless, or if there is any kind of violence or co-dependence going on, then you have no business staying in it. Furthermore, no matter how mind-blowing the sex is, no matter how intense the feelings are, this is NOT YOUR TWIN FLAME.

Not only is remaining in this kind of connection disserving to your highest good, it will also be detrimental to your twin flame union, if such has been planned for you. The co-dependency and energetic, sexual and emotional chords that you are in the process of creating with this person will make it very hard for you to leave them if & when your true twin flame turns up. Take it from someone who has experienced this. Don’t make this any harder than it needs to be by condoning inacceptable behavior.

Twin flame unions do not play on your ego; nor are they founded upon a co-dependent or desperate love you can’t live without. They do not come with intense emotional outbursts and highs and lows, but rather with a warm and fuzzy feeling of “rightness”, serenity and unconditional love, as well as a calm knowing that just simply is.

Patience is key

Personally I think that it’s important not to seek to label any person we meet as our twin flame early on in the connection. To be able to do this with certainty requires you to have a deep understanding and actual experience of the spiritual, energetic, metaphysical and divine properties of this very unique connection – and often this takes time. Furthermore, to start with the twin flame connection resembles other soul and heart-centred connections and drawing conclusions too quickly may make it harder to step away from the connection when behaviours turn unhealthy.

Generally speaking, there are many signs and stages to an authentic twin flame connection and information regarding these is widely available on the internet. Each of the “stages” is divinely orchestrated to bring us to past a point of awareness, acceptance and surrender which allows more of the connection to unfold. The only way to really know is to let the connection to flow and fulfil its purpose within our lives at each stage. During this time the twin partners are held together invisibly by an unexplainable inner force which strengthens the mutual affection and unconditional love between the two regardless of distance, mistakes or choices made. Twin-flame-union

When the going gets tough…

Meeting our twin flame, no matter who we are, is an intense spiritual, mental and emotional wake-up call. Not everyone who meets their twin flame is knowingly on the spiritual path or emotionally mature enough to handle anything like it. In a typical twin flame connection, after an intensely blissful yet short time together the twins hit a period of crisis where old patterns, fears, insecurities rise to the surface in both twins. However – and this is VERY important – instead of clinging to each other like in an unhealthy dynamic, the twins find themselves energetically repelling each other. This is a very important marker of a twin flame connection. This is also where the often mentioned “twin flame drama” flares up.

The crisis and test that follows the intense bubble phase is a trying and difficult stage for all twins. This is where both twins feel the energy starting to change and are often hit with fears of loss of love or loss of control. One or both of the twins will start pulling away, acting aloof, contradicting themselves, trying to define the connection in usual relationship terms, returning to old relationships, meeting someone new etc. This baffles especially the twin left behind since there was no sign or inkling of any incompatibility or discord; no alarm bells ringing in the distance. The separation which follows is unexplainable and sudden and without much drama, ultimatums or huge emotional displays, thus leaving one or both twins in disbelief, thinking it was all just a dream. lost-love

The energetics of push & pull

Often this separation is dotted by intermittent periods of push and pull. This can be a very intense time which makes us feel insane, desperately looking to our twin and others for answers – and yes, even the most capable, balanced twins may find themselves acting in emotional, illogical and unbalanced ways. However while it seems that the loss, desperation and lack of understanding at this stage could easily lead to mind games, emotional blackmail, threats, and so on, this is NOT how twin flames behave with each other, even at the hardest of times.

Twin flames do not force or impose on each other, make demands or give each other ultimatums, even when they have done this in the past in other relationships. It is simply not in the nature of the twin flame dynamic. One of the first things I remember thinking when I met my twin was that I could never hurt this man intentionally. I believe this to be true: twin flames never ever truly hurt one another, it is simply unconceivable. Your twin is there to help you discover the love that you are. How could this ever happen through someone who treats you as anything less?

What happens instead is that your energies will simply repel each other and soon enough create a separation between you, without really understanding why. This is the very reason twin flames do not spend long periods of time in volatile and tumultuous relationship. They simply could not withstand each other’s energies long enough as any imbalance would drive them apart. Sometimes genuine twin flames even initially dismiss their true twin flame on this basis since as much as they feel a special connection to this person, they feel that if it was really “the One”, they would not have separated in the first place, no matter what the reasons were, but rather held onto each other for dear life.

The imbalance of the energies is also the reason why twins don’t stick around and help each other complete their internal issues highlighted by the connection. Twin flames don’t get their hands dirty assisting each other in the clearing process of the past life baggage, dysfunctions and false beliefs – this is more likely to be the job of a karmic soul mate and the twins higher Self. Twin flames can only come together permanently once all they have left is the LOVE that they are, and it does therefore seem that separation for most twins is inevitable: it is the only way to enable the deep changes which need to happen for the union to reach its full potential. In the meantime, the twin partners remain connected to each other spiritually and energetically, just like they have always been. 

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But we can’t keep away from each other!

Unfortunately some see the push and pull as a definite sign of the twin flame connection; after all, if they can’t keep away from you and you can’t move on either, it MUST be the twin flame connection. Unfortunately there is a lot of support on the twin flame forums for this mentality with mostly ladies mutually supporting and reaffirming each other’s stories of just how crap their twin is treating them. In my opinion, we should be very careful of how far we are willing to let ourselves be dragged into justifying dysfunctional relationship patterns or even validating other’s experiences of such in relation to twin flames – and what exactly is our reason for doing so.

Whilst some of these may well be genuine twin flames it is important to be honest with yourself here: is there a possibility that your “connection” is driven by something other than unconditional love and respect? Are there patterns of neediness, control or dependence on one or both sides? Perhaps they returned to an old relationship or only text when they’re drunk. Maybe they ignore you for weeks on end. Maybe you know that they being dishonest with you but you are happy to carry on “as long as they don’t sleep with anyone else”? Do they remind you of your “special connection” every time you attempt to distance yourself from them giving you false hope, yet are not available or willing to step forward? While it is possible that this is part of the “twin Flame drama”, these are also signs of basic human dysfunction and co-dependency. If this is happening, whether this is your twin or not is irrelevant; it is simply time to break the cycle and move on.

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The purpose of the push and pull

The push and pull has its own specific purpose in the twin flame connection – and this has nothing to do with the reasons behind the dysfunctional on-off pattern we often see in relationships. In a twin flame connection the push and pull is meant to drive you inwards to seek your own answers within. Meeting your twin flame is guaranteed to awaken you spiritually, and this is another very important marker of a twin flame connection. Both twin partners find themselves positively transformed by the connection, no matter what the outcome is at this stage. The twin flame connection turns you inward, calling you to reevaluate your perception of love and relationships, causing you to balance everything in your life against the awakened knowing and remembrance, shedding everything that no longer resonates with it. In the end what you will find is your own wholeness as the Love that you are – in union with your twin and God. Thus delaying your self-work is only delaying YOUR UNION!

Another important marker of a twin flame connection is the presence of God or a higher power. Twin flames share a sacred love, which is divinely orchestrated to perfect and transform both twins from the inside out. Our twin flame is our guide to salvation, to the remembrance of God and to our ultimate home-coming. They command our deepest reverence, respect and love by just being their imperfect selves and we would never want to do anything that makes them feel less than what they are. Yes, it is heartbreaking when the timing is not right and the twins keep triggering each other into long periods of separation but there is always so much love there, all-ways. Both know internally that in the right time, the right circumstances, they will find each other again- and that this time will come, they just don’t know when or how.imagesCA9GVSR7

Are you creating the drama?

The other thing to consider is that perhaps we are ourselves co-creating the twin flame drama. In other words, when we are still spiritually and emotionally immature, we may take on a victim mentality, believing that they are deliberately doing something TO US, to hurt us and to take us for granted. Are you trying to make your twin responsible for your own emotional responses to what they trigger within you? Be honest. If you are feeling needy and want them to fulfil some lack within you, then it doesn’t matter if this is your twin. Even if they are, you are not ready for a physical union with them. Simple as. Rather, you are being invited to heal and work on yourself. What you will learn is that no one else is responsible for your thoughts and feelings or how you handle them.

Sometimes we get so scared of losing them that we compromise our own integrity and peace of mind, and allow our happiness and stability to be defined by what our twin flame is doing – or not doing. Be brutally honest with yourself here. If you dropped the twin flame label and this person kept pushing you away, ignoring you, lying to you, sleeping with someone else, would you still be so hung up on them? Would you still want to be with them? Seriously, your answer here has got to be no; otherwise you have so much more work to do on yourself than I could ever tell you.

It is also important to investigate the source of the pain you are feeling. Twin flames bear no ill will against each other: they are simply too closely connected and too spiritually advanced to ever do so. Yes, the twin flame pain can be excruciating and horrendous but it is only serving to open your heart and teaching you to love more, not to crush your soul or feelings of self-worth. More so, if you are brutally honest with yourself, you might even realize that your twin’s odd behaviour has actually got nothing to do with you since the hurt between the twins mostly arises from fear, outer circumstances and external resistance.

Whatever it is, your twin flame will never try to force, manipulate or influence you, nor will they give you any ultimatums. On the same token, twin flames do not allow themselves to be manipulated. As soon as their or your energy becomes unbalanced, like it does when one tries to make the other responsible for their own imbalances, they will simply pull away – and they will have no choice.egoEven if they are your twin flame, they do not owe you anything. They are not here to fix you – and you are not here to heal or fix them. If this is your twin flame, you will not be expecting them to do your internal work for you. Nevertheless, they will be feeling the same love, going through the SAME intense feelings and triggering than you, and they will have their own way of dealing with it. It is not a very loving thing to point fingers or blame them for only doing the best they can. I can guarantee you: whatever your twin does or says, they want nothing but the best for your soul. They want your happiness and they do truly care about you. This does not mean that they will stick around or remain open with you as they go through their internal turmoil. This does not mean that they will engage with your unbalanced behaviors. So yes, there may be some “drama” but underlying it will be tremendous respect and unconditional love for each other.

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The importance of remaining true to yourself

Regardless of the label on any relationship what matters in the end is how it is making you feel inside and how it changes you. If your relationship is helping you learn, grow and heal, making you face yourself and your ego and to become spiritually more enlightened, then this is where you are meant to be at this moment, regardless of who it is with. However if it becomes clear that the relationship is actually stopping either one of your from progressing on your individual paths, for example by keeping you stuck in a vicious circle of push and pull, then you need to set this person free, even if they are your twin flame – and ESPECIALLY if they are your twin flame. You should not stick around when they continuously act in ways that do not reflect the exquisite beauty of their soul.

Always remain true to you and seek your own happiness and fulfilment. More than anything else, the twin flame journey is a path back to the Self, and once you get there, you will see that the only thing of importance is being in alignment with your own soul and with God’s plan for you. Everything else which is meant to be will fall into place. Never allow anyone to treat you badly in the name of love or under the twin flame label, and never seek to encourage others to do so. Instead, listen to your intuition, pray and surrender the outcome to a higher force, or God.

If in deed this is your twin then your unconditional love for them will help you let them go. I won’t say that it will be easy but you will survive – and you will be stronger for it. Sometimes letting go is exactly what the unconditional love for your twin requires you to do, since it is only by setting them free that they will be able to grow, to mature, to awaken, to feel the “loss” of you, to go through their dark night of their soul, and to realize their own wholeness, which in turn will inevitably lead them back to YOU.

True love always returns to us glorified and somewhere in their hearts true twin flames know this – and this soothes their pain. Sooner or later both twins will face a choice, to either remain in pain, or to return to each other and face the deep love. Everyone, even your twin, wants to be fully loved and known for their real Self and no one can run away from themselves forever. In the meantime, live your life from a place of acceptance, surrender and unconditional love. You will get there.

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62 Responses to Twin flame push and pull or unhealthy co-dependency? Beware of the twin flame label!

  1. furrera says:

    Reblogged this on furrera's Blog.

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    • Linda Grove says:

      The line you should not stick around when they do not reflect their true soul back to you. That so resonated with me. I know for sure he is my true twin flame so many powerful spiritual dreams including a soul merger but I’ve decided it’s time to make a permanent disconnection. I’ve grown exponentially more than I ever imagined I was capable of. He has not he remains very stuck in old patriarchal ways. The irony of this is our connection set off a massive surge of the goddess energy on a dream and she exploded right through my crown chakra. Unbelievable experience!!!!! So I’ll bless him and always send him my undying unconditional love and see where the angels take me. Forever changed!!!

      Liked by 1 person

      • mtl says:

        Funny, I had the same experience. My twin flame was looking for a stay at home wife/mother as his spouse. It was hard to handle but it didn’t change the love I know he had for me.

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  2. Rachel Lieberman says:

    Thank you for this, Jonna – it’s maybe the best description of this dynamic that I have ever read. It’s insane how the energy repels, but it’s absolutely accurate. Twins just can’t get their hands dirty dealing with each other’s issues. Keep blogging, I love your writing.

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  3. Just… complete bravo! This is one of the best things I have read on this subject for a very long time, took the words out of my mouth and thoughts from my head…… if people were more aware of the dangers of the slippery slope of ego when it comes to this subject as well as many others, we would all have soooo much more clarity! This describes the experience so amazingly well and really highlights the difference between a tf and other connections so bloody well it deserves a tf Pulitzer prize 🙂

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    • doucejonna says:

      Hi Victoria! Thank YOU so MUCH for this feedback ! I am glad you liked it and resonated with it. It means a lot coming from you since I admire your work very much! 🙂 Since I published this article in a couple of twin flame groups on Facebook I have had mostly positive feedback with the odd person arguing that they can still be a twin flame because they love their “twin flame” unconditionally even when they play mind games or manipulate them.. Oh well.. I can only share my own experience and insights and try and assist them if they so wish. Also Sometimes it is not so much that the twin flame is treating them like crap but that the twin flame won’t engage in their manipulations.. That then seems like the other is being “mean” whereas they’re only trying to keep the balance. Thank you again for the feedback! I enjoy reading your blog!! Love and light to you xx

      Liked by 1 person

      • The highest possible love that you will ever know will not guide you to abuse your twin. Or yourself. And if because of your own ego garbage you do mis-step and say something hurtful to your twin (most likely because you could never in your wildest imaginings ever think to do anything physically to hurt them,) believe you me you will feel it as if you stabbed yourself in your own heart. And unless you are entirely dense, you figure out that hurting them is hurting you. Granted there are periods of confusion, lying to self, fear, and denial that create some crazy sort of statements as you stated that even the most balanced twins struggle with those things…the difference at least that I have noticed is the desire to truly be honest and to not hurt the one they love so much. The baggage and guilt and shame and blah blah blah it creates to hurt your twin is so freaking excruciating that you learn well not to do it. I think it is exactly as you stated: when unbalance begins, twins know enough not to engage that energy very much because that is not the true state of their union, feelings, or true intention towards their twin. You get to know that every word spoken is magnified a thousand fold when spoken to a twin and so while honest you also wish to be lovingly honest. And yes twins DO call one another out on their bullshit but it is with tenderness and love behind it–always even if you screw up here and there with a word you maybe shouldn’t have said. It’s rather hard to explain but it is just not the same in ANY WAY as an abusive relationship with an asshole, energy vampire, soul sucker, narcissist, etc. Those people will never uplift you in love. Twins do it on the DAILY, and it only increases with time and personal growth. The love is completely transcendent of all of that ego bullshit, although we all have ego bullshit to work through, ABUSE towards twin whom you ADORE as you do your own life is not among them 🙂

        Liked by 3 people

      • doucejonna says:

        So so very true – every word of it. Bravo Victoriazaitz!

        Liked by 1 person

    • doucejonna says:

      Victoriazaitz, this is one of my favorite comments ever so THANK YOU from the bottom of my heart. There is so much information available nowadays about how to navigate these connections so I am honoured that you found what I wrote worth such a lovely pearl of a comment! The TF Pulitzer prize made me giggle.. Wishing you all the best xxx

      Liked by 1 person

  4. Reblogged this on Victoria Zaitz, M.L.A., M.T.P. and commented:
    One of the most enlightened posts I have ever read on this subject, so clear it’s crystal in terms of accurately describing the difference between a twin flame and other types of connections.

    Liked by 1 person

  5. Blimp says:

    Interesting, how would you define neediness out of a dysfunctional relationship and that of a TF connection? I find it hard to imagine how an emotionally imperfect person does not become needy when seeing the kind of love you describe slipping through his or her fingers.

    I recognize so much of all of this but I sometimes wonder if it’s all in my head, if I’m just kidding myself and making it something more then it is so I have a reason to hold on to it. Yet, if I try to let go, I will always end up at a point where I am forced to stop lying to myself and admit that she is who I want to be with, to laugh with, to cry with etc.

    An almost complete absence and no contact makes it particularly more hard, and she is with someone else at this moment too, making it even more painful, yet I continue to feel so much love for her when I do get to spent time with her that it’s making me feel I’m crazy,

    It’s difficult to distuinguish with an actual spiritual bond and your heart and mind playing tricks on you. How do you really know in the end?

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    • doucejonna says:

      Dear Blimp, thank you for taking the time to read & comment. What you describe; the almost complete absence and no contact, with highs of love still felt when time is spent together – yes, that could be describing my own twin flame connection. And I also suffered the endless “I’m kidding myself” – i even blogged the letter I wrote to my twin towards the beginning of our journey which very much describes that conflict between the mind & the heart.. If you have a moment please do read: https://mirror-of-my-soul.com/2014/12/02/letter-to-my-twin/
      Yes we all go through moments (sometimes lasting YEARS!) before surrender where we question our sanity and only time really tells the true nature and outcome of these connections, however the key is to work on becoming who you really are, i.e. to learn to listen to your heart rather than trying to analyse it all with your mind. If this is truly a twin flame soul connection then no amount of trying to make sense of it will ever work.. The only way you will ever make any sense of this love is to FEEL it.. What is REAL to you; is it the endless questions in your mind, the doubts etc – or is it the love that you feel when you close your eyes and think of her? Get to know YOU, follow your heart – and eventually this will help you find all the answers you are looking for & more!
      Have you been open & transparent with your twin about your feelings towards her?

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    • Krishna says:

      Blimp, I shall be honest and try to give you only the truth, as it is, the way I perceive it : ) The pain is excruciating and seems endless, and it takes years for some twins. Every pair of twins is different, and the journey and the time it takes depends upon the past of both the twins together, and that of the individual twins. There are some trade-offs to voluntary Karmic engagement, when souls volunteer to cleanse the energies of our planet. The process of cleansing affects the cleanser, and sometimes, he/she gets involved in the dense vibrations assoiciated with the work, which needs time to be worked upon to go back to the original blue-print. So, it’s almost impossible to say when they are going to see each other again. But, to me, the ideal is for both the twins to try functioning while being separate from each other, because in plain practical terms, it’s impossible to go on when we focus only on the pain, and we have absolutely no idea what’s in store for the future. The catch here is, twin pairs in whom atleast one of them is in a social/personal commitment where the stakes are high tend to have absolutely no communication between each other. This is because if they start talking to each others, things are gonna catch fire again, and they need to extinguish it painfully because they can’t stake their status quo because they are not in a position to. I couldn’t have imagined a couple of years back that I could be writing in this tone about twin flames, but here I am. And irrespective of whether my twin is with me or not, I know there is so much to life. This doesn’t mean that I am putting my twin down, Never would, in the whole of Eternity <3.. There's this thing called Life and we both are beautiful parts of it, but we are not the whole of it. We respect and cherish the other parts. Humanity as a race has a lot of psychological work to do. I perceive some blind spots in myself, also in my twin, and in everybody else. I would rather work on them alone than let my twin be affected by my weaknesses, big or small. At the same time, if she is not fine, and needs to be with me, I shall make myself available. That's not just because it's my twin, but because I trust her decisions. Had she been acting out of something that I perceive as not the right pattern, I would rather let her know, with love and care. But, she' very mature, and I don't have to do that. Infact, it's the other way round. She reminds me that we need to be calmer when I get a little finicky. Communication, yes, on and off, as if we both understand when it's on and when off, and it's crazy, beautiful, painful etc. One thing that's always been there is respect for each other's limitations and trying not to push things tooo much which only causes damage. If things are meant to change, they do anyway, through us, but the important thing is to not hurry. It's not a race : ) And, in the twin flame scenario especially, the more we attempt to control the outcome, the more stress and pressure it causes to us, because it's something that cannot be controllled. It is beyond us. So, it's more about coming to terms with a deep and majestic force that is NOT to be tamed or controlled. And that force usually teaches us the hard way.

      Liked by 1 person

      • kymber6 says:

        Thank you. Exactly what I’m trying to figure out.

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      • Lanena says:

        Hi Krishna- I love when you say that the twin flame connection is about accepting the “deep and majestic force that is NOT to be tamed or controlled.” After 13 years, I embrace that sentiment completely. As I started the journey of surrender (a process that has been ongoing for 2-3 years and counting – after about 10 of fighting it), the TF experience has taken on a whole new dimension. Instead of feeling crazy, confused, out of my mind, frustrated, and desperate enough to pay someone to surgically remove this connection from my being (if only that was an option), I now see him as an energetic part of me that will always be with me- not a curse, but a part of my own self. This love that I feel is God’s love flowing through me (to him and back to me like an infinity sign), and I have to rise up, accept this gift from God (yes it’s a gift), and let it move through me, lest it burn me to pieces. At times the energy builds and I can practically reach out and touch him. Other times, he is simply a quiet whisper in my soul. I never know what to expect, and I have no control over its ebbs and flows. I can only expand my own love, expand, and little by little hold more and more without falling apart. As I’ve allowed it to flow, the most amazing things have happened – more synchronicities and “proof” than I ever could have hoped for have fallen in my lap, and increases in dreams, telepathy, premonitions, and other discoveries in the physical that have confirmed without a doubt that he is experiencing all this too. I meditate daily to connect to my higher self and stay grounded so I can contain all this love and withstand the burn (meditation helps SO much). I can finally say that the pain is almost gone, sometimes the tears still flow, but the wounds are healing. When I miss him, I simply talk to him, in meditation or softly when no one else can hear. I recently got confirmation that he hears me! (I shouldn’t be surprised but sometimes it’s nice to get a little confirmation from outside.) And one day I heard his voice in my head too, clear as day. We are not reunited, and are both in other commitments, but the connection is alive and well. I stand firm in my love of us, wherever me may roam, together or apart. God bless everyone on this crazy, beautiful journey of twins!!

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    • Soullove says:

      Dear Blimp,

      My situation is somewhat the same. I’m feeling this deep and profound love for a man who’s extremely famous and much older than me. I’ve never met him in person, but since some time I can feel him like as if he’s a part of me.

      He most likely has seen me on a video, but it seems so strange that something like that would trigger this connection. It was never my intention and I always thought he was an amazing person, nothing more.

      I too have tried to convince myself that I’m fooling myself, but my feelings are so clear, it must be true. I’ve tried to project this love on my boyfriend, but it didn’t work out (so perhaps your TF will realize this too eventually?). I can even feel this kundalini thing going on since two months or so and I never really believed in these kind of things.

      However it may end, I’m so thankful for feeling this love.

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  6. Hope says:

    Imagine having this connection with someone that is terrrifed of you, it makes you feel like crap.Yet you don’t want to pressure this person to be comfortable around you because then again.. it would still make you feel like crap.Everyday you wake up with regret and replay the same insults that were said not even to your face but indirectly to your face. Imagine having friends turn into enemies over a simple misunderstanding..Imagine living with depression your whole life only to finally feel a taste of what its like to be alive and not give a crap about anybody’s opinion but your own..selfish I know, but at least you’re unaffected by pain. You watch rom-coms to fill this avoid, you know (the shy guy that always chases after the beautiful girl that he thinks is way out of his league…and will boost his confidence) the typical manic pixie dream girl. Hell, you don’t even know the term “manic pixie dream girl” existed until you feel the pain of knowing your own flaws, your own doubts, your own fears knowing you just idealized a total stranger. But after you meet the person you believe shares the same interests as you , the movies..start to turn into memories… of the ideal that you never had…(then you let your guard down)..you forget to realize that you had just opened up to a complete stranger.Who sees and understands your pain but doesn’t really want to deal with it. I guess I deserved everything that i get. I always thought the key to being happy was to free yourself from attachment,until you meet this person that can’t even bear to make eye contact with you. Its shatters your ideal of what you thought was a perfect woman.You basically break your own heart. You think the honest and just thing to do is just let them go… so you do. Praying to God that they don’t feel like as much shit as you do. But deep down you know they do, but you can’t even help them due to fear of judgment.Then you start to relive this situation as a memory…you want to move forward but your in denial. You understand that your victim mentality is bullsh*t yet you can’t overcome it. You think this is a test ,so you run away and block it just to be safe. Its like 2 people staring at each other through a tinted window One see everything but the other does not. But then again your mind truly does play tricks on you…maybe you both were seeing the same thing, but it was just to awkward to talk about it. I wish anybody that goes through this doesn’t make the same mistake that I did, don’t ever give up on her/he… unless you had to and you WILL KNOW if the timing is off…listen to the synchonicities but don’t let them blind your judgment.Don’t talk about this with your friends or family because they will never understand.this type of pain. Stay strong. Stay true to yourself even if it means letting go.

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    • doucejonna says:

      Wow Hope, thank you! Such a heartfelt & beautiful words describing so much of the pain those of us who have experienced this connection know all too well… Thank YOU for taking the time to comment. The sentence that stood out for me is “Who sees and understands your pain but doesn’t really want to deal with it.” Oh yes… I have come to believe this about twin flames. We do not get our hands dirty helping each other with our insecurities, baggage and issues and unfortunately this seems to be the painful but very efficient process that we all have to go through. I do believe total transparency and getting to know/being true to yourself are the keys to navigating this connection. Many blessings to you on your path xx

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      • TwinFlameDawning says:

        This is strange….. I had an ‘astral’ dream back on 5th March 2015. “….Office building type environment, I was walking with lots of people around me, towards a reception area main door, to go outside. ‘Twin Flame’ behind me, alerted me/warned me, as he was concerned that my clothes should not get dirty as my ‘Soul Mate’ was behind me and his hands were black.”

        I’ve left out the true names of the males concerned. This is very odd to me though, as this dream occurred four months before myself and the male met and triggered each other, who must be my Twin Flame. (We’d been work colleagues and had not seen each other for over four years prior to our trigger.) At the time of this dream, I had no idea what a Twin Flame was, nor knew I had one. It seems my Soul Mate had got his hands dirty helping me with my issues, and wanted to give me back my issues? Not sure, as I had helped him with his issues too – we’d been there holding each other up and supporting each other through thick and thin…….

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    • Dee says:

      Wow ! I can relate soo much to your comment ! It’s really hard & I can feel whatever you are expressing here. “Manic Pixie Dream Girl”

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      • Dee says:

        Have you ever tried to get in touch with her because she maybe going through the same?

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      • Blue says:

        I have to ask you this – is your last name, someone that takes care of animals (generic)? Please do respond. Love & Light

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  7. Jillian says:

    The tears have been rolling non stop down my face while reading ALL your articles. Nothing has ever resonated with me so much. I know now I am not crazy and all the horrible shit talk and doubts need to stop cause I KNOW and that is enough. In reading your articles I have found new courage to surrender and turn inward as I have been trying so hard to do but failing at. I have worked with a metaphysical energy healer specializing in soul connections but I have still been struggling. I somehow now feel some peace and hope and have some faith once again in this process. And it’s the truth, you never ever ever want to hurt your soul connection and they never hurt you on purpose EVER either, it cuts them like a knife to see you in pain and I think it’s why a lot stay away during the hard times…..and all you want is for them to be happy regardless of whether or not it is with you and no matter how much you hurt or miss them they are always FREE with you, You just love them too much. It’s hard watching them make choices that you know are not reflective of their true nature and soul but at the end of the day you would rather have their soul growing and being where they need to be and as much as it hurts and the pain burns thru your heart that is what TRUE LOVE is. We both have a knowledge this was a love that was decided for us and believe me that’s the truth, it blows my mind some days. When I read about people ‘looking’ for their twin flame I think my God! you don’t really want that trust me!!!!!! Thru the hard times and unbearable pain I used to think I never asked for this! Take it back! I can’t do this, please make it go away.. But hearing you say you CAN love them just as much without being with them was a huge relief to me. I always thought I had to move on and that meant no longer loving him which was no option whatsoever no matter how hard I tried and believe me I TRIED everything, nope doesn’t work lol. So I now will love him everyday, might as well, he’s always with me energetically and this way I can allow him to be where he needs to be doing his thing and I Can live a healthy full life and raise my own vibration and deal with my own shit 🙂 I just recently told him I was sorry for cutting off contact how I did and that it came from a place of deep hurt and fear and that I now know he was only doing the best that he could With the circumstances and he never meant to hurt me, but in doing so he helped to bring all my issues to the surface. That took courage I’ll tell you, but you know what? He thanked me like I knew he would, cause it was hurting him and I could feel that it was. Thank you so much for sharing your stories you have no idea how they have impacted me and thru me the sound REALISTIC guidance will also help him as I let him go and turn towards myself and God. I have been fighting this tooth and nail for years I now know It’s the only way….
    Ps. I am also sooooo glad I am not the only one who has internal talks dialogue or what have you with my connection that go on sometime forever. I though I was the only one and the white coats would soon be coming for me hahaha. Such a relief . Thank you once again.

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  8. Marble says:

    You are such a saint for posting this! Thank you! May God bless you and your soul and your Twinflame 🙂 Much Love ❤

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  10. Jessa says:

    My twin flame is my ex fiancé. Words cannot truly describe the intense unconditional love I feel for him and know he feels for me too. It hurt so much when he just shut me out completely, he couldn’t even give me a reason other than being confused and didn’t know if he could be with me. To be in a “honeymoon phase” for almost two years and get the reality shock from the one you couldn’t bear to think of living without, had changed their mind. I couldn’t stop thinking of what I did wrong, what I did to make him become so unhappy and lost when all I did was love him with every bit of me I had to give. I felt like the biggest fool; like a naïve child that had the gall to believe that a “fairy tale” love was possible. After bouts of trying to cling onto him and help him see that he was throwing it all away and trying to let him go we finally ended.

    I can’t say I wasn’t lost or even broken. I was really broken and again like a dang fool, tried to find another and rushed into to things with him. Some years have gone by as a bit of a rollercoaster ride, I have a family now, but my twin has been a constant in this relationship even when he had long moved on with his life. My partner senses it, has even brought him up throughout our relationship. It’s as if he knows he will never truly be out of the picture. One night my partner and I shared the same dream, on the very same night, in our dreams I left him for my twin, both dreams sounded so much alike, but I didn’t dare tell my partner that I had the same exact dream and sure enough I checked my facebook and there was a friend request from my ex, after years of no contact from him. Even in the time of no contact it was like I could tell exactly when he was thinking of me and I’d feel as sense of longing.

    I am now friends with my ex, we still have strong feeling for the other, but still want nothing more than for the other to be happy even if it means stepping out of the picture. I woven a very tangled web, I love my partner, but at the same time the love if feel for them are light years apart. I know I still have some growing to do and I feel as if my current partner is some sort of karmic soulmate situation. I love him very deeply, but their are so many imbalances and sometimes toxic nature to our relationship dynamics that staying together is ultimately not what’s best for either of us. It’s a difficult pushing and pulling effect between the two. I know my true place is with my twin, but I get this nagging feeling that their is still unfinished business between my current partner, beyond the fact that we share two beautiful children together. I try to look at our union as less of a sometimes very unhealthy rollercoaster ride and more of learning and growing from him. He’s taught me what love is and what is isn’t and has helped me build up boundaries of what is and isn’t something I can accept or tolerate. I just can’t get passed the feeling that in the end, when my twin and I reunite, I will have hurt someone else I love dearly in the process, no matter how much time will be between our ending and my reuniting with HIm. It pains me to think of it, that he was right about him and I all along. All I want is for him to be happy as well, I prayed to the higher power for my twin and he came, maybe if I pray hard enough he will send my current love someone that can love him the way he deserves and longs for.

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    • doucejonna says:

      Dear Jessa, my heartfelt thanks to you sharing your story with me and those reading this blog.
      What you describe about feeling like such a fool to have believed that a love like this could even exist and that you would be lucky enough to receive it, oh yes that could be me writing it. The devastation was such that I knew I could never have my heart broken like that ever again.
      I also married a soul mate (more like a karmic mate) and after many years realised my twin flame is still part of me in an undeniable way every day. For me, I knew I wasn’t living my truth, not because I wasn’t with twin, but because I was denying and suppressing the best part of me: my true core, as well as the deep love flowing between us whether we were in contact or not.
      What I found in my own marriage to another person is to allow the relationship to unfold on it’s own.. The connection to your twin will always be there.. You will know when the time has come to move on, if such is the plan of the souls.. This happened with my husband. But it cannot ever be because of the twin flame but because of You..because the lessons have been learnt, because you are not free or loved for who you really are etc. This was certainly the case in my marriage and with time I realised how badly I was allowing myself to be treated. It is a learning process which took me more than a decade.. But finally I feel like there is light at the end of the tunnel and I wish the same for you.
      I also for a long time felt that nagging feeling of unfinished business between me and husband (we also have small children, but it’s more than that). It seems like you are like me, having known your twin flame a long time now. Possibly one of the first wavers like me? Meaning that you still had karma and family bloodlines to clear to be able to reach the twin flame frequency and unite with your twin. He was shown to you in the beginning to kick start the long work and process of transformation you are to go through. Don’t be discouraged but trust that all is as it should be – and trust your inner guidance. Wishing you all possible blessings on your twin flame path and life. Love, Jonna

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  12. Maya K says:

    Hello dear Jonna. Thank you for this post, how beautifully written… I thought I have been somehow healed through this relationship. I thought so… However, yesterday I saw my twin again and here I am again. On my way home as I started thinking of him, I was soothing myself, telling myself – Love yourself, I am love, just take it easy, let it be….. etc. Then I came home, started feeling heavy in my heart and realized that all those hours again, I was trying to block my feelings towards him. Then tears has come and I started crying, asking Him to forgive me for attempting to block my feelings. Guilt, enormous guilt came. Then, I cried into the night, fell asleep. This morning those feelings are gone. I am ok. Of course, as before, I started feeling that I am going crazy again. This has been in cycles. I have been trying to understand this all and cannot wrap my mind around this. I simply can’t. Once I feel I am healed, I see him again and this whole thing starts all over again. Yesterday it was bad as I was crying till fell asleep. This has been for 2 years +. In my heart I know that only God helps. Otherwise, feeling alone. Nobody to share this with as nobody can understand what it is like.
    Yesterday I had this very visual image of us trying to put us together and really seeing how the Ego prevents us from “fitting” into each other… This hurts, at times, hopelessness comes. I think, ok, I am doing my part as much as I can, trying to heal but once meeting him, and feeling rejected all over again, creates pain again and again. Even when pain does not come right away after the meeting with him, it surely comes next day. I am honest with myself asking what I feel and the answer is – the rejection.
    Jonna, I want to let go, but fear, as fear of losing him completely is in me. Please tell me what you think….;love 😉

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  13. teamo says:

    Your articles describing the twin flame dynamics are all so spot on, and clearly you have genuinely experienced it to talk about with such clarity. I met my twin 4 years ago. At the time I had no clue what a “twin flame” was and had absolutely no guidance in dealing with the intensity of emotions. We live in different countries and it has been difficult to say the least. The attracting/repelling phase began pretty quickly after we first met and I was unable to stay, so I ran away and ignored his calls/emails for 3 years. All this time I was working on myself, coming to terms with my own “flaws” and darkness and learning to completely love myself. Again I had no outer guidance here, simply by listening to my inner voice and what it needed to survive. Leaving him was the hardest thing I’ve ever had to do, it felt like literally I was tearing my skin from my body. I’ve been through a complete spiritual transformation and continue to grow each day, and thank God for all the blessing that came with meeting my twin. Recently he came back into my life and I realized all the feelings I had been burying deep in my heart all came rushing back to the surface in an overwhelming torrent. All those feelings of love have only grown stronger and I can truly say I love him completely and unconditionally no matter what. It is an amazing feeling. I asked my guides for advice and that was when I randomly read about the “twin flame” connection. Never in these 4 years did I find something that PERFECTLY described what I had been through. I’m actually kind of glad that I went through it all on my own, without reading all these things because I know now that it is 100% real and true without any outside validation. Ever since then I’ve been reading up on twin flames and preparing myself for our reunion, surrendering the the Divine plan which I fully trust God will see us together as we belong. I’m happy to say I’m going to see him in a couple of weeks 🙂 Thank for for sharing your valuable insights as more and more people start to discover this connection.

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  14. Rose Awen says:

    I think you have one of the best blogs about twin souls. One thing I’d like to say about my own TS experience is that there are times when my TS appears to be somewhat cruel or cold to me. He triggers me and I am very aware of this fact. Yes in the past sometimes it can still “hurt” but normally I can read his words, de-code them, and see what I am being shown, what I need to clear, what thought patterns have magically transferred themselves to him so he can show them back to me. For example, if I am feeling like my TS is off somewhere having a grand old time without me, not feeling the loss of me, having loads of fun while disregarding me, then without me sharing those feelings with him in 3D he will STILL know them and reflect them back to me so I can clearly see my erroneous thinking, so I can face my fears. He could possibly email me (after weeks of silence) and say something like, “Oh hey! Sorry it’s been so long or I have not responded! I’m just here having the time of my life drinking beer and playing golf! Life is good…” It would feel like a slap in my face if I allowed it to but I don’t. I know I am being shown to own my truth instead of believing in my fears. My TS shows me my fears about love, about him and love. He does this by telling me my fears as if they were real, so I can see them and face them, and to 99.9% of the population it would appear that he’s being less than loving. He still always tells me how wonderful I am, no matter how strange the communication is. Truth is there- I AM wonderful, and I know that! But I can still fear love, and that fear is what is shown to me. The mirroring is very tricky business but it’s also telling and illuminating once we can separate out the emotional reaction we get from it and instead SEE what’s being shown to us. Biggest wrong doing is to believe the mirroring is actually their intention. If we do that then we will get more of what we believe in. What I try to do in order to shift the mirror and heal myself is to always reaffirm inside of me all my sweet memories of my dear twin soul, our time together, our truth together. I am working to know truth, journal about truth (which is the love that I am and he is, and we share together) and OWN truth. This was truth becomes my reality, not fear. In my twin soul journey believing in the love someone has for me, allowing myself to believe and accept that love, has been my biggest stumbling block. For this reason it is important, for me, to always believe in the love he has for me, and to know he absolutely wants to return to me. I believe he does want to return to me, and he longs for the day where he is able to ONLY show me the love again. I know this is what he wants, to show me love. But again, just to clarify, there are times my TS has had to show me my fears very strongly, and it does not feel good. They feel like he is being cruel to me. So when people say that “Twin souls are ONLY loving and gentle,” that is true- they are only truly loving and gentle on the inside. Their intentions are only loving and gentle but they CAN and will “present” or appear as less than loving and gentle when they are forced to be our mirrors and we are experiencing fear, doubt and disbelief. Getting fear, doubt and disbelief mirrored back to you is not pretty. I wish more twin souls could understand this differentiation instead of continuing the vicious cycle by blaming the “runner”, speaking badly of them and believing nasty things about them. Yes it can be scary but I firmly believe my twin soul would much rather wrap his arms around me in love, kiss my tears away and tell me everything is okay instead of “pretending” cruelty as he acts as my mirror. But that’s the role he’s had to play for me and it’s actually up to me to shift it around by shifting my energy from fear and doubt to truth and love. I am blessed and thank God a lot because my twin has stayed single. I know he is waiting for me to make space so he can come back to me- I am the one working in my union to bring my twin back to me. I hope I can do it soon because I miss my angel; he’s shown me a lot that I’ve needed to heal in myself. I will love him forever. All we have is love for each other and I would NEVER, no matter how harsh the mirror can be, react to him mean or unloving- he’s doing his job, and I thank him for it.

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  15. Sally says:

    Im so confused. My ex loved me so much and then one day said “Im confused I dont think I want to be serious” and ran. No matter how hard i cannot get him out of my head.He ran in january and Ive geard nothing since but have a constant pulling energy. Its the energy I cant clear or the deep feelings in my chest. Hes with someone now and Im trying so hard to understand it all.

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  16. Lanena says:

    Such an important post and beautifully written. I am actually thankful that I had no idea what twin flames were when I met mine bc it would have greatly interferred with the process. I can also think of two other soul connections that I would have mistaken for twin flames if I’d been aware of the concept at the time. One was an instant recognition where my soul literally leapt out of my body and said, “There you are!” And the other was a very intense karmic soul mate, or false twin, that I met just prior to meeting the real twin. This man drew from my TF energy, told me lies about my TF, and manipulated me with his psychic abilities (bad news). Both soul connections were extremely intense in different ways, but I have been able to heal and move on from them- though I still think fondly of the first. I agree that the TF only makes itself known in time. (Personally, it took 8 years after our first meeting to learn about TFs, and another 2 years to really wrap my head around it.) The TF experience has been absolutely transformative and mind blowing, and equally unbearable at times. This love does not fade, and against all logic, it grows. I joke that my heart is trying to give birth to the whole freaking universe sometimes, and of course there was no way I could contain this love when I first met my twin- I was still getting myself figured out as a young 20 something. There was a lot of push-pull at the end of the bubble love. I lot of aloofness on my part. Casual calls and encounters even though my heart was exploding. Sort of pretending like this wasn’t really happening. The only exception I have to your post is that in order to separate, I wrote my twin a letter cutting it off completely, which I can see now was necessary for us, or I wouldn’t have stayed away for long. It was VERY painful for him so in that sense I did hurt my twin directly, though I could argue it hurt me more. (That pain cannot be underestimated- I’d been though pain before losing a parent etc but this was seismic.) Strangely, the cutting off happened so fast, even though I had NEVER hurt him before that. It was such an impetuous move and so final- we’d been talking sweetly just days prior. As Steve Gunn says, when runners run, they mean it. The physical separation was no doubt necessary for our growth; he was married, and everything about our situation was agaisnt what I thought I wanted in terms of values and expectations -except that I was desperately in love with him, and this voice in my head kept saying he was mine! Without applying for it, I’d been offered a job in his house, and almost immeditately we began experiencing bubble love/friendship, total amazement, for about a year before I moved across the country. My hopes of attending grad school locally fell through even though he made it known that he really wanted me to stay. I started to feel repelled by the overwhelming intensity of our bond, and that “I had to get the hell out of there.” He was experiencing a Kundalini awaking and “electricity” as he put it; I felt like my whole body was on fire and resisting him physically hurt me. But even though the move made seeing him regularly impossible, the love kept building, and the telepathy was slowly beginning. It started with the heart chakra, and at times I felt my soul was pulling out of my body trying to run back to him. I thought this was a test; I was so mad at God, and so conflicted since I had good “values” and could never be a marriage wrecker- I seriously worried I might be eternally damned if I pursued it. He seemed more steadfast than me, but the confusing push-pull, mostly on my behalf, frustrated him. He was also trying to make sense of it all, and I think he was hoping I would return from grad school and we’d start again in a few years. Without going into too many details, the phase of separating was really maddening, and in a moment of feeling completely abandoned (for no good reason), I told him to never call me again- EVER. He was devastated and completely side-swiped though I think he partly blamed himself for also being just as confused and not more straighforward with me about what he was feeling. He felt the same confusion (he confessed later), but it was very hard to verbalize what was happening and none of it made “sense” to either one of us. I felt totally unworthy of him, and I was at too great a risk for being swept up in his huge life, which is a public one. Ultimately, we were simply not ready for each other, and we’ve needed 10 years (and counting) to work on ourselves, and see this for what it is: a deep internal bond and unconditional love. Though I “moved on” and married and started a family, the connection only builds. I have “run into” him twice and know it is a mutual pain of separation that we are experiencing. I have offered him some healing with another letter, but he needs more time. I know the pain we endured was so extreme, and he is afraid to “go there” again. I simply have to trust that he will find the strength to do so eventually. Even though as the runner, I delivered the big blow that lead to a complete severance of our relationship, it is true that while we were in close proximity (bubble love phase), it was physically impossible to hurt him, bring up pain from my past that might distress him, manipulate him, or burden him AT ALL. I saw his dark side (related to addicitons) and while it sometimes made me mad in the moment, I forgave him completely, and it couldn’t change my enormous love for him- though it did make me realize that we could not be together at this time. The love is so huge, and even though I am a fixer by nature, it never occured to me to fix him. I probably didn’t think anything was wrong with him! But I couldn’t handle the energy, and I did blame him while I was in my dark night of denial. I can’t imagine having to go through more pain than I went through, but I just know that if we’d tried to have a relationship back then it might have been worse because the crash and burn would’ve been unbearable without a better understanding of what this connection is really about. I didn’t love myself enough to let him love me. The confirmatin that this was a TF was his continual presense in my heart and soul when I began healing myself, meditating, and forgiving myself. He was always there inside waiting to connect- at least in spirit. That was a trip in itself. Thank you for creating this place to connect and God bless!

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    • Bryan D says:

      Hi there – I love what you wrote – so honest – but I do have one thing to say – which I think you are aware of already – i see it as a pattern which many people who comment have. They give up on the TF because of its sacrifice and pain – And start or continue a family elsewhere even though the TF energy is calling. I think as negative as it sounds – this comes from Fear and as you said – feeling unworthy. I am glad you are taking time to Heal but I will always only support people who continue to move in the direction of risking it all – to be with the TF – moving out of all comfort zones – anything else is lesser living – and not utilizing this gift which was put there – but I could be wrong – after all – to each his/her own. I do not like seeing people cut ties though when it just needed a bit more Faith and well… Love. Love is what my own TF showed me and yes I ran and it broke her heart but she too wouldnt get out of her relationship with someone else – which I knew wasnt bringing out the best in her. You see – TF makes you HAVE to be your best – face your fears – embrace love and so it is worth the Risks and the staying True and patience and persistence – What do you think? I am feeling very whole right now and not extremely negatively feeling emotions though she is now running from me – because I am aware that I have to take responsibility for this life – and if I go in – with a balance of total surrender to God and a true utilizing of my own sheer Will Power (free choice) – both combined and shooting right at her – I see only success. To me, relationship is so important I dont rly want it with anyone else and can be alone bc God is right there always. Alison Lessard has many amazing teachings on Youtube – Anyway – I wanted to end by saying thank you for your message – and if it is what you want – I do hope you can become one with your TF again but if it isnt what you want – no problem – you are doing your thing in life and should be proud that you did gain a lot from the experience. I personally always say go for it heh – But I understand where you are coming from. I couldnthandle the energy of my TF so walked away from her twice – now she is angry and blocking our connection and in other relationship which i know she isnt happy in – BUT – I am going to take ALL risks to make truth be known to her COMPLETELY – AND that can only be possible if i also took all opportunities to heal my own life which has been a huge roller coaster for about 1.5 years – ALLOW – and LET GOD – surrender to it – heal and read all the material that will help the healing – confront and forgive – this is the path my TF showed me and I pray ALL of us whether with TF or Not – will continue on this wonderful path of Light – You make me very proud and I want you to know you are loved always – always always – I hope my message wasnt too negative – I just wanted to add a little constructive critique for others reading – a different side to the coin – anyway – continue the fight! You are blessed!

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  17. Dorie says:

    4 years ago i also met with my twin flame. at that stage he was very young ,17 years old and i am 8 years older. That age difference was incredibly bothering me, on the other hand we lived in two different countries it was really hard for us to meet. but the love we experienced it was beyond everything..others called us angels, or other dimension lovers.. we were 8 months together when from one day to another my twin broke up with me. With no sings or warning bells.. i got so broken..i had a lot of questions but he blocked me..i could not contact with him. i believed he was not my twin flame, otherwise how he could broke my heart or left me? i get into a relationship what i wanted to see as my “real twin flame” relationship.. since 3 years ago i am in this relationship..but somehow i still can’t forget my ex. i have dreams with him where we are together, where he contacts with me, and i feel so much love for him. There are a lot of signs what i get numbers what reminds me for him or i see his name (he has a rare one). I slowly start to realise that i lied to myself… when i wanted to believe that my current relationship is the true love. as in the internet can find a lot of articles about the push-and-pull effects and i wanted to believe this is why my current partner broke up with me so many times. But i got many time hurt in this relationship, after 3 years i feel drained, i feel sometimes my heart is unable for love, my partner made me feel many times unworthy and ignored me… I decided many times to leave him, I just didn’t do from the fear for “leaving my twin”. But reading this article I am getting more close to it, that my current relationship is a karmic one, and my real twin was the one, before. I can just hope that my dreams won’t misguide me life will bring back us together, and if anyone else is in the same shoes like me, they can understand how hard is to leave a karmic relationship, even if we know that would be the best for us.

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  18. Ssiberia says:

    Nice one! I liked your points 🙂 Everyone seems to be after a twin flame, but maybe that’s the indication to look at the warning signs and what they are trying to tell one about oneself.

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  19. ati says:

    Beautiful essay, thank you. I would prefer to avoid absolute statements like “your twin would NEVER do this or that.” The twin has a heightened love and sensitivity for you, but they have their baggage. They may fundamentally not want to hurt you, but things happen. We shouldn’t permit bad behavior to repeat itself, though. Also, we don’t need to be “fully awakened, perfect,” etc. or we would never meet a twin flame. However, we may not have chosen from the soul level to meet with a twin flame in this lifetime.

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  21. Indigo says:

    Pls someone help me!! LOVED the article. Im so confused i dont know if the man i married is my true twin. Im starting to feel the twin flame stuff is becoming dogmatic. Im so confused because out of nowhere i cheated on my husband with a past lover i swear to god i went into my marriage a faithful woman its like i woke up one morning crying grieving my past lover n i have been having dreams of him and its as if surpressed feelings have emerged in my new marriage. Can a real twin flame cheat i never wanted to hurt my husband but im drawn n bein pulled to my past lover like a magnet. My husband told me if we married we wld clear up some karma n we do luv each other i just feel mabe i was not ready but he insisted we marry n he told me his spirit guides told him i wasnt fully ready or were hes at spiritually n he still married me he shld of listened i dont like what i did but i wonder if im his karma or twin so confused i need ans… not judgement thnx for lettin me share…

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  22. TFMT says:

    So needed to read this ❤

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  23. betty says:

    I feel that l have met my twin flame.I have known him for 3 years and he has ran twice.The second time I kind of knew he was going to run.The strange thing for me is I don’t feel anger towards him.I know that this is my journey. He has completely ignored my texts and l called once but he didn’t pick up. I feel that we have had a telepathic conversation and he says he loves me but is a mess. He has a drink problem. I know l can’t fix him. I hope that he can sense my care and love. I am keeping busy and looking after myself and studying for my degree . I have commitment issues due to my childhood and although he is running l can sense that his running is a reflection of me .

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  24. Nikki says:

    I believe I have found my twin flame. We having been talking for a few years. We talk, and then it becomes too intense for us both, and we have to back off for a while. Our relationship is doubly complicated because we are both happily married. And can’t and won’t ever leave our spouses. We don’t want to undermine our relationships, so when we become too intense we back off. And it hurts every time we say good bye. But we know it is for the best. But every hurt is healed as soon as he comes back. (he is always the runner) I feel so deeply connected to him. We have so many similarities. We complement each other so well. And butt heads so well. LoL We feel nothing but unconditional love and respect for each other.
    We working on trying to maintain our relationship while remaining faithful to our marriages/families. It is a little difficult sometimes. But I am optimistic it will all work out the way it is supposed to. 🙂

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  25. TF Wanna Be says:

    I’m sorry, but whenever I read about someone’s TF being either a famous person they’ve never met, or, someone online they’ve never seen in person…I laugh. C’mon now…that is utter nonsense.

    I’m not even sure if the person I think is my TF, IS my TF. It just never made any sense. Never. It wasn’t logical or rational, how I couldn’t let go of my feelings. I remember thinking about this person and feeling a pressure in my head, my extremities and lips tingle, my heartbeat caught in my throat…and it never made sense. I wasn’t even supposed to BE at her office. Many factors had to come into play for us to even meet.

    I ran each time and finally, when I was ready to stay, she ran.

    There are so many conflicting stories on TF relationships, I’m not sure what to believe. Some say you have a TF counterfeit, some say ya don’t. Who knows. I just know I want to get over her and let her go, but I need to go through the pain.

    It certainly has led me to God. I question EVERYTHING I have ever thought to be true. I’m certainly more spiritual, but it is tough and grueling work. After blaming her for my pain, I finally had to go inward for answers. Going inward and staring your own reflection in the mirror is not easy to endure. Not at all, but it’s well worth it. Sometimes, I feel exhausted and ready to give up. Then I keep on truckin’.

    If this person isn’t my TF, then I dunno who is. We are so alike. Our astrological signs are polar opposites. What she lacked, I encompassed, and vice versa. So alike, similar backgrounds, yet filled in the gaps of the other.

    So, so strange.

    Like

  26. TF Wanna Be says:

    I also cannot be angry at her. I’ve never been angry at her. Only sad and heartbroken. Even still, I wish the best for her. I pray for her happiness and for her to heal her inner wounds. I want the best for her, whether that includes me or not (down the road). Her happiness and eternal love is something I hope and pray for.
    Is that true love? I can only hope it is.

    Like

  27. Awesome! As a former psychotherapist, I found myself teasing out the difference between the push/pull “dark night of the soul” pieces of twin flame encounters with just plain ole’ dysfunctional behavior- and you explained it beautifully!

    Like

  28. Yusuf Koroma says:

    No abuse? That depends on the individual. I verbally/emotionally tore into mine with insults and threats that one would be frugal using against even a worst enemy; one of which muses on the recent death of a relative dear to her. There was, and still is, vast amount of repressed rage that I had held back for as long as I could, and when the time finally came to explode it out onto her sometime after separation –feeling betrayed and rejected — I did so in the most viscious and vile manner imaginable…she never saw it coming. Think Jim Morrison and Pamela Courson (the term they used was “cosmic mates” — same thing): the recurring fights between those two were as brutal as it gets. This relationship dances on the extremes of the individuals invovled, and any emotional debris lingering in a twin will come to the surface. It is not for the faint of heart.

    For me the hatred comes and it goes. One day im completely at peace and then the pendulum swings to the other extreme the next day. I could have a bad day or bad encounter with someone random and it would be sufficient to trigger this intense rage for her even though I haven´t seen her in 3 years. All the rage is trained on her. Therapy wouldn´t help as I am quite aware or concious of what´s going on in my own mind. Perhaps that´s the problem: I was the concious twin (the more knowledable half) and she was the more subconcious one (the more intuitive half) and in my haste to have this “person” (I accidently typed “idiot”, without even knowing it…that´s how much hate I still have ugh) realize this and have this relationship come to fruition things were botched.

    Like

  29. Healing-a-life says:

    This is a hard one becausr we went through it all. Joining, running, blaming, verbal abuse, unable to sever the ties but inable to ignore the bad parts, you name it. Times I was told I wad holding him responsible for my past wounds was partially true. He also did things that hurt. He said he never abandoned me, I felt deeply abandoned. I asked him to nevet leave me, he said he never had. From him, I understood the past terrible abandonments by my mother. I learned what was bullying. To find a voice for my experience. And when I sought to finally move on, and he said to forget him, I felt I had died a thousand deaths. I became barely functional. How could he just disappear? I was hurting so badly. And then things just changed. I realized I wasnt crazy, or obsessed or sick. I was too afraid to admit I needed him. And when I needed his help. Do with great tears, I told him… I need him. It was so hard to admit. I have deep wounds and I responded in life to them by never admitting my needs. I didnt even know they existed. So what did he say? Why not just say so, why all the drama I createf?! I had to just hear it and surrender to it. It is still true that he hurt me. Still true that he.did mean things. Still true I know he never wanted to let me go… but I never understood why he never did. He said I alwayd wantef war. So this was a lesson. For me. To see whete I did create drama out of fear, out of the pain I felt for caring for him so much and how deeply triggered I would get. We had a combination of both. And we will never have a reunionin the physical again. But I learned my last lesson… to surrender. And just accept that I loved him deeply. The time for staring in our past feels over. I did finally what I couldnt do for 2 crazy years, and it was to tell him how much I need him. Not needy. Need him in a positive way. And its with no expectation because I did some crazy things to him out of my pain. Cruel. He had, too. But at this point, we decide about forgiveness and really moving past that history. I feel finally released from the lessons… to see abuse, to stand up for me, to not be afraid of boundaries with him, to face I was not so nice at times and to recognize it to him…. I never looked for a twin. Never heard of it before but it was a combination of Twin Flame and understanding narcissistic personalities that helped me to understand what this was about. He thought of me for 30 years. This was no accident. But the reason he ran ladt time was for an emotional wound I still had to heal… and to see why self-acceptance needed much tending.

    So its true about the abuse. Its also true that the twin can be that broken and there are lessons to be learned both from refusing to be abused and facing our love. I realized… he cant light up as I want, but I can. And I can share my light and love, just not allow it to be sucked out of me. I can’t fix him. But I can shine bright now if he wants to come back and forgive me. We are distance twins so there is no possibility of physical abuse. But now, if I see any verbal, I can say no and not go and protect myself with destructive rage. That habit hurt me deeply. Its a chance to change my own learned behaviors, to be the warmth and love I always wanted from my mother and sought from others. I can be it… love and warmth and kindness, even to him with no expectations anymore. He showedme so much of my buried brokenness. And I look forward to find my softness again, to surrender to love and kindness…For me and in me.

    Like

  30. dawn says:

    Ppl there’s no such thing as twin flames. i don’t understand why ppl want to believe. in such. my mom &dad were married. for 50 yrs there was no chasing the other round. ppl get married & divored everyday. than marry again. if someone is truly in love they are not goin to run away. that’s not true love if the other person. does not want to be with u. my daddy inlaw was a judge. if he had someone who wouldn’t. stay away from the other he put them in jail. he’s not goin to let them stalk the other person. its a obsessive. delusions. stop this. ppl u should have more sense. then this. I’ve felt deep connection s with ppl but i never scared them. a guy or girl like this tellin them I’m ur twin flame you will be mine forever. if i did I’ve be in front of a judge. get real ppl common sense will tell u there’s no such thing as a twin flame.

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    • doucejonna says:

      Dear Dawn, thank you so much for your comments. I don’t expect you to agree with the existence of “twin flames”, after all, if you have not experienced it yourself it’s going to be pretty hard to convince you right? 🙂
      Well done to your mum and dad for a long, and hopefully happy marriage. How is yours doing? May it be just as long and successful.
      Having said that, I would like to say that the length of a marriage is not the measure of “true love”.. My grandparents also had a 55 year marriage (until my grandad died aged 74) but behind closed doors theirs was full of abuse, codependency and general incompatibility. Yes, two beautiful children, five grandchildren and now a half a dozen great grandchildren were both out of their marriage but was their marriage an ideal that others should aspire to? Did it help them become the best versions of themselves? Did it give their offsprings a model of love to aspire to? Did it bring them closer to God? Absolutely not. In fact, on the contrary, it messed many of us up pretty good… You see, the majority of marriages nowadays end in divorce because marriage is no longer about the survival of the species (the “let’s stick together no matter what” kind that the older generations like my grandparents knew). Instead, people are deeply unsatisfied and unfulfilled by the incompatible choices of partner that they’ve made, based on old relationship templates that no longer apply.

      To cut a long story short, I believe that twin flames have an important role to play in bringing a new relationship template to this world: one based on a return to marriage as God intended it: a union of two souls, made for each other, from the same mould, yoked together, unable to be separated by anything man does. A marriage which helps both of them fulfil their potential, to spread the love around them and invite them closer to God. The story of Adam and Eve is very much a story of twin flames; so is the story of Mary Magdalene’s transformation and the role she played in Jesus’ mission on this earth.
      Twin flames aren’t always meant to be romantic partners by the way; it just tends to be something that happens as we initially try to make it fit a relationship pattern that we are already familiar with.. As many of us know here, it just never works..
      Anyway, I am sure none of this makes sense to you so there’s no point in carrying on.. I would just say though, that this is your third comment on my blog today and it looks like you’ve spent the last 5 hours reading through it. Maybe it’s time for you to move on to things that you do care about, and are interested in and that inspire you to spread some love, rather than judgement and confusion?
      To be honest, it is rare I receive this kind of a comment on my blog, in fact, extremely rare, but when I do, it always turns out the person (the doubter, the hater, the person who thinks this is the twin flame nut house lol) has had the experience of a “twin flame” which unfortunately didn’t go to plan- no marriage, no happy ever after, just a crash course into spiritual awakening, separation and a pain that just won’t quit.. We’ve all been through it. We’ve all said, this is insane, there’s no such thing, I just want a “normal” relationship… So I know that pain. We’ve all searched the internet for answers. And it’s wrong to take that confusion and pain out on others. Because in reality, you don’t have the answers either; after all, the world that you speak of, of your parents happy 55-year marriage, well, it just isn’t what happened to me, to us… Instead we got thrown into spiritual experiences and a journey deep Into the self, telepathy, stuff we simply could not make up. And I would like to add, so so many of us met our twin flame after years, even decades of “happy marriage”, content, not looking for anything and then boom, a twin flame, a spiritual awakening, kundalini, God etc. So being in a “happy marriage” won’t stop it from happening if it’s meant to be.

      Anyway, I wish you all the best. Do good deeds, spread the love, who cares about the “twin flame” label? The only thing that counts is how much you loved and how much good you did. Blessings, Jonna

      Like

      • eastsidon says:

        I agree. It’s a difficult concept for many to grasp if they have not experienced it. I myself have spent countless nights crying, lost and bewildered unable to explain to anyone why exactly I am in pain. It’s not normal but it does depend on something …. belief. How strong beliefs are… Thomas Hardy once stated — ‘I want to question my belief, so that what is left after I have questioned it, will be even stronger.’ And the Twin Flame experience is a test or questioning of a belief and proving it to be true.

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  31. allieandnoah4ever says:

    Hello Joanna, I’m struggling with my twin flame connection.. It’s been close to a year since my twin disappeared, He came back into my life to initially “mend fences” and tell me the reason why I left me abruptly.. The reason being That He didn’t believe that I truly loved him like I said I did and expresses his regret over how he ended things. We became “friends” again and eventually that line became blurred. More so , as in emotional intimacy, as we are currently separated by distance.. He and I were together physically in the very beginning, but he had joined the military just before we met and had to leave 3 months later.. Any who, he and I had both been in abusive relationships after our breakup, his ended seen months before he initiated contact with (ended by his ex) and I was still with my partner at the time.. I had gotten to the point where I was so unhappy that there was no pretending anymore. My “twin” had stayed with me up until the end of that relationship in which I had the clearest exit anyone could ask for and what was literally an answer to my prayers.. When all that happened my “twin” left as well and onto someone else, though deep down I knew he had went back to his ex despite the unhappiness he had, had in that relationship. I was shocked once again, the reunion I thought we were going to have can to an abrupt halt. It took months and months to get over yet another betrayal, and feeling like a fool for having opened up the way I did, only to not be good enough, yet again.. Despite the intially urge to run right back to that unhealthy relationship, I’ve focused on growing as an individual. Though I have accepted that my “twin” simply doesn’t want to be with me, my co-dependency has altered.. Instead of needing thus experience to clingy on to him and what I had believed would ultimately result in reunion, I have found myself clinging on to this experience as a reason to not allow love in.. I have too, beautiful children that I am blessed to have, but romantically speaking, I don’t believe I can ever allow anyone in again.. Perhaps it’s the ego running amuck, but I have been clinging on to my “twin” as means to remind myself of how much of a fool I am. Reverse brainwashing, sort of speak and I don’t know what to do about it or how to change it.. I’m to the point where I don’t feel like I could ever truly accept my twins love as being genuine.. He’s come and gone and come and gone, nurturing the bond and running away as soon as intimacy gets too deep. I wouldn’t mind being a friend to him, but the walls he had tore down are back up again with most of the defense aimed towards him. I don’t want to be alone forever, as much as I had hoped that I would have someone to share memories with and raise my children with, I feel that it will not happen.. I know it’s not my “twin’s” fault, he had only triggerd something that had already been there. As much as I don’t want to be alone, I don’t want to get involved with anyone with sincere intentions while I let this deep seeded fear of abandonment run the show and push, push, push them away because, I’ll never feel safe.. I’m sorry for the negative rambling, I just don’t know what to do.. I know my twin is not the reason for what I’m feeling, he’s the excuse and I’m dependent on his constant running and returning as to reinforce the message that “you’re not worthy of truly being loved” “you’re not good enough” ” you’re only worth using.” Any advice would be great, I have been in counseling and talking twin flames isn’t exactly someone most would take seriously, I have not problem feel joy and love towards others, my biggest struggle is allowing someone in romantically, as that person has the chance to get to depths no one else has.. My twin being the “only” person has gotten deep into the heart and soul of me..

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  32. Mags says:

    Hi Joanna, I think it’s really important as you say ‘While it is possible that this is part of the “twin Flame drama”, these are also signs of basic human dysfunction and co-dependency. If this is happening, whether this is your twin or not is irrelevant; it is simply time to break the cycle and move on’. I was told by an Angel card reader in 2012 that a guy I met in 2009 and had shared a house with becoming best friends/friends with benefits/part-time lovers was my twin flame. He had come out of a long term relationship and was in a bad way. The balance of giving and receiving was way off and in hindsight I enabled his behaviour by being there for him. He moved back to his ex’s town and came back a year later. We had stayed in touch. Looking back now had I not been told he was my Twin Flame upon his return I would have exercised a lot more self-love and self-respect and not accepted behaviour that I wouldn’t have accepted in the past. I thought that it was all meant to work out somehow and if I loved him unconditionally it would. I provided him with financial and physical support many times which I know was a lesson I had to learn and have eventually forgiven myself for. He moved abroad in 2014 to start a new life and we stayed in touch for a while. He wasn’t there for me at that time when a member of my family was dying with terminal cancer. He is now in another relationship. I have lately had an indept reading from a well known twin flame reader in the twin flame community and on youtube and she says he is not my Twin Flame but a very close soulmate with whom I shared relationships/marriages/children. At the end of our first lifetime after an incredible love story we vowed to follow each other through our lifetimes in close contact. I was totally gobsmacked and utterly confused after believing he was my twin for 4 years and reading up on it and using 5D connection tools and energy healing and working on the idea of surrender and acceptance etc.

    The one lesson all of this has thought me is that irrespective of labels self-love and self-respect is the most important and if any relationship damages either of these then it is dysfunctional and need to be left behind. Learn the lessons and move on. I vow to never compromise on my values and standards around how I should be treated and the balance of giving and receiving in a relationship. I wish I had never heard the term Twin Flame. Now it doesn’t matter what term is placed on it Twin Flame/Soulmate etc. once it is a healthy relationship.

    Thank you for this article it is so valid especially in my case.

    Namaste

    Mags x

    Like

  33. Jonna,
    I’m so glad I “accidentally” came across this blog entry–it means the world to me. I now understand my situation much more clearly with my love. Thank you for your articulate and understandable explanation of twin flame, a term I’d heard before but did not know the meaning. And now I understand my relationship so much better and have found peace in a recent separation.

    Cheers,
    Pamela

    PS I started following you. 🙂

    Like

  34. eastsidon says:

    I think it all revolves around logic. And this blog is phenomenal in representing that. Your twin flame is your the other half of your soul that’s been split. Treat your twin flame as you treat yourself with respect, trust, integrity and unconditional love. The solution is within yourself as the blog mentions.

    Like

  35. allieandnoah4ever says:

    I find myself in a place where I am letting go and it is a trying process.. In fact, I am liberating myself from the whole concept of twin flames altogether.. It’s been over 8 years since laying eyes on this man and yet I have continued to pine for him and the delusion that the fates will unite us eventually.. Such a great expenditure of energy to no avail. I can’t help, but think to myself “What is wrong with you” “Why do you keep doing this to yourself”..

    The harsh truth is that, he is not coming back to me. At the most the chances are incredibly slim. This has been going on for a while now, realizing that I am only punishing myself..

    By no means, is my comment intended to discourage those who truly feel that are experiencing a twin flame connection, but in my case, I was wrong.. I have difficulty with intimacy in general and I’ve clung to literally the only person I’ve allowed close enough to me to tear my world apart and to whom I felt saw all of me and loved me still.. That was a fantasy of mine.. Even by some off chance he did return and not just with the intent to check in for a while and dip out again and again, I will never be able to trust him again.. I’ll only be waiting to the rug to slip from over me yet again and wondering “why?”

    I’ve spent too much of my time, almost holding out for him, for what? I deserve to be happy and “surrendering” and “letting go” means with any luck finding someone that will be my life partner.. This journey has ended for me..

    I’m not sure why I felt the need to post my thoughts, but it has proven therapeutic nonetheless. Good luck to you all, sending you positive vibes your way..

    Like

  36. When will all this insanity STOP.
    MOST of this drama is NOT due to being ‘Twin Flames’ it’s due to IMMATURITY, PERIOD.
    If one cannot speak their mind, say exactly how they feel without lying, open up, be there for you and just be a DECENT person then they should not be seeking ANY type of relationship.
    On these boards all I see are a bunch of women getting screwed around by narcissistic men who could give 2 shits about them.
    YEARS gone by with NOTHING to show. WE are HERE LIVING in 3D so what happens here to us,what is done to us by our twin flame is REAL and NO it s NOT about ego it’s about REALITY cuz no matter who we think we are in our souls. we are here NOW, in THIS body at THIS time, so screw all this ‘never being mean to your t;f’, ‘never giving ultimatums’, ‘don’t label this relationship like other 3D relationships’ BLAH BLAH BLAH WE ARE IN 3D and 3D IS REAL CUZ WE ARE REAL.
    If someone is wasting your precious time here in 3D…YOU HAVE EVERY RIGHT TO TELL THEM TO SHIT OR GET OFF THE POT.PERIOD. If someone is mistreating you, contradicting themselves and generally speaking, messing with your mind, be it on purpose or not… YOU HAVE EVERY RIGHT TO TELL THEM TO GO F TEMSELVES!
    THIS IS REAL LIFE, YOU ARE A REAL PERSON.
    I am so sick of people telling us that our hurt is coming from ego BS.BS.BS. My hurt came from a place of LOGIC, ego has far been removed from my being (for about 30 years) so when something seems ILLOGICAL just speak your mind and MOVE ON.
    Let them play with themselves. Waste their own life here in 3D,seriously stop the insanity.

    Like

  37. Susan says:

    I have come to the conclusion that it doesn’t matter if someone is a T.F. or not. What matters is what you want out of life. Cause if you want a partner- The fact is the T.F. may NEVER come around. So time to move on even if it hurts. . a lot. It is a decision one has to make.

    Like

  38. Gen Godwin says:

    I met my twin in 1981. The balance, the energy, the dynamic..complimentary, absolutely beautiful. After several years, our separation was as painful as anyone can imagine when he returned to his wife..and I allowed it at the time because i was the one who was not mature enough to march things to fruition. As fruition has it, 34 years later we were reunited, and we have been in communications to include a brief personal reunion recently. As this ended, the pain returned as he returned again, to his wife..while as it turns out, he is terminal by disease with no recovery possible..as I was to be his caregiver, his provider of comfort, years later, with my knowledge and experience as a comfort provider in life transition, he is there..with her, and no appropriate supports from her..my soul is screaming within a primal region not being given the opportunity to care for and release the soul of my mate, the man who was to be my husband..and although he has time to make the decision to bring this time forward, it appears at present he may never make that choice, and I will never have closure. This eternal emotion and this union does exist on a physical plane..and I can tell you by personal experience that it is truly as excruciating in its terminal stages as it was beautiful..and bondingly perfect, as it was during those days we were connected. Blessings abound to any of you who find, join with and remain with your soul mate..I will truly be lost without mine, as time brings his life to a close here..

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