Many are nowadays desperately seeking their twin flame and so they studiously assess each person they meet against their own twin flame criteria. These people believe that meeting the twin flame is not so much a matter of divine intervention as it is an inevitability since they are convinced it is only a matter of time. Sure enough, as soon as they fall head over heels madly in love with someone they claim this person as their twin flame. The danger here is that when problems later appear and they find themselves in a dysfunctional relationship or unhealthy, prolonged on-off pattern with this person, rather than re-evaluating the relationship for what it’s worth they cling onto this person and justify their mutual behaviours under the twin flame label.
With all relationships what matters is how it is making you feel inside and how it changes you. Therefore I would like to start by putting out there that if the relationship is negatively affecting your self-esteem or your dignity, or making you feel worthless, or if there is any kind of violence or co-dependence going on, then you have no business staying in it. Furthermore, no matter how mind-blowing the sex is, no matter how intense the feelings are, this is NOT YOUR TWIN FLAME.
Not only is remaining in this kind of connection disserving to your highest good, it will also be detrimental to your twin flame union, if such has been planned for you. The co-dependency and energetic, sexual and emotional chords that you are in the process of creating with this person will make it very hard for you to leave them if & when your true twin flame turns up. Take it from someone who has experienced this. Don’t make this any harder than it needs to be by condoning inacceptable behavior.
Twin flame unions do not play on your ego; nor are they founded upon a co-dependent or desperate love you can’t live without. They do not come with intense emotional outbursts and highs and lows, but rather with a warm and fuzzy feeling of “rightness”, serenity and unconditional love, as well as a calm knowing that just simply is.
Patience is key
Personally I think that it’s important not to seek to label any person we meet as our twin flame early on in the connection. To be able to do this with certainty requires you to have a deep understanding and actual experience of the spiritual, energetic, metaphysical and divine properties of this very unique connection – and often this takes time. Furthermore, to start with the twin flame connection resembles other soul and heart-centred connections and drawing conclusions too quickly may make it harder to step away from the connection when behaviours turn unhealthy.
Generally speaking, there are many signs and stages to an authentic twin flame connection and information regarding these is widely available on the internet. Each of the “stages” is divinely orchestrated to bring us to past a point of awareness, acceptance and surrender which allows more of the connection to unfold. The only way to really know is to let the connection to flow and fulfil its purpose within our lives at each stage. During this time the twin partners are held together invisibly by an unexplainable inner force which strengthens the mutual affection and unconditional love between the two regardless of distance, mistakes or choices made.
When the going gets tough…
Meeting our twin flame, no matter who we are, is an intense spiritual, mental and emotional wake-up call. Not everyone who meets their twin flame is knowingly on the spiritual path or emotionally mature enough to handle anything like it. In a typical twin flame connection, after an intensely blissful yet short time together the twins hit a period of crisis where old patterns, fears, insecurities rise to the surface in both twins. However – and this is VERY important – instead of clinging to each other like in an unhealthy dynamic, the twins find themselves energetically repelling each other. This is a very important marker of a twin flame connection. This is also where the often mentioned “twin flame drama” flares up.
The crisis and test that follows the intense bubble phase is a trying and difficult stage for all twins. This is where both twins feel the energy starting to change and are often hit with fears of loss of love or loss of control. One or both of the twins will start pulling away, acting aloof, contradicting themselves, trying to define the connection in usual relationship terms, returning to old relationships, meeting someone new etc. This baffles especially the twin left behind since there was no sign or inkling of any incompatibility or discord; no alarm bells ringing in the distance. The separation which follows is unexplainable and sudden and without much drama, ultimatums or huge emotional displays, thus leaving one or both twins in disbelief, thinking it was all just a dream.
The energetics of push & pull
Often this separation is dotted by intermittent periods of push and pull. This can be a very intense time which makes us feel insane, desperately looking to our twin and others for answers – and yes, even the most capable, balanced twins may find themselves acting in emotional, illogical and unbalanced ways. However while it seems that the loss, desperation and lack of understanding at this stage could easily lead to mind games, emotional blackmail, threats, and so on, this is NOT how twin flames behave with each other, even at the hardest of times.
Twin flames do not force or impose on each other, make demands or give each other ultimatums, even when they have done this in the past in other relationships. It is simply not in the nature of the twin flame dynamic. One of the first things I remember thinking when I met my twin was that I could never hurt this man intentionally. I believe this to be true: twin flames never ever truly hurt one another, it is simply unconceivable. Your twin is there to help you discover the love that you are. How could this ever happen through someone who treats you as anything less?
What happens instead is that your energies will simply repel each other and soon enough create a separation between you, without really understanding why. This is the very reason twin flames do not spend long periods of time in volatile and tumultuous relationship. They simply could not withstand each other’s energies long enough as any imbalance would drive them apart. Sometimes genuine twin flames even initially dismiss their true twin flame on this basis since as much as they feel a special connection to this person, they feel that if it was really “the One”, they would not have separated in the first place, no matter what the reasons were, but rather held onto each other for dear life.
The imbalance of the energies is also the reason why twins don’t stick around and help each other complete their internal issues highlighted by the connection. Twin flames don’t get their hands dirty assisting each other in the clearing process of the past life baggage, dysfunctions and false beliefs – this is more likely to be the job of a karmic soul mate and the twins higher Self. Twin flames can only come together permanently once all they have left is the LOVE that they are, and it does therefore seem that separation for most twins is inevitable: it is the only way to enable the deep changes which need to happen for the union to reach its full potential. In the meantime, the twin partners remain connected to each other spiritually and energetically, just like they have always been.
But we can’t keep away from each other!
Unfortunately some see the push and pull as a definite sign of the twin flame connection; after all, if they can’t keep away from you and you can’t move on either, it MUST be the twin flame connection. Unfortunately there is a lot of support on the twin flame forums for this mentality with mostly ladies mutually supporting and reaffirming each other’s stories of just how crap their twin is treating them. In my opinion, we should be very careful of how far we are willing to let ourselves be dragged into justifying dysfunctional relationship patterns or even validating other’s experiences of such in relation to twin flames – and what exactly is our reason for doing so.
Whilst some of these may well be genuine twin flames it is important to be honest with yourself here: is there a possibility that your “connection” is driven by something other than unconditional love and respect? Are there patterns of neediness, control or dependence on one or both sides? Perhaps they returned to an old relationship or only text when they’re drunk. Maybe they ignore you for weeks on end. Maybe you know that they being dishonest with you but you are happy to carry on “as long as they don’t sleep with anyone else”? Do they remind you of your “special connection” every time you attempt to distance yourself from them giving you false hope, yet are not available or willing to step forward? While it is possible that this is part of the “twin Flame drama”, these are also signs of basic human dysfunction and co-dependency. If this is happening, whether this is your twin or not is irrelevant; it is simply time to break the cycle and move on.
The purpose of the push and pull
The push and pull has its own specific purpose in the twin flame connection – and this has nothing to do with the reasons behind the dysfunctional on-off pattern we often see in relationships. In a twin flame connection the push and pull is meant to drive you inwards to seek your own answers within. Meeting your twin flame is guaranteed to awaken you spiritually, and this is another very important marker of a twin flame connection. Both twin partners find themselves positively transformed by the connection, no matter what the outcome is at this stage. The twin flame connection turns you inward, calling you to reevaluate your perception of love and relationships, causing you to balance everything in your life against the awakened knowing and remembrance, shedding everything that no longer resonates with it. In the end what you will find is your own wholeness as the Love that you are – in union with your twin and God. Thus delaying your self-work is only delaying YOUR UNION!
Another important marker of a twin flame connection is the presence of God or a higher power. Twin flames share a sacred love, which is divinely orchestrated to perfect and transform both twins from the inside out. Our twin flame is our guide to salvation, to the remembrance of God and to our ultimate home-coming. They command our deepest reverence, respect and love by just being their imperfect selves and we would never want to do anything that makes them feel less than what they are. Yes, it is heartbreaking when the timing is not right and the twins keep triggering each other into long periods of separation but there is always so much love there, all-ways. Both know internally that in the right time, the right circumstances, they will find each other again- and that this time will come, they just don’t know when or how.
Are you creating the drama?
The other thing to consider is that perhaps we are ourselves co-creating the twin flame drama. In other words, when we are still spiritually and emotionally immature, we may take on a victim mentality, believing that they are deliberately doing something TO US, to hurt us and to take us for granted. Are you trying to make your twin responsible for your own emotional responses to what they trigger within you? Be honest. If you are feeling needy and want them to fulfil some lack within you, then it doesn’t matter if this is your twin. Even if they are, you are not ready for a physical union with them. Simple as. Rather, you are being invited to heal and work on yourself. What you will learn is that no one else is responsible for your thoughts and feelings or how you handle them.
Sometimes we get so scared of losing them that we compromise our own integrity and peace of mind, and allow our happiness and stability to be defined by what our twin flame is doing – or not doing. Be brutally honest with yourself here. If you dropped the twin flame label and this person kept pushing you away, ignoring you, lying to you, sleeping with someone else, would you still be so hung up on them? Would you still want to be with them? Seriously, your answer here has got to be no; otherwise you have so much more work to do on yourself than I could ever tell you.
It is also important to investigate the source of the pain you are feeling. Twin flames bear no ill will against each other: they are simply too closely connected and too spiritually advanced to ever do so. Yes, the twin flame pain can be excruciating and horrendous but it is only serving to open your heart and teaching you to love more, not to crush your soul or feelings of self-worth. More so, if you are brutally honest with yourself, you might even realize that your twin’s odd behaviour has actually got nothing to do with you since the hurt between the twins mostly arises from fear, outer circumstances and external resistance.
Whatever it is, your twin flame will never try to force, manipulate or influence you, nor will they give you any ultimatums. On the same token, twin flames do not allow themselves to be manipulated. As soon as their or your energy becomes unbalanced, like it does when one tries to make the other responsible for their own imbalances, they will simply pull away – and they will have no choice.Even if they are your twin flame, they do not owe you anything. They are not here to fix you – and you are not here to heal or fix them. If this is your twin flame, you will not be expecting them to do your internal work for you. Nevertheless, they will be feeling the same love, going through the SAME intense feelings and triggering than you, and they will have their own way of dealing with it. It is not a very loving thing to point fingers or blame them for only doing the best they can. I can guarantee you: whatever your twin does or says, they want nothing but the best for your soul. They want your happiness and they do truly care about you. This does not mean that they will stick around or remain open with you as they go through their internal turmoil. This does not mean that they will engage with your unbalanced behaviors. So yes, there may be some “drama” but underlying it will be tremendous respect and unconditional love for each other.
The importance of remaining true to yourself
Regardless of the label on any relationship what matters in the end is how it is making you feel inside and how it changes you. If your relationship is helping you learn, grow and heal, making you face yourself and your ego and to become spiritually more enlightened, then this is where you are meant to be at this moment, regardless of who it is with. However if it becomes clear that the relationship is actually stopping either one of your from progressing on your individual paths, for example by keeping you stuck in a vicious circle of push and pull, then you need to set this person free, even if they are your twin flame – and ESPECIALLY if they are your twin flame. You should not stick around when they continuously act in ways that do not reflect the exquisite beauty of their soul.
Always remain true to you and seek your own happiness and fulfilment. More than anything else, the twin flame journey is a path back to the Self, and once you get there, you will see that the only thing of importance is being in alignment with your own soul and with God’s plan for you. Everything else which is meant to be will fall into place. Never allow anyone to treat you badly in the name of love or under the twin flame label, and never seek to encourage others to do so. Instead, listen to your intuition, pray and surrender the outcome to a higher force, or God.
If in deed this is your twin then your unconditional love for them will help you let them go. I won’t say that it will be easy but you will survive – and you will be stronger for it. Sometimes letting go is exactly what the unconditional love for your twin requires you to do, since it is only by setting them free that they will be able to grow, to mature, to awaken, to feel the “loss” of you, to go through their dark night of their soul, and to realize their own wholeness, which in turn will inevitably lead them back to YOU.
True love always returns to us glorified and somewhere in their hearts true twin flames know this – and this soothes their pain. Sooner or later both twins will face a choice, to either remain in pain, or to return to each other and face the deep love. Everyone, even your twin, wants to be fully loved and known for their real Self and no one can run away from themselves forever. In the meantime, live your life from a place of acceptance, surrender and unconditional love. You will get there.