Mirror of my soul – Stories of you, me, the world and eternity

When our search for The One leads us to ourselves

silhouette of people

Photo by luizclas on Pexels.com

Today is my beloved’s 50th birthday, yet it is I who have been gifted with the most amazing present which I will TOTALLY put down as a sign! Earlier today, an old friend from Paris messaged me out of the blue, hoping to find the contact details of someone who we used to work with. Since we hadn’t spoken in forever, I mentioned the fact that it’s X’s birthday, to which she replied that she actually still has “that photo” of us somewhere.

“That photo” she was referring to is one she took of my beloved & I on an evening out in Paris in the early summer of 2002. It’s the only photo ever taken of us together. Since we met before the time of smart phones and digital cameras, it only ever existed on traditional film. I always believed that my friend had given me the only copy back in 2002 and so, after I ceremoniously shredded it in my efforts to forget he had ever existed all those years ago, I did not think I would ever see it again.

I love the fact that she had a copy of it and kept it well hidden from me all these years – probably for my own good. 🙂

As for the photo – it’s a sweet photo that immediately puts a smile on my face. I was able to give my beloved both the photo and the below poem to make his special day.

This poem is not only for him, but for all of you who travel along this path of fire and who sometimes struggle. Enjoy!

 

On this, your fiftieth birthday

I wish you Courage

To face the shadows

To go bravely, where your inner compass will lead.

I wish you Strength

To persist through the silence

To follow the Path, you always believed.

 

I wish you Growth

To evolve beyond the many faces

To continue, shedding layers of the old.

I wish you Flames

of pure alchemical Fire

To fuel the transformation into Gold.

 

I wish you Truth

To recognise the false aspects,

To fully awaken, the Believer within.

I wish you Restlessness

To keep you ever home-bound

To follow guidance, if only from Him.

 

I wish you Affection

Which seeks nothing but God’s pleasure

For which the secrets, are beyond our control.

I wish you Love

that depletes the darkness

and with its Light peers deep into the soul.

 

I wish you Sabr (Patience)

So that you may be reminded

That good things, come to those who wait.

I wish you Faith

And reassurance in his Timing,

For although He delays, He is never too late.

 

I wish you Surrender

And that deep inner knowing

As you step through this, another door.

I wish you Blessings,

And Angel kisses on your forehead

Every time it touches the floor.

 

I wish you Shade

On the Day of Judgement

When only True Love, home finds a way.

Maybe then, side by side,

under the Willows

We’ll share our stories – somewhere, someday…

 

Love, Jonna

I always believed that separation and silence are an essential part of the Twin flame journey. There is something undeniably sweet about going through all the pain, questioning and confusion, then through the silence meeting them entirely at soul level and understanding that the love we yearn to give them is actually the love we ourselves yearn to receive. There is no peace quite like it.

The unbreakable bond never goes away, even in the silence. Yet the journey to find inner peace is long and hard. Not being able to ask why, to gain closure, to express love, regret and understanding is so excruciating. The grief is immense.

In all our 18 years in this connection, he has never blocked me or told me to be anything other than myself. I have always felt immense love, respect and admiration from him. This is what makes it SO HARD to understand how he can flip from open, receptive and loving, to closed off and cold. Sometimes it is the very act of being myself that triggers his silence. Sometimes my mere words flood him with overwhelming nostalgia, feelings and emotions, causing him to withdraw into silence. As he himself explained, this has been due to not being able to find adequate words to respond to me, not trusting it, fearing my expectations or the consequences of opening up, for having loyalties elsewhere and for simply not feeling ready (or interested enough) for the deep conversations that might take place.

Last time he fell into silence was in late 2015, after a wonderful 18 months spent reconnecting. Most of the blog posts here from the 2014-2015 period pertain to that time. Since then, apart from the occasional happy birthday or happy Eid, I’ve let him be. To be honest, for a period of a couple of years during the darkest times of my divorce, my guidance was not to share any of it with him. Nonetheless, these past few weeks, he has been increasingly at the forefront of my thoughts. For the first time in a very long time, he appeared in my dreams, telling me “it’s time.” The timing of my return has a lot to do with this.

And just like that, in a possible freak flow from the ethos, after five years of silence, we’re back in contact… and it feels like he’s never been away. We spoke on the phone for the first time in 11 years. Isn’t it strange how the laws of physics somehow don’t apply to these kinds of connections? My cell phone battery stayed at 7% for the entire first hour of our call, without draining the battery at all. What sorcery is that? 🙂 It NEVER happens!

He immediately apologised for his absence and admitted that none of his reasons justified his total silence.  He told me that if it was of any consolation, he had wanted to reach out to me “millions of times”, and that I’d been in his “mind, heart, thoughts and prayers” all the time. As much as I am happy he said it, I wish I’d never had to hear it … because hearing it again stings.

This is actually a surprisingly difficult post to write.. You see, I understood a long time ago that he was not mine to keep; and that this was a different kind of love and affection which was always to be returned to God – elevated, through Service. So many times I have surrendered and let go of the “earthly” him, choosing to concentrate on loving that which is eternal in him and calls me “home”; all the while looking forward to a time and a space – perhaps in another life or dimension – where we could be close to each other again.

I have done SO MUCH work to get to this point. Yet I am still human. One side of me craves only spiritual and emotional growth from our interactions. But growth necessitates purging, triggering and questioning – something that is not compatible with what the other side of me wants: my best friend, my everything. I don’t want to trigger him or overwhelm him! Why can’t the two parts meet in the middle?

So far, in our conversations, we’re really only skimming the surface and I do believe it’s deliberate. Maybe he doesn’t want to crash and burn like we did at our most recent attempt, either? Maybe he has all the information he needs? Last time we dove in deep from the start; this time it’s light but there’s an elephant in the room that we don’t know how to approach.

On top of it all, it is really difficult not to want to talk to him all the time. He is simply never far from my thoughts. I don’t know where the boundaries are, unless he sets them – something he has always refused to do. Yet in trying to set my own boundaries, I feel I come across as unauthentic, unfeeling and superficial. I wonder if he feels the same way? Superficial and light is just not the way we are wired.

The Universe is telling me to surrender, surrender, surrender. I must trust that there is a higher purpose. Simultaneously, I cannot help but think that the open communication is a trap the Universe wants me to fall into. I feel like every time we’re brought together, there’s always a test. When he reassured me just now that he is always there for me, that I can contact him anytime and that it is always a pleasure, I also know there are fears and forces that affect him that can cause him to act the complete opposite. In so many ways, those are “just words” that may or may not be true.

During the time of our most recent re-connection in 2015, he himself said he would be testing me – what for, I have no idea. Nevertheless, I figured from his long subsequent absence that I must have failed…  and I don’t even know why. Then, how do I stop myself from failing him again? What I don’t want to admit, to him or myself, is that my heart is still there on the firing line.

I had no idea that all this yet-to-be-healed crap would pour out the minute I got my wish. I clearly have some work and releasing to do. That long overdue heart-to-heart he’s been promising me since 2005 may well be what gets sacrificed on the altar of our “friendship”. Giving up on ever obtaining answers to my million questions may be the price I pay to keep him in my life – at least for now. But I wonder, is there such a thing as a clean slate for Twin flames?

Now, before I start bargaining with the universe, I want to say how grateful and blessed I feel for this moment. Regardless of labels or outcomes, our Love and Friendship are beautiful. Thank you to the invisible forces for allowing this to happen. Long may it last! Many things my beloved told me on the phone actually confirmed to me that the Universe does speak to him about me. For example, when I told him that I’d been thinking about relocating to back to my home country, he indicated that he didn’t want me to go, saying, “I know we haven’t seen each other for so long and I have no right to say this, but I have always felt a comfort in knowing you are here“. I didn’t say anything… But I have ALWAYS felt that too. Years ago, I left Paris very soon after he did and ended up, unbeknown to me, following him here to England. This is where I have been all these years. Him still having a base here has been a factor in me remaining here. Like he said, there is a comfort in it. It was amazing to hear him say it.

Two days after we spoke on the phone, I was sat in my garden, feeling the sun on my face and fresh grass between my toes, deep in thought about all of this. I asked the Universe to guide me. That same second my phone pinged. I checked my phone and the title of the email that had come in was “TWINNING IS WINNING”. It was a marketing email from a British clothes retailer, full of pictures of actual twins, which read, “Twinning is winning. Loved by You – this week you’ve embraced that matchy, matchy magic!”

And the timing of the email: 11:11.

I couldn’t make this up, even if I tried. This is some kinda magic alright!

Twinning is winning

 

 

The spouse has a very specific role to play in the meeting of the Twin flames, whether they know of their involvement in this “love triangle” or not.

Our natural human instinct is to resist such an idea and feel resentful at having been brought into this situation. After all, this is supposed to be your happily ever after! Nonetheless, do not dismiss the spouse as an “anomaly” in your the otherwise “perfect” love story. Likely, you will be dealing with their presence in both your lives for many years to come.

If you ever wonder whether it’s the spouse’s fault that they are not with us, the answer is; no, not at all. If our beloved really wanted to leave, nothing would stop them. There are many reasons why people choose to remain married even after encountering (and more importantly, acknowledging) their twin. We may feel resentful towards their girlfriend/ partner/spouse and suspect all sort of fear-based tactics to keep them from moving on but often the reasons behind the decision originate from the person’s own psyche, rather than the act of being held hostage by the spouse.

For those who stay, the conflict is often palpable. There will be many times of self-doubt – doubts they may even share with you. They will approach you, only to run back – over and over. Years ago, I likened my beloved to a lost puppy who always eventually ran back home with his tail between his legs (not an attractive look for a grown man). When this happens, no matter how much we plead for integrity, for clarity, for truth – all we get is projections, avoidance and hurt. He may even tell you how “happily married” he is and how much he is looking forward to spending the rest of his life with his spouse – in pretty much the same breath as confessing his undying soul love for you. Total Mind Fuck 101 if you ask me.

puppy

Photo by Dreamstime

The learning curve as a “third wheel” is steep. It takes you on an inner journey which eventually allows you to find peace with the situation. Your love for them will be the signpost on your road towards wholeness. You discover that all the tools and knowledge needed to deal with the situation are already within you. Although the love will always feel just as strong, if not more, the emotional attachment to a certain type of relationship will subside and give place to a more balanced desire to remain in each other’s lives without rushed decisions or ultimatums. Your spiritual and emotional development will push you to expand your understanding of all the emotional, psychological and mental issues that keep people stuck in situations that no longer serve them.  You will actually start to feel compassionate towards your beloved and their spouse – and perhaps even examine your own marriage/relationships for what the right course of action is for you, regardless of whether your beloved chooses to act or not.

Consider this: what if, somewhere in all of this, are lessons and growth to actually benefit your connection and to grow the mutual love between you and your beloved? Here are some of the deeper reasons why they have chosen to stay – and how to turn them into stepping stones on the journey of self discovery and spiritual growth.

  1. The spouse validates how he sees himself

Have you ever driven yourself crazy questioning why if they love you so much they still choose to remain in a codependent marriage? It is important to understand that every relationship, no matter how dysfunctional, serves to support our own self-perception. Often the ego has decided to protect the “true self” by hiding it behind a number of socially construct personas; the Good Christian, the Man of the World, the Happily Married Man, the Long-Suffering Wife. These constructs of the ego help reinforce how they see themselves: as a victim, a “caretaker”, a person in need of constant validation – or a “shithead”, like my beloved sometimes called himself.

The thing about being a shithead is that it gives you permission to behave like one. The cheating, the heart breaking – it’s all justified if you’re a shithead. Dare to question it and you get blamed for having “expectations” and not seeing them for the “real” person they are. Is it any wonder then that such a person would find it near impossible to trust the unconditional love you claim to feel for them? Instead of a dream come true, it will seem like a trick, and instead of convincing them of your genuine feelings, you will in fact be arousing suspicion in them. Rather than feeling excited at the prospect of someone loving them for their true self, they are convinced all you would find is disappointment.

Instead of trying to make them see it, understand the importance of self-love. You may love and accept your beloved in equal measure for both their light and darkness, their goodness and their imperfections. It isn’t however until they themselves recognise the same that they become receptive to such love. Until then, they will feel much more at ease with someone who reminds them daily of just how imperfect they are rather than someone who sees perfection in them. Although we are naturally inclined to feel sorry for such a person, they often play an active role in keeping things as they are through mutually reinforced behaviours. They may be scared to step up – afraid of abandonment, or of rejection. Unfortunately, many are simply not ready for a union of equals, a union of transparency and presence – and prefer relationships with intense ups and downs but none of the depth.

  1. They are entangled energetically

Sometimes the soul knows something we are not ready to accept; that there are other energetic ties which stand in the way. This applies both ways – whether it is you who is married, or them. Until the existing relationships dissolve naturally the “twin” will continue to run from you, failing to see what is actually being offered. This other energy will be felt through the spiritual cords that bind the lovers, so even if you lie to them or lead them to believe your single/available their soul still knows the truth and they will behave accordingly.

The push-pull and hot-cold behaviors are caused by the internal struggle between the heart and the soul. The heart wants union yet the soul keeps them from actually taking the steps required. Someone in another blog described this beautifully: the heart doesn’t want to respect these boundaries, yet the soul keeps them from actually crossing the line. Oftentimes this gives us the impression of being “lead on” where in fact it’s only their heart showing you the truth while their soul is holding them from fully expressing it.

Instead, accept your relationship as it is. Love him or her ‘no strings attached’, without pushing for more. This means, not to compromise your or their integrity by ‘cheating’ or trying to break up their marriage, but rather leaving it to the them and their spouse to work out their own issues in their time and way. In the meantime, your genuine love and reverence for your beloved will keep you from acting out; you wouldn’t dream of ever wanting to hurt or interfere with the marriage of the one you love. Your inner guidance will tell you this.

  1. The spouse is helping him work through his karma / life lessons

Since we are here to accelerate each other’s evolutionary growth, it makes sense that we would catapult each other forward when there is stagnation. The arrival of our beloved often exposes all the inner work that lies ahead of us. While we work on ourselves, inevitably they will be doing the same. Oftentimes, the purpose of the spouse is to assist them in their inner/karmic work. If the marriage is left abruptly, the necessary lessons will not be learnt and the person is more likely to either return to the marriage or pursue another relationship in order to finish the task.

Instead, realize that we all have certain things we came here to do. Some of these things must take priority over our desire to be with our beloved. Meeting them is not an excuse to avoid work we came here to do, but rather a catalyst which should push us to do just that. You are all part of a bigger picture, where all the different parts of the puzzle fit and interact together in various ways.

  1. The spouse fits the old template and patterns

Very often, a married party/parties will have emotionally checked out of the marriage long before meeting their “twin”. This may however not stop them from staying since they often also hold deep rooted beliefs, such as that marriage lasts forever. They may believe divorce is bad and that as much as they love you, you are leading them down the wrong path.

Society lays a heavy expectation on those who marry to sign up for LIFE.  There will in most cases be support for the marriage to continue from friends and family around, regardless of what has gone on, regardless of the happiness of everyone involved.

The dilemma of the married twin is not an easy one. The whole idea of having to stay married out of obligation or responsibility is becoming obsolete and is no longer serving anyone – not even the spouse that the married party is trying to “protect”. So many marriages nowadays fall into the “Not bad enough to leave, but not good enough to fulfil you” category. Some marriages become life partnerships –  a new form of bond which leaves us untouched to our core but allows us to alleviate the guilt of the marriage not having worked out.  Somehow even infidelity has become more acceptable than drawing a line and starting over.

Instead, remember that you are not here to step into that old template and make it all perfect for them. That is a romantic fantasy which will only leave you disillusioned and confused. Bringing a spiritual CONNECTION (“We are each the masters of our happiness”) to the level of an old paradigm marriage (“It is your job to make me happy”) cannot work. This pattern is a much lower vibrational template which simply cannot accommodate the “twin” dynamic and its exponential potential for growth… Very often, we mistakenly assume that just because our beloved isn’t hurrying to marry us that they do not love us – whereas often the truth is that they cannot engage for that very reason. As a spouse, within the kind of marriage they have come to know, they may not have much to offer. Our beloved is a FRIEND OF OUR SOUL (not our ego) and so no matter how many times we attempt to fit the dynamic into the familiar relationship patterns, we always end up flat on our face. Our beloved cannot enable our old patterns – and vice versa… It’s not how the connection is wired.

  1. He is relatively happy where he is

What if their heart is with both you and the spouse? What if loving one person does not mean cancelling out the love for another? I know there are many who feel this way. Maybe they have resigned to a certain type of partnership which allows them the space to breathe and don’t feel the need to rock the boat for something that would engage their whole being.

If such is the case, do not ever envy what your beloved has with their spouse or life partner. Respect their existing relationship and seek not to deliberately interfere with it. True love does not seek to bind – it is not about ownership.  Always remember that nothing or no one can replace the connection between you. You are, always were and always will be part of each other in a way that should never render either one of you insecure. It is what it is.

Instead, offer something new and different. What you really want is more of what you already have. You need to build it together, to suit you both. You are here to call your beloved to become more aware of the patterns which limit their growth and block their evolution; not as person constantly pointing fingers at their dysfunction BUT as someone who stands in the light of consciousness and unconditional (and sometimes tough) love, offering something completely NEW and healthy. If you truly are mutually soul-connected and they are in deed committed to their evolution, then sooner or later the love you share(d) becomes a benchmark for them to compare all other relationships against. Make sure that when this time comes, this standard is one of love, acceptance, patience and closeness to God – not one of jumping from one broken pattern to another.

In conclusion, I understand none of this is easy. It requires WORK – blood, sweat and tears, or perhaps a very long hibernation… (Sleeping Beauty was onto something, sleeping through it all!). In my experience, recognising union/finding harmony in this dynamic only happens once the limiting patterns are gone and we have learnt to love ourselves fully; not as a rescuer or someone needing to be rescued, but as a sovereign, equal mate to the person who matches our vibration, awakens us and reminds us of home/ God.

sleeping beauty

man and woman closing their eyes

Photo by Ba Tik on Pexels.com

If you must love her,

then be it for His sake only.

For the reflection of His light in her eyes

For the promise of lazy days in Paradise.

For a union that fulfils half your deen

For His reasons, unknown and unseen

Be it for His delight

*

If you must love her,

then be it for His sake only.

For seeing yourself mirrored in her soul

For finally making that leap from the old

For surrendering to His plan without question

For knowing She’ll guide you into salvation

Be it for His delight

*

If you must love her,

then be it for His sake only.

For the sake of two souls perfectly aligned

For the union of heart and mind

For the call Home that you always felt

To that place where long ago together you dwelt

Be it for His delight

*

And….

If I must love you,

then be it for His sake only.

For the sake of a closeness I cannot forget

For knowing I loved you long before we met

For a whispered promise I barely recall

For placing the Path above it all

Be it for His delight

*

If I must love you,

then be it for His sake only.

For the sake of a pleasure that blends into pain

For all these words written in vain

For the longing for Home and for hearing His call

For discovering my Self underneath it all

Be it for his delight

*

If I must love you,

then be it for His sake only.

For the sake of Love which floods my heart

Where distance nor time can keep us apart

For the Day of Judgement where I shan’t be afraid

When my Love for you places me in His Shade

Be it for His delight.

Jonna 29/05/2020

Sometimes this connection can truly feel like a life sentence – or worse, an irreversible curse.

I first met my beloved 18 years ago. I was 25, he was 31. We recognised each other instantly – and within days became lovers.

What followed was the most amazing summer of my life. I couldn’t help but fall for this most magical being to ever walk this earth. An eternal love which had always been there revealed itself to me in our connection. A spark of God dwelled in his eyes. He was unlike anyone I had ever met. He unassumingly rocked my world from here to Andromeda – and in the process left me forever changed. I knew 100% that no one could ever take away what we had – and I was right. But not in a million years could I ever have imagined having to live my life without him.

Almost two decades have flown by since that summer. The connection has had its ups and downs; and so has our human relationship. As I sit here writing this, it has been a good 3.5 years since I last heard from him. Other than wishing him a happy Eid, or sometimes a happy birthday, I have let him be, too. Yet not a day goes by that I don’t feel him close to me, in my heart space; as an energy, as a reflection, inside my very being. I have had to make my peace with his constant ethereal presence in my life.

I realise that it has been three years since I last posted anything on here. It was honestly not my intention to stay away so long. Thank you to all those who during this time wrote to me and asked me how I am. Sorry for not being able to respond to you all. I hope you are all well and keeping safe during the current Covid-19 pandemic. Some of you may know that during my silence I went through a horrendous divorce and a custody battle which dragged on for several years. This absolutely drained me, affecting my finances, my health and my energy. I definitely needed time to heal and find my power again.

Nonetheless, this was not the reason I initially stopped writing. Some assumed I withdrew because of the pain of being without my beloved. No. Some assumed I stopped posting because I finally reunited with him. Again, no. But here’s what really happened. Those of you who were following my blog in the 2015-2016 time period may recall that after many years of quasi silence, my beloved and I found ourselves undeniably drawn together that year. It honestly felt like it was God drawing us together – these were his actual words at the time. Somehow, even with no contact, we had both gone through similar experiences in order to reach the same conclusions. In there, was the question of us (at least for me) and perhaps even the opportunity to fulfil the divine mandate which has always existed on our lives. God has sent you to me and vice versa, he told me, to challenge us, to expand us and guide us to his path, to his truth, to our eternal life & salvation, to peace and serenity.

What followed were months of deep discussions, confessions, and all the validation I could ever have wished for. We both had our share of fears, doubts and dilemmas to deal with – he was still married and used this to keep me at a distance whenever he felt like it. This suited me fine: I did not want him prying into my fractured marriage either. I was in the process of leaving my husband but did not want my beloved to know because I did not want him to think that I was somehow doing it for him. In fact, the prospect of finally being able to just concentrate on our friendship felt like the best thing that could happen at the time.

After a period of a year or so, during which I even innocently proposed marriage to him (don’t ask!), he invited me to stay with him at his house whilst his wife was abroad. He had indicated to me on several occasions that he wished to have a long heart to heart conversation with me. He was better at communicating face to face, he said. Although the idea of being in his physical presence terrified me, I was determined to put my fears aside and see him again. He had impressed upon me that we could not and should not have a sexual relationship as long as he was still married – and he intended to stay so. We should not just throw ourselves into our whims and desires, he said. This put me at ease. Giving myself to him and then down the line being friend-zoned and rejected for supposedly having “expectations” was still fresh in my mind.

Knowing that he was determined not to initiate any hanky panky made me feel safe. I sensed a certain maturity and openness in him that I had not known before. If I could trust him to uphold his part of the deal, then I could let go of the “what ifs” and guard my heart in the process. Looking back, it feels crazy that I actually thought I could protect myself against getting hurt. But at the time, he reassured me that I was “more than safe” with him and that he was not rejecting me. I was ecstatic, thinking that we could actually be FRIENDS (since this is what I thought he wanted), and that I could, finally after all these years, have him in my life.

My joy was short lived. Soon, I could see us sliding into dangerous territory. Among all the spiritual talk was flirting – for example, he reminisced about kissing me; how special and empowering it had been, like a “pleasurable pain”, asked me what I intended to “do to him” when we met, joked about tying me down and and never letting me go  – and vice versa, so we could live all our fantasies, etc. As much as it felt sweet and innocent, the prospect of something happening made me feel exposed again. I knew it wouldn’t take much for me to go back into the needing-cold-showers-whenever-I-think-of-him territory. Seeking to protect myself and without intending to put him on the spot or to accuse him of anything, I questioned how in his head he could justify his flirting with me alongside his loyalty to his wife. This triggered us both. And so, without realising, I opened that same old can of worms that has been plaguing us since 2002.

He defended himself, saying it was “harmless flirtation” and he didn’t see how that could possibly indicate that he was somehow being disloyal towards his wife. Somehow it was once again me who failed to see how we were only ever friends etc. This REALLY grated on me since surely he MUST KNOW by now how VERY MUCH I love him. Friend or not, my feelings are REAL. How on earth could he think “harmless flirtation” was even appropriate?? We have a history together, we’ve shared bodily fluids for God’s sake and he himself only recently revealed to me the “overwhelming feelings, emotions and nostalgia” he struggled with upon hearing from me – yet somehow I was the one reading too much into it all??? Did my feelings not matter? Why was he even flirting with me? I wanted to bring him closer to God, not further away!! What happened to me being “safe” with him?

The conversation turned sour from thereon. We both felt it and it didn’t take long for him to have doubts about our meeting. He said I was not ready. As you can guess, we ended up not meeting. First he postponed it, then cancelled on me. As much as he seemed apologetic, I felt it was a huge relief for him. I can’t say I hadn’t anticipated it and in all honesty, I was numb. Did he not trust himself, or was he punishing me for not being ready? I may never know… but I would NEVER EVER never have crossed the boundaries he set. He had nothing to fear – only his own self. He then came to me in a dream, of which I only caught the last few seconds of him telling me “We’re not ready.” Soon thereafter he stopped communicating altogether.

For the longest time, I could’t wrap my mind around what had happened. I didn’t know where to start. Trying to make sense of it made no sense at all. The spiritual growth we shared, the synchronicities, the parallel paths, our long conversations; there was so much there to explore. We BOTH felt God drawing us together yet we failed to follow – HOW???? WHY?? Why couldn’t we do this as friends? Hadn’t we learnt anything? It took me a while to unravel it all but I eventually figured that the key to us ever being part of each others’ lives is AUTHENTICITY. Whenever one of us holds anything back, or attempts to hide something, or to box our connection, this brings about conflict. Not because we seek it, but because we are equipped with internal bullshit detectors. This is also where the weight of “expectations” comes into play; only those expectations are not from the beloved but from the higher self/ God. The connection demands 100% authenticity. So maybe despite all our efforts, we will never be part of each other lives in the way we would both wish UNTIL we are BOTH ready to embrace the connection, our own hearts and paths fully.

So here I am still, serving my life sentence. Day 6,594 of eternity. I won’t be going anywhere anytime soon.rumi33

 

 

 

Religion-Eye-Cosmic

As humanity evolves and ascends into a higher vibration, relationships are changing too. The expansion of consciousness brings with it a broader understanding of the different ways we relate to and connect with each other.  As we move into the 4th and 5th dimensions, the old paradigm relationships of the 3D consciousness are crumbling, causing many to question the many inherited symbolic systems which govern our lives today.

One of the systems in need of being redefined during this time of rapid spiritual evolution is the old stereotypical concept of marriage. Marriage today has become a contract, an institution of society, and the couple a property of that society. Not so long ago, people still married for the sole purpose of ensuring their physical survival or to obtain an heir, and although people still marry for external reasons (money, family, social status etc.), many now enter into marriage in order to pursue emotional fulfillment and spiritual growth. But if marriage is the ideal platform for this then why are so many marriages failing? The thing about spiritual growth is, it can make us incompatible with someone we used to be in harmony with. Since spiritual growth is accelerating and humanity awakening, more and more people are working through their karmic lessons and “outgrowing” their marriages faster than ever before. As such, marriage as it exists today here on Earth is not meant to last forever – but only until the full potential for growth has been reached which often isn’t “until death do us part”.

Underlying the disintegration of marriage is the spiritual amnesia we all suffer from to varying degrees. Humanity has forgotten it’s true nature and with it, the true meaning of marriage. Marriage as God intended is a sacred union of two souls, created for each other, with each other. It’s a Union where God sets the balance between the two. Unfortunately very few marriages today are founded upon the resonance of souls. This is where many of us feel our calling is: in bringing forth a partnership where true love is that of the soul and where our love for our partner mirrors our relationship with our Self and God to the most intimate degree, allowing for endless spiritual and emotional growth and discovery. This is not the template of a relationship but of a union which awakens the divine sparkle within us and draws our divine counterpart to us, reminding us of the eternal life which awaits us once our shared mission here on Earth is complete.

Since consciousness is the basis of all reality, any shift in consciousness changes every aspect of our reality. Meeting our beloved is definitely such a shift; they catalyze our spiritual awakening and cause total upheaval in every area of our lives. It only takes one second, one moment for the memories of real, unbridled love to come rushing back. These feelings originate in the soul and spread like fire to the rest of the body. They push us onto a guest for a more authentic life; helping us see beyond the illusions. We find ourselves questioning everything; not only who we are and what we are doing, but also the decisions we’ve made in the past, including whether and whom to marry.

Meeting our beloved when already married is truly a test of fire – just like our soul intended. The omnipotent, cellular level awakening we experience causes our vibration, awareness and energy to immediately jump up a notch – or a dozen – making us acutely aware of the energetic suppression we’ve been living under. The soul is adamant: it wants resonance, it wants freedom, it wants union – and it wants it NOW.

The souls magnetize each other and we truly feel the magical Universe at play through the synchronicities and signs that surround us. Maybe like many others it is being made clear to us, from within, that it is time to leave our marriage – not because of the promise of a blissful Union but because our own soul demands it. The soul does not make mistakes. It knows the path it wants to follow.

Many bolt out of existing relationships upon meeting their beloved since they can no longer find alignment with the old. The call to return to our original state of Oneness is so intoxicating, and the otherworldly soul connection to the other felt so strongly that staying in the old relationship becomes unbearable. Every second, every minute we are aware of the pressure upon us to follow the call to be who we really are, at the deepest level within us.

Unfortunately as the magnetic pull reverses signalling the start of the journey within, many find themselves returning to these old relationships – not because we fell out of love with our beloved but because all the hurt and disappointment we caused our partner and the other important people in our lives finally catches up with us. Subconsciously we know there is still unfinished business to work through. We retreat into the “safety” of our old paradigm marriage, where we hide and try to make sense of things, protected by the society which demands we do the “right thing” and remain with the person whom we promised our life.

This pattern is a sign of old energy that needs resolving. It is resistance to our own evolution. There is no right or wrong way here – just more work to do and lessons to learn. Ironically, once the dust settles, we may be surprised to find that the marriage seems better in many ways; our spouse may be awakening too, there may be less conflict, and things generally seem to flow better. Of course, this is not because the spouse changed but because we changed, our perception changed – and in turn it affected the whole relationship dynamic. And even though we realize we can never quite go back to the way things used to be, we feel relieved being able to carry on in a marriage where we feel safe and secure but which also does not require us to “invest” ourselves like the “Twin flame” union does.

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Yet as the time goes by… We still find ourselves thinking about this wondrous person who flipped our world upside down, wondering what went wrong and why they could not be a part of our life. They are still the first person we want to run to with news of our greatest joys and deepest sorrows – and the one whose energy we seek when we want to calm our spirit. We may feel their heartbeat inside our own, or pain in our heart when they intimately give themselves to someone else. We may hear them speak to us and feel the warmth of their presence in our heart. The impact of such an encounter on the energetic body simply cannot be undone or permanently ignored.

This is where the two paths separate. For some, this will be a moment of truth, a recognition of the staying power of this connection; a realization that this person will always be a part of their being, whether they like it or not. These people will do their best to find a way to include their beloved in their life, for the benefit of everyone involved. Rather than hide the connection, they may even come out to their spouse about it. For them it may not feel right to leave just yet; maybe there are children to consider, or  simply more growth to be done.

Then there are those who miss their beloved just as much but who are determined to keep this person away from their marriage; not because they worry about that person crossing any lines but because they do not trust themselves not to. The connection is still there, alive and kicking, but suppressed underneath feelings of guilt, duty and responsibility towards the spouse. Even if they do want to reach out, they cannot find the words, frustrated at not being able to express their true heart – or for fear of opening the can of worms that they perceive this connection to be. They may feel confident that they are doing the right thing, yet they still feel stuck. They may not even realize this has anything to do with the other, but they find themselves spending more and more time away from home. Sex and intimacy become a struggle. Health problems crop up – often for them and their spouse; abdominal pains, sciatica, headaches, pain in the legs, feet and lower back – all just a reflection of how stuck they feel emotionally. Since their creativity up and left with the beloved they find themselves moving completely into their head space – after all, the twin now occupies the heart space they refuse to visit.

To occupy their mind they throw themselves into religion, politics, work, studies; into anything else that they can obsess over and fill their mind space with. Deep within they know they really should be honest with everyone and end the marriage for that one true chance at happiness – yet what is holding them back is that long shared history, no matter how unhappy or unfulfilling. They feel that they owe it to their spouse to “stick it out.” Maybe this is the one promise they hold sacred above all others? Maybe they already tried to leave, more than once, and instead of compassion and understanding received emotional outbursts, suicide threats and more. They may feel like the worst person in the world, just for feeling this love within… I know many of you can relate. On top of everything, they know they have let their beloved down. They haven’t forgotten their promise of Union, made eons ago and reaffirmed in each incarnation. Deep within they have not given up on that promise; they are just postponing it… but to delay Union is a dangerous game that easily traps us for a lifetime.

Of course by now both these individuals realize that they will always carry a part of their beloved within; as an energy, a reflection and a presence, as an integral part of who they are. By deliberately disconnecting from that which is within, a divide now exists within their very own being. It dawns on them that the spouse will never be able to return that vibration of unconditional love to the same degree that the beloved could. No matter how much they may try, it will never be as nourishing, as deep, as intimate, as spiritual, as infused in God. Time and time again, the dilemma will continue to present itself: to keep the status quo and die a slow spiritual death only ever giving a part of yourself to the spouse – or to divorce and finally be fully who you are, with or without the beloved?

Making the decision to move on is a very difficult one. Feelings of confusion, guilt, hurt, betrayal, loss and emptiness will be daily companions throughout the process. The best advice I can give anyone in this situation is to follow your inner voice and look to God – not to anyone else – for guidance and direction. Ask God for smooth transitions and an outcome for the highest good of all. Also know that meeting your beloved does not always equal “happily ever after”. Union is a choice you both must make. You must understand this: there are no guarantees. It is possible in the course of a lifetime to meet many people of similar vibration or with whom you share a deep spiritual bond  – this does not always mean they are your beloved, nor does it necessarily translate into a compatible lifelong romantic relationship.

Nevertheless, beyond all the questions and moral dilemmas is the reality of Real Love. Is your beloved the One with forever in their eyes? Is it their face that appears before you as you call upon your beloved? Did you always know that you came here to reunite with your one true love? Has your soul confirmed this to you? It is not by mistake that they show up in your reality. You are both being given a chance to embody your highest self here on earth in THIS lifetime.. You are being shown that Union is possible – that it is within your reach. It is already something your soul aspires to. Why settle for anything less? Be brave and ask yourself: is it in the highest good of everyone to put blinders on and persist in a profoundly incompatible marriage, denying yourself and your spouse the chance to find true love; or to trust that small voice inside your heart which tells you to take that leap of faith and to follow the call home?

Real love is forever, it will never leave you. This journey only ever leads to one place: back to each other – and to God.

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So many people know the truth of their heart yet fail to follow through. So many choose to stunt their growth by remaining in an unfulfilling marriage rather than to move on to new spiritual paths for fear of the unknown. This is the epidemic that still plagues the Twin flame community. I am not saying that a person should leave their marriage at the first sight of the twin, HOWEVER creating something new requires action and sacrifices and it is here that so many of us fall short. This journey demands we give it all. If we do not take the first step then who will? This is about YOU; about following the path you always believed in.

Divorce is not easy but so many obstacles can be cleared by remaining positive and holding the intention of the highest good for everyone involved. Personally, I cleared a tremendous hurdle on my journey this month. As you may recall I took the leap two years ago to leave my husband (I blogged about it here) for no other reason than to finally be who I am – including allowing the energies to flow within me freely. When I told my beloved about it at the time, he mentioned how ironic it was that I seemed to have “gone over the edge” whilst he was still “standing on it“. Two years on and for all I know, he may never take that leap but I must still follow what is true to me in my heart.

But he was right about one thing: I took that leap and never looked back!

The big news is that my divorce was finalized earlier this month, ironically just days before what should have been my 10th wedding anniversary.

It’s weight off my shoulders like you wouldn’t believe it.

And I can say, hand on heart, that the promise of a physical reunion with my beloved had very little to do with it.

I divorced because I was presented with a choice; me or my marriage. To stay married and forever deny a part of me, or to divorce for my own soul, sanity and destiny and the path I always knew I was born to follow? The decision was not difficult once I reached surrender and found my wholeness within. Surrender because I could finally allow this pure, transformative, soul-shaking love to flow through me, allowing the path to unfold freely – and finding my wholeness because accepting the truth of union within allowed me to finally love and accept who I am fully. Furthermore, it no longer felt right to me to mix my essence and energy with anyone who does not know, love and match that which is eternal in me – and who is not going to step through the pearly gates with me once this life is over. My soul could want nothing more, nor accept anything less than this. It may sound silly – and it certainly will to those not on this journey – but it is truly what gives me peace and allows me to move deeper into the reality of this love, as well as manage the struggles of every day life without the man that I love.

This is the first time in over 20 years that I have been single. Like many others, I have moved from one long term relationship to another without ever having the time to get to know myself – one on one. I am aware that I join an increasing number of self-realized women who embody the fullness of their inner being to varying degrees but who are at this moment in time unable to find a man to match their vibration, because the man who once did and who continues to call to their soul is still caught up in a lower vibrational situation. I remain open to meeting my eternal lover in this lifetime if such has been planned for me, whether that person is my beloved or someone else. Only God knows. All I know, it was not my husband.

Having said this, I am not waiting for anything or anyone. I simply want my soul to lead me further down this path and to show me just how deeply I can love and what that love feels like when it shines a light upon the still unexplored places still within me.

As for my beloved, I love him, *oh so much* but I also know we are not “meant to be together” right now just because of the “Twin flame” label. The Universe is all about energy and vibration. I sincerely hope we can meet in that vibration of unconditional love once more within this lifetime – but having said that, I trust that he is exactly where he needs to be in this moment. He is still in alignment with his past, but things are shifting. Until then, I want his 3D persona to be absolutely free of any pressure; so much so that I have kept the status of my marriage to myself.

To all the soul brothers and sisters walking this path with me, I honor you for remembering that the most important relationship you have is with your Self. Please do not lose it to uphold an institution.

Divorce is never easy. I know.

But I trust that there is a greater plan for me. Instead of focusing on the negatives, I ask the Universe to guide me on the path to Union.

I reclaim my life.

I reclaim my path.

I reclaim the Union within.

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This journey can really get you down.

That’s why I always said I would pay a decent amount of money to see some Twin Flame stand-up comedy.

Seriously, I would.

The good news is, I’ve found the next best thing!!!  emorolf2

I am sharing this HILARIOUS video from the very talented Akasha & her friends, aka Twin Flames In Progress because I want YOU to smile today. This wild journey seriously needs a injection of humor. Laugh, hug yourself (or a tree! :)) and be OK with this journey.

You are not alone – and you are not crazy.

For more amazing poetry, articles and videos see http://www.akashatorres.com

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Do you ever get the feeling your beloved speaks to you through music? Maybe a song will suddenly start playing in your mind, or certain songs with a special meaning come on every time you turn the radio on? Maybe you find certain tracks which remind you of them “follow” you; on the radio, TV commercials, public places, random stranger’s ringtone  – you name it, it’s there – to the point of driving you mad. Maybe your beloved actually speaks to you in song lyrics, prompting you to look the song up only to discover it carries a message? Or maybe “your song” randomly starts to play on Spotify the moment you feel the familiar vibration of his energy embrace you?

All of the above are types of telepathy that can occur between a pairing of “twins.” Telepathy is undoubtedly one of the most fascinating and popular aspects of this connection. Although not exclusive to just one type of connection, the twins vibrational and energetic resonance lends itself easily to this type of communication.

True telepathy engages our whole being – mind, heart, body and soul – requiring not only the mind to translate the flow of energy into a language which can be understood by the recipient, but also the heart chakra to act as a transmitter of all the emotional and mental information. Many twins first awaken to the reality of telepathy through the activation and opening of their heart chakra. More than any other part of the energetic body, the heart is the essential thinking, feeling and knowing center of a multi-dimensional being, generating a powerful electrical field 60 times greater and a magnetic field 5,000 times greater than that of the brain. The crown chakra also plays a role, by connecting us to our Higher Self, Universal Consciousness and the Divine realms.

Whether physically present or not, we recognize our beloved by the unique energy that they convey. We may feel a quickening of our heart, sense their presence or smell their fragrance. Sometimes we feel a caress on our hair, cheek, hand etc. We may hear their voice, or perhaps feel their warmth surround us. Telepathy however isn’t just about learning to recognize the moments when the “twin phone” buzzes; it is about having the ability to LISTEN to the incoming message.

An interesting aspect of telepathy is how the beloveds use music & songs as telepathic aids in order to share messages & emotions. Although this kind of telepathy often gets dismissed as “wishful thinking”, it is in my opinion one of the best ways we have to reach each other. It is a particularly wonderful way to connect with a beloved we have yet to meet. It can also add an element of fun to times of separation. Music in itself is a powerful telepathic transmitter: not only is it inherently spiritual but its notes are easily carried by electromagnetic energy. It’s octaves and frequencies act as vibrational conduits of the energy of love connecting the lovers. Best of all, such telepathy requires no special musical talent – only an open heart and a receptive mind.

Music, at its essence, is the sound of spirit. Yet many people underestimate the significance of music as a telepathic tool and fail to see the many ways in which it can be used to enhance and solidify the bond between the eternal lovers. Personally I believe this is because music carries a lot of emotion – and the emotional body is where the lovers experience the most blockages. What I mean by this is that when we lack control of our emotional states we will struggle to identify and accept telepathic messages this way due to the added pressure on our emotional body. We will simply not know what is real and what not. Loving messages from our beloved then get muddled up in all the emotional garbage of our past which rises to the surface for clearing.

On the other hand, the ability that music has to stir our emotions makes it a favourite way of communicating for many. The emotional pull of music appeals to the soul hiding behind his 3D mask and empowers it to bridge the gap between the inner masculine and feminine energies, creating a better balance within. It also allows both parties to share feelings, fears and thoughts without coming straight out and saying things that circumstances or fears of rejection do not allow.

A strong spiritual connection is the ideal “test bed” for the evolution of our telepathic ability because the connection naturally drives us within – where all telepathy starts. Music can help open our heart further and make us more receptive to insight. However it is only once we have done enough purging and are able to sit with our emotions without becoming them that we can move beyond the emotional body into the spiritual realms and more easily receive the messages intended for us. Then, our moments of telepathic connection become a little less like this…

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And a little more like this….

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As with everything involving telepathy, it is important to remember that your beloved – just like you – is a multidimensional being. This means that songs are not always consciously being sent by your beloved, although I believe most couples experience a combination of intentional and subconscious musical telepathy. Sometimes it is your Twin’s Higher Self interacting with you – and although his 3D self may be aware of this at some level, it may not be as much as you think. Do not let this dishearten you. Believe in your beloved’s ability to embody his higher self here on earth and to unify his heart and mind. Continue to love him as you see him; as a soul, as his full glorious self. Practice unconditional love without expectations and learn to receive the telepathic messages with an open heart trusting that whatever your Higher Self allows through is for your own benefit – and always in support of your spiritual evolution.

Although telepathy is instant and happens automatically, music can be a wonderful way to gently push those telepathic experiences to the forefront of your beloved’s conscious mind. Something magical happens when you download a song into your spirit and project it outward through a connected heart space. Such songs become powerful spiritual tools that can stir a soul to consider the true nature of love, connection and Union. Music thus sent forth with truth and intention can easily penetrate through mental barriers and ego. For this, choose songs that elevate your Spirit and make your heart fly; songs that will remind them of your time together, or which include a specific message you are trying to convey – perhaps with lyrics that mimic something one of your once said. That way there is no mistaking where the music comes from. Classics such “Total eclipse of the heart” by Bonnie Tyler are also a wonderful choice; they are cosmic messages of love filled with the kind of vibration that resonates deeply.

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I often get asked how to start trusting ourselves when it comes to telepathic messages in general? After all, how do we know that we are not simply crazy and imagining it all? There is no “one size fits all” answer to this I’m afraid. Yes, there are people who have completely dived off the tracks of sanity in the pursuit of the elusive “Twin flame.” You will find these people spending thousands on psychics, looking for external confirmation for what is happening WITHIN. If this is you then I would simply say, take a step back. Breathe. Feel around for solid ground. However if YOU in the heart of your hearts KNOW this person is like no other, twin or not, even when it makes no sense, then trust your intuition. Seek balance within you to get through this.

Knowing that your beloved is sending you telepathic messages through music is like everything else on this journey: it requires faith, inner trust and knowledge of our Self. Learning to trust telepathy is a process – and feeling each other across the distance is an ESSENTIAL part in it. We must fight those inner demons that doubt the truth of the connection INSIDE OUR OWN HEART. After all, a true, lasting reunion with the external beloved can never happen without the discovery of the “beloved within”, which is the complimentary energy they represent and which forms part of who we are.

Just know that while you work towards these things you are not alone. Spirit will give you signs and synchronicities in order to build that trust and to confirm the existence of such telepathy in order to prepare you for future messages. Spirit may for example give you both the same song – and then allow you to discover it. When this happens, not once or twice but a dozen times, you will start to believe in what is being shown to you.

An example of this from my own life is when I reunited with my beloved after three years separation, pushed by my kundalini awakening and an inner knowing which told me to return to him.

One day as I was out shopping alone in New York, Edith Piaf’s “Milord” started to play in my head. “Allez venez, Milord, Vous asseoir à ma table, Il fait si froid dehors, Ici, c’est confortable...” It was a song I barely knew which made it particularly odd. That night, as I returned to his flat and stepped in through the door, I immediately heard he was humming that very song. He confessed the song has been playing in his mind all day and commented on how odd it was, since he hadn’t heard the song in years.

Although the song lyrics did not contain any special message for either one of us, I understand why Spirit chose it. Had it been a well-known song of the moment, it would not have seemed so extraordinary – there would have been a number of places we both could have heard it. But because it was an old, random French song, it acted as a confirmation of just how easily the shared mind picks up stuff. It also gave me the foundation to receive further messages and insights with less scepticism.

Sometimes Spirit gives not just a song but an entire playlist to both lovers. Here in 3D, many people have playlists that are entirely inspired by the connection and that they listen to in moments of nostalgia. Sometimes we even share this music with each other as a test, to see if the other has received it too.

One night during our brief reunion, my beloved put on a playlist he had created of his “favorite songs”. He apologized in advance for how “cheesy” the songs were going to be. He scanned my face nervously for reaction as the first notes started to play. It was Dido’s “White Flag”, followed by “I want to Know What Love is” (Foreigner), “If you’re not the One” (Daniel Bedingfield), “I knew I loved you” (Savage Garden), “Sail away” (David Gray) and many more. Love song after love song, including “our” song “Total Eclipse of the Heart” (Bonnie Tyler), followed.

Although I immediately noticed many of these songs were songs that I also loved, I didn’t think too much of it at the time. My mind was still playing catch-up, trying to make sense of my kundalini awakening, our sudden reunion, the fact that he still wanted me, etc. It was only after I returned home and put on the mixed tape I had created during our separation that one by one I found myself listening to exactly the same songs. I fell to my knees with the realization that all along he had shared the same yearning with me – I felt certain in that moment that those songs were intended for me, they were about me, about his feelings for me. His playlist acted as a catalyst – suddenly EVERYTHING made sense to me.

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There are also times when we – consciously or subconsciously – drop lyrics and songs into conversation both in 3D and 5D. These lyrics carry messages of love and reassurance for the beloved and they always help us increase our understanding of our beloved’s feelings and point of view.

After our reunion I was having a highly spiritual reoccurring dream where I stood at the edge of what seemed a tall cliff, peering into the cloudy darkness below, with my beloved’s voice beckoning me to leap. I knew that if I wanted to be with him, if I was ever going to have that chance; that I would have to take that leap. When I finally jumped I found myself carried by what felt like angel wings and landed in the wilderness. My beloved was no where to be seen. Waiting for me was the book of my life. Even though the pages were empty, he had signed the inside cover, confessing his love and asking me not give up on him.

This “edge”, this metaphor for the call to leave the old behind and to leap into the “new” featured heavily in all my channelled writings and poetry  – all of which I shared with him. I was calling him to make that leap too; to join me in our new life, to follow his heart. I was convinced he knew and could remember his promise to join me.

Within days he randomly mentioned David Wilcox’s song “Catch me if I try”, not really relating to anything else other than that I had just discovered the artist and he said this song was the only one he knew. I felt prompted to check the lyrics out and was amazed to realize they related directly to my desire to leap into the new together. It was as if he was speaking to me through the song lyrics.

Go easy on those eyes
I’m about to lose my grip
Go easy on that smile
I’m afraid that I might slip
Lay off on that calling
and tempting me to try
‘cuz I’m so scared of falling
I’ll never learn to fly

Then you say,
Touch me you can reach me

Ah, you can make me want to fly
You make it seem so easy
Catch me if I try

Tempting me to step off of the edge of reason
I thought that I knew better than to start believing
In Love, Love, Love
And if I read you right
We just might want to dance all night

And I have risked a fall before
But not from this height

When you say
Touch me you can reach me
Ah you can make me want to fly
You make it seem so easy

Catch me if I try…

You can listen to the totality of this beautiful song here.

Funnily enough, over the years he has said many things that confirm the message of this song. Just recently, as I told him I had separated from my husband, he said “How ironic that you seem to have gone over the edge while I am still standing on it“.

The great thing about this connection is that you understand each other at a deeper level. Your beloved does not need to say “Listen to Africa by Toto, it’s a song that makes me think of you”, but rather they can take a line from that song, drop it into conversation with you – even in 5D – and you still get the message. Unless your beloved actually admits to “lyric dropping”, it can be hard to tell whether they intentionally do this, or whether it is an unintentional act revealing subconscious feelings – a sort of a spiritual “Freudian slip”. Maybe the message is from their Higher Self – with their 3D failing to make the connection but speaking the words nevertheless, who knows? The closest my beloved ever came to admitting anything like this was recognizing that we both “love words and the meaning behind them”.

Here are some examples of what I mean by “lyric dropping”.

As my beloved kissed me goodbye after a week spent in New York with him, he told me (with a straight face) “I always want to have you in my radar. It’s gonna take a lot to take me away from you, There’s nothing that a hundred men or more could ever do”. It’s a line straight out of “Toto” by Africa, a song which has an important spiritual meaning for us both. It was also one of the love songs in the playlist he had played for me.

During that same reunion, as he tried to explain what he had felt for me during our initial meeting in Paris, he told me: “Together we could have taken it to the end of the line“. Pretty much a line straight out of “our” song “Total Eclipse of the heart”, which has connected us since our summer together in Paris. It is also the song I use to speak to him in lyrics.

Sometimes Spirit bombards us with musical signs just to get our attention. These sings may include certain songs “following” us around, songs playing in our head etc. This often happens when we are trying to avoid something – our pain, our truth, our growth – or when we have asked God or our beloved to leave us alone but when the opportunity for spiritual evolution is there.

Eight years into my marriage with another man, I was receiving sign after sign telling me to leave the old – including my marriage – behind and to reconnect with my beloved.  One day as I sat in my car, “Lost Between The Moon And New York City” came on. The lyrics struck me immediately, as did “New York” in the title. Spirit has always used “New York” to give me signs regarding my beloved – after all, it was where we reunited all those years ago. It just immediately makes me think of him. I dismissed the sign – I was not ready to look deeper into why he was still on my mind after over a decade apart. However as I switched channels, “Englishman in New York” immediately followed. I just got that feeling. As I switched again, it happened again, twice. Four songs in a row! New York everywhere. Spirit now had my attention.

In those moments when that feeling, that realization hits you, just know you are being pulled into alignment. You are being assisted along your path. Tune into your heart channel and listen. Sometimes the message is just a warm wave of love that envelopes you. Your beloved may be thinking about you, listening to that very song – or not… Regardless, learn how to receive this love without blocking it .

Sometimes we hear a song and we get that feeling, like our beloved is speaking to us through it. We feel that quickening of the heart, that familiar vibration. Sometimes if we are lucky we may receive confirmation – in one way or another – from our beloved that the song indeed came from them – or at the very least was given to you both by Spirit. Again, it’s hard to know how this actually works, only that God is great and works in mysterious ways.

Seal’s 1994 hit “Kiss from a rose” is a love song that’s been around a long time. Seal himself said the song was inspired by a “type of relationship”, however until recently I hadn’t associated the song with a spiritual connection, or my own journey for that matter. Other than the chorus, I had never really paid attention to the lyrics.

Last year I started hearing “Kiss from a Rose” everywhere. It seemed to be on the radio every time I turned it on. I immediately noticed the lyrics and just got that feeling that my beloved was speaking to me through them.

This was during a time that we were getting close again – even though only through online chats. One night he asked me to give each of my children a kiss goodnight from him. I replied “Right back at you”. He replied “Ouch”. He was joking. Then (my heart beats like crazy as I type this lol) he continued: “Your kisses were always special, unlike anyone else’s.. Empowering.. Like a pleasurable pain”.

I almost hyperventilated there and then. It was SO random that I immediately understood why that song had followed me everywhere.

To conclude, seeking peace, connection and Union through music is surely one of the most noble and non-intrusive ways to connect with our beloved – and with ourselves. Music is a beautiful way to heal and uplift the soul, and to rise together towards God. It can even become a method of worship, a prayer; strengthening not only the connection to our beloved but also to the higher realms.

I would love to hear your stories – how has your beloved used music to communicate with you?

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 A message appears on your computer screen. You two have been at it for hours.

“It was a mystical flow from the cosmos that brought us together that summer. It was only ever meant to be a temporary thing. I never imagined you as a potential girlfriend, wife or soul mate, including during the times that I caressed, kissed or made love to you. I only ever envisioned us having a lasting friendship full of sharing and caring”.

You are gobsmacked.

He is a coward.

Thousands of miles separate you. He would never be able to look you in the eyes and tell such lies  – because if he did, you would call him out for it and he would instantly feel exposed. Unfortunately, it has been years since you last saw him.

It’s a low blow – and he knows it.

How dare he! Furious, you type away at the keyboard.

“You are the one who hunted me down, pursued me relentlessly, crossed the line between friends and lovers time and time again – and you know what, that’s ok. All I ever wanted was to have you in my life. Tell me then, if you so care about our friendship, why it is so difficult for you to be just that – my friend?

He tries to formulate a response that would make sense but the truth is he doesn’t have one. Instead, after a long pause he writes:

“Why are you still talking about the past?”

You roll your eyes.

Another message follows. “It is what it is. I could not change it”.

With that, he logs off.

3,470 miles away, on his New York balcony, he lights a cigarette. He only smokes at times of extreme anxiety. Talking to you is definitely such a time.

He knows if he was ever to give into your closeness again, life as he knows it would end.

You only spent a few short weeks together one summer years ago, for God’s sake!

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Rewind to Paris, 2001.

To support your passion for travel, you are living the crazy life working two jobs – one of which is an evening job conducting telephone interviews with new car owners in the UK. One winter night, you dial a number in the London area and are immediately struck by the familiarity of the voice on the line. What a beautiful accent! This man is clearly not British. He hasn’t even bought a new car! Nonetheless, there’s an air about him which makes him irresistibly intriguing to you – and the feeling is mutual. He tells you he has never heard an accent as beautiful as yours.

That night, your 20-minute interview turns into a conversation lasting the entire duration of the evening shift as you both marvel at the instant bond between you. He wants to know everything about you. You discover many parallels and shared interests, such as a love for travel and languages. “We recently returned from Peru”, he tells you. You wonder whether this “we” is a girlfriend or a wife but do not dare ask.

That night something extraordinary happens: one by one the entire team gathers around to enjoy the wonderful energy created by your exchange. As interviews go, this is of the once-in-a-lifetime kind. He makes it clear he’d like to meet and wants your number. He asks you whether you ever visit London – which you do – and jokes about you turning up unannounced at his doorstep. At the same time, it feels like he would welcome it. He also indicates he might travel to Paris just to meet you.

Afraid of how your boyfriend might react, you don’t give out your number out but take this man’s number instead. He writes down your name, the name and location of your company and makes you swear you’ll call him.

“You know if you don’t call me I am going to have to come and find you”, he says.

You both laugh.

Unfortunately, despite your best intentions you never call him back. The time never seems right. The toxic relationship you are caught up in makes you fear the consequences of ever making that phone call. You had felt so strongly about this practical stranger (as undoubtedly he had about you) that you know it could never be just a “hello” – something would have to follow.

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The following spring, you have just returned home after a long day at work when you receive an unexpected call from your evening job, asking you to come in despite it being already late. Even though it’s Friday night and your 5th anniversary with your boyfriend your team leader impresses upon you how important this is and so you make your way to the office situated on the outskirts of Paris.

You are right in the middle of conducting your first interview of the night when he walks in. Facing sideways to the door, you do not immediately see him but “feel” him as every single cell in your body responds to his familiar vibration. The air is suddenly thick and hazy with an almost tangible frenetic energy. You glance over and immediately catch his eye.

Time stands still.

The vision of him standing at the doorway of the small room – illuminated as if standing under a divine spotlight – almost makes you gasp. Your breath catches in your throat and a tingle shoots through your body like liquid fire. You have never met this person before yet you experience what can only be described as a feeling of being discovered, found out – like you have been hidden from him and here he is now, having found you. It is unexpected – and with it, blurry memories of distant times and places suddenly flood your consciousness.

The team leader leads him into the room and introduces him to a couple of the team members who are not in the middle of interviews. All this time, his eyes are fixated on you. You seem to recognize him from somewhere. He walks over and pulls a chair right next to you. Turning his body to face you completely, he just sits there, gazing at you like a blind man staring at the sun.

As you carry on with your interview, you cannot help but stare back into his blue eyes, seeing so deep into them you swear you’re catching glimpses of his soul. Feeling both exposed and fully seen for the first time, you feel him peer deep into you. You cannot help but smile back at him. You feel an instant spark – not of physical chemistry – but a spark that ignites the heart and soul.

When your interview finally ends, his first words are “You have the most beautiful accent I have ever heard”. He wants to know everything about you. As you talk, you find him staring at your curiously. “It’s like there’s this light around you, like you are glowing,” he says. There is something strangely familiar and comforting about him; the sound of his voice, his eyes, his energy. Just like you, he can easily switch between fluent English and French. He tells you he is originally from North Africa and for the past decade has lived between London and New York. You also have a close connection with these cities. He is here to work on a project in Arabic. At almost 32 years old, he is 7 years older than you.

That night, you chat away like excited children and the team leader has to repeatedly ask you to keep it down. You simply cannot contain your unadulterated happiness at meeting each other. Even in the silence, bright bursts of sunlight spark between your smiling eyes. You are struck by the deep knowing that whatever happens from now on, just to have him in your life is enough. Just to know he exists is enough. The emptiness you had felt of something missing in your life is suddenly gone. He is here – and you can never lose him again.

You catch the 9:30pm train back into Paris with the rest of the team. For the entire train ride, you only have eyes for each other. When he asks you what your favourite things in life are, you both exclaim as if from the same mouth “Travelling, languages and writing!”. He gasps comically, yet he is far from being shocked or even surprised – in fact, he had totally expected it. It is surreal how alike you are! When the train pulls into Gare de Lyon, his stop, he deliberately misses it, just to be able to spend a few more moments with you. As you alight at the following station, you both have another two trains to catch. Unable to walk away, you continue your conversation in the middle of world’s busiest underground station.

Although you are aware of people swaying past you from all directions, all you can see is each other. There is flirtation, deep soul revealing conversations, laughter. He asks you out for a drink but it is getting late and you worry about your boyfriend’s reaction. “I really must go now”, you say – yet three hours and twenty I really must go now’s later, you have barely moved an inch. Thousands of people have passed you by. It is already past midnight and you know you have to go if you wish to catch the last train home. Back at home, you lie awake all night thinking about him, your body bursting with energy. You cannot wait to see him again and somehow you know the feeling is mutual.

The next day at work you try to tell friends about what happened but you find yourself lacking the words to adequately describe him or the events of the night before. You can’t even say his name out loud; a shiver of energy runs through your body whenever you try. Just thinking about his name does strange things to you. Your friends think it’s amusing and suggest you might be slightly mad and remind you that you have a boyfriend. “It’s not like that”, you tell them. “There’s nothing like that going on!” – yet you leave work early to buy your first mobile phone, just so he can call you.

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As promised, you see each other at work the following day. He has not slept a wink either. When he confesses he is unable to stop thinking about you, your entire body vibrates in response. He is having a hard time pinpointing quite what it is that is causing him to feel this irresistible pull to you. “Maybe it’s because you live in abundance”, he says, and this sticks in your mind because it’s such an unusual thing to say. Leaving each other is even harder that night – after hours chatting at the station you reluctantly go your separate ways. Little do you know, immediately after leaving you he feels as if his own being is being torn apart. He leaves his train in order to call you. You had only just given him your number. Since you are in the underground, his call does not reach you and goes through to voicemail instead.

Twenty minutes later arriving at your home station you notice someone has left you a voicemail. Your chest swells hearing his voice.

Hey… Jonna”, he starts. The way he says your name sends a shiver up your spine. “I cannot go home. I want to see you”. The emotion in his words is palpable. “I need to be with you. We’ll do whatever you want. Have a drink, walk, whatever. It doesn’t matter as long as I am with you. Please come to George V on the Champs Elysees. I will be here waiting“.

You turn around immediately and run back into the underground. You MUST go to him. Is this even REAL? It is nearing 1:00am, and the last train is only minutes away.

As you come up onto the Champs-Elysées, you immediately spot him standing at the top of the escalator, beaming. It is a sight you will never forget. In your mind’s eye he shines brightly like a thousand suns. You spend the entire night walking through the city that never sleeps, past the brightly lit monuments and bridges, staring into the starlit Seine-river, sharing stories of your childhood, dreams, hopes and fears… It feels like a fairy tale and there are no words to describe how much being with him feels like home to you. All the usual pressure that comes with meeting a person of the opposite sex is gone; all that guessing, trying to impress them, trying not to make a fool of yourself; there is none of it – for the first time in your life you feel completely yourself.

You both feel an urge to tell each other everything. You trust him because you instinctively know you have the same thoughts. He tells you about his travels, his past, the pain of losing his father, how he never felt unconditional love from his mother – in turn, you tell him about growing up in Finland, your parent’s recent divorce, your life-long yearning to be somewhere you couldn’t quite grasp – a yearning he had felt too, growing up in his native Algeria.

You talk about your interests which seem to mirror each other almost perfectly. Even your job history has many parallels: you both have a background in market research and translations. When he tells you he considers himself a “citizen of the world”, you can hardly believe it. At the age of fifteen, you remember writing an article for the local newspaper where you proudly stated “I am a citizen of the world”. It is how you have always felt.

That morning, just before sunrise, he walks you to near your little basement flat just a stone’s throw from Pont Alexandre III bridge. He behaves like the perfect gentleman. You feel a kinship and a connection with him which is different from any other relationship you have encountered before. Your togetherness is effortless, child-like, joyful – you have never felt such lightness in just being yourself. It does not even occur to you that there might be more to this. Surely he is completely out of your league anyway?

The following day he asks you to meet him at Boulainvilliers station. He wants to take you to a café he absolutely loves, a “hidden gem”, as he describes it. You can hardly believe it when he takes you to your favorite café in Paris, famous for its flower-filled terrace and the dozen cats that live there. You both love cats, of course. Sat out on the terrace, you spend the entire evening leaning over the table towards each other, completing each other’s sentences and simultaneously saying the same things. Captivated, he hangs onto your every word. You cannot help but notice the electric current of energy flowing between you – an image of two opposing charges pushing and pulling at each other flashes through your mind. “It’s like we are polar opposites”, he exclaims, that same second.

You discover further parallels and synchronicities despite coming from different social, cultural and religious surroundings. You notice how similar your thoughts, life experiences and expressions are – as are your beliefs, values and talents. You have the same creative drive, aspirations and dreams; you are asking yourselves the same questions. There are also complementary differences – he is an extrovert, you an introvert; he is a speaker, you’re a writer etc.

You start to feel like this is not just a chance or coincidence but that there is a divine hand at play. As the night goes on and as you discover more about him you realize you are in fact learning more about yourself. As you look into his eyes, you keep seeing yourself, as if looking into a bright mirror. You recognize in him a male version of yourself. He feels it too and tells you, his spellbound eyes shining brightly: “Jonna, you are my mirror image!” He speaks passionately about your eternal connection, about a wall coming down, veils being lifted and so on. You have trouble following it all – you are newly awakened and you lack the awareness and the vocabulary to describe the experience. Besides, you are lost in his beautiful blue eyes.

It is that night that he first tells you he has recently separated from his wife of almost ten years; a British-American woman 20+ years his senior whom he had married following a whirlwind romance in his early twenties. They shared many common interests, such as a love for photography and travel, and had lived between London and New York with extensive travel around the globe. Unfortunately, outside of their numerous vacations, they no longer got along.

He asks if you have a boyfriend. You hesitate for a second, then tell him you have recently separated. It isn’t exactly true, although you have tried to leave more times than you care to remember. “Things are still a little unresolved”, you say. He doesn’t seem to mind. Sitting there realising the energetic suppression that you have been living under, you are more adamant than ever that you will break it off with your boyfriend at the first opportunity. Even though you barely know this man, something about your togetherness immediately exposes the lie you’ve been living. You realize these two relationships do not even exist on the same plane. Strangely, you cannot ever imagine touching your boyfriend or another man again.

As the night falls, he invites you back to his place. “It’s way too early, you hardly know this man!” your rational mind screams. As you say your goodbyes on the train platform and just as the alarm for the closing doors sounds, he cups your face in his hands and presses a warm kiss onto your forehead. You blindly feel around for a seat as the doors slam shut and the train jolts into motion. Your head is spinning. Sat there with a huge smile on your face, you are puzzled. You recognize the sexual subliminal undercurrent between you two but it is not the main thing – the deep bond or friendship is. Tall, extrovert, with a nervous energy, he is far from being your physical “type” – and you are far from being his. What does this mean? All you know is you want to have him in your life, always. That night, as you step through the front door, the phone rings. He is missing you already. You talk into the early hours of the morning until it is time for you to get ready for work.

The following night, in his studio hidden away in a leafy Parisian courtyard, you are amazed to discover that even his reading habits match yours – there in a corner is a bookcase with contents identical to yours. After fixing you some dinner, he joins you on the sofa with a photo album in hand, resting his leg casually against yours. The photos cover his entire life until now; his childhood, his family back in Algeria, his travels around the world, his marriage. In one picture he poses happily with his wife on a Carnival cruise ship. “That was on our honeymoon”, he smiles. In another picture, they hug and smile on top of Machu Picchu. “That’s us in Peru, not so long ago. I truly thought I would spend the rest of my life with her”. The way he speaks about her so lovingly makes you wonder why he ever left her. It isn’t until much later that you learn that it was his spiritual awakening, just prior to your meeting, which was at least partly to blame for his arrival in Paris. You wonder why Paris of all places.

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After a while, the combination of his leg resting against yours, his closeness and his softly spoken voice make it increasingly difficult for you to concentrate. You just want to hold him. He is right there with you – he closes the album and lets it fall on the floor. His arms circle you and for the longest moment you just hold each other. Gazing into his eyes, you dive in deep, seeing galaxies speed past a dizzying speeds, floating in the timeless space, experiencing what you can only describe as “God”, or the most powerful, sublime and infinitely loving force, looking at him through your eyes. As the mirror of his soul reflects this God consciousness back to you, you see yourself as if God is looking back at God itself. The amount of love you feel leaves you forever changed.

When your lips finally touch the sense of rightness is such that a powerful “YES” rises from deep within you. He shows you that every other kiss you’ve had in your life has been wrong. His face has the slightest bit of stubble and it rubs your skin but you don’t care. You don’t care at all. Every inch of your body dissolves into his, so much so that you wonder whether you’ll ever be able to find your way back into it. When you come up for air four hours later, you both let out an immediate and simultaneous “FINALLY!”, before collapsing back into the sofa laughing. How amazing to finally find someone who knows how to hold, kiss & caress! “I have waited FOREVER to do that”, he sighs and you kiss some more. Neither one of you had felt any time pass at all.

The next day returning from work you find your boyfriend waiting for you outside your apartment. Feeling empowered and supported from within like never before, you tell him it’s over, once and for all. Initially he seems to take the news well, agreeing that your separation has been a long time coming, however only days later, he attacks you in a jealous rage outside your home. You are simply too ashamed to tell your friend. You want to believe that a new life is beginning for you and are determined not to let the ghosts of your past destroy it.

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Being with your friend is energizing, like being charged by the Universe. You can hardly concentrate at work and he occupies your every thought 24/7. At the same time, you have never experienced such an explosion of creative energy within you. You barely sleep or eat – and you don’t need to. Over the next few weeks you lose a lot of weight– you are glowing, with a permanent smile on your face. Shivers of energy run through your body at the slightest thought of him. Just his name sends your atoms into a frenzy! People around you cannot help but notice the magnetic energy of your togetherness and immediately assume you’re a couple. Neither one of you can figure out what it is exactly that makes you so attracted to each other. Just being around each other is exhilarating. You develop a terrible stubble rash on your face from all the kissing.

It is only a matter of days before you both give into the magnetic pull to merge together – not only in mind, heart and soul, but in body. Taking that step feels so natural. You have never experienced such intimacy with anyone. So different, this is not about the physical sensations or human senses but about the joining of two bodies on all levels – spiritual, mental, emotional, physical. You both agree this act of merging feels both primal and sacred; you truly are making love. There is a sense of coming together of polarities and the recognition of their already present unity; an exchange of DNA, the creation of something new; at once sexual, psychological and spiritual, earthly and transcendent, individual and universal, masculine and feminine. He later describes your love-making as a “different kind of physical communication and nourishment”.

There are times he climaxes so powerfully that you fear he might hurt himself. Huge amounts of energy are being released. Once or twice his orgasms leave him unable to walk, or articulate anything that would make sense. He speaks incoherently about galaxies speeding past him, floating in the clouds, about having died and gone to Heaven. This may well be what he tells all the women in his life (and you suspect there have been many) but never in your life have you seen a man climax like that. “Only you do that to me”, he later confides.

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Afterwards, your naked bodies intimately entwined, he takes your hand and superposes it on his. “It’s the perfect fit,” he says, and kisses you tenderly. “YOU are perfect to me.” Nestled there in the nook of his arm, you smooth the damp hair away from his temples. You love him like a lover, a mother, a sister, a friend, a teacher, a student, all at once. You have never known such unconditional love before. Truly, only God can love him more.

You…,” he says, his voice cracking with emotion. He pauses, before continuing: “You make me feel like a virgin.” There is shyness and vulnerability behind his brave and gregarious mask. ”It’s hard to explain but every time with you feels like the first time. I have never experienced it before. I have always pursued women, like a hunter. That’s what we men are taught to do. Only, once the hunt is over, I have often felt empty, even used.”

He pauses.

With you it’s completely the opposite. I feel empowered but also helpless when I am in your arms”. 

He clears his throat to try and regain control of his emotions, then looks at you half puzzled, half amused, his eyes searching your gaze. “It’s like you’ve put a spell on me…”

You are unsure whether that’s a statement or a question.

Like I can’t hide anything from you”, he continues, “Like you see straight into my soul.” 

You don’t disagree. You do.

You spend the next couple of months joined at the hip. You bring out the best in each other – he truly wants you to become the best version of you. You happily introduce each other to members of your respective families over the telephone without thinking too much of it and plan to travel back to your home country together later in the summer. You introduce him to all your closest friends. You lose friends too – not everyone understands how you can leave your boyfriend and move on so fast. Very few people know about the hell your life has been these past few years.

He is your shelter from this world – for the first time you feel like someone truly understands you, gets you and accepts you for who you are. Being with him makes your brain quiet; you do not need to invent anything. He is by far the most wonderful, awe-inspiring soul you have ever met – and he seems to feel the same way about you.

You spend your nights talking about everything between Heaven and Earth. You both appreciate the value of clear and open communication and even though you explain yourselves out of habit of doing so with others, inside you both know you don’t have to. Your brains are in sync; you have the same views and ways of thinking. You know he would never judge you. He tells you he has recently had a spiritual awakening. He is into horoscopes and seems to know everything about your Gemini-Pisces compatibility. He speaks with great passion about his plans for you to better the world together – to “build a bridge between cultures and religions, between East and West”. He speaks about travelling together, opening a B&B together in a warmer climate, writing and publishing together.

You want all those things but wonder how, from your short time together, he can so enthusiastically “see” these things. You find it hard to see that far into the future anyway due to the volatile situation with your ex-boyfriend. Only recently, he kicked your door down trying to get to you. Through your soul bearing conversations it becomes clear his situation with his estranged wife is just as unresolved. He tells you of his sense of duty towards her and how difficult this has made leaving her. He has been dealing with emotional blackmail from her, fearing she will hurt herself, and feels horrible about causing her so much pain. At the same time your ex is still refusing to leave you alone, alternating between extreme anger and depression. You fear he will kill you or himself – or both. He has started to call your workplace, causing disruption. Naively, you hope there is an amicable conclusion to your time together. There never will be. One night your friend turns to you and says “Wouldn’t it be wonderful if we could both had magic wands to resolve each other’s problems?”

Unfortunately the situation with your ex-partners only gets worse. Between you fearing your ex’s reaction and his wife announcing her visit, your time together is now under threat. He tells you you were only ever meant to be friends and that everything else has been a “bonus.” You know this is how you lose him. The Universe steps in and your daytime job assigns you to a temporary project working at the head office, at a location unknown to your ex. When you tell your friend about the project he immediately suggests you should work together. The stars align to help you: your boss – usually the most unhelpful, uncaring woman – instantly agrees, without ever meeting him. Somehow, even if this buys you more time, you know this time is borrowed.

You spend several weeks holed up in an office together, working as a team of two. You are so in sync you barely need words. With his wife is town, you no longer spend your nights together however most evenings, you ride home on the bus which follows the circular route around Paris. Although it is painstakingly slow, it is often the best moment of your day, sitting there with your legs rubbing, in silence, feeling recharged and comforted by each other’s presence. Here in the crowded commuter bus, you can still be together. As you look at him with the kind of certainty that only comes once in a lifetime, you know this Love will last forever.

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It is years later now but the memory of that summer is still as magical as ever. He is still your favourite place to go when your mind searches for peace.

No matter that it ended in tears, the love between your souls still remains. You feel it within you each passing day.

Then why is it still so difficult?

He is a stranger, he is nothing, your wounded ego tells you.

He is home, he is everything, your soul responds.

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People often ask whether there is any mention of twin flames in the Bible or the Qur’an –however since this term is a fairly recent one associated with a “new age” concept, one simply cannot expect to find it in books written hundreds or even thousands of years ago. Yet while some try to use its absence as proof that there is no such thing as “twin flames”, these eternal lovers – also known as counterparts, or polar opposites, have actually been around since the beginning of time.

As I share some of my insights into the Quranic and Biblical scriptures surrounding the ideas of marriage, true love and the twin flame journey, I understand that this may be a controversial subject for some. My purpose is not to rewrite either one of these Holy Books or to go all gung ho with the interpretations, but – should this subject be relevant to you – ask you to examine your own heart and what resonates. As you too study these scriptures I invite you to truly allow yourself to feel the depth of love that God intended for you – and to come to your own conclusions.

Both the Bible and the Qur’an give a description of what marriage between counterparts is like. Many understand this as meaning the marriage to the husband or wife that we have ourselves chosen and see the descriptions in these Holy books as something to strive for, however I believe this is simply because so few of us have experienced or known a true marriage. You see; true marriage as the Bible and the Qur’an describe it, is made and sustained by God. As such, it could never be just the man-made, watered-down, sign-on-the-dotted-line dissolvable contract that binds people together while it lasts, but an alchemical UNION of two souls which God has created for each other; as an act of worship, as a means to get closer to God and to fulfil the divine mandate – and ultimately, as the final step before the return home.

Adam and Eve were the original counterparts. Both the Bible and Qur’an tell their story, however the accounts and the detail vary slightly. God put Adam to sleep while he took his rib and created Eve – something which, although not confirmed in the Qur’an, is in fact supported by a Hadith in Bukhari. The reason God put Adam to sleep is so that Adam, on first seeing Eve, would recognise her as being a part of him but also as a gift from God, since, being asleep, he had no role in creating her. So when he in Genesis 2:23 exlaims: “This is now bone of my bones and flesh of my flesh,” he does this out of recognition of himself in her, even without knowing she came from him.

According to the Qur’an, after the incident in the Garden, God tells Adam and Eve to leave Paradise and go to live on earth. On earth, they no longer remember who they are and become separated from each other for many years. Eventually, after years of searching they pray a sincere prayer of repentance and are reunited with God and each other. Sound familiar? I love Adam’s and Eve’s reunion story because it shows the importance and power of heart-felt prayer because if both counterparts sincerely call upon God to grant their Union then there is no reason why in divine timing it shouldn’t. It also teaches us about patience, sabr.

Many go through a similar journey here on earth. We suffer from spiritual amnesia when we come here, and go through decades of growth to get to a semblance of serenity and self-awareness. Yet inside we still feel something missing. Occasionally we turn to God and seek a deeper understanding, a purpose, a reason for the pain. So how does this relate to twin flames? If we have been blessed to meet ours in this lifetime, one of the significant touchstones on the path is the realization God has sent them to us to challenge us and to awaken us so that you both could be guided back to wholeness, and to God. The way the twin flame does it is by pushing us on a deep journey of self-discovery and self-realization – an essential step for every God-created union.

Both the Bible and Qur’an agree that the way for us to know God and to truly understand His word is to first come to an accurate & full knowledge of ourselves. This is relevant to the twin flame journey in so many ways because the often the connection to the twin mimics closely/reflects the connection to the Self. If a man wants to see himself, he looks in the mirror, right? – and there is no truer reflection than your counterpart twin.

The Bible tells man to “Know Thyself” (Romans 12:3-8), whereas Prophet Muhammad (pbuh) is reported to have said “Whoever knows himself knows God”. It makes perfect sense, after all “God created mankind in his own image” (Gen 1:27) and “I breathed into him of My spirit” (Qur’an 38:72). Furthermore, the Qur’an tells us that it is reflecting and examining our own self which guides us to the eternal, infinite Source that is free of need and want; unlimited in knowledge, inspiration and power – and abundant in love, mercy and acceptance. God is within us, closer than our jugular vein (Qur’an, 50:16), and when we come to know ourselves, we can align with His will already planted in our heart.

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So what do the Bible and the Qur’an say about counterparts? Firstly, both books tell us that God created everything in pairs, such as “And of everything We have created pairs: That ye may receive Instruction” (Qur’an 51:49) and …“male and female he created them” (Gen. 1:27). I particularly like the Quranic text which seems to indicate that us being able to receive “instruction” (i.e. guidance) is somehow linked to our pair.

The Prophet of Islam (pbuh) said, “Women are the twin halves of men”. Your pair, your counterpart, is the person with whom you share the same essence and a “single nature and one self” (Sura al-Nisa 4:1). “It is He who created you from a single person, And made its mate of like nature in order that you might dwell with her in love….” (Qur’an 7:189). In the Qur’anic philosophy each person is a zawj, a half of a whole consisting of two matching, interlocking and interworking parts. What is true throughout creation also applies to the human marriage, i.e. when something is created as one part of a pair it is clearly incomplete without the other – as the Qur’an states, “He himself created the pair, male and female” (Qur’an 53:45), and sometimes several incarnations take place with the zawjs making near misses.  However when the zawjs come together they reveal concealed potentials within each other, potentials that were impossible to realize while they were apart.

Regarding the marriage between counterparts, the Qur’an states: “And among His signs is this, that He created for you mates from among yourselves, that you may dwell in tranquillity with them, and He has put love and mercy between your hearts. Verily in that are signs for those who reflect.” [Qur’an 30:21). Notice how the Qur’an is basically saying; this is how you know, and invites you to reflect on the “signs”. One of the signs being that your mate was created from “among your Self”, i.e. they are like you. One thing is for sure: the stress and tension of an ill-fitting union are absent when one is bonded with the right person. There is no mention of mediocrity, emotional blackmail, co-dependency, being lost spiritually within the marriage and having to “work out differences” in what the Qur’an describes. Instead, God put love and mercy between the hearts of the counterparts, and they are a haven of tranquillity for each other. They are each other’s medicine. In fact, the Yasir Qahdi mentions that the successful marriage is not when you can live in peace with your wife, but when you can’t live in peace without her.

Having said this, the idea of a counterpart (twin flame) is somewhat controversial in Islam, since many associate the literal theory of the “other half” as only applying to Adam and Eve, not other souls. However as I understand there are ayahs in the Qur’an which leave this issue open to interpretation. The reason that the theory of a soul mate, or twin flame, is not widely accepted in Islam is that Islam teaches us to be realistic and truthful, and such “fantasies” may even be seen as a form of zina (fornication) with the mind. Instead, Islam teaches us that once you have selected a spouse according to the guidelines set by Islam (their religious and inner qualities), then you MAKE marriage work, and the blessings follow from thereon. Basically, a male and female can build up a good relationship but ONLY within the framework of a marriage. Anything else is haram, forbidden.

Basically, your spouse is your soulmate.

However, beyond the Islamic guidelines is the deeper truth found in the Qur’an which closely reflects that found in the Bible. It is the truth of connection, of Union: when God intends a man and woman for each other, they join together & become one. “They are no longer two but one flesh” (Matthew 19:6). That it is. They become “yoked together”, end of story. Being “one” with someone (or not) cannot be faked, denied or ignored permanently. No person, no event, no act, no decision can ever pull apart such a Union, whether these two get to live their lives as husband or wife or not; whether they are a part of each other’s lives or not. “Therefore what God has joined together, let not man put asunder.” (Matthew 19:6). True counterparts, through the merging of their energetic fields, know that they carry a part of the other so tightly entwined within their being that it would be impossible to untangle one from the other, or God from what is between them. They are bound together for eternity; their spiritual growth always a reflection of the other.

In the Islamic tradition, marriage is half of a person’s “deen” (i.e. their “duty” to God). Many people understand this as meaning that the act of marrying completes half their duty towards God – like they can finally sigh a sigh of relief, phew, that’s that done, right? No, wrong. Just the simple act of marrying, if done for the wrong reasons, is unlikely to get you any closer to God. After all, Prophet Muhammad (pbuh) made it very clear it is always the spirit behind the act which counts more than the act itself. This is how important it is to find the right marriage partner. Yet two people who have come to know God and who call on their Beloved and find their reflection and echo in the other are still a rare occurrence in this world.

According to Islam, Allah has already written the provision for every soul on this earth, including whom we marry. Yet marriage is a decision that many people take without an accurate knowledge of God or themselves. For the majority of us, our marriages are unions of convenience which stagnate and in fact hold us back, be it after 2, 7, 10 or 30 years together. Oftentimes we exercise our free will too hastily and enter into relationships to fill a lack inside; for the other person to complete us, to aid our personal growth, to make us happy, to start a family, to support us financially etc. We prioritise chemistry over compatibility and physical attraction over spiritual resonance. We choose our partners based on their looks, their financial status or family background, their ability to bear children, their intelligence and so on. You get the gist. Your true counterpart is rarely your chosen wife or husband since these arrangements are made by you and represent a physical union.

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So, what if you are already married but find yourself being pulled by God’s guidance towards someone other than your spouse? This pull has nothing to do with being or planning to be unfaithful. It is not uncommon for this to happen, and when it does, many find themselves challenged to the core by the fact that God’s undeniable call to worship/service could come through loving another person, especially if one does not happen to be married to that person. Society tells us that the person we marry is the one we are supposed to love exclusively – and even if through our spiritual and emotional growth we find God and realize we are stuck in an incompatible marriage, we still persist with it because this is what our societal, religious and cultural conditioning tells us to do. It takes a lot of courage to let ourselves feel – let alone pursue – the deep love that our true counterpart awakens within us and to forsake what we have been taught to perceive as morally wrong and contrary to God’s command in favour of what our heart tells us is right, divine and true.

Let’s be honest though, how many of us have sincerely selected our partners based their ability to remind us of God and his Love? Are our husbands and wives the beacons of light God intended them to be, pointing us towards the eternal life? The thing is, real love brings us closer to God. It is an act of worship which connects us with ourselves and others. Since it comes from Spirit; it also creates a living connection to God and to a greater purpose. It is unconditional love which exists by its own right, through a flow of REAL love connecting the two lovers no matter that the circumstances or distance between them. “Beloved, let us love one another, for love comes from God. Everyone who loves has been born of God and knows God” (1 John 4:7). Such love could never be wrong.

The Qur’an speaks about God making the hearts of believers familiar (Qur’an 8:63). It is also said that it is the light of Oneness that yields spiritual love and familiarity in the heart; for love is the shadow of Oneness, familiarity the shadow of love, and balance the shadow of familiarity. Since God is ONE, the closer the heart is to Oneness, the stronger the power of love is within it. Surely this explains why certain connections are strong, and even at times overwhelming. They help bring us back to the wholeness that we are by strengthening our love towards our self and others! Their mere presence acts as a purifying fire where everything other than love is burned away by the closeness to God.

Now I am not an advocate of anyone leaving their spouse at first sight of such phenomena, and I certainly do not condone extramarital affairs. But beyond all the questions and moral dilemmas that arise, is the truth of what Real Love is: it is a movement towards unity, towards oneness. It is a home-bound move. Therefore, we have to ask ourselves: is love putting the blinders on and persisting in an incompatible marriage; or is it trusting the small voice inside our hearts which tells us to follow the call home to God, no matter what this may look like on the outside?

There is another way to look at this dilemma. Let’s say that you are married and meet your beloved. You know it is God calling you to this person but you do not feel you should leave your marriage; after all, your partner hasn’t done anything wrong – or maybe they have – but either way you don’t want to hurt them. Perhaps you hide away from this other person, hoping she and the feelings for her will go away in time – or maybe you engage in an illicit affair with them behind your marriage partners back; somehow thinking that this is a better solution than leaving. However, what if in such a situation, you saw your first loyalty as being towards God? What if in examining your heart you recognized that you had married this person before you had come to know and trust God? Surely then, you can admit that this marriage is not by divine mandate but by human choice and could begin to take the steps necessary to realign yourself with God’s will.

Here comes the truth: You do not trust God. You are fighting him! Realize that there is no such thing as free will. Not really. God’s will for you is your will and you fight it because you want it all on your terms. You do not choose who you love. God chooses for you – and he makes no mistakes.

Trust in the Lord with all your heart
    and lean not on your own understanding;
 in all your ways submit to him,
    and he will make your paths straight

(Proverbs 3:5-6)

 

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In the Islamic tradition at least, there is no higher love between humans than the love which is for the sake of God; love that exists for the simple reason that the person we love brings us closer to God and points us in His direction. The Qur’an states that on the day of judgment, it is those who love each other for the sake of God – meeting for His sake and parting for His sake – that will find shade. Our main consideration in selecting our partner therefore should always be how much love they inspire in us and how close to God they bring us – after all it is by the amount of love in our hearts that we will be judged.

God tells us to “love one another as I have loved you” (John 15:12). Furthermore, both Holy books speak about the importance of loving others like we love ourselves. “None of you truly believes until he loves for his brother what he loves for himself” (Hadith 13) and “Love your neighbour as yourself” (Mark 12:31). It is worth considering that these verses cover a deeper meaning, which is that perhaps we have not known God, or true love, until we have EXPERIENCED what it is to truly love another like we love ourselves, like twin flames do; where we hurt when they hurt, where their happiness is also ours, where nothing can be hidden or denied, and where we know without a doubt that at our core we are the same. This is Love. This is Union. This is to know God.

In the gospel of Thomas, which did not make the final cut of the Bible having been judged as too “out there”, Jesus gives us a glimpse into what the “yoking together” of a man and a woman truly is, as well as what the reward for such love is. “When you make the two one, and when you make the inside like the outside and the outside like the inside, and the above like the below, and when you make the male and the female one and the same, so that the male not be male nor the female female; and when you fashion eyes in the place of an eye, and a hand in place of a hand, and a foot in place of a foot, and a likeness in place of a likeness; then will you enter [the Kingdom]” (Thomas 24).

That’s right. Union of “equally yoked” souls leads to God’s Kingdom.

As for marriages of convenience, where do they lead us? The Bible tells us not to be “unequally yoked together with unbelievers” (Corinthians 6:14) for “What fellowship can light have with darkness?”.  If true belief comes from learning to love the other as we love ourselves like the Prophet of Islam stated in the hadith previously quoted, then the warning the Bible gives us is not to bind ourselves to anyone who does not have such love. Are we with someone who loves us unconditionally? Someone who sees eternity in our eyes, and feels the closeness of God just at the thought of us? Furthermore, 1 Corinthians 7:16 says “How do you know, wife, whether you will save your husband? Or, how do you know, husband, whether you will save your wife?”. Just because someone is your husband or wife through an earthly bond of marriage does not mean that you will be “saved” together. This is why it’s important to trust God for the best possible plan for our lives, even if it means our lives will go in a new direction.

Since “God created everything in pairs”, it is God that is the point of reference for the counterparts. “He has set up the balance…” of all things, so the counterparts should only look for Him to set all things in the right equilibrium. This means, no rushed actions or jumps from one relationship to another in the hopes of catching the elusive twin flame; not without first doing the work to get to know our Self, learning surrender, becoming humble and establishing your personal relationship with God. Your priority has to be to first set things right with God, so that he can bring about the balance within your lives together if such is His will.

Surrender is so crucial because through it, we stop trying to play God. We release the illusion that we are in control here. God loves us and wants amazing things for us, but we need to know when we are standing in His way. More than anything, surrender implies the end of resistance. It requires total acceptance since we cannot surrender something that we deny, or something that we won’t face. Rather we surrender when we no longer blame, control, deny, hide, calibrate, compromise, expect, push or pull, ignore, avoid, force, wait or manipulate. Surrender asks us to die to ourselves; to release who we think we are and to become nothing once more so that God can become everything in us. God needs space in us to work through us and he can only do this once we finally just allow whatever is to be.

With God, everything plays out perfectly as He planned it.

Ultimately what I am trying to say here is that the importance of marriage as a social contract should not never override its original purpose of true partnership, a mingling of the spirit, heart and soul of a male and a female of like nature, created together; fulfilling the divine mandate for their lives. Beyond the societal rules and restrictions that govern marriage and divorce there is simple truth: what good is a marriage, no matter how long or fruitful, if we do not see eternity in the eyes of our spouse? True love lasts forever – beyond time and space; beyond this lifetime into the eternal life; into Paradise, into Jannah. True counterparts care about each other’s salvation and know that the other was sent by God to help guide them home.

For me, this whole existence – and certainly this journey – would be pointless if I did not believe with ALL MY HEART that God sent him to me – and vice versa – to bring us into closeness with Him and each other. He is the person who, by just being himself, brings me home. Just his presence – energetic, spiritual or physical, has helped make me a better person; and the love that I have come to know through him has made me a believer. I hold fast to the promise of an eternal life (”You will be with those you love”- Prophet Muhammad [pbuh]) and I know it will be worth every moment spent apart. All I know is that my beloved brings me closer to God. No one else can do it for me.  And this is how I know he is “The One.”

Does his marriage to another change this truth? No, not at all. First of all, meeting our beloved does not have to destroy any marriages. We can also act as a positive, empowering force in each other’s lives without engaging in a sexual relationship. An Islamic fatwa states that if we feel love for a member of the opposite sex, then the emotion itself is not the subject of questioning on the Day of Judgment. If you feel you love someone, if you have a special affinity towards them, then you cannot control your feeling. Such love is not bad. Love has to do with the heart, and it may appear in a person’s heart for reasons known or unknown. Feel free to embrace it. However, when we take that love and give expression to our feelings in actions permissible only within the bond of marriage then our action becomes forbidden.

To truly love someone means to have reverence and respect for that person. If the object of our love is married to someone else and chooses to stay in the marriage, then we should accept and embrace such a marriage as an extension of our love for them. This is because true counterparts know the value of the other as a spiritual person, and it is from reverence that they source the willingness to grant the beloved the spiritual space needed to freely travel his/her own path. It is for this reason that true counterparts never make any demands on each other. Their connection is unique and irreplaceable, whether they are together or not – and no amount of sex, marriage vows, babies, or years together can ever bring forth such a connection with another. It either exists organically from the offset – or it doesn’t. True counterparts are always within each other, a part of each other in a way that could never render them insecure towards each other. It just is what it is. Even if one of them is married to another, they will always be reminded of their eternal promise to each other; and their Union, whether here on earth or in the Heavens, is always only a matter of time. “Be completely humble and gentle; Be patient, bearing with one another in love. Make every effort to keep the unity of the spirit through the bond of peace.” Ephesians 4:2-3

In my heart, I know that God brings counterparts together for so much more than just a life together as a couple here on earth. I know that if mine is showing up in my life – and I in his – it means that I am being invited to step deeper into God’s love and into spiritual service, to step off the wheel of incarnation and to go home. My beloved brings me close to God. Nothing or no one can ever change this truth. That’s why when he told me, I think God sent you to me & vice versa, to challenge us, to expand us and guide us to his path, to his truth, to our eternal life & salvation, to peace and serenity”, this alone means more to me than any other promise of earthly marriage or life. It tells me that he is headed home – and I will be there to welcome him with open arms; whether it be in this realm, or the next.

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