The power of Twin Flame Love: Moving from Denial and Separation into Union

rumi-quotes-what-you-seek-1024x640As those of you who regularly read my blog know, I have been riding the waves of ascension and reunion for a while now. The metamorphosis which started in 2002 seems to finally be coming to an end. As much as my writings are a lifeline for me, the shifts and challenges have been such that I haven’t been able to post any new material for a while. I am treading on unchartered territory here! Nevertheless, during this time of intense transformation I have been left in no doubt about the importance of surrender and of having faith in the process. Staying surrendered creates miracles – and it definitely has for my Union.

When I started writing this blog almost a year ago as a testimony of love for the man I refer to here as my twin flame as well as a declaration of faith in the twin flame journey, I had no idea how I would navigate the huge changes I saw coming my way. This year however I have felt the hand of fate push me into the direction I had always known I needed to take, reaffirming what I always knew. As a result, guided by events which seemed to come to my aide, I finally left my marriage of eight years; something that was long overdue for reasons completely unrelated to my twin flame. Divorce is never an easy solution and with small children involved even less so. However nothing new is ever birthed without pain.

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One of the most popular questions I receive on my blog is what is going on with my Union – and what happened since the events in my posts Twin Flame reunion: Self-Love as the Key to Illumination (Part 1) and (Part 2). There are many reasons as to why I haven’t shared this part of my journey yet. Firstly, the magnitude of events was such that it required me to take time out, not only to act upon the guidance prompting me to move into the new, but also to allow myself to believe in what I was hearing and seeing from my twin flame. I wanted to keep it close to my heart because of how precious every interaction with him during the past year has been. It is still hard for me to open up about the events of the past months; in particular as it relates to things he has revealed to me and all the long lost dreams and hopes this has reignited in me. Even more so, it has been difficult because it exposes how vulnerable he makes me; how he alone has the power to turn my ultimate dreams into reality – or to crush them, once again.

The thing is; I have been feeling empowered, happy with where I am going and with myself ever since I started practising self-love. Nevertheless, there is no denying that loving me equals loving him. As I open myself up more and more to him, to Love, to our Union, I still find myself at times wishing I had worked more on myself. Although I have surrendered and learnt to control the triggers, remaining in balance is still a challenge. I can only imagine what turmoil he has gone through during this time: after all, how would you feel if your twin flame returned to you after a decade of being married to someone else, just as you had finally made peace with yourself, with your religion and with your wife?

I have come to understand that the twin flame union is a balancing act: not only of the inner masculine and feminine energies but also of the intense energy between the twins. To make it lasting requires the unwavering, eyes-wide-open participation of both twins. Both must trust that everything happens for a reason and according to divine timing. One twin simply cannot force the other into Union – even though the progress one twin makes on their spiritual path is often quickly replicated by the other. The only real tool that we have for making our Union happen is our own spiritual growth. Union only comes at the end of the process – and cements itself into the physical when both twins have reached a level of spiritual and emotional maturity and CHOOSE to step up as co-creators.

Since I reconnected with my twin last year, I have kept “eyes on my paper”, enduring long silences, doing my best to allow his conflicting messages about our past, present and future without judgement, demands or expectations, preferring to trust my deep inner knowing about where things are headed for us. I have stopped trying to give him all the answers, or even thinking that I have them. I want him to feel empowered and not give his power away to anyone, not even me. I prefer to allow the cosmic laws to operate in their own timing, trusting the journey and staying concentrated on bringing forth what is REAL for me. Amazingly, this seems to then, in its own time, allow my reality to reorganise and manifest itself in the most perfect ways.life-is-an-echo

As I share a little more of my story, you must understand that what has happened in my Union is nothing short of a miracle; something only this divine, transformative love with its endless creative potential can give birth to. Last time my twin flame opened up about his feelings for me almost a decade ago, he denied that we had any soulmate/partner/wife love chemistry whatsoever and told me how he had never ever pictured me as a potential girlfriend, wife, or the other half, including the moments he caressed me, kissed me or made love to me. He also told me that the physical side of the relationship had been a bonus and a “different kind of a physical communication and nourishment”, insisting that this was how he had felt from day one – and how difficult it had always been to make me understand this. He also believed I had expectations and was trying to make him to be something he did not want to be. Our wonderful time together hadn’t been a game play or a lie, he said, however it was only ever meant to be a temporary thing and our reunion, as passionate and emotional as it had been, had been a “mistake”.

I don’t think anyone can call me delusional for not believing a word he said. After all, this was the man who from the first time he laid his eyes on me pursued me endlessly, and with whom I passionately reunited with three years later. He was also the man who always made it clear to me that our connection and the feelings I ignited in him were not only special, overwhelming and eternal, but unlike anything he had ever known with anyone else. During times together and apart we shared many metaphysical, telepathic, synchronistic and energetic events. Even in his attempts to friend-zone me he CONSTANTLY crossed the line, even when I asked him not to and sincerely offered my friendship and acceptance of his choice to remain married. We were forever floating between him ignoring me – and then flirting, sharing wonderful moments and deep, spiritual conversations with promises of things to come. And although he reassured me of our special friendship, “filled with caring & sharing,” he constantly failed to be just that; a friend.

What he didn’t understand was that I was not expecting a romantic relationship out of him; I had known from the start that what we chose to be to each other in this life could never change the fact that we are One. What I wanted was to have a chance to be what we already were, without calibration, dilemmas or him shutting me out because he wasnt’t able to handle his feelings for me. In my mind, the field of possibilities of what we could be was – and still is – so vast.

As you can imagine, I was heartbroken and angry when he told me this. I was beyond the point of caring: the emotional price had become too much to pay. I understood that for him to feel the real power of the connection and our love, I had to allow him the time and space to feel it without my interference. After all, if he really thought the connection was temporary and I was trying to force it, then what better way for him to see clearly than with me long gone, no longer a part of his life, yet with the connection persisting and with his feelings for me not only remaining but growing, bringing him ever closer to Love, to Source, to himself, to me.

Certainly if I trusted what I knew already back then, he would one day see the light yet I had no way of knowing if it would be in this lifetime. It took every bit of my strength to let go of my dearest dream of having a life – or even a friendship – with him but I did it, putting all my faith into knowing that I would be with him again if and when it was meant to be. When I met my husband and started a family, I didn’t think I would ever get the opportunity to be with him again in this lifetime.

CaptureWhat happened next

After he broke his five month long silence with his email telling me about the overwhelming emotions and nostalgia my words had ignited in him, he disappeared again. His words unleashed so many thoughts and feelings in me that I wrote at length about integrity, moral dilemmas, marriage and surrender, intending to share it all with him – until I realised this too was a pattern I needed to break. Previously every time I sought to connect with him I would bombard him with deep, spiritual emails, high on love – after all, I am a writer! However I didn’t wish to overwhelm him anymore, or to make him feel like he could never adequately reply to me. Instead, since he had mentioned his surrender, I decided to share with him my own personal journey into surrender and the realisations it brought regarding our beautiful connection.

Even though I wasn’t hearing from him, the deepest sense of serenity, of guidance, of being closer than ever to him and to Source, came over me. I knew something big was happening. I felt the celestial magnets being switched on again: this wasn’t the first time I had experienced this painfully exquisite pull to him, however this time it came with clarity about the deeper purpose behind the connection which not only returns the twins to each other but also to Source. I was absolutely certain he was feeling the pull too – and in deed, months later he told me he thought God was drawing us to each other.

Two weeks or so after I wrote to him describing my journey into surrender he finally sought me online late one night. He apologised for his long absence and said that he had been truly very happy that I was writing again and how the repetition and succession of my emails had been a blessing. He spoke of his frustration of not being able to find the words to respond to me or to encourage me to write more. He had wanted me to think about what I wrote and had wanted to “allow himself to believe in it”. Remaining silent to avoid or postpone facing his demons would only ever lead him down the path of mediocrity, he said, and instead he wanted to build something lasting and real. He also revealed that he had been preparing for our discussion by covering the subject I might be talking about from every possible angle, yet deep down he was still expecting me to “uncover unexpected angles”. believe

That night, for the first time in almost a decade, we chatted. Mostly it was about God and surrender, but also about our marriages, our connection and his conversion to Islam. His first question; “So, where are you in your spiritual journey?” set the tone of the conversation. He also right away asked about my marriage and how things were. I knew with my husband we were headed for separation but I didn’t want to put any pressure on my twin flame to feel like I was expecting him to do the same so I avoided the subject, telling him simply that things were difficult with my husband being away so much.

He told me he had relished in all my emails and told me how amazed he was at me; we seemed to be feeling, thinking and experiencing all the same things. Even the triggers and fears that had prompted his growth and realisations were mostly the same as mine – and seemed to have happened pretty much simultaneously. We were so in alignment that he asked me whether I had become a Muslim too. He suggested we had reached a level of spiritual and emotional maturity at the same time and asked me if I didn’t mind him “testing me” without me thinking that he was trying to be argumentative, as he “wanted to be sure”.

He told me that he cares for me and wants me to be the best I can be, and more importantly accepts me just the way I am. “You are perfect to me”, he said. He spoke about being a truly changed man through his surrender to God, and how he had finally found peace. He told me that he still struggles with his fears, mortality and imperfections every day but also that the deeper he goes into surrender, the more empowered he feels. I was blown away by the accuracy of my guidance – this was what I had always known would happen.

He told me that if he was to pursue a life partner this would be in alignment with what God wants: a “realistic love and affection that would allow both of us to fulfil our purpose in life for the love and pleasure of God”. This partnership, he said, would be serious, binding and REAL with no ifs, buts, doubts… and all the way. He also spoke of the “complementary polarity” which we share and which I had so beautifully described in my emails, and quoted a verse from the Quran speaking about the love and affection God has placed between a husband and wife. With surrender and the shifting reality, he said, even the idea of twin flames and their return to Source had become a “reality”, instead of a delusion. He spoke about patience (Sabr), and about preparation, which he said this was all part of.

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Clearly from what he was telling me there were feelings and something was pushing him into being vulnerable with me again, but he also told me we should not just let ourselves go with our whims & desires; in fact, he would not be encouraging a romantic or sexual relationship as long as he was still a married man. I fully agreed with him: the last thing I was looking for was an affair; however the way he worded his sentence made me think there might be a time in the future where he would no longer be a married man; that is, until he told me he was looking forward to spending the “rest of his life” with his wife. Naturally, I asked him to be clear with me since I had no interest in interfering with his decisions or his marriage. His happiness and surrender meant the world to me; I didn’t want to disturb his newfound peace and serenity. I only wanted to have a real friendship, if nothing else, with him and I did not want to lose him again.

He asked me not to stop and that with my prayers he might acquire the “true vision”. He said that after all, it is only through intense fire that the transformation of metal into gold can ever happen and told me to bring on the flames. He was speaking alchemy – and as any bona fide twin flame knows, alchemy, “the seemingly magical process of transformation, creation and combination” is exactly what takes place for the twin flame coupling. In my heart I was convinced: he knew and he had always known. To add to the confusion later on in the conversation he alluded to the divine revelations I had been getting about us and told me that if they were in fact true, he would divorce his wife and be like me. He reassured me that he wasn’t trying to be sarcastic but that he truly wanted me to think about it and to enlighten him.

For me, the entire conversation that night reflected his internal conflict about whether he really believed that love like this could exist between humans. As much as he alluded to my “pie in the sky” unrealistic ideal of love, and suggested that maybe I was going through a temporary crisis in my marriage and that I had perhaps “only recently woken up”, he also spoke of his admiration of me for being a “true seeker” and for holding the divine secret; and for having always been able to reach the “realm of the sublime and divine”. He asked me if I would share “my amazing connection” with him. On the other hand, he had worked out the statistics on our time together to demonstrate that it really wasn’t that long at all – as if time meant anything for our connection.

More importantly, after all these years he told me that he had always loved me and had never ceased to love me, or to have affection for me. He had never forgotten me in his thoughts and prayers. And the chemistry, which he had insisted was “non-existant” between us, had of course always been there, however he had dismissed the connection as “temporary” as he was not able to discern between sexual and spiritual chemistry at the time. He believed God sent me to him and vice versa, to challenge us, to expand us and guide us to his path, to his truth, to our eternal life & salvation, to peace and serenity. This, he said, reminds us how fragile we are but at the same token, empowers us to what is our purpose in life. God willing, if we both prayed for it, he said, then God would lead us to it.

That night we talked for over 8 hours straight until I had to leave for work the following morning. Although he signed off lovingly, telling me he wanted to speak to me again soon to find out more about my situation, he disappeared for another couple of months. My head was left spinning with what he said, the love that I felt, the hidden meanings, his conflict, whether I was misinterpreting what he said and the changes I would have to make in my life to follow this path. I knew I was exposing myself to heartache. Yet I was reassured from within: give me time; be patient, this is all for the purpose of our Union.

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Love and Fear

When I first connected with Mahmoud – the author of this article – on Twitter, we instantly struck up a friendship based on mutual admiration and resonance of each other’s work and spiritual path. He was one of the first fellow bloggers to recognise my work on Mirror of My Soul and I have always equally admired him for his spiritual gifts and creative talents (of which writing is just one!).
It has been my intention for the longest time to reblog his article on Love and Fear which I know will resonate with my readers. For me, it perfectly describes the twin flame dynamic and how the mind-heart divide leads to separation from our twin flame, or Mr or Ms Soul Connection, as he calls it. He tells it like it is from the “runner’s” perspective so perfectly – and echoes many of the truths I have found on my own journey and often blogged about.
I hope you enjoy his soulful writing as much as I do.

Diary of a MadMoud

Episode 48

30 Days of You Challenge | Day Ten

I feel like I have talked about this subject a lot, haven’t I? Why is spirit trying to get me to post about it again? This whole 30 Days of You Challenge is becoming quite challenging because it forces me to find stuff to blog about, so I have to look for dust in the corners of my mind. When I am not engaged in any challenges, I would post whenever I would have an overwhelming sensation to express something, so I could spend weeks not posting anything because I just don’t feel like it. Can’t do that now, and since I am not one to back out from any challenges I ask spirit to inspire me with a topic to blog about. Sometimes I go “ugh, really? I wouldn’t do much of a good job posting about that today”…

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Twin flames – When marriage outside of the Union is no longer an option

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When twin flames meet, the feelings of recognition brought on by the Union of the Soul are felt so intensely that for a while everything outside of this awe-inspiring, wondrous connection simply ceases to exist. If one or both twins are already in relationships, these often get temporarily pushed aside and totally eclipsed by the power of the twin flame connection in order to allow the strong bonding between the twin lovers to take place. While this brings on a whole new level of “it’s complicated” into our life, from the viewpoint of Spirit the earthly relationship status of the twins is irrelevant.

Many bolt out of existing relationships upon meeting their twin flame simply because the love and connection is felt so strongly that staying in the old relationship becomes an unbearable lie. Although this is often an unavoidable consequence of the twin flame encounter, in many instances once the bubble phase is over and the often inevitable twin flame separation hits, one or both twin flames return to their old paradigm marriages or swiftly move onto new relationships in an attempt to regain normality and to fulfil the void left by the twin flame. Nothing however is ever lost: it simply means that there are still lessons to be learnt or important work to complete on other timelines before a permanent union can happen.

The truth is that sometimes the only respite twin flames can find from the turbulence of the connection is in the “safety” of old paradigm relationships. This does not mean that our twin flame does not love us or does not wish to be with us, however consciously or unconsciously they know that the intensity of the connection would require their full attention and dedication; and that to rise to the challenge they would have to acknowledge their shadow and learn to live with it. Often the twins fail to see that what is being offered here is not a new relationship but the opportunity to become all that they are meant to be, and so they rate the “risk” of moving from that which is safe, familiar and manageable to that which is unconventional, passionate and intense as simply too high.

Whether we want it or not and regardless of our choices, the meeting with our twin signals the start of a metamorphosis; a journey of self-discovery and transformation which calls us to re-evaluate everything we know. Like the dream cells which enable the metamorphosis of the caterpillar into a butterfly, this destructive process helps bring us out of the co-dependent, ego-based relationship mind-set into the reality of TRUE love and Union. In fact, what both twins often don’t realise until much later is that this separation and the temporary choice to shy away from the connection is a blessing; it is a beautiful gift because it helps rid us of our illusions of what “should be” and opens us up to what is REAL and lasting.

This shift is not only necessary but inevitable for the twin flame union because as long as we still “need” our twin flame to complete us, the relationship will never turn out the way we had hoped on a human level. The thing is; switching from a 3D marriage into a twin flame union does not equal moving from one relationship to another, but is an actual quantum jump between levels of consciousness and parallel dimensions. To maintain a physical union with our twin flame necessitates a completely new level of honesty, transparency and acceptance and it requires a strong, REAL connection to our Self as well as Source/ God. More often than not, when twins first meet they are simply not ready or strong enough in their connection to themselves to be able to make this move at once.

The twin flame reunion is a PROCESS during which both twins may make choices which seem to take them away from the Union; however it is these very choices which create the circumstances that allow both to mature spiritually and emotionally into Union. The end result is the shift from a fear-based thinking to a heart-based BEING, where the closeness with our twin flame becomes impossible to deny as time passes and as we grow closer to ourselves and to our Twin.imagesCA0TQ6IS

The steep learning curve of marriage to another

When I reunited with my twin flame after three years of running I was ecstatic to have him back in my life. 18 months later however it was a different story: I was exhausted from being on the constant emotional rollercoaster of push and pull, forever alternating between shared moments of closeness followed by his silences, contradictions and denials – I was ready to get off the hamster wheel of twin flame insanity. When I met a man who treated me with respect and consistency and who echoed my desire to start a family, I grabbed onto this chance without hesitation or guilt. Within a year I was married and had a baby, and for the next 8 years concentrated on building the family I had always wanted.

Despite my twin’s attempts to include me in his life I kept him at a distance, often with long gaps between our infrequent emails. I wasn’t consciously avoiding him, I just couldn’t for the life in me understand what he wanted from me when all he had done after our reunion was to avoid and delay seeing me when I had hoped to be his friend, lover or whatever. I felt like I had tried everything, given everything, yet he was still a complete mystery to me. Nevertheless, throughout the years I was always genuinely happy to hear from him and shared my news with him as I would an old friend, with all the love and affection I felt for him.

Of course I knew that I harboured many unresolved feelings for him but it was easier to stay away from him rather than having to face them and go through the disappointment the interaction with him always inevitably brought. I didn’t realise until much later that while I had resented my twin for reverting into his “safe” marriage, I had done the same by jumping into mine. As the years went by I knew that my twin flame was still struggling to find peace, love and meaning and he often conveyed this to me in his emails. He told me how proud he was that I had realized my (our) dream of having children and settling down. As his 40th birthday approached (and despite the fact that he was still married), his restlessness seemed to only grow. “Home”, he said, was becoming “increasingly elusive”.

Even though I was fully committed to my marriage and loved my husband, there was no denying that as the years went by I started to deeply yearn the connection that mirrors and gives it back to the other. Although I had always known that I did not have such a connection with my husband and had accepted it, I could never forget what it had felt like to meld essences with another being and to see them filled with that energy, that vibration. Naturally, as my marriage started to deteriorate for unrelated reasons, it was that same energy that I now sought for comfort.

My husband was often away for months at a time and I was struggling to balance work, my health and caring for my three small children in a country where I had no family and barely any support network. The only time I would have to quieten my mind was in bed at night, and this is where I would always feel my twin’s presence. I started to seek out the calming, spiritual energy that he represented for me and in fact for a period of about two years those moments of connection were the only moments of solace and comfort I could find. Oftentimes the last thing I would recall before falling asleep was his energy coming to me, and in the mornings I could still feel him lingering in the room, as if he had JUST left. Yet in the “real world” I had no contact with him and had not seen him for 8 years.

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Throughout the years of our connection I had grown accustomed to feeling him; in fact, I had known him in this way since I was a little girl so it was nothing new to me and I never gave it too much thought – that is, until the day I realised that he is always here with me; as an energy, a reflection and a presence, as an integral part of me. This brought with it the awareness that there are two sides to me: the one that knows the reality and depth of the connection and the other which says it’s OK to be disconnected and do this with another person. Ironically, I had always been aware of and quick to point out this same division within my twin, and so seeing it in myself was an eye-opening and humbling moment. I instantly knew there was no one else to blame: I was the one creating the separation by acting as if it’s ok not to be with my divine counterpart; the only one who can nourish me. While initially I had convinced myself that I could find fulfilment outside of our Union, I realised this was only because I was not finding that deep connection within MYSELF.

The journey from feeling his energy come to me in an uncontrollable way to actually realising how he is always WITHIN me in a very REAL way was a process which took several years for me, as I am sure it did for him. However the day did come where from the spiritual emptiness of my marriage – God Bless it – arose a place of serenity and solitude where the only truth left standing was that he, my twin flame, was like no other. Along with this was great sense of freedom, of being free from want, from sadness, from my restless search, from all the conditions and barriers that I had let myself and others impose on me when I had not yet known my own power, or the power of God.

I knew now that no matter how much I tried, I was never going to find that connection with anyone else. It would never be as fulfilling, as nourishing, as deep, as intimate, as spiritual, as infused in God. He is always here with me, his energy, his presence, in a way that is impossible to describe. All this time I had been trying to give the Oneness that I am with my twin flame to my husband, but the truth was that he could never give it back to me. It was like trying to fill a sake cup with a flowing fountain; the sake cup cannot contain or understand such abundance, and cannot hold any of it, whereas the true counterpart, my twin flame, would always naturally, automatically, simultaneously expand to accommodate and reflect the outward, as well as the inward, always matching, resonating and reflecting. Finally through the connection to my Self and through allowing this pure God-infused love to flow through me I realised I no longer wanted to mix my essence and energy with anyone who could not match me perfectly; mind to mind, heart to heart, soul to soul.

I realised that all the difficulties within my marriage, including my husband’s infidelity and long absences were in fact a blessing, meant to show me once and for all that I deserved better than that. My marriage provided me with the rock bottom I had to reach to realize that this is not who I am, nor is this the way I wish to live my life – or to inspire my children to live theirs. Thus, I could not harbour any ill feelings against my husband since he had provided me with the experience which taught me that I am the ONLY ONE responsible for giving myself the love that I deserve – and therefore, I could not resent my twin’s wife for doing the same for him.

Finally I was ready to lay his ghost to rest and make peace with his failure to “show up” for me in the past in the way that I had hoped. Instead, I put my full faith into the truth of our unbreakable inner bond and the reality of our eternal Union. I knew I had to choose this path and that I had to do with FOR ME, whether he decided to make this same choice or not. I realised that being able to meet my twin flame in this life is an amazing blessing and opportunity which meant that I should not to settle for anything less than the soul-shaking, transformative, one-soul-in-two-bodies kind of love that we had always shared. If there was the slightest chance that I could be with him and work in Service for the greater good of humanity then I had to take it. Ultimately, I knew my life had to be about this LOVE and this love only, with or without him.

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Moving on from a 3D marriage to Union with our twin flame once the energies of Oneness are felt WITHIN is definitely one of the toughest yet most empowering experiences on this journey. The leap from one to the other is a leap of FAITH, which requires us to stand tall in our own KNOWING and light. For me personally, the key to finding the courage to leave my marriage was finding this Union within myself. Since the twin flame union is first and foremost an inner happening, with this inner completion comes the realisation, often through trial and error, that we no longer want to be stuck in a 3D relationships which drain our energy but that we’d rather follow the path which make us feel alive, radiant, joyful and connected to purpose, to ourselves and to God.

When we truly want this for ourselves and proceed with self-love and faith in the journey, the Universe guides us and moves for us in the most miraculous ways. The key in the meantime is to be patient, not only with our twin flame but also with our own situation. The truth is that even if today our twin shrinks back into their old 3D ways, they will only ever be offered a temporary respite from the connection. Sooner or later, the path always leads back to the ONE LOVE, ONE SOUL, ONE TRUTH – that our destiny is with our twin flame.

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Twin Flame reunion: Self-Love as the Key to Illumination (Part 2)

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When twin flames meet, it is the recognition of the self in the other which ignites the deep longing for Union. More often than not, this union is long process lined with paradoxes, including this one: we cannot find union with the other until we find it with the Self. We meet our twin flame for this very purpose: so that they can reflect and bring to our attention all the ways in which we must still grow in love for our self. The union with the Self MUST come first. It is so important because self-love helps us trust our intuition and inner knowing and the more we tune into and learn about the symbolic signs from Source and our own individual way of receiving them, the more we are able to recognise the small voice of our Higher Self when it speaks to us.

It is only within that we find all the answers and validation for our Twin Flame connection. It is the famous twin flame paradox again: our twin flame can never validate the connection back to us to a greater extent than what we have been able to validate to our self. This is the very reason why developing the communication with our Higher Self is so crucial: we must find certainty despite the great mystery. Sooner or later, the journey leads us to the discovery of the Source of all love within our own Being, as well as the TRUTH that our twin flame is never further away from us than we are from our own Heart and Soul.

The truth is that you DO have all the answers and you do not need your twin flame to validate your own experience to you. You CAN be freed of the pain regardless of what your twin flame is or is not doing. Personally I believe this self-validation of the twin flame experience is a prerequisite for physical union since once the internal validation and knowing transforms into illumination, our Twin flame feels it too – and responds by mirroring it back to us, just as we no longer seek it – perfectly affirming the twin flame paradox. Following our intuitive knowing WILL bring us into alignment with the Divine plan and clearly, if BOTH twins do so, they will be brought into Union in divine timing because their Union IS the divine will. Self-love makes the impossible possible.

To continue my story about what happened after I made the decision to do only things that a self-loving person would do, it was now a couple of months since I had sent my twin the email inviting him back into my life (if you missed part 1, click here to read). Although I had not heard anything from him or seen him online during all that time, my life was a hotbed of spiritual activity and I was getting constant signs and synchronicities which reassured me that I was on the right path.

I was also becoming acutely aware of the energetic suppression of my marriage and it was increasingly hard for me to live with. For reasons completely unrelated to my twin, I had known for a while that my marriage would have to end – I just didn’t know how or when. I will share my insights regarding ending my marriage in another blog, however I was guided not to make any rash decisions but to trust that in the right time I would know what to do and would find the strength and support to do it.

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September

Earlier that year, around the time I started my “self-love project”, I had started suffering from debilitating sciatic pain. I found myself unable to sit up, move or even turn in bed without being hit by the excruciating pain that completely froze me. It was affecting every aspect of my life and nothing or no one seemed to be able help. That summer, through a series of coincidences and synchronicities I ended up attending a law of attraction type workshop and scheduling a session of EFT (Emotional Freedom Technique) with tapping with the course leader Eileen. About 40 minutes into the treatment, as I was describing to Eileen how the fear of the pain made me feel stuck and unable to move, I suddenly started to sob. It wasn’t a slow realisation that hit me but rather a flash flood of emotion which took me by complete surprise. Through the deluge of tears I understood that the physical pain I was experiencing was merely a reflection of the emotional blockage and fear I had held onto about moving on into the “new”. It was a huge moment of relief where I realised I did not need to hold onto that pain anymore. Amazingly, within a week of the treatment the pain had completely disappeared.

The release of this blockage seemed to catapult me into much more clarity and I was finally able to make some long overdue changes in my life. I reduced my working hours in order to gain a better life-work balance and I stopped the law studies that had been draining my energy. I was even more determined to remain in this state of clarity when my long-lost creative flow of energy returned. I hoped to get back into writing which I loved and that my twin flame had always encouraged me to do.

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October

Very soon after the physical/emotional release of the EFT session I had symbol-filled dream about my twin; made all the more special by the fact that it was years since I last remembered dreaming about him. In the dream I was in Paris – where we first met – viewing an old abandoned apartment. Time seemed to have stopped there; the shelves on the walls were dusty and empty with the odd object left to cover dust. It didn’t seem like a place anyone could live. I found myself feeling pulled towards a stream of light shining in through a door slightly ajar at the back of the building. I pushed the door open and stepped out into a Parisian courtyard. To my right, peeking through the clouds was the sun; shining onto the courtyard in stark contrast to the dusty and dark interior I had just walked through.

As I stood there, not having taken a single step yet, a man stumbled into the quiet courtyard from the same building as me but through a different door. He was only a few meters to my right and only a few seconds behind. He pushed the door open with such a force that he literally stumbled out. He was facing sideways to me and did not see me, but turned towards the sun and stood there with his eyes closed, feeling the warm sun on his face. My heartbeat accelerated, I recognized this man! It dawned on me just before he turned around that it was my twin. For a split second I wanted to run; then resisted the urge just as our eyes met. It felt like for the first time in a very long time I was able to look at him without hiding myself. The truth was that in way I had been expecting him. We weren’t speaking, there was no need to. He was looking at me, relieved and amazed, saying “What now? I am here. I made it. What happens now? “.

The dream was full of spiritual metaphors, signs and references to the past: him stepping out to the sun, the sun (=love) shining through the clouds etc. (Note: you can find a more indepth interpretation of my dream here). With each day I seemed to understand its deeper meaning more and more. I KNEW that the dream was significant and my guidance told me that the fact that we both burst into that courtyard simultaneously meant that we had BOTH had a spiritual breakthrough at the same time. I was definitely feeling the magnetic pull to him in my chest much more strongly; to the point that it developed into a physical ache whenever I thought of him. I kept finding myself wanting to hold him, without any agenda or hidden hope; simply to hold him in my arms and let him know that everything would be ok. I was convinced he was feeling the pull too, yet when I wrote to him lovingly, guided to do so, he remained silent.

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One morning, as I was getting ready in front of the mirror I “saw” him looking back at me, truly SEEING me. I saw myself with so much love and reverence that I knew he was finally seeing me for who I am, recognizing the beauty of my soul that had always called him Home. I didn’t know what it really meant, except that some kind of a veil had been lifted. It was a strangely empowering moment and slightly intimidating too – was he now sometimes seeing through my eyes, just as I was seeing through his?

Within a day or two, I had another experience of this as I caught a glimpse of him enjoying a moment of joyful conversation with a group of Muslim men all dressed in their white Islamic dress. Without knowing how, I knew that he was on the pilgrimage to Hajj – something he later confirmed. Later that day things got even stranger… I was at the gas station filling up my car when an older Muslim man in his Islamic dress approached me. He spoke to me gently and asked me if wouldn’t mind helping him make sure he was putting the correct fuel in his new car. The whole situation felt very odd, considering that the gas station courtyard was full of men, including younger Muslim men that he could have asked instead. He wasn’t even parked next to me but walked across the busy gas station to my car. The odd thing was that I felt it was my twin’s energy that this man was drawn to and which caused him to approach me, and I felt an affinity with him that was most unusual – he even patted my shoulder in a brotherly fashion on leaving. It was a strange experience which left me puzzled as to the nature of our energetic merging.

A week or so later by another set of coincidences I found myself attending a mediumship demonstration (my first one ever!) for a bit of Saturday night fun with a friend. I was gob smacked when my late grandma came through with a message about my twin flame. She had always had an amazing psychic connection with him (more about it here) and this despite the fact that I had never opened up to her about him (I didn’t need to – she knew anyway!). She told me that my connection with my twin was a true heart and soul connection and how she knew he was the One I had always loved. She mentioned the emails I’d been writing to him and said that I should not be discouraged even if he did not reply because my emails were helping him and he was” relishing” in them (the exact word he himself would use a few months later to describe his feelings about them). She told me to keep writing to him as much and as often as I can and told me to “hold on” and be patient as amazing things were coming my way.

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Almost five months had now passed since I had sent my twin flame my email revealing my feelings. Despite his silence my understanding regarding our connection had grown into illumination and I felt able to access his side of the experience through my awareness of our One-Soul. I was connected to so much LOVE within me that I no longer felt the need for any kind of acknowledgement, validation or confession from him. I felt compelled to share and help others and started writing my blog Mirror of My Soul, feeling inspired, connected to and loved by my twin flame despite no visible proof of any “progress”.

Then I dreamt about him again. He had come to see me for the first time for years; we lay on my bed with our legs touching, tingling against each other. He was talking about the events of these past years, holding up a huge sheet of paper on which he had drawn a timeline filled with dates: for each time he had failed to find adequate words to speak to me, for all the things he had written and then erased etc. As he was speaking, the sound of his voice faded away; all his explanations as to why, how and what for were meaningless compared to the feeling of peace and HOME that I was feeling; that ALL of me was there in that moment, no part of me left out there in the multiverse, no fragment, no piece of me separated from its source. He had finally returned HOME to me.

The following night as I sat on my couch I felt his energy surround me. It was so intensely loving, so deeply comforting, warm and REAL that I stopped everything I was doing and just sat there, with my eyes closed, blissfully aware of it. I don’t know how long I just sat there, however at some point I realized he had logged on – for the first time in over five months. I knew intuitively that he was writing to me as I could FEEL HIM talk to me and so I just sat there, enjoying the flow of thoughts and feelings until at 1.30am an email came through from him.

The energy of that moment was so intense, so tangible that I had trouble holding my shaking hands still enough to be able to read his words on my cell phone. He apologized profoundly for not having replied to my wonderful emails sooner and confessed that he had kept writing and erasing his responses; unable to find an adequate way to express himself, let alone respond – which was exactly what he had conveyed to me in the dream. He spoke of the overwhelming nostalgia, feelings and emotions that my email had ignited in him (all of which I had felt!) and the moral dilemma it had raised for him, which, he reassured me, was not my fault. He spoke about finally connecting with divine guidance, about surrender, his conversion to Islam, the Hajj pilgrimage – it had all happened just as I had been shown. He spoke of the “calming spiritual & emotional force” which I represented for him, his admiration for me and how he had always looked up to me spiritually. He admitted that he must have been “too shallow or too blind” to reach the realm of the “divine and sublime” as I had always done – and still did, and that I would always be a part of him.

I sobbed out of sheer relief and love for him as I read his words. For the first time, I recognized every word he wrote as being TRUE. Knowing that he was finding God and himself meant everything to me. All the questions, all the doubts were gone; not because of what he said but because I ALREADY KNEW. I had ALWAYS known; through his denials and rejection, through his pursuit of other women, through 13 years of separation, I had always known. We are already ONE on all levels that matter and we are in this together.

Truly, the connection to the self IS the key to the connection with the other.

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Twin Flame reunion: Self-Love as the Key to Illumination (Part 1)

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One of the essential lessons along the twin flame path is the lesson of true love; not only for our Twin flame and all creation but more importantly for ourselves. It is no cliché that it is impossible to truly love someone unless we first love ourselves. To give love, we must have love- and once we have it we must give it without hesitation, expectation or condition; simply because we ARE love and we recognise this same essence in the “other” who is, in fact, us. It is here, at the core of our being, in our connection with the Source of all Love that lays the foundation of all human love. It is the discovery of this unconditional love within our own being which ultimately frees us from the pain of the twin flame experience. Moreover, when we allow its abundant flow to fill us, all our relationships, including that with our twin flame, transform in miraculous ways.

The love of the twin flames is the closest experience to Divine love that we can ever enjoy in the human form. The vortex-like vacuum of this powerful Love as it pulls us towards its’ Divine Source requires that both twins first master unconditional self-love before a harmonious, lasting physical union can ever become a possibility between them. Nothing other than unconditional love can in fact survive the intensity and fire of this powerful, spiritual connection. To navigate this connection we MUST release the illusion of separation from God and from our twin flame, as well as the belief that we need anything  outside of ourselves. After all, if you are not fulfilled by the exquisite beauty of your authentic being without feeling like something is lacking, then how can you ever expect your twin flame, who is your MIRROR, to do so? Only YOU can and must give yourself all the Love you deserve and need. Your relationship with your twin flame can only ever be as strong as the foundation of your self-love. Therefore, it is only once BOTH twins realize that nothing of value can ever be found outside of their own being that they magnetize each other for reunion for the simple reason that they are each other: your twin flame is YOU.

There is nothing more important than doing the inner work necessary to discover the authentic YOU. As twin flames, we often make or delay decisions based on our desire for union or give up on our twin flame because of decisions they make; however what counts more than anything is that we always act with self-love, whether this seems to be leading us away from our twin flame or not. Truly, what appears on the surface in a twin flame connection is just the tip of the iceberg and to gain true clarity both twins must learn to live from a place of self-love.IMG_3775

The good news is that anyone can, at any given time, choose this path of unconditional love. In reality, it is ALL you need to be at peace in your twin flame connection. To love yourself does not mean being egoistical and always putting yourself first at the expense of others, nor is it about winning or getting what you want, but rather about marvelling the miracle of your existence as a manifestation of the Divine will. It is about accepting yourself AS YOU ARE: about embracing both the light and darkness within and disrupting negative patterns while being your own best advocate. To love yourself is to know your values, maintain your boundaries and to honour them. Self-love is about setting the example for others of how you wish to be treated; always knowing that you are worthy to receive love for the simple reason that it is WHO YOU ARE. Self-love also requires you to be able to forgive yourself; for running, for judging, for expecting, for being afraid, because when we forgive ourselves it becomes easy to forgive others.

Personally, it was my decision to only do things that a self-loving person would do which acted as a catalyst for the huge changes of the past year – not only in my twin flame connection but also my personal empowerment. Like so many others, I had been hearing the call to return to myself for a while but I had no idea how I would find the courage or will to make the changes required in my life; one of which was leaving my marriage. However just like “Rome wasn’t built in a day”, there is no need to have all the answers beforehand. By starting small and allowing ourselves the time to fully tune into the guidance available to us (and then acting upon it), we soon find ourselves in the momentum and flow of an interconnected, intelligent web of sychronicities and signs: the same one which drew our twin flame to us – and will not hesitate to do it again, if such is the Divine will.

I have often been asked if there were any signs which told me that something was stirring in our union, especially as we had not seen each other or discussed our feelings or connection for almost a decade. Therefore, in order to encourage you all to follow your own intuition and to embark on the path of self-love, I tell here of the events which unfolded since my decision to only act with self-love.

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One of the first things I realized was that all this time I had been withholding love from my twin flame in equal measure to the love I had been denying myself. I realized that to truly love me was to love the “other me”, my twin, even if he did not return that love. For the first time I clearly saw my avoidance of him due to my inability to face the unresolved feelings I felt after he rejected me. It was 8 years since I had last seen him (despite the many times he had asked me) and five years since I last heard his voice. As I finally accepted my feelings for him as well as the pain that came with them without closing my heart, I felt relieved and surrendered as I had never felt before.

I wanted to reach out to him and let him know that if I had avoided him it was not because of anything he had ever said or done; and that regardless of any past, current and future relationships the love that I had felt for him could never change and what had always mattered to me was his happiness. He deserved to know this and more, not so that he would reciprocate or even respond, but because it felt like the right thing to do. I felt urged to write to him, reflecting on my feelings and experiences and on the immense love I felt for him; and this is exactly what I did without thinking about it or the consequences too much. I simply felt liberated for having finally spoken my truth.

However, within 24 hours of sending my twin the email as I was stood at my kitchen window a man resembling him walked past. I live on a private road so it is extremely rare that anyone who is not a neighbour walks past my window, yet here he was; a total stranger who just happened to be my twin’s perfect doppelganger down to the way he walked and the clothes he wore. He seemed to be having a leisurely walk past my house, even stopping to admire the trees (nothing special, by the way) outside my house for a very long minute or two. However what became clear from this strange coincidence was the instantaneous realization that the intensity of my love for him had never gone away. As I stood there with my heart pounding, all my senses heightened, I could not deny that my love for him was as fresh as on the first day I laid my eyes upon him.

I assumed that he would reply to my email fairly soon with his standard reply citing memories of a lovely summer together, however as the days and weeks started rolling by with no sign from him I was puzzled. He had delayed his answers to my emails before so this was by no means the first time, but as he had only just told me how he hoped I still considered him a close friend, I assumed that he would at least acknowledge my heart-felt email. His passive rejection of me had always been a frustration for me, however this time I quickly became aware of a different energy emanating from his direction. I felt a mixture of despair and relief containing happiness and sadness in almost equal measure. Maybe this meant he had finally come to the realization that this was no “temporary flow from the ethos”, like he had previously described our connection?

This was an unexpected consequence to an email I had written more for myself than him. It wasn’t anything I had planned or even imagined so I wrote to him again, apologising if my emails felt too forward or out of place. Receiving no reply, I wrote him a chatty email about my life and my children, gave him my phone number and offered to meet him – to no avail. I felt pretty calm about him not replying, but I was still checking my Skype and emails a little bit too much for my own liking and on top of this, my kids kept getting hold of my phone and accidentally calling him. I was mortified that he’d think I was chasing him or pressuring him in any way for a reply. I felt a little shaky on this unknown territory and unfriended him on Facebook and then Skype. When I very quickly I felt silly about it and sent him a new contact request, he immediately accepted it. Despite this I never once saw him online for the next five months; it was a as if the ground had swallowed him. For the first time I intuitively knew that his silences did not mean that he did not care about me or our friendship, but rather that my words had such an impact on him that he simply could not reply at the moment, not knowing what to say or how to respond. He did however want to keep reading me and this is why he kept the lines of communication open.

In the following weeks I found myself in turmoil, floating in a sea of emotion where I felt like I was being tossed about by huge waves of overwhelming emotion.. Although I didn’t perceive myself to be sad or upset, I became a sobbing wreck at the most random times, even breaking down at work – something so completely out of character for me. I intuitively knew these emotions were his, not mine and it was the first time I had been able to tell the difference with such clarity. All the crying was actually helping me to finally allow myself to feel the full force of this love – after all, there was nothing I could do to escape it and I no longer wanted to either. In addition to this, the “mind chatter” that I had previously experienced with him during times of intense growth, such as after my kundalini awakening, returned more intense than ever. I was getting flashes and visions of things that had happened between us in the past and I was seeing many things in a new light.b9c5bf43872a37a283ee9444c30fbfd7

One day, out of nowhere, a phone conversation I had at work 13 years prior popped into my head. It was really odd as I had not even recalled the event for at least the past decade. At the time, I worked in a call centre (the same one where I met my twin flame the following year), phoning new car/van owners in the UK for a 20-minute satisfaction survey. One night, I dialled a number in the London area and spoke to a man with whom I hit it off immediately. I could hardly get through my pre-scripted questionnaire as we were too busy catching up on a lifetime of events, discovering many common interests and giggling like children at the delight of it all. My 20-minute interview turned to a 3-hour phone conversation lasting the entire duration of my evening shift as we both marvelled at the amazing connection between us. He wanted to meet me and asked me for my phone number, but afraid of how my boyfriend would react I took his number instead. He made me swear I would call him –but I never did, although I did keep his number for several years. The time never seemed right for opening that door. I had felt so strongly about this practical stranger (as undoubtedly he had about me) that I knew I couldn’t just call him to say hello – I knew something would have to follow.

Suddenly I was getting the message that this person AND my twin flame may have been the same person. Had he come looking for me? He knew where I worked. The details seemed to match: from where this person lived, the things he told me about his life and his travels and interest; to how my twin had experienced the onset of his spiritual awakening the year before we met, how he then left his wife, whom he clearly still loved, to come and live in Paris and how he immediately seemed to know many things about me, as if he had been expecting to meet me. The similarities were simply undeniable. I searched for the phone number of this mystery man but unfortunately I no longer had it. It all seemed too strange to be true.

This revelation made me question my own understanding about our connection and I felt compelled to read through our entire catalogue of past emails, mostly dating back to the time of our brief reunion 8 years prior. I wish I had understood what he was telling me at the time since now, even reading through his emails that had upset me; all I could see was his love for me – and his underlying fear that perhaps I did not feel the same and would run again.

The following month as I walked past the multi-faith prayer room at work I had a moment of seeing through my twin flame’s eyes and I realised that he was kneeling down doing the Muslim prayer. In that instant I not only knew that he had converted to Islam but also felt the exalted state of his deep surrender to God; something he would later confirm to me. Since it was the month of Ramadan, I stopped writing to him for a while as I did not want to appear disrespectful. In a way I felt saddened by this turn of events as I wondered whether his conversion had changed him and worried that his religion was just another “mask” for him to hide his true Self behind.

The reassurance from within came almost immediately: seeking God would only bring him closer to me, this was a guarantee – after all, this was exactly what had happened to me. I sobbed remembering my dark night of the soul and how desperately I had pleaded with God to help my twin flame find peace and fulfilment, and how surrender had changed me and brought on the Union of our internal energies so that I felt him within me wherever I went. Truly it did not matter what religion he had adopted since there was nothing that could ever separate us. Whatever he is, I am also, and whatever these big changes were that were now rolling into my life, I knew he had to be feeling them too.

To be continued…505256404_1280x960

 

 

Posted in True Love, Twin Flame Reunion, Twin flames | Tagged , , , , , , , , , | 12 Comments

The Runner returns – Letter to my Twin Flame

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Lying on your back in the hospital emergency room, you find it hard to breathe. Little do you know that this is only your first of three visits to this A&E department this week as you struggle to even lift yourself off the floor. Your whole body hurts and you feel like you’ve just been run over by a train. You’re convinced that you are dying, or at the very least having a heart attack. The pain all over your body, especially in your chest, is unbearable but not even the painkillers can ease your agony or erase the memory of her words. It’s not just the physical pain which leaves you feeling like a carcass; it’s the fact that you feel as if you’ve just been slapped awake from a zombie-like deep sleep. Nothing makes sense right now. You cannot for the life in you begin to understand how her words perfectly describe your deepest feelings, after all, you always hid them so skillfully – or so you thought. How does she know? Who is she? Who are you? And what if, just what if, it is all REAL?

Three years earlier, after a beautiful summer spent together in the most romantic City in the world, she had simply vanished to the thin air. Somewhere in the excitement of meeting her you had omitted to tell her just how unresolved the situation with your estranged wife actually was. You had not intended to deceive anyone but you had not expected to fall so hard and fast for this woman so unlike your “usual type”. When your wife arrived in town to see you, and with you unable to turn her away out of your “duty” towards her, you pulled back; torn between your guilt about wanting to leave your marriage and your deep feelings for this woman. You told her you always valued her as a friend and that everything else had been a “bonus”, not meant to last. She never shared with you the agonizing rejection that she went through feeling you pull away, knowing that she had no tools to manipulate you into staying, into giving her any of your attention, because she truly did love you and did not want to interfere with your life. She only wanted to see you happy. She had no idea that you were pushing her away, not because you didn’t love her, but because you just needed some space to figure out what to do.

When you try to see her again a few weeks later she is gone without a trace. She has left her job, her phone line is disconnected and her mobile phone won’t answer. The emails that you send go unanswered. You don’t know where she lives and there is no Facebook or online presence to trace. You don’t even have a picture of her. You leave messages on her answer phone and try to reach her through mutual friends but to no avail. They tell you she is back together with her boyfriend. You leave her hundreds, perhaps thousands of messages all the while convincing yourself that you are only trying to understand why she is now suddenly avoiding you; that your growing anxiety has nothing to do with the fact that every day without her hurts like hell. You’ve only known this woman for a few short weeks for God’s sake! Nevertheless, the feelings of deep, soul-shredding loss haunt you and you cannot help but feel like you’ve been ripped apart. The magnitude of these feelings seems disproportionate to the short time you spent together; it simply makes no sense. In fact, you don’t understand any of it, but deep inside the realization is growing: this is all your fault and there is nothing you can do about it now.

As the months go by with still no word from her, you do everything to keep yourself busy. Gradually your time together starts to feel more and more like just a dream, like something that happened to you in another dimension, in another reality. 18 months later, having gone through your own dark night of the soul, you finally surrender and leave it all to the powers that be. To gain some closure, you write her a long email where you pour out all your feelings; about your souls being connected, about how much you love her and about the pain she left behind. She never replies. In fact, just reading the first few words sent her into a downright panic and had her hurry for the delete button without ever reading your beautiful words. She too has done everything she can to move on and is simply not ready to revisit her intense feelings for you. You decide to leave the country; in fact, you leave the continent and sell your soul to the corporate devil, throwing yourself into work and back into your marriage in order to regain some normality.

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Three years go by and then one morning in your inbox is an email from her. Little do you know that she’s just had a spiritual awakening and is now being bombarded by signs and synchronicities from everywhere telling her to come to YOU. She has no idea what it all means and just wants to know you are happy – and you are now! Suddenly you find yourself back in the sweet synchronistic flow of your energies, back in your uncomplicated, timeless togetherness; burning the phone lines, exchanging emails. In your heart you had always known that she’d return, although you had not really allowed yourself to believe it. Everything seems to click right back into place, as if she never went away.

You want to see her but she hesitates, conflicted about her unresolved feelings for you. Can she trust you not to break her heart this time? She writes to you about love which calls the souls back home; you talk to her about marriage, about children, about how you are still looking for your polar opposite – something she always knew she was. When she writes to you about the union of two souls, without realizing she is answering your deepest questions. Yes Yes Yes!!!!!!!!! Could it be that all along she was feeling the same? You must see her to be sure. You let her believe that you are available, looking for the very things that she so eloquently writes to you about. You know that if you told her that you are still married she might slip away again and you cannot let that happen. With every day your desire to see each other grows. Soon enough, the pull is simply too strong to resist and she crosses the Ocean to arrive at your doorstep.

The reunion is everything you had dreamt of and more. She is still that same woman you never stopped loving, the only one who always saw you for who you are, for ALL that you are and could be. You kiss her passionately, out of breath, telling her how much you have missed her all these years. The feelings of home-coming, of rightness, of simply feeling your restless spirit finally calm upon the waves of her love overwhelm you as you find yourself swept away by the unstoppable momentum of your timeless passion. As you feel yourself falling for her again you desperately look for a sign, a proof that this really is REAL; that this is not just a fantasy. Falling for her again scares you to death. You barely made it through the hell of losing her last time. There is no way you could survive it again.

Doubts seep in. You know she is still with her boyfriend and you are still married. You never discussed your feelings for each other before and it is all still a big question mark for you. As much as you are ecstatic to have her here, your logical mind just can’t keep up. What does this all mean? She has returned, like you always hoped she would, speaking of soul mates, about energies, about choosing love not fear, but you need to be sure that she feels these things for YOU. Nervous to the point of having to smoke a cigarette through the conversation even though you are not regularly a smoker, you finally ask her how you fit into all this. You ask her if she loves you, but then, fearing her answer, in the same breath reject her before she has had the chance to answer.

You tell her how you’ve done all your soul searching and you know what you want, and it is to stay in your “safe” marriage. You blame her for expecting you to be more than you want to be. Yet she is not here to demand anything of you, but to call you to be open, to be vulnerable, to be true to YOU; to discover the meaning of this connection together. After all, you’ve felt it too. But you can’t. Instead, you pull away. You make love to her for one last time but as the sun rises on the city you draw a line across your love. You tell yourself that it was never meant to be more than a temporary thing and that this, here, was only for old times’ sake.

The last few days of her visit are painful for you. All your feelings of being unloved, of not being good enough, of knowing she will be soon gone, of longing for her but knowing you must “ do the right thing” are making your chest tight. You want to touch her, to hold her but you deny this from yourself. You are straining yourself in order to keep it all in and it actually physically hurts. You wish you could just open up but you don’t want to say anything so as not to give her any false hope, or to set yourself up for a great fall once again.

Nothing scares you more than to allow yourself to believe in this love, to trust her, to trust your heart. You don’t even trust yourself anymore! When she gently brushes your arm one night, attempting to break the tense atmosphere, you jump up telling her that if you really loved her then you would fetch the stars and the moon from the sky for her, but you won’t because you don’t. She is taken aback. Why the outburst? She can see just how nervous and closed off you are. The conflict in you is so obvious to her. Unafraid, she confronts you about your thoughts, which she can hear, and their conflict with your heart, which she can feel. You feel exposed, vulnerable, fighting to hold all the intense emotions inside, denying any conflict whatsoever exists and counting the days, hours and minutes to when she will be gone again, while at the same time dreading the emptiness that you know will follow.

On the final day, hit by a sudden fear that you might lose her forever if you don’t speak now you tell her that yes, you DO care, you DO want to see her, but you are afraid of losing her again. You tell her what it felt like to fall from the pedestal that she had put you on, what it felt like to leave her 5,000 messages and get no answer. You tell her you are afraid that she will disappear again. Secretly you know that she is too wild, too spontaneous and too unpredictable, her emotions so raw, so honest, that your logical mind simply cannot cope. You know that if you let her in, she might just run with your heart and vanish, and you simply cannot bear the take that chance.

As you stand there on a New York City pavement the feel of her lips is still fresh on yours. The letter she has just pressed into your hand is now the only thing that remains of her, along with a million questions unanswered. “Read it when I am gone”, she said. Immediately as you read the first words something stirs deep within you. She always did that; managing to touch places within you that you never knew existed; places that she had befriended all those years ago and then left in unbearable pain. Her words are so beautiful and sincere; they speak the Truth, cutting straight through to the vulnerable, real you – straight to where it still hurts. The inner journey that she is inviting you on is one of overwhelming emotions and of unresolved feelings of loss & freedom, love & longing.

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My dearest,

You slipped into my life, so quietly, so comfortably… it seemed you had always been there. Everything felt so natural, so open … Just like running into a good friend you haven’t seen for years. We picked up where we left off, as if there hadn’t been any time lost between us. There was an instant attraction – a strong feeling of “At last!” when I finally found that one soul that remembered how I liked to be held, kissed, and touched. It felt like an electric current of energy flowing between us – the release of the awesome power of polarity of our beings. My soul instantly recognized and remembered you and I felt this on a very deep level within myself. I felt like I had known you forever.

All my feelings of not belonging suddenly dissipated in the comfort of our timeless connection and in the call to return “home” emanating from the cosmos which reassured me that this was the love I’d been waiting for all my life. You touched places within me that I didn’t even know existed. From that first moment, I knew that it didn’t matter what happened or what we became because in itself I had found something so precious and special that it would stand the test of time and that it would always be a part of me. Just having that knowledge felt like a whole new world had opened its arms to me and welcomed me in.

A stream of light fell upon my head. I felt it illumine my deepest secrets and bring them to the surface of my consciousness. I was not pleased to see some of them, yet the others filled me with the glory of the Truth. But what do you do with Truth like that? How do you accept absolutely knowing something you don’t want to know; something that will disrupt everything you’ve so carefully set up? How do you trust the silent voice of your heart above everything you’ve been taught?

I had always known there was more. There had to be. Yet no one around me had told about the things I now knew. There was no reason for me to believe as I did. But as much as I believed and I knew, I struggled to understand it. It simply did not fit any preconceived idea or conception, or resemble anything I knew.

But one thing I learned is that some things cannot be explained. Sometimes some things just have to be expected. Even with no factual proof, no solid substance to hold in your hand and nothing to actually see with your eyes… This thing is undeniably one of those things. It’s pure bliss and unmistakably, from the depths of my soul, something blooms. I feel my soul reaching out to touch, to live and die, to breathe, to dance. This huge energetic vacuum is drawing me to life, to you, with a force that is nearly beyond my imagination. I can feel it pulling and pushing me, attracting and repelling me.

A metamorphosis of awareness, new growth, the feel of you burn intensely in my soul. This connection has taken on a life of its own, and I get swept up in its undeniable magnetic force. Somewhere within me you have awakened a deep inner knowing I must follow, like a salmon swimming upstream, at all costs. The journey must be made. Life has become paradoxical. 24/7 I am aware that I am no longer the same person, some transformation has occurred and I will never be the same again. The ground under my feet, everything I knew for a fact to be true, who I am, all of that is gone in a puff of smoke. And worst of all, the fear that it’s all in my head.

Half of my time is spent going NO: it could never work, I am crazy, he is nobody, I dug my grave now I lie in it, why screw up everyone’s life in addition to my own… I doubt myself, I doubt you… even God. The other half is YESSS… misty, high dreams and visions and flashes of being with you, how it feels, how it is, things you say, the timeless feeling of it… Trying to integrate you in my life makes me crazy; trying to balance you against anything or everything else. Trying to rank things, to decide, it makes no sense. You are completely other, this is a completely other thing than anything else, it just doesn’t relate.

I do not wonder if I know you, my soul knows you for me. My mind confirms this every day for it picks at and tries to make sense of what it cannot. You are the catalyst that reminds me who I am. I rediscover dreams, aspirations, meaning and talent that make who I really am. You have allowed me to remember that I am as magnificent as you, that the wall I have hidden behind isn’t necessary anymore. You are the mirror that magnifies my best attributes, the mirror where I see myself in a new light.

With the rest of the world, I exist in a dream awaiting the finale to a sorrowful play, forever torn between wanting to be all that I am, and playing a role to protect myself and others from rejection, from disappointment, from the consequences of these overwhelming emotions that would swallow me whole if I just opened up… But then you come and lift me up and carry me to a place where in the essence I can just be myself. Where two souls blend magnificently in an unrestricted flow of passion, understanding, feeling, acceptance, compassion and love… What incredible freedom!

Just hearing your voice fills my soul with thoughts of the essence of all existence, of creation and all eternity. Each breath brings renewed life to me and my heart swells with a warm glow from deep within. Inside of me I talk to you and it keeps me sane although it feels insane. At nights you come to me and hold me and I am not even sure whether I am awake or asleep. It is this closeness which sustains me through this void, this empty uncertainty of all that lies before me, yet to come.

You’ve triggered so many thoughts and aspirations which now arise within me that I never really thought about before. I have gone through every possible scenario with you over and over in my head. I ask myself who you are … a friend, lover, twin flame, future husband, soul mate, teacher, an angel? In my heart I know it doesn’t matter. From our first hypnotically momentous encounter to this day to forever, in you, I have found something so unique and miraculous, something that I should only want to set free.

If only circumstances would allow, I would say let’s spend all the days of our lives together, let’s build a home in the country, let’s build a family and rise in love hand in hand to heights that others have rarely even dreamed of. But I know that I cannot simply grant upon you such happiness; that such is a thing we can only do for ourselves. And I don’t want to claim ownership of this love because it does not belong to me.

I still fail a lot, think too much and do not listen to my inner self. I strive for fact and question feelings. Maybe a part of me lives in a dream world that only exists in my head. Maybe it is just a figment of my imagination. Or is it the only reality and everything else an illusion?

If it isn’t real, then neither am I. If it doesn’t truly exist, then there is no reason. There is no love.

It must be real. It is my life. It is my self.

It is the part of me that I have not yet become.

Love, J

As you lift your gaze up from her letter, the thumping sound of your heart beating in your ears is so loud that it drowns out the noise of the big city. Your chest feels tight as each inbreath becomes increasingly painful. You recognise every single word as if they were your own. She has just effotlessly, unassumingly revealed her soul and it is, as you always suspected, a perfect relection of yours. She KNOWS you, to the core and you have no idea how you are going to handle this.

All the overwhelming feelings that you’ve tried to hide and deny rush to the surface all at once. They bring pain; relentless, soul-deep, shooting pain, like daggers aimed straight at your heart making you gasp for air. Is this a panic attack? You suddenly feel very faint. Everywhere hurts. You now wish you had at least returned upstairs to your apartment before reading her letter. Somehow you know you won’t be retuning there today. As you struggle to catch your breath, it hits you that she will soon want to hear from you. The thought of articulating any sort of response to her letter paralyzes you with fear. Your knees buckle from underneath you. You are simply not ready.

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The Journey home of the Twin Flames – poem

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Awaken dear soul and release your illusion
Seeking love in the world only leads to confusion,
Instead put your faith in the grace divine
Trust the invitation with your destiny to align,
Listen to the silent voice that whispers in your heart
“I am always here, we are never apart”.

In the naked truth of our eternal connection
The soul recognizes its truest reflection,
After all these years you still have me awed
You are close to me like the breath of God,
And it is there in our closeness that we find
the elusive marriage of the heart and mind
where behind the story of our mind’s creation
lies awaiting the path to eternal salvation.

Love from the eternal plains descended to life
Planted between the hearts of a man and his wife,
What was born out of just one look from your eyes
with true love transforms to a promise of Paradise,
For it is only once we experience love for God’s pleasure
That we receive the guarantee of JOY beyond measure,
In the celestial realms of beauty sublime
in our eternal home outside of space and time.

You have ignited in me the flames of desire
Now burning my senses with passion and fire,
So surrender your struggle and give up this trying
For your immortal heart can never fear dying,
Our love like the phoenix reborn from the ashes
Our illusion of reality into oblivion crashes.

When you finally accept there in your heart
The perfection you are, as I’ve known from the start,
Our love will have lived through its own resurrection
The immortal soul purified for its final ascension,
Then every measure of our love and affection
glorified returns to the Source of perfection,
For there in the Oneness of our souls entwining
Lies the pathway home to the City of Lights Blinding.

Jonna 22/04/2015

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How meeting our twin flame leads us back to God

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So many spiritual paths, while seeking the same closeness with the Creator, still manage to uphold the illusion of separation. God is made into something so vast, so unattainable, that we forget and are discouraged from exercising our own ability to reach into the spiritual realms, to reach God and to commune with Him, where in truth this close relationship with Him is needed.

The meeting with our twin flame is in many ways an invitation from God to re-establish this personal relationship since it offers not only the potential for self-realization but also for the realization of God. Just like the twin flame reunion first happens in consciousness before a physical reunion of the two human forms of the One-Soul can happen, the union with God is a prerequisite of our lasting union with our twin flame, to be realized through the process of surrender.

To truly start to yearn for God, God must at some point give us a glimpse of His sublime existence. The predestined meeting of the twin flames happens for the very purpose of igniting this longing within both; however we rarely realize that it is God that we are in longing for and instead associate all our longing and love with our twin flame. When we seek to know God in this way (initially disguised as a longing for our twin flame) this progressively expands the consciousness of the two souls. Furthermore, the strong bonding this creates between the twin flame couple guarantees the accomplishment of the spiritual purpose behind the meeting regardless of whether the twins are outwardly ready to complete the work or not.

Part of this expansion is the humble realization that our Twin flame was sent to us by God to challenge us and to awaken us so that our One-soul could be guided back into its original state of Oneness. In the spiritual realms, the twins work together towards achieving this goal, however on the physical plane it takes a certain level of spiritual maturity to be able to discern the intricate way in which God and the twin flames themselves guide each other by using the mirror effect as a tool for triggering and healing. As such, the physical plane is only ever a reflection of what God needs the two embodiments of the One-Soul to do in order to better serve the union and the shared mission to bring divine love from the spiritual realms into earth.

In the same way that being a twin flame provides us with a vehicle of transcendence and ultimately ascension rather than a guarantee of romantic bliss on earth, the source of the immense love that we see reflected in our twin flame can only be found by seeking within; since searching for the love that heals the world in the world which is the result of the illusion of separation only creates more illusions. Only pure unconditional love can elevate us and purify our heart in preparation for the ascension back to God. As part of the process we must come to realize our own wholeness and our own perfection because if we don’t, we remain unable to accept the very love that we crave, since the love that we are able to accept directly equates to the love that we are able to give our self.

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The divine conspiracy

For the first 25 years of my life I had no idea that a person could reach into the realm of the divine and sublime and experience God in a way that I now know to be true. I was brought up as an atheist and so the whole idea of God or of people having faith in a God seemed ludicrous and foolish to me. Then I met my twin flame.

In meeting him, I felt within me but also emanating from him a LOVE so huge and so unlike any that I had ever known. He was like the Sun that warmed up all the unloved, hidden parts of my heart and soul covered by eternal ice, never to be rediscovered, always to be kept from the Light. The feelings of recognition, belonging, and remembrance, of unconditional love, acceptance, friendship and passion knocked me into another dimension. It seemed as if the whole Universe, God, had conspired to bring us together.

I had never felt the closeness of God, or anything remotely like it, but suddenly I caught myself feeling complete, at one with him, the world and with God. All my feelings of not belonging that had plagued me since my earliest childhood suddenly dissipated in the comfort of our immediate and timeless connection and in the call to return “home” emanating from the cosmos which reassured me that this was the love that I had been waiting for all my life. I felt the divinity within me start to awaken, and I realised that the God that I had denied existed was not in the unattainable vastness of the celestial realms but fully conscious and fully present in me. Clearly this God knew me better than I knew myself by not only sending me my perfect reflection but also the physical manifestation of the person I had loved since the beginning of time. My twin flame was so perfect in my eyes that only perfection itself could have created him – of this I was convinced.

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Yearning for Oneness

Unfortunately what often follows these shortly lived moments of love, friendship and passion is the inevitable separation – and our story is no different. With our twin flame we are so close to the intensity of Oneness with God that nothing other than pure love can withstand it. When we are not able to remain in the high vibration of unconditional love, the magnetic pulls simply reverses and creates repulsion. The reason this happens is that God, just like our twin flame, cannot give us our answers until we set ourselves in the correct position towards them. Both are here to point to the answers that are already within us. We are only meant to search within, to get to know ourselves and our own truth, to fully connect with the divine guidance in our hearts, which in turn leads us Home to our twin flame and God.

The thing is; when the longing and memory of LOVE of such magnitude is in a person’s heart and when one has tasted such love then one will do everything to feel that love again. Everything, that is, except to face their own soul, their own pain – initially at least. Many get caught in the illusion that somehow they can avoid their internal work and instead seek to find that feeling of fulfilment and nourishment either by pursuing their twin flame or by throwing themselves into other relationships, work, casual sex etc. I was no different. Instead of facing myself head on, I fell back into my old relationship, and then eventually into a new one.

Nevertheless, while the soul never stops wanting union within itself, sooner or later it also starts to yearn for the original feeling of Oneness with its source. While it is undeniably the voice of our twin flame which beckons to us from the dark when we stand on the edge of surrender, only the closeness with God can fill every empty place, every feeling that is less than whole, less than perfect. In surrender, we reclaim this closeness by releasing our illusion of separation by rising into Oneness with God. It is here that we realize why our twin flame has been kept away from us. It is because God does not want us to depend on anyone else for our sense of completion, or for being able to connect with the flow of divine love within us. We are to recognize the source of these things within our own being first. My twin flame once asked me how I had come to know God if I had not read any spiritual books, followed any gurus, or read any Holy Books. To put it simply, since it was with him that I first experienced the closeness of God, I sought God because it was the only way for me to stay close to him. There was no way for me to separate who he is to me from my connection with God. They were always part of the same experience, of the same love.

There is a saying that a woman’s heart must be so lost in God that a man must seek HIM in order to find her – and truly this is what happened. Through my surrender, I gave myself completely to God’s will. He took my emptiness and filled my heart with love and spiritual insights until this love started to overflow. I understood that it had been my error to seek my wholeness through my twin flame before finding it within myself. I was then able to go on with my life pain-free knowing that the day would come when my twin flame would also rise into Oneness with God and recognise me as the one who was sent to guide him to salvation. I never doubted that this would happen – and in deed it did.

Once we come to trust the divine plan in place and seek to align ourselves with it, we can simply allow this love to flow freely, without triggers, without expectations, without dilemmas. Knowing that this love comes from our own closeness with God, nothing anyone can do or say can take it away from us. Then once we focus this love towards divine service, then all other life, including our twin flame, responds in patterns of their own perfection. This love is then delivered to the world in a joyful act of worship which helps uplift others and points them towards the one clear answer – closeness with God.

On my journey I have learned that the path to true and lasting union is for both twins, together or apart, to first achieve wholeness within, in union with God. Both twins must feel these things on their own and must come to recognize themselves as part of the equation, within the bigger plan that God has for them. Ultimately, the union with our twin flame is only a reflection of our own togetherness in love with God, which once sealed in the celestial realms has no choice but to manifest into the physical plane as such is the divine law: as above, so below; as within, so without.

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The Seven Keys that unlocked my twin Flame Reunion

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Each set of twin flames goes through a period of preparation leading up to their reunion. Having fully surrendered, they enter the flow of synchronistic & predestined events, finding themselves increasingly empowered and guided by a higher power. This is the magical path from surrender into illumination where many lessons are finally understood, where insights and events bring about validation and awareness, and where the twins align with the vibration of the Twin flame Sacred Heart and Consciousness.

Since I wrote about the positive direction my own Twin flame union has recently taken, many automatically assumed that the shift happened because my twin had finally “got it”. Unfortunately, this perception that our twin flame is somehow the culprit to our reunion not happening is both misleading and counterproductive. Rather, what enabled the shift was BOTH of us consciously seeking to take FULL accountability for ourselves, as well as our part in bringing about balance within our connection. Personally, I came into realization about who I am, about how I perceive and create my own reality and then consciously sought to align these with the KNOW WHAT YOU KNOW of my heart. Here is my story of the events and realizations which catalysed these changes.

  1. You are responsible for giving yourself the love that YOU need

Almost a decade ago, I spent 18 months trying to build a relationship with my twin and failing at it. I grew increasingly frustrated at his contradictions and not knowing which foot to dance on with him. While he insisted on how much our “close friendship” meant to him, he kept pushing me away using my supposed “expectations” as an excuse. In the end, the emotional price simply became too much to pay and so I jumped at a chance to marry and build a life with someone else. This life, while not fully reflecting who I was inside, provided me with a respite and a temporary escape from the connection – and more importantly, gave me the family I had always wanted. Not realizing it at the time, I acted in perfect reflection to my twin who at the time reverted to his “safe” marriage where he was not able to be his full authentic self but which did not come with the intense fire brought on by the mirror of his soul, me.

It wasn’t until crisis after crisis started to appear in my life at a fast succession now nearly 2 years ago that I became aware of all the time that had passed. I knew in no uncertain terms this was my wake-up call from the universe. After six months of personal hell, I ended up critically ill in hospital. On that very day, my twin flame sent me a letter telling me about “a positive image, reflection and energy” of me which he carries within him wherever he goes. It was the first time in 8 years he mentioned our connection and the first I’d heard from him in over 18 months. However as I lay in hospital ravaged by a potentially deadly infection and recovering from major surgery, he was the last thing on my mind. I simply felt numb and I knew things had to change.

During my slow recovery I could hardly muster the energy to do anything other than the bare minimum to look after my job and children. Underneath it all I just wanted to find myself again. Inspired by one of Teal Swan’s videos, I started doing only things that a self-loving person would do. I would ask myself “What would a person with self-love do?” and go by that. As I made loving choices for myself, I began to feel my whole and complete self being activated and my soul began to feel free. I finally understood that it was MY responsibility to give myself all the love that I needed. I could not expect anyone to fully love me if I did not first fully love myself.

As I started to love and recognize myself more, I moved from making small positive changes to making bigger changes to create a more balanced, loving life for myself and my children. Eventually I made the decision to leave my marriage as I finally had enough self-love to recognise all the ways in which it did not serve my highest good.

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  1. You are already whole and at One with your Twin Flame

It didn’t take me long to notice that the more I did things that I loved and that brought out the real me the more I was feeling my twin as part of me; always present when I was present. It was more than just a lingering static memory of him; it was his actual loving, reassuring presence and energy completely entwined and interacting with mine. The more I became my true Self, the more I was moving into closeness with him – and with God. This led me to the deep realisation that the disconnection from him all those years ago had actually led to a disconnection from my Self. This was the first of many Aha moments to come.

It hit me that this reflection, this part of him that I carry within me will never cease to be magnetised by the whole that is him because it is part of him. And I will never cease to long and ache for the part of me that he carries with him, because such is the divine rule; that all that which has been separated from God must return to him. I knew now that I would never return to the way I was before I knew him since this connection would ALWAYS be there. It is forever. I understood that to find peace and wholeness within myself I needed to accept who he is to me. The choice was mine: to accept and deal with it; or to live a life of pain exiled from my own wholeness?

I realized that the Twin Flame reunion is an inside job. Undeniably since we are part of each other, to gain balance within our greater One-Soul, we must first gain balance within. It is only by creating harmony within that we can bring about harmony without. As I remembered the words in his recent email, I wondered whether he was feeling this same oneness with me that I was now recognizing within myself.

3. You can change your reality by changing your perception

With the realization of my own wholeness, the feeling of my twin being very close to me at heart level became very real, and I was feeling him moving closer and closer with each breath. Spirit was now nudging me to approach him and so seven months after his email I wrote and told him about the events of the past year. He replied, saying he hoped I still considered him a close friend and how he wished that I had told him about my illness so he could have come and looked after the house and kids. I was perplexed. How was he still, after almost a decade of little or no contact talking about our “close friendship”? Surely he hadn’t expected that I would contact him in time of need after he had constantly failed to show up for me in the past? This puzzled me a great deal.

In his email he also told me how sad he was that I never had the time to see/catch up with him. It dawned on me that he had asked to speak to me, to see me or to catch-up with me in almost every email during the past 8 years, and that I had simply ignored these requests without any explanation. I suddenly felt like he deserved to hear my reasons and so I wrote to him again, telling him the simple truth, which was that I could not consolidate him with the rest of my life, and how seeing him would bring into ruins the life that I had so carefully built for myself. It was the first time that I had been able to be honest with myself, let alone him, about the pain that I still carried. However as I wrote the words down, I knew I no longer wanted to be afraid.

He replied saying he hoped my dilemma would never get in the way of our common ground, shared values and dreams. I was even more puzzled. This was not the first time he had told me this. Why did he keep on talking about our shared values and dreams when clearly he had never wanted to nor had any time to share them with me? I was now seriously questioning my interpretation of past events, choices, words etc. I was so puzzled that I read through nearly a hundred of our old emails and suddenly a new level of understanding and consciousness was bestowed upon me. My understanding suddenly shifted and I saw both him and myself with new eyes.

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  1. You are not your story – and neither is your twin

I realized all the ways in which, my vision blurred by my own ego, I had misinterpreted and even completely misread his words and reacted to him from a place of fear & ego rather than love. Things, conversations, moments all came back to me. The first thing I saw were all the ways in which I had simply not been ready or mature enough to step into my union. Having blamed him for 12 years for being the runner I could now see that I had been the runner all along and that I had been just as scared and unprepared for the intensity of this connection than he had! My heart melted in compassion for him as my renewed understanding towards my own behavior allowed me to deeply understand his.

I could see how our long separation had been both necessary and inevitable. I also saw that his past and current withdrawals had nothing to do with me but rather with the intensity of having to face himself. Certainly I was not the victim here; it was just a story I had been telling myself. At last, I made the decision to finally release all the false stories, beliefs, roles and personas and to fully embrace WHO I ALREADY AM. As I did this I felt free; free from want, from sadness, from my restless search, from all the conditions and barriers that I had set up for myself when I hadn’t known my own power, or the power of God, yet.

5. Your twin flame is of divine service to you, as you are to him

I had been quick to assume that my twin was the unconscious one who either failed to see the truth or who denied it, however I was now bestowed with the knowing that he had always known about our connection, just like I had, and that all this time he had been waiting for me to come into this same awareness. I finally understood that this validation regarding his feelings could never have come from him – it could only come from realizing the truth of our One-soul where our love is always felt and experienced as a One.

Clearly, his love for me was just as unexplainable to him as my love for him was to me. He had always, regardless of circumstances, loved me and cared about me – I no longer needed to hear it, I could feel it. He had always showed up to guide me past the thresholds of the various stages and realizations of our journey, facing me in his own way, in order to serve our Union. I saw how by triggering and challenging me, he had always invited me to heal, to connect with my true self and to face my fears. He always knew just what to do/say to get me to expand in the love.

My twin flame had always been my biggest champion, my biggest ally and my closest friend even when appearances had me believe the contrary. I realised that it was him who by not being there taught me to seek and find comfort within our shared Twin Flame heart; it was him who by triggering all that was unhealed within me taught me how to heal it; it was him who by turning down my love taught me that it needed to be returned to God; it was him who by withdrawing his love from me taught me that I did not need anyone’s permission to give it to myself; and it was him who by allowing our separation to go on for nearly a decade guided me to a place outside of time where we are never separate.

I suddenly felt humbled and immensely grateful as I realized that all this time he had been of Divine Service to me. He had awakened me, reminded me who I am, taught me the meaning of true love, and then called me home to him, to God and to Divine service so beautifully. I felt such deep love and reverence for him. This love filled all my empty spaces and started overflowing everywhere and I prayed to God that I could be of such Divine Service to my Twin Flame in return. I wanted to always be there for his growth for the greater good of all, whatever it took. I now trusted him fully, and I could finally sigh in relief – we are in this together, no matter what.

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6. You set the standard for how you show up in the connection

I had always known he was my mirror but I was now starting to see the precision with which the mirroring happens. I saw the internal balance and vibration that we BOTH had to demonstrate to be able to come together and I started to relax in the knowing that if I could balance the inner, the outer would alter in reflection, and that if I increased my vibration, he would have no choice but to do the same.

I felt like there was still a way to go to for things to fully fall into place, however in the meantime I decided to set a new standard for how I show up in the connection. I vowed to remain centered and connected and to meet whatever arises with love, compassion and honesty. I would no longer pussyfoot around him or treat him like some emotionally and spiritually impaired person who is afraid of my love, my passion, my feelings, or expectations, and I would no longer censor my words, emotions or experiences for fear of scaring him away. That energy had only ever created doubt and confusion between us; after all we are mirrors. Instead, I would only emanate the power of knowing what I know and I had absolute faith that he would reflect it back to me. If he didn’t then it simply wasn’t time yet.

I wanted to reach out to him, to let him know that I now take full responsibility for my part and acknowledge all the ways in which I had contributed to the imbalance between us. I offered to meet him. No reply. I sent him my phone number: no reply. I was intrigued. Why was he suddenly silent? I could feel the energy between us pulsing with something unprecedented. Little did I know that once again he knew exactly what to do in order to get me to fully open up to this new awareness within me. His silence literally pulled the truth out of me.

7. It is by knowing WHAT YOU KNOW and by owning it that both you and your twin will be lifted out of confusion into alignment with your destiny.

With a whole new level of transparency and accountability, I wrote him a long, heart-felt letter. I didn’t ask, beg, hope or make any demands – I simply told him everything and invited him to take my hand and rise in love. I was responding to a higher calling, to a sense of belonging and being where I need to be, not only in the greater scale of things but within my own journey. I felt like a bird who never questions its existence or path yet which without any hesitation simply arises high into the sky and allows the warm winds to carry it to its destination.

I knew I did not want him back at any less than his fullest and truest self and he could take all the time and space he needed to get there. I knew that in the meantime God would continue to guide me and provide me with all the love that I needed. However, if I was hearing this call to return to him in order to align with the divine plan, then as part of the One-soul he had to be hearing that same call. There was NO OTHER WAY. Therefore, wasn’t I simply claiming our destiny by asking him to join forces with me on the outside like he had done on the inside?

I knew my email was a signal which would tell him that it was time to come HOME. I was truly calling forth his divine masculine to match my divine feminine; I was now a Queen ready for my King to return home to rule the Kingdom that we had built together. No matter what, we would end up being ONLY LOVE, vibrating together in the heart of God in our eternal Oneness and Life. To return to who we are, to where we belong is to simply stay there: to stay in this love, and this now became my only option.

believe

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