Mirror of my soul – Stories of you, me, the world and eternity

When our search for The One leads us Home


Dear Readers, Friends, Beautiful Souls,

I am sorry for my long absence – I never intended to stay away so long!

THANK YOU sincerely for all your messages and emails asking me whether I will publish something again soon. To cut a very long story short, I was guided to take a few months out to process the growth and lessons of the past two years since my re connection with my beloved and my separation from my husband. As some of you may know, in the last 18 months I got close to my beloved again through long, deep late night chats – our first ones for a decade. Even though he seemed cautious, probably for fear of protecting his marriage and perhaps his heart, he was marvelling at the connection and feeling the pull too, telling me he was sure it was God’s guidance drawing us to each other.

Our chats were, as always, deeply spiritual, eye-opening, reassuring and flirtatious. Just his presence in my life helped me take the steps necessary to initiate the separation from my husband and to withstand the turmoil that followed. He also turned to me for support, for a listening ear – and I could not have been more grateful. I truly do know – or at least understand – him, his soul and spirit, like I know myself. As for the man who he portrays in this life; this persona that he has created… Sometimes that man drives me mad and I wish I didn’t see through him so easily. I find it so hard to get him to pinpoint exactly what he thinks, feels and experiences (funnily, he blamed me for this exact same thing) and when I do, he seems to contradict himself in the next moment. At his worst he is illogical, inconsiderate, aloof … I may be exaggerating a little there but you get what I mean right? I have millions of questions I would love to ask him, face to face, without the weight of expectations, or consequences – and to be honest, until this spring I thought we were getting there.

Unfortunately he has been silent again for the past five months or so; pretty much from the time I stopped writing. It’s no accident that those two things coincided. Only a few weeks earlier our worldly selves had been planning a weekend together at his house, with the purpose of having a long, uninterrupted heart to heart and hopefully some fun. He seemed to be genuinely looking forward to it – until he cancelled on me. It didn’t take long for him to start acting aloof and from thereon it all just unraveled. One night, I woke up with a jolt to a heated conversation in the spiritual realms, with him stating that we aren’t ready. It felt like being kicked off the bed without an explanation. Although I only caught the end of the conversation, it left me with an uneasy feeling. At first I didn’t think anything of it but he stopped contacting me pretty much from that day. My inspiration went too as I felt pushed away from him, the connection and my writing, to deal with “more practical matters” as well as more growth, insights, and unfortunately, hurt.

I know that this is very much how the healing process between us works– if the silences stretch to months it’s not because we intentionally want to ignore each other but because the times of connection and healing follow on from each other – and often the healing requires distance in order to make sense of things without the overwhelming presence of the other. Equally, when the invisible elastic cord between us snaps back, we find ourselves reconnecting again. So, here I am again, feeling the pull once more.

I wanted to share with you briefly what happened after our all-night chat (which I blogged about here) because this is pretty much where I left off. I have a lot to tell but I’ve gotta start somewhere. During the chat in question he had asked me about my spiritual visions/ experiences, telling me that if in deed they were true then I must be an angelic, a Goddess, in which case he would divorce his wife and be like me. He had reassured me that he was not being sarcastic but that he truly wanted me to think about it and enlighten him. I guess I knew better than to overwhelm him with the details of the deep spiritual and personal experiences I have shared with his higher self, however I simply could not help myself. As the inspiration in me grew, one thing led to another and I ended up proposing marriage to him.



No, seriously. I did.


I did.

Now this may seem like a big jump from asking him to accept me back into his life as a friend just six months prior but with the love that surrounded me in that moment it felt right. I hadn’t forgotten that my simple offer of friendship had ignited in him “overwhelming emotions and feelings” which kept him quiet for five months; a silence he had JUST broken…. But the Universe did not simply whisper at me to do it, it shouted – and answering his question just somehow lead me there. Of course I wasn’t talking about just marriage in the traditional, societal way – I was talking about marriage as an act of worship, as a means to get closer to God, as a means to fulfill the divine mandate – as the final step before the return home.

In my letter to him I quoted the Quran heavily since I resonate with its description of true love and a marriage partner the most; and I knew, being Muslim, he would be able to relate to it too. Therefore, in my next blog post which will follow shortly hereafter; rather than share the letter that I wrote him, I wanted to share some of my insights into the Quranic and Biblical quotes surrounding the ideas of marriage, true love and the twin flame journey. It’s a subject that interests me a lot and I would love your comments.

Love, Jonna


16 thoughts on “The Journey is REAL!

  1. Paige says:

    you are such a gift to all of us twins in separation. I’ve checked this page daily in hopes that another one of your beautiful and inspirational writings had come through. Many thanks for reconnecting. I find parallels in your journey; maybe all twin flame journeys have such parallels. So grateful for the writing of yours.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Alejandra L Pinzon says:

    Dear Jonna: thank you for your honesty… many of us in this road feel very alone in the pain… it gets easier when we bear it together… sending you love and light! Alejandra


  3. jenncrystal says:

    Hi Jonna, welcome back! Sure glad you are!
    I was starting to think that you will end your story there.
    Lots of insights from you once again.
    Wishing you more peace and love on this journey.


  4. cathcat says:

    So recognizable those breaks in the twin soul relationship. And as always so eloquently put.
    Very happy you’re back!


  5. Hi Jonna,

    Your blog is a real boon to many twin flames in pain and ignorance. Your clarity and eloquence of thought help fill many gaps for people.

    Coming to the recurring push and pull with your twin flame, I shared some thoughts here, hope you would relate to some of them: http://mamatacheers.blogspot.in/2015/08/there-is-no-light-at-end-of-tunnel-its.html



  6. Jules says:

    Funny thing, I have been getting this push that I need to contact my twinflame and that we need to get married. We need to get married right now. Like right now, now. Like there is a deadline and we are running out of time. This happened for the first time late last year, and a lot these last few months. When it happened I was surprised. I have never had the desire to get married and the need, the desire just came upon me. The feeling is so overwhelming, like something wants to take over my body and make me contact him and get married but I curl up in a fetal position to stop myself from doing anything that I am not sure that I want to do. When I resist this feeling, I feel like i need to throw up. I have not really seen or spoken to my twinflame in years.


  7. I’ve been on the exact same journey as you for the last five months…except back in spring, I flew to the other side of the world to see him and to then the be avoided as much as possible. I was the one though to cut the social media connection we had upon my return home. It’s of course been silence since then. I haven’t been reading much about twin flames, in fact I’ve been trying to avoid it, but your blog ppsed up in my email this morning 🙂
    Soul marriages have happened in September during the big cosmic push for the ascension.


    1. Jules says:

      Soul marriages in September? That explains some things I have been going through. The overwhelming desire to marry has passed thank goodness. It was overwhelming. This TF journey is very confusing. But I think that TF are already married. I guess it would be our choice if we would like to renew these vows while on earth. I say that because I had a dream a few months ago. I was staring across the street at cars that were parking on the side. The cars were really nice and the people getting out of the cars looked great. Suddenly out of nowhere this man appeared beside me and asked, “Are you sure you want to divorce your husband?” I was confused. I wasn’t married. He repeated “Are you sure you want to let your husband go,” and he repeated a name that I did not know. I think I asked “who” and he repeated my TF name and I realized that he had used my TF nickname earlier. Although I did not recognize the man, I realized that the man speaking to me was my TF friend as he said to me “he misses you.” I realized that I was watching the start of my TF marriage to someone else. I did not say anything to the man. I was too angry at my TF the TF dynamics, and the world in general.lol I just stood there watching and then I woke up. Throughout the months I have healed at an accelerated rate and I can actually feel/see angels flitting around me trying to get me all fixed up and aware for whatever they are preparing me for. I am trying to let down my walls and trying to make things easier for them because they are doing an amazing job despite my stubbornness. I can feel my TF healing too. I am far away from my TF and I don’t know if we will ever be together again but this healing that I am going through, spiritually, emotionally, physically, getting in touch with my emotions, admitting that I really love my TF and that I do miss him, it is time to stop running and that there is no need for fear. This healing is opening up a whole new world for me. I don’t know if this new world will involve my TF because I, but I believe the new world will be a happy one, instead of the cloudy mind I have had, the longing, misery, and suffering that I went through because of this. I don’t know what God has in store for me, but I am ready for some JOY and LOVE and wherever I may find this, this is where God will lead me and this is where I will be.


      1. Sorry for the late reply. I’ve seen yours when it came through but life got busy and time just got away and I didn’t want to answer in a rush. And it’s probably better coz now I have more things to say and point out 🙂 Yes, the soul marriage or deeper merging of souls happened in September. It’s all part of the next stage of human evolution, or the ascension as we call it these days. I now follow ascension reports only, I’ve moved away from twin flames stuff and articles, they only tell you ‘earthly’ things any way, how to behave, etc where the big stuff actually happens on a soul level…plus this is why we’re here! Twin Flames are very important for the ascension as we embody the template of unconditional love. The more our hearts open, the more we emit that energy out to the world. But you’re right, there was a lot of healing happening in the last couple of months and there’s more to come before the end of the year. I’ve done a lot myself, some deliberately just by putting the pieces together and following my intuiting (like healing your inner child and going into your past lives), some I think just happened due to the cosmic push for the ascension. There were few days toward the end of last month that caused another separation between twin flames. I felt it strongly, then the next day I read the report about it. When they talk about separation and union, it’s on soul level…separation happens when fear takes over, heart chakra blocks therefore soul can not be embodied…union is when souls merge again, that’s when 5D connection is easy and blissful. And yes, you’re right it’s a completely different thing to 3D, our physical world is all about choices, changing karma and karmic patterns, that all has to happen by one’s choice. But the more our hearts open, the more our souls expand, the more of our choices will come from the heart and not the the head 🙂 Anyhow, the new moon in Scorpio that just happened earlier this week was all about true love, soulmates and twin flames…so I get a message from mine! Even that I deleted him of social media and told him I need to press a pause button until I pull myself together. I was stoked! So grateful, even that it was a short message. There will be another push for twin flames this month as we entered 11:11 gate, and we still have two more super full moons until the end of the year. If you would like links to the ascension articles and people to follow, let me know.


      2. Jules says:

        Hi yourinnerstylist. Thank you so much for responding and answering my question!! I am so glad that you got a message from your twin! 🙂 Yes, I have finally moved away from twinflames articles as well. I have read and researched so much in the last year and learnt so much from them that it seems that I have finally graduated. It has helped my understanding on one level and made me have even more questions! Still walking this long journey and now my soul seems happy to go back to the old way of being guided by my intuition, and inner knowing of what path to take and just being open to learning from any dreams that God sends me. This is my Christmas wish for everyone here including myself. There will come a time when we will look up one day. Boy will meet girl. Girl will meet boy. They will want to be with each other and so they will be, they will value each other, they will be kind and loving towards each other, care for each other, they will encourage each other, they will be there for each other, they will be brave and honest with each other, they will not play games with each other, they will have the same values and drive to reach beneficial goals, they will respect each other, find happiness within each other, live a rich and full life together, and everyone will recognize it for what it is and call it love. Nothing else will matter. Sending you lots of love and strength to carry you through your twinflame journey.


  8. susie says:

    Hi! I’ve been following your insights for months and I am going through a difficult process myself. My twin and I are no longer communicating because honestly I dont know how to communicate with him. He is constantly being short-tempered with me as well as sarcastic and rude when I do not give in to him. I know its because of the intensity of feelings and frustration in that he wants me to open my eyes to quote him, however, I am not ready and its hurtful nonetheless so I have chosen not to communicate with him at this time. It has been 6 months and lately I feel him more and more at a spiritual level. I miss him so much that I dont know what to do. And I dont want him to think Ive forgotten him. Any advice?


  9. vita says:

    heey there blessings wanted to give my truth, u really hurt me back then by ignoring i tried to communicate and connect and help as i felt u to want me to feedback , it was really painful to be ignored is crucyfing as u were angry and talked in other threads about ur anger of what i said, but not courageous to answer stil i am grateful to gotten know u as u been loving 😀 https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=g_PpZHcyrNA https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=u6HslkR_LGE&t=1s


    1. doucejonna says:

      Dearest Vita, I must have missed something darling, I didn’t realise that you were feeling hurt? Is it me that you are talking about? I have not intentionally ignored you, as you can see I have not posted a lot this past year as I have had other personal issues (my divorce, my children) to deal with. On top of it, I have been struggling with pneumonia and it’s complications the past few months. I haven’t managed to reply to any comments or emails, just trying to get through each day taking care of my children and keeping my job. I have already told you, I am not angry at you and I never will be. And I certainly did not speak about you in other threads. I am sorry you feel I have let you down. I am also just a human, trying to manage a deeply transformative spiritual journey with every day responsibilities all by my self. The deepest love and blessings to you dear soul sister.


  10. vita says:

    u really very much hurt me as a soul that connected to me and were a match to me there is a chance in it but u been a victim


  11. lucindabuckley says:

    My TF and I met in 1991.
    We were both at school, he a year above me.
    He noticed me first, at school at the ice cream van and set out to get me.
    We met, I was 14 and the first time I set eyes on him it was like nothing on earth.
    He was quite damaged, sexually, had been assaulted a few years ago and I had lost my virginity under pressure from an older boy I had no love for.
    We had a year of bliss together, we both loved computer games, music, drugs.
    We never ever fought and our eventual lovemaking (it took us both a while to get there) was lovely, pure, innocent and gentle.
    Then he went on holiday with his parents.
    I was raped by a friend of his, brutally raped.
    Only this man and his girlfriend conspired to cover it up (I had just turned 15).
    They convinced me that my TF would not believe me, that he would think I was complicit.
    My TF’s friend hated me they told him I had cheated, he refused to believe them.
    It caused more and more problems between us, he couldn’t ask what had happened (he knew something had) and I couldn’t say.
    He was torn between me and his friends, spending more time with them and less with me.
    And so I ran.
    I called him and ended it.
    A few months went by, I was devastated that he hadn’t fought for me, begged me to come back etc.
    Then I ran into him whilst playing hooky from school (the one and only time I did it).
    We fell into each others arms kissing hugging as if nothing had happened.
    We made a casual see you at the club on Sunday date and I was ecstatic.
    I was convinced were back together.
    I arrived to find him kissing another girl.
    Devastated I threw myself into promiscuity.
    Slept with unsuitable men, put myself in ever increasingly dangerous situations.
    He meanwhile was losing himself in drugs.
    He turned up at my house sporadically and ask if I was with someone, I always was.
    He appeared just before I went on holiday, aged 18.
    I was as usual with someone, but not in love and not particularly happy.
    We went for a drive and mentally i was screaming at him to ask me to come home to him.
    He didn’t.
    On holiday I met my now husband.
    He reminded me so much of my TF.
    Not in looks physically they were opposites.
    My TF looks very like me black wavy hair and blue eyes as have I, my husband is fair with green eyes.
    They did however share the same first name and TF was born 7/7/75 my husband 11/7/74 me 28/08/76.
    They both had the same interests etc.
    I fell in love with my husband true love and I do still love him, yet TF was always in the background.
    I had just turned 21, my husband and I were living together, not married, when we went to a gig.
    My TF was there, it was the first time I’d seen him since I had met my husband and my husband was aware of him (we had spoke of past loves).
    My husband reacted terribly to this meeting, its like he sensed our continued love and hated it.
    We had a huge fight that night.
    My husband left town for a few days.
    I almost almost reached out to my TF then, but fear, ego held me back.
    Husband and I made up and we moved back to his home town miles away, my instigation, I subconsciously needed to get away from my TF I’m convinced.
    We lived away for 7 years and in that time there was no contact between TF and I and that was fine, I thought of him less and less.
    But always a little.
    We moved back to my hometown.
    My husband had a son and I wanted to be near my mum.
    Time moved on and we arranged to get married.
    It was a month or so before our wedding and I was at the gym, somewhere I went quite often.
    I was sat on an exercise bike when my stomach flipped and my heart pounded.
    I looked up and my TF was standing at the end of the room.
    He darted into the changing rooms and I sat breathless.
    I was hot, cold, joyous, terrified, excited, sad.
    All at the same time.
    He came out and said hi.
    Our joy at seeing each other was immense what I felt was being shown in his face and vice versa I’m sure.
    He asked why I was there (I’ve never been a gym bunny)
    I told him I was getting married and that I had a son.
    He blanched and was visibly shocked.
    He asked if I’d given my son a certain name.
    I said yes, how on earth did you guess.
    That was the name you always said we would give to our son he replied.
    I was shocked I genuinely up til that point had forgotten that.
    But when I was pregnant with my son we had a totally different name picked out.
    I had an emergency c-section under general anaesthetic and as I was coming round I said my husbands and TF’S shared name and told my husband that ours sons name was —- the name I had chosen with my TF.
    I never went back to the gym, terrified if seeing him but equally terrified of not seeing him.
    I spent the remaining time up until my wedding thinking of ways to meet my TF again but never actually doing anything.
    Meanwhile my TF upon hearing about my getting married ran.
    He left his job, his house and his friends and, as he told me years later, just sat on the beach with his dog for a long long time.
    Time moved on and I was happy, I loved and do love my husband, we had another baby, a daughter.
    When my daughter was 3 weeks my stepfather died.
    Suddenly and horribly.
    My TF got in touch about 6 mths later, through Facebook.
    His mum had recently died, suddenly and horribly and he was back in town.
    We had a lovely chat and it felt so good.
    But I could not reconcile myself with ‘cheating’ on my husband even if it was only emotional not physical.
    So I sent my TF away told him I was happy etc.
    My husband found out about us being in contact and went bonkers, he was so so hurt, confused and scared.
    I assured him that I’d sent my TF away.
    The next contact came about 8 years later.
    I had looked him up on Facebook etc so I knew he had a wife and a daughter and I was genuinely genuinely happy for him.
    No jealousy, no wishing it was me.
    So when his friends request came up on my husbands 40th birthday, just as we stepped off the plane after an amazing weekend away alone, I ignored him.
    A year later a mutual friend of ours, the girl who had introduced us all those years ago, committed suicide.
    I contacted him through Facebook to tell him an to ask if he was going to the funeral.
    I didn’t hear from him.
    A few months later he was back in contact, he had only just seen my message.
    He wanted to be friends.
    He felt we could be.
    I wasn’t so sure.
    I pushed and pushed for him to meet me in the physical.
    He agreed reluctantly.
    I told him it was a test to see if we could be friends.
    We met last easter.
    The weirdest thing was, I wasn’t nervous, or worried, just excited.
    I didn’t even get dresses up which is frankly not like me at all, if asked beforehand how I would dress for this, I would tell you I would have my sexiest outfit in, full make up etc
    I went in my jeans and parka with my hair scraped back and not a scrap of make up.
    As I sat in the car park waiting for him my entire body felt numb yet alive.
    Then he pulled up.
    And got out.
    So did I.
    Hello he said.
    Hello I said.
    He opened his arms and in I fell.
    I could smell smoke even though he hadn’t smoked for years (he did when we were together) and his coat felt just like the old one he used to wrap me in when I was cold.
    We chatted.
    He told me about his life I did the same.
    But I couldn’t meet his eyes.
    It was almost like I knew that once I did I would be lost.
    The only time we made eye contact was when I asked him where he thought this was going because we might not even want each other again.
    He smiled, his beautiful eyes crinkled at the corners and for a minute I let myself go and I drank him in.
    Of course we would, he said, as if it was a no-brainer.
    He asked again why we had split.
    I again didn’t answer him, I couldn’t.
    I still couldn’t vocalise the rape, I was still blaming myself, thinking I was asking for it etc.
    And so we parted but said we’d stay in touch online.
    And we did and have.
    I have freaked out more than a few times.
    Has emotional crashes all over him
    Tried to convince him to have an affair, meet me etc.
    All of this was not me at all, my husband thinks I’m a little cold.
    I’m also not a cheat, I am loyal and loving and having these feelings for another man was killing me.
    I thought it meant I didn’t love my husband.
    I thought it made me a bad person.
    And so every so often I would tell my TF that I was done.
    But then back I’d go.
    All throughout this recent contact I have been meditating, learned to self love etc
    Learning about twin flames a few days ago has been incredible.
    I have been meditating, meeting him in the 5d talking telepathically to him.
    I have opened my throat chakra and he has started responding to my messages but less sporadically.
    I no longer worry that he will run away if I say the wrong thing.
    Our love is constant, unending, and unconditional.
    He opened my sexual chakra this morning, my main blockage, his is his throat.
    And my gos it was the most amazing thing ever.
    He lit up my pelvis with a blue light and I breathed blue light through his throat.
    We then both grew golden wings that we wrapped around each other.
    I told him that out physical Union will have untold effects on the universe, they were orbs of gold all around us, smiling laughing and celebrating.
    I feel incredible, I am filled with love for everyone around me.
    I’m not scared just blissful.
    And cannot wait for our next Union.
    Well I can wait, that’s the point.
    I’m not going to push.

    Liked by 1 person

  12. lucindabuckley says:

    Additional info
    My son who has the name TF and I chose was born 2nd July 201 – 2/7/01 my TF 7/7/75 my husband 11/07/74.
    I’m sure this has meaning.
    I feel as though my son belongs to all three of us.
    I think my husband has a TF and I been given her name.
    She shares the same last name as I had before marriage.
    Her and my husband are old.friends and had a ‘moment’ Years before we met but she was with his friend.
    The first time I met her she reacted badly to me, very jealous insisting she knew my husband far more than I.
    He is in contact with her via Facebook, I dont know if there’s been any private messages but my husband will.mention her from time to time and I almost feel his pain.
    I have had visions during meditation of all four of us being together at a family event.
    I don’t know if I’m projecting, wishing my husband would find someone.
    But there is a strong sense of the four of us being connected in some way.


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