Mirror of my soul – Stories of you, me, the world and eternity

Rumi once wrote, “Seek the path that demands your whole being.“

This path is definitely such a path. It wants us fully conscious, present and engaged in our journey. It pushes us to become authentic, real in our endeavors and being, seeking to strip us of our masks, roles and societal conditioning.

As is with so many of you, Spirit has long been pushing me towards the pursuit of spiritual integrity in my life – a big part of which has always been fully embracing the twin flame path. I too have had to face the age-old “choice” all twins face: to keep burying my face in the sand, or to commit to the journey, no matter what… or “To follow the path I always believed in,” like my twin once said. Truth be told, this was always less of a choice and more of an inevitability… This was ALWAYS something I HAD TO face.

I’ve had the choice to fully embrace this path thrust upon me MANY, many times before. More than I care to remember.  Like many of you, I struggled for so long, not understanding what was expected of me. Beyond the journey to the self, personal growth, God and unconditional love, what was I meant to do, to seek?? I asked myself, what kind of a FREAK LOVE just grows in a void, flourishes in the silence, expands though rejection, thrives even in darkness and survives all attempts to love other people? Looking from the outside in, embracing such a love seems a pursuit doomed to fail.

Nonetheless, eventually the gentle nudging of Spirit became a constant nagging reminder of all the ways in which I was not living the truth at the core of my being. It became impossible to fully honor my journey, our love and our connection whilst still acting out old patterns in other relationships, including my marriage. They say that when Spirit wants you to make a move, your situation will become so uncomfortable that you will be left with no other choice. In the end, the discomfort of not embodying my highest self pushed me into making tangible changes in my life, of which my divorce in 2017 was only the prelude.

Even after we obey the Spirit and heed the call, our faith and resolve is continuously tested. In my case, I spent the past five+ years fighting for the freedom and safety of my children and I, facing my vindictive ex-husband in Family Court. Eventually, I was granted the permission to remove my children from the UK and move back to my native country. I had resisted making this move for a very long time, despite Spirit showing me this is what would happen already back in 2006 (before I even had children). I had also held off moving because of the emotional comfort of being in the same geographical location with my twin. So, with mixed emotions, I relocated back to my native country late last summer after 25 years away – and started over, at the tender age of 44.

There are those who believe that twin flames are meant to be together and inevitably, they will be. Then there are those like me, who see that there is potential and promise in every connection, but that it can only manifest into reality if BOTH twins CHOOSE to submit to the divine will. I know miracles exist as I have seen them happen in my own connection. I also know that I have to do what feels right to me, regardless of my twin. After all, the commitment here is not to the twin. The twin is and will always remain the sole master of their own journey.

The commitment that Spirit asks of us is firstly a commitment to the self, to love, to the journey. It is a commitment to a greater purpose, to divine guidance, to WHO WE ARE and who we are unequivocally called to become. It is about commitment to personal growth, expansion and freedom. Dear souls, I know you too have felt the beckoning of Spirit to whole-heartedly embrace the twin flame path. You all compute that there is that choice to commit – and then there is the reality of it. The crushing reality of a choice that comes with no guarantees; other than the fact that NOT heeding the call not only sabotages our true purpose, but keeps us stuck in 3rd dimensional thinking, waiting for our twin to make that first move, forever questioning what could have happened if only…

But how to commit to a path which we suspect leads to a person who is only fleetingly able to meet us there? What to do when they cannot, WILL NOT, see what is being offered?

What to do with LOVE that bleeds into every aspect of our life, yet remains just out of reach in it’s physical manifestation?

What to do with TRUTH which allows so very little wiggle room, yet at the same time sets us free?

What to do with GUIDANCE which leads us to wholeness, to God; yet offers no guarantees of a happy ever after?

What to do with KNOWING which not only recognizes but singles out this one person as “the One”, yet which by the same token demands that we approach this knowing with no expectations whatsoever regarding this connection, this path, this person…?

They say the twin flame path is a paradox – and that it certainly is! We commit to a path where all signs point to one person, yet we are to ignore these signs whilst we forge ahead towards our own destiny – come what may!

Richard Kin (The Gene Keys) once wrote: “Commitment is akin to trust….” and for sure, committing to the twin flame journey is a leap of faith into the unknown. I would be lying if I told you I know where this path will lead me. But I am reassured that the gentle yet firm hand of destiny is guiding me as I seek to fulfil the divine mandate for my life. The journey home, becoming who I am meant to be, being of service to the world and beyond… all these things speak to me more than any thought of a new relationship, marriage, financial security, mind blowing sex, growing old together etc.

This spring – 2022 – will mark the 20th anniversary of our first meeting in Paris. Another important date he will undoubtedly fail to acknowledge, but to me… it means something. I have come so far in the two decades. I am more myself than I have ever been, I no longer run, I no longer pretend. I still cannot quite fathom how this person I spent only a few short months with still occupies my mind, heart and soul – something no other man has managed. That in itself tells me this is real and worth it. Despite all my efforts, he alone inhabits the inner space of my heart. His image, energy and reflection travel with me wherever I go. His presence within my being is so tangible and real, that I am unable to even hold or kiss another man. Will this ever change? I don’t know.

They say: to go all in, there is a lot to lose. They also say: who risks nothing, gains nothing.

I still don’t have all the answers but this I know for sure: The love for the twin NEVER goes away. It stays and deepens no matter what happens on the surface – whether you see them or not, whether they ever show you any love or not… Somehow every wrong turn, every mistake, leads back to them. And.. whilst there is no guarantee our twin will ever reciprocate, we can be sure that if we do not commit, NEITHER WILL THEY. In my own connection, my twin has always, without fail, matched my spiritual progress: if I have elevated my energy, so has he. If I have surrendered, so has he… and most importantly, if I have turned to God and sought his guidance, so has he. So may Spirit, God, continue to guide us in earnest so that we may one day meet again.