One of the essential lessons along the twin flame path is the lesson of true love; not only for our Twin flame and all creation but more importantly for ourselves. It is no cliché that it is impossible to truly love someone unless we first love ourselves. To give love, we must have love- and once we have it we must give it without hesitation, expectation or condition; simply because we ARE love and we recognise this same essence in the “other” who is, in fact, us. It is here, at the core of our being, in our connection with the Source of all Love that lays the foundation of all human love. It is the discovery of this unconditional love within our own being which ultimately frees us from the pain of the twin flame experience. Moreover, when we allow its abundant flow to fill us, all our relationships, including that with our twin flame, transform in miraculous ways.
The love of the twin flames is the closest experience to Divine love that we can ever enjoy in the human form. The vortex-like vacuum of this powerful Love as it pulls us towards its’ Divine Source requires that both twins first master unconditional self-love before a harmonious, lasting physical union can ever become a possibility between them. Nothing other than unconditional love can in fact survive the intensity and fire of this powerful, spiritual connection. To navigate this connection we MUST release the illusion of separation from God and from our twin flame, as well as the belief that we need anything outside of ourselves. After all, if you are not fulfilled by the exquisite beauty of your authentic being without feeling like something is lacking, then how can you ever expect your twin flame, who is your MIRROR, to do so? Only YOU can and must give yourself all the Love you deserve and need. Your relationship with your twin flame can only ever be as strong as the foundation of your self-love. Therefore, it is only once BOTH twins realize that nothing of value can ever be found outside of their own being that they magnetize each other for reunion for the simple reason that they are each other: your twin flame is YOU.
There is nothing more important than doing the inner work necessary to discover the authentic YOU. As twin flames, we often make or delay decisions based on our desire for union or give up on our twin flame because of decisions they make; however what counts more than anything is that we always act with self-love, whether this seems to be leading us away from our twin flame or not. Truly, what appears on the surface in a twin flame connection is just the tip of the iceberg and to gain true clarity both twins must learn to live from a place of self-love.
The good news is that anyone can, at any given time, choose this path of unconditional love. In reality, it is ALL you need to be at peace in your twin flame connection. To love yourself does not mean being egoistical and always putting yourself first at the expense of others, nor is it about winning or getting what you want, but rather about marvelling the miracle of your existence as a manifestation of the Divine will. It is about accepting yourself AS YOU ARE: about embracing both the light and darkness within and disrupting negative patterns while being your own best advocate. To love yourself is to know your values, maintain your boundaries and to honour them. Self-love is about setting the example for others of how you wish to be treated; always knowing that you are worthy to receive love for the simple reason that it is WHO YOU ARE. Self-love also requires you to be able to forgive yourself; for running, for judging, for expecting, for being afraid, because when we forgive ourselves it becomes easy to forgive others.
Personally, it was my decision to only do things that a self-loving person would do which acted as a catalyst for the huge changes of the past year – not only in my twin flame connection but also my personal empowerment. Like so many others, I had been hearing the call to return to myself for a while but I had no idea how I would find the courage or will to make the changes required in my life; one of which was leaving my marriage. However just like “Rome wasn’t built in a day”, there is no need to have all the answers beforehand. By starting small and allowing ourselves the time to fully tune into the guidance available to us (and then acting upon it), we soon find ourselves in the momentum and flow of an interconnected, intelligent web of sychronicities and signs: the same one which drew our twin flame to us – and will not hesitate to do it again, if such is the Divine will.
I have often been asked if there were any signs which told me that something was stirring in our union, especially as we had not seen each other or discussed our feelings or connection for almost a decade. Therefore, in order to encourage you all to follow your own intuition and to embark on the path of self-love, I tell here of the events which unfolded since my decision to only act with self-love.
One of the first things I realized was that all this time I had been withholding love from my twin flame in equal measure to the love I had been denying myself. I realized that to truly love me was to love the “other me”, my twin, even if he did not return that love. For the first time I clearly saw my avoidance of him due to my inability to face the unresolved feelings I felt after he rejected me. It was 8 years since I had last seen him (despite the many times he had asked me) and five years since I last heard his voice. As I finally accepted my feelings for him as well as the pain that came with them without closing my heart, I felt relieved and surrendered as I had never felt before.
I wanted to reach out to him and let him know that if I had avoided him it was not because of anything he had ever said or done; and that regardless of any past, current and future relationships the love that I had felt for him could never change and what had always mattered to me was his happiness. He deserved to know this and more, not so that he would reciprocate or even respond, but because it felt like the right thing to do. I felt urged to write to him, reflecting on my feelings and experiences and on the immense love I felt for him; and this is exactly what I did without thinking about it or the consequences too much. I simply felt liberated for having finally spoken my truth.
However, within 24 hours of sending my twin the email as I was stood at my kitchen window a man resembling him walked past. I live on a private road so it is extremely rare that anyone who is not a neighbour walks past my window, yet here he was; a total stranger who just happened to be my twin’s perfect doppelganger down to the way he walked and the clothes he wore. He seemed to be having a leisurely walk past my house, even stopping to admire the trees (nothing special, by the way) outside my house for a very long minute or two. However what became clear from this strange coincidence was the instantaneous realization that the intensity of my love for him had never gone away. As I stood there with my heart pounding, all my senses heightened, I could not deny that my love for him was as fresh as on the first day I laid my eyes upon him.
I assumed that he would reply to my email fairly soon with his standard reply citing memories of a lovely summer together, however as the days and weeks started rolling by with no sign from him I was puzzled. He had delayed his answers to my emails before so this was by no means the first time, but as he had only just told me how he hoped I still considered him a close friend, I assumed that he would at least acknowledge my heart-felt email. His passive rejection of me had always been a frustration for me, however this time I quickly became aware of a different energy emanating from his direction. I felt a mixture of despair and relief containing happiness and sadness in almost equal measure. Maybe this meant he had finally come to the realization that this was no “temporary flow from the ethos”, like he had previously described our connection?
This was an unexpected consequence to an email I had written more for myself than him. It wasn’t anything I had planned or even imagined so I wrote to him again, apologising if my emails felt too forward or out of place. Receiving no reply, I wrote him a chatty email about my life and my children, gave him my phone number and offered to meet him – to no avail. I felt pretty calm about him not replying, but I was still checking my Skype and emails a little bit too much for my own liking and on top of this, my kids kept getting hold of my phone and accidentally calling him. I was mortified that he’d think I was chasing him or pressuring him in any way for a reply. I felt a little shaky on this unknown territory and unfriended him on Facebook and then Skype. When I very quickly I felt silly about it and sent him a new contact request, he immediately accepted it. Despite this I never once saw him online for the next five months; it was a as if the ground had swallowed him. For the first time I intuitively knew that his silences did not mean that he did not care about me or our friendship, but rather that my words had such an impact on him that he simply could not reply at the moment, not knowing what to say or how to respond. He did however want to keep reading me and this is why he kept the lines of communication open.
In the following weeks I found myself in turmoil, floating in a sea of emotion where I felt like I was being tossed about by huge waves of overwhelming emotion.. Although I didn’t perceive myself to be sad or upset, I became a sobbing wreck at the most random times, even breaking down at work – something so completely out of character for me. I intuitively knew these emotions were his, not mine and it was the first time I had been able to tell the difference with such clarity. All the crying was actually helping me to finally allow myself to feel the full force of this love – after all, there was nothing I could do to escape it and I no longer wanted to either. In addition to this, the “mind chatter” that I had previously experienced with him during times of intense growth, such as after my kundalini awakening, returned more intense than ever. I was getting flashes and visions of things that had happened between us in the past and I was seeing many things in a new light.
One day, out of nowhere, a phone conversation I had at work 13 years prior popped into my head. It was really odd as I had not even recalled the event for at least the past decade. At the time, I worked in a call centre (the same one where I met my twin flame the following year), phoning new car/van owners in the UK for a 20-minute satisfaction survey. One night, I dialled a number in the London area and spoke to a man with whom I hit it off immediately. I could hardly get through my pre-scripted questionnaire as we were too busy catching up on a lifetime of events, discovering many common interests and giggling like children at the delight of it all. My 20-minute interview turned to a 3-hour phone conversation lasting the entire duration of my evening shift as we both marvelled at the amazing connection between us. He wanted to meet me and asked me for my phone number, but afraid of how my boyfriend would react I took his number instead. He made me swear I would call him –but I never did, although I did keep his number for several years. The time never seemed right for opening that door. I had felt so strongly about this practical stranger (as undoubtedly he had about me) that I knew I couldn’t just call him to say hello – I knew something would have to follow.
Suddenly I was getting the message that this person AND my twin flame may have been the same person. Had he come looking for me? He knew where I worked. The details seemed to match: from where this person lived, the things he told me about his life and his travels and interest; to how my twin had experienced the onset of his spiritual awakening the year before we met, how he then left his wife, whom he clearly still loved, to come and live in Paris and how he immediately seemed to know many things about me, as if he had been expecting to meet me. The similarities were simply undeniable. I searched for the phone number of this mystery man but unfortunately I no longer had it. It all seemed too strange to be true.
This revelation made me question my own understanding about our connection and I felt compelled to read through our entire catalogue of past emails, mostly dating back to the time of our brief reunion 8 years prior. I wish I had understood what he was telling me at the time since now, even reading through his emails that had upset me; all I could see was his love for me – and his underlying fear that perhaps I did not feel the same and would run again.
The following month as I walked past the multi-faith prayer room at work I had a moment of seeing through my twin flame’s eyes and I realised that he was kneeling down doing the Muslim prayer. In that instant I not only knew that he had converted to Islam but also felt the exalted state of his deep surrender to God; something he would later confirm to me. Since it was the month of Ramadan, I stopped writing to him for a while as I did not want to appear disrespectful. In a way I felt saddened by this turn of events as I wondered whether his conversion had changed him and worried that his religion was just another “mask” for him to hide his true Self behind.
The reassurance from within came almost immediately: seeking God would only bring him closer to me, this was a guarantee – after all, this was exactly what had happened to me. I sobbed remembering my dark night of the soul and how desperately I had pleaded with God to help my twin flame find peace and fulfilment, and how surrender had changed me and brought on the Union of our internal energies so that I felt him within me wherever I went. Truly it did not matter what religion he had adopted since there was nothing that could ever separate us. Whatever he is, I am also, and whatever these big changes were that were now rolling into my life, I knew he had to be feeling them too.