Mirror of my soul – Stories of you, me, the world and eternity

When our search for The One leads us Home


Twin flames have a very special role to fulfill in this time of earth’s ascension to a higher frequency. As volunteers to this 3rd dimensional plane of existence, we came here to anchor, emanate and demonstrate the new paradigm energies in order to raise the vibratory pattern of humanity as a whole. Then why is it, you ask, that when we “wake up” from our human slumber we are far from feeling like powerful, co-creating spiritual super heroes ready to take on the Matrix? In fact, when we awaken to the Twin flame experience and its cosmic call to assist humanity, we often find ourselves barely afloat in the fish soup of the lower human experience, stuck in the nitty gritty of everyday struggles; relationships and marriages that fail to nourish us, overwhelming family dynamics and soul destroying jobs, cracking under cultural and religious demands, in endless cycles of financial struggle, or perhaps generally watching our life’s course steer to the opposite direction of what we as a young child gazing at the stars dreamed of… Truly, the examples here are many.

Yet Twin flames come here as co-creators, to bring on a NEW paradigm, a higher love, a more authentic way of living and relating. Each of us comes here for a specific mission. So, why are things made so difficult for us? Why is it that once we begin grasping at just what our “true nature” is, we also realize just how far disconnected from it we are and how much work still lies ahead of us? Firstly, it is important to understand that there is nothing wrong with us; we didn’t fail and we aren’t being punished. These struggles are meant to push us towards the discovery our highest potential; after all, the Universe works in paradoxes: from adversity comes strength, from dependence comes independence, from darkness comes light. Sometimes we only see the way up once we lay in tatters on the proverbial floor – and that’s ok. Then there is only one way to go, after all.


The clearing of all patterns must come first

For Twin flames, there is also a deeper, spiritual reason why we must experience the old dysfunctional templates and patterns. In fact, as surprising as it may seem, we willingly agreed to be born into bloodlines with negative lower frequency patterns as part of our mission. The master plan was to take on these dysfunctional patterns and templates and to integrate these into our own energetic blueprint, with the intention of clearing them later in life for the benefit of our bloodline and earth’s vibrational ascension. For some this may seem contradictory; after all we came here to transform the old and bring in the NEW, not to fit in!

Unfortunately we possess no “magic wand” to transform the dense darker realities of the human experience; our only hope lies in the mastery of our Self. To create change, we must BE the change, meaning that the change that we wish to bring into this world must start from WITHIN. We cannot expect to bring in the new unless we first rid ourselves of the old debilitating patterns on all levels of OUR being. Furthermore, we cannot hope to assist others unless we have experienced first-hand how the process of spiritual growth and purification works.

Therefore, for maximum impact on both personal and universal level, we picked families and surroundings that did not energetically resonate with us and where we often felt misunderstood and out of place. Born emphatic, we were naturally aware of other people’s energies and emotions from a young age, and sought to make them feel better so we didn’t have to feel their pain, disappointment etc. Often, such as in my case, the vibrational misalignment made us feel like we were born into the wrong family and culture. It was unexplainable, especially if we had a happy childhood with a family that loved us. However since it is always the strongest vibration which dominates, not necessary the highest, we eventually lowered our vibration in order to “fit in” and to avoid negative attention, disappointment and even abuse. These distorted patterns follow us into adulthood, and repeat themselves in our friendships, relationships and marriages, attracting darkness into our life and keeping us in a state of spiritual amnesia, disconnected from our divinity.

The impact of meeting our Twin flame

To clear these patterns and to reconnect with our true potential we must go through a process of purification, surrender and self-realization. For many of us, this transformation to remember who we truly are and to activate our soul’s purpose begins when we meet our Twin flame. With them, our heart and consciousness enter into what seems an unstoppable expansion, perfectly matching, reflecting and resonating with theirs – it is a familiar energetic “fit” and Oneness unlike anything we have ever known. Everything within this shared vibrational bubble becomes heightened while all the old realities of our human lives seem to fade into the background. We become acutely aware of the energetic suppression we’ve lived under, and even with the “vibrational codependency” of our pre-twin life still deeply ingrained in us we find ourselves feeling more alive than ever, recognizing the blueprint and energetic signature we share. They feel like “home” to us.asnesion 1

Unfortunately, while meeting our Twin flame opens up a whole new world of energetic and vibrational possibility and helps bring us closer to our Divine blueprint, it is impossible for us to maintain this higher vibrational state with the old patters still weighing us down. Sooner or later, usually within weeks or a few short months crisis hits the couple and separation ensues. More often than not, one or both twins return to their lower vibrational relationships and situations – or jump head first into new ones. While many see this as a fear-driven, often contradictory reaction, this too happens to a reason. Firstly, the twins cannot complete their deep introspection and cleansing with the overwhelming presence of their Twin in their life. After all, the process is already an emotionally intense one, and any contact with the Twin only seems to highlight this. Secondly, the twins are often completely unprepared for the negative patterns, conflicts, dilemmas, fears and insecurities the connection brings to surface and so they return to their old lives for “respite” because it’s the only stability they can find.

Thirdly, the pursuit of the high-vibrational twin flame connection conflicts strongly with the necessity to clear the old dysfunctional patterns. The Twins find themselves being energetically pulled into two opposing directions. Since the priority is always on mission and service, the clearing of old “karma” from the ancestral blueprint MUST come first, ahead of the physical union. Since twins share no karma and cannot interfere with the karmic work the other must complete, they naturally gravitate towards those who can help them do this, i.e. the karmic husbands, wives, partners, family members etc. These people will remain part of their earthly experience until they are no longer needed, at which point, if the twins so choose, the Universe assists them to move on.

If we are lucky enough to be able to maintain contact with our Twin flame during this time of intense self-work – even intermittently – this has enormous benefits for both, even if the immediate outcome does not resemble any relationship we have ever known. Twins do often check-up on each other, even in separation, to (often unconsciously) gauge the spiritual progress being made on the other side of the “mirror”. However categorizing the connection at this point is likely to be detrimental; even though it may be helpful to see our Twin flame as a catalyst and partner to our spiritual growth; no matter what their outer actions look like. The journey to self is never about the “other”, however as our perfect energetic mirror our twin is in a unique position to help us recognize, embrace and clear the dysfunctional templates deeply ingrained in us – and vice versa. If we become attentive to how they trigger us, the better and faster we become at turning our attention inward, enabling us to grow and evolve in all areas of our being that much faster.


Overcoming victim mentality for the benefit of your Union

One of the dysfunctional “glitches” present in many bloodlines is abusive relationship patterns. This includes not only physical violence, but the many elements of emotional, psychological, financial and sexual abuse; deprivation, humiliation, threats of harm or abandonment, blame, blackmail etc. Many twin flames, including me and my Twin, have played the role of the “victim” in codependent relationships prior to meeting. As kind emphatic souls we want to help others but without the required self-mastery we end up not only hurting ourselves but also enabling a cycle of dysfunctional behaviors in the process. This imbalanced dynamic within us attracts its outer manifestation in the form of a “near twin” or karmic soulmate who is there to reinforce these patterns, but also who simultaneously offers us plenty of opportunities to see beyond them and to do things differently. If we do not learn our lessons with one karmic mate, we sooner or later find ourselves repeating the pattern with another; that is, until we rid ourselves of the template. Therefore, the self-work many try to avoid by running away from the Twin WILL have to be dealt with sooner or later; whether our Twin flame is part of our life or not.

Of course one would think that if we were ever in such a dysfunctional relationship and met our Twin flame that we would leave it at once and never return. However all those of us who have had – or watched – such an experience know just how hard it is to leave a codependent relationship when we lack self-love and awareness. Not even perfect love manifest can do this until we step up and do the self-work allocated to us. It’s easy to judge those who stay but we must ask ourselves honestly how many times have WE stayed in situations and relationships that were detrimental to our growth, perhaps thinking that if we only gave these people another chance, or perhaps loved them a little more, they would change. How many times have we settled for less while reassuring ourselves that it’s “not that bad” after all? Yet these many levels of self-denial come with one core problem: not being fully our Self for fear of dealing with the feelings, emotions and consequences that would arise in us – or others – if we did.

Yet martyrdom in all its forms never saved or healed anyone; all it did was to create deeply-embedded templates that ended up being passed down for generations. Trying to “save” another person by protecting them from their own pain and disappointment or because we are too afraid of the consequences is only keeping them and us from evolving and growing – and from true happiness and purpose. Overstaying relationships because we’re afraid to affect the status quo only prolongs our pain and of course delays our twin flame reunion.

The older patriarchal templates of human interaction are no longer valid – what is needed is a leap in consciousness to allow us to move into the “new” rather than perish with the old. As Twin flames we are at the forefront of this transformation; and a lot is expected of us. We must do everything we can to find the clarity and strength to end the victim/oppressor mentality in all its formats in ALL aspects of our life. If the vow of service to our Twin flame, humanity and God is still alive within us, then we must invite & allow more awareness and light into ALL our relationships, starting with the most difficult ones right under our nose since these are most often the ones holding us back.

Unfortunately your Twin flame, no matter how much he loves you, is not coming to “save” you. He cannot! However the love that you share CAN empower you to save yourself. The simplest way to start doing this is to at all times seek to align yourself with the templates of light rather than darkness, knowing that any clearing work that you do positively affects not only the planetary vibration but also your Union. Eventually, if one or both Twins keep bringing their shadows into light, the positive vibration becomes the strongest of the Union and helps lift the other Twin up – and this alone should be enough motivation to take on the individual and bloodline clearing work we came here to do.

In my next blog post I will share my experience of clearing my blueprint of the dysfunctional abusive relationship pattern inherited through my bloodline; how I got it in the first place and how it manifested in my life, how meeting my Twin flame impacted it, and how his presence and – at times – absence influenced the clearing work– and how I finally eradicated it from my life and being.


40 thoughts on “Transmuting dysfunctional templates and clearing ancestral bloodlines for the benefit of your Twin Flame reunion

  1. kymber6 says:

    Hi Jonna, I can’t wait until your next blog because I too need to clear the bloodlines. KIMBERLY from Facebook.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. vita says:

    Thank You again for your Wisdome, you my favourite Expert, cause You are very radiant loving and advanced, as also beautifully writing and a lot of personal experience. Blessings To You 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Giorgio says:

    Dear Jonna

    Love your poem. It resonates beautifully.
    Thank you for all this.
    I could never match you or even try, yet I only write what my experiences have been and what I feel and how I connect with my Twin.
    Namaste XXX
    Love Harmony and Believe XXX


    Liked by 2 people

    1. Virginie says:

      Your comments, Giorgio, have helped me as much as Jonna’s blog : differently but as much… And I don’t think you can imagine how much! 😉

      Liked by 1 person

  4. Giorgio says:

    This is truly resonating, putting everything I experienced into even more of a reality for me. My twin Flame has totally gone into denial. Yet, I pry and have faith in God as what I have always said that “All is possible through God”.
    My twin Flame of Violet fire will see the light, not yet. Things will happen as they have been for a long time now. The day will come and Goodwill allow her to see me in a different Loving light. She is married to a beautiful person within the 3rd dimension. However, her actions are not what spirituality requires and living in denial will only bring disappointments o her i the end. Physical pleasures can only bring momentarily relief. her last phone call confirmed a lot to me. her sorrow, self disappointment, even frustration. I am not the one to help her. I am too close to home for her. I am seen as a desperate man who cannot let go of a woman who is married to someone else. She hides behind him and pretends in her own mind that she is doing the right thing. She is not spiritually ready to make the move and perhaps never will. Although it is her soul that she needs to mature into the 5th Dimension, it is her choice to choose what she has to what she can have.
    I love her however, I have dignity as much as she saw the opportunity to run away and blame me for it. I know better because I had to be honest for us both. She is running now, from what is very clear to me to be, an open relationship. Very materialistically driven by a partner who is not spiritually connected as she says she is. I am not judging but from her own voices of words that we discussed, she is off the rails totally.
    It hurts me and saddens me. I want to run away as well and I might totally get out of her life and leave to live overseas. If I decide to go to God lone I will. I am in the process of doing so but I know in my heart that God is telling me that I must endure this pain for both of us. I must reserver because something is telling me that she is going to need me.
    I love her so much that I will have no hesitation. Yet, only if she will surrender. if not I will have to stay away. she has rejected me because she needs the space and I am a threat to her marriage.So, I must respect her wishes.

    I must go on my path and let our creator fix this in his omnipotent ways. This is beyond my comprehension now. I am choosing to grow and mature to the 5th Dimension. It is my obligation to myself and part of my life investment.

    God has taken the prize I seek. Yet, I must love my twin Flame of violet fire with Unconditional love. I don t need to understand her, I just need to keep loving her without stopping.

    Thank you Jonna.

    Love Harmony and believe XXX

    Giorgio XXX

    Liked by 2 people

  5. Genius as usual and right on time we are on the same page with our thought process and posts (see my FB page of late.) Something in the TF air 🙂 Hahaa. Much love to you spiritual sister.


    1. Giorgio says:

      Dear Victoria
      Love your stuff as well. Thank you
      Love Harmony and believeXXX
      Giorgio XXX


      1. Thanks for reading! 🙂


  6. Reblogged this on Intuit. Empower. Awaken. and commented:
    Read Jonna’s entire site. She is a friend, but also one of the best writers out there on this subject. We are always on the same page with our thought processes, I would think it erie if I didn’t know better. Enjoy!


    1. doucejonna says:

      Thank you Victoria for this lovely reblog. Without a doubt the Source of Love which guides my writings is the same as yours. It is always fascinating to see another beautiful expression of the messages I receive. You are such a beacon of light, a calm yet powerful force and guide to many – and your words always resonate deeply with me. Thank you for reflecting this love and admiration I have for you back to me with such humility. Love, Jonna xx

      Liked by 1 person

      1. The sentiment is mutual Jonna ❤ We should think about how we can collaborate further. Particularly I think in the art of writing.


  7. Virginie says:

    Me tooooo… I’m a fan!!! ☺️
    😘 😘 from “your city of love”


    1. doucejonna says:

      Thanks ma belle.. 🙂 Paris = always in my heart.


      1. virginie says:

        Thanks to you too. 😍
        I didn’t succeed in going in front of this monument without taking a picture but i can’t post it actually (it was the sacred heart).
        The favorite game actually here is : “Can we sleep in the same bed?”. But last time it was complicated for me when i was proposed to be 3 in one bed… And i was just “Remember guys, i’m a human autist Asperger. So don’t put me mad, ok? 2A2.
        I was listening to this song today in your grace Jonna :


  8. Amor says:

    Dear doucejonna, this blog post really resonates with what I have been going through for the past year or so. I definitely woke up to the “energetic suppression” I was living under. I have felt the layers of negative patterns, fears, etc. come up in waves needing to be cleared out. I know my TF’s energy and his spirit holds me while I go through this. I feel it with my whole being so I know it’s my TF who is energetically supporting me. Learning to trust myself, my intuition and the messages I receive carries me along. Thank you for sharing and writing this out in your blog. Since I’ve been going through this silently, it is so helpful to read of your experience and all the similarities. Thank you!!


  9. mmmriad says:

    Reblogged this on Diary of a MadMoud and commented:
    Jonna does it AGAIN! I always find myself wondering how is it she articulates what many of us need to hear (read) at any given moment of time. At this point, I think my blog should just be one that reblogs everything she writes, as it is all gold. If you are a Twin Flame caught in a whirlwind cycle of confusion, then you should DEFINITELY read this, as it gives us all clarity when we need it the most! Thank you for being a dear friend and teacher Jonna 🙂


  10. Reblogged this on rojo twin flame and commented:
    Wow, this blog post got me out of my hibernation mode, I just felt the need to reblog it! This article sums up quite effectively and articulately what I had hoped to communicate through this blog. In the end, this Twin Flame journey is what we make of it. It doesn’t matter if the label or patterns associated with the label fit the bill or not, all the matters is that we use our experience to grow and start our self – mastery process. Wish my twin flame could read this.


  11. Jericho says:

    The timing if this post is an amazing synchronicity for myself and a really close friend of mine who is also going through separation. We were just talking about a lot of this in relation to where she is with her twin. What she and I had been discussing also had me recognizing a lot of the patterns and things that I need to deal with. Then the next day I find this post which really said everything I have been thinking and already realizing including just how important the twin flame reunion is for this time.

    The new paradigm of thinking was also interesting because post of my personal life mission is to help awaken humanity and bring about change. I am working to do exactly that by bringing back the common law in the United States.


  12. Lisa says:

    Just wanted to let you know that This article has got to be the best I have ever seen written on the twin flame process and our journey back to self. Thank you so much for such a concise and understandable explanation of something so complex!


    1. doucejonna says:

      Dear Lisa, thank you so much for taking the time to comment & to share some love with me. I am so happy that my writings are providing clarity for lovely souls like you 🙂 May your path with your twin be paved with beautiful insights and blessings. Love, Jonna xx


  13. Felicity says:

    Thank you for posting. Yes, there seems to be some fears in people and in the soul mate twin flame communities. But fear drives people together and united together. I too always need to learn to deal with fear and ego especially when facing the different opinions on this topic. I guess no one really got the real answers, maybe there is no right or wrong answers but only the different paths to soul evolution. I too when posting or saying things or giving information on such topic, I worry about others ‘borrowing’ my words but then I think back, my sharing of information is not meant to serve my ego, and then I just move on. Take care.

    Liked by 1 person

  14. Erna says:

    Dear Doucejonna, thank you very much again for your clear words! It is so helpful to read words that describe the proces I recognize. Cleaning bloodlines, not only mine but also the bloodline of my husband, with who I am still married. Not because I am afraid to go, but because I deep down know that ‘we are not ready together’. And I also know that my twin and I come together, although we didn’t see each other for 3 years and we didn’t talk about this. I wish you and your twin a blissfull journey, one day in a wonderful reunion. Love, Erna


    1. Dizzy says:

      I am in the same situation as you Erna. I haven’t spoken to my Twin for more then a year, we have no contact other then telepathicly. And we never mentioned being twins.
      I am in a relationship with wich I am not ready too.
      What I notice that, as soon as I feel my twin wanting me there and have a relationship, the more I go into resistance of leaving my situation, just because I know there is still so much to heal here. This makes me doubt about my choices though. I was wondering how you cope with that.


  15. Curious Traveler says:

    This was a timely post, as usual and as others have said, too. I’m struggling today…well, have been for about a week. My twin flame and I dated on and off for 6 years, lived together, the whole nine. We ended up splitting up two years ago because both of us just had too many issues that kept triggering each other. We’ve kept in touch here and there over the past two years, seeing each other for an occasional dinner and via text every few weeks. Something inside me has been changing, and came to a head over the weekend up until today. He texted me over the weekend about the Paris attacks, and I just felt so much frustration followed by sadness and grief from seeing his name on my screen…so this morning I sent him a text asking that he not reach out to me unless there’s a personal emergency; that I would take holiday and birthday greetings as implied. I wished him well, and told him I’d likely always love him. I don’t know where that shift came from. I just felt like I needed to do this for me, because the grief that comes up after hearing from him is just so strong, still. For a long time, I think I was holding out, keeping lines of communication open in hopes that he’d find his way back to me. Now, I feel like I just allowed myself to let go, fully, and let come what may…but put myself first in the meantime. Has anyone else had a similar experience in their journey?


    1. tom says:

      oh yes, totally agree – as long as I tried to keep the contact to my runner twin I felt that sadness and pain in me – now after more then two years I decided to cut this inner line and let her go – believing in that she will come back one day and we will find us somewhere. Now since that I feel so much free and somehow ‘warm’ inside me about this important step and even because that I feel way more trust that something good is going on.

      And a big big THANK YOU to Joanna for this wonderful blog and the best posts I ever rad on this whole topic. Joanna, your great post here helped to better understand what’s the overall picture and to go this important step.
      Thanks Thanks Thanks! XO XO


      1. kymber6 says:

        Hi Tom, I feel the same way with my counterpart except it unraveled after a year. I’m now moving out of state to start my life yet again. I’m 45 and I’ve never been married so I’m worried about my future. I try to tell myself ” he may not come back” but I’m SLOWLY becoming unattached. I’ll never understand why it ended on such shallow terms. But I feel hurt and pain interacting with him. I tried to explain but he didn’t respond so I don’t know if he understood.


  16. tom says:

    yes it’s the hardest part – to let the other twin go and trust in the power of the universe to see him/her again later someday – but by doing this you unblock yourself and help yourself to heal.
    Will you ever see your twin again – who knows?
    But realizing years later that you may not see him/her again in this life is way easier then today when still everything hurts.

    So for now just follow the flow, heal yourself, get stronger out of it, you had that wonderful experience many never have in their life. And with some luck you maybe come together with your twin later.


    1. kymber6 says:

      Thank you. Well, at the end it wasnt so wonderful which makes me question is this the END? Or another phase? I’m preparing myself mentally and emotionally beforehand if I see or hear from him again. This is the biggest relationship mystery there is for sure.


  17. Gabrielle says:

    Is it possible to meet someone only once and recognize him as your twin flame? I have not had any intimacy with him…only a few hours of talking and being near each other. My soul spoke to me when I met him, 5 minutes into talking with him. My soul spoke to me as if I were a 3rd person, completely at a subconscious level, and told me as if to remind me…”I know your soul, I can see your soul”. I heard it so clearly. It was as if time stopped. I have told no one this except for a post I shared a few months back with you…..yet I share this again now….after months of praying for his grasp on my soul to release me. I think I am close to being OK with this all. To still believe and to have faith that one day, and maybe not this lifetime, that we will re-connect. I can only be strong and continue to learn through all of your support and experiences. Thank you. I hope one day I can share with you the magic of the twin flame journey. I knew nothing of it until I had this experience and tried to make sense of it and found this site. Thank you all. God bless you.


    1. Dizzy says:

      I had almost the same experience Gabrielle. I met him twice. The first time was super short. He is a guide and he was finding people so he gave me his card. I walked on but I already knew that it was special. We (it was my honeymoon. ..!) Decided to go for him as a guide a few days larer. And those 50 minutes were so special. When we met up I called his name but I could hear it echo in my head. We had instant telepathy contact. Didn’t need many words to understand eachother. Our hearts recognized eachother from many lifes before. We had so much fun, there was so much warmth and respect. It was like we were in a bubble. And then it was over…. leaving me with an urge to hug this beautiful guy…soul….
      We did email for a while but never discussed Twinship. We still have contact in 5d and a few days after we met I could feel him being in my bedroom. I have to finish a lot of things in my relationship here, all I can do is hope he will wait and does his own share in spiritual growth.
      So…. yes I do believe you can just meet up for a short time with your twin. I even think me and mine met before in this life time 20 years ago. Where he noticed me, but I didn’t notice him.


  18. Absolutely so happy to have read this, twice now.
    Yes, Ive experienced the on and off nature, the pulling away dynamic, combined with the deep KNOWING love that we share.
    We have not met in 3D. And we both understand why we can’t right now.
    This has been the biggest challenge for me, as I am the one in the dysfunctional relationship that I can’t seem to find the way to leave. Children involved etc.
    I made the terrible mistake of telling one friend about me meeting my TWIN, only to regret it instantly. She told me I was sedating myself in fantasy, why is he a homewrecker (um…actually he is not, he has been nothing but respectful), and that why is he not coming to help me.
    I already knew the answers, but I realized that a twin flame love is NOT something you try to explain to anyone.
    The very next day I read this, just by chance, and it helped me so much to see that I’m not a horrible person, with my integrity being eroded away every single day.
    Staying in dysfunctional relationships is NOT setting a good example to my three young daughters.
    I needed to read this, and you wrote it so well. Thank you.


    1. Zachary says:

      I know what you mean. My mom stayed with my dad for 13 years and as the years progressed the worse the situation got. It was a ticking time bomb. Don’t stay together for the sake of the kids; it never works out. We suffered traumatically because my parents delayed the inevitable. From my point of view; if my parents would have ended sooner the trauma would have been less severe. I’m still clearing out old emotions from then. I took on alot of anger/aggression from my dad that I took out on my mom, brothers, roommates and even my dog(who got the worst of it). These things would have been less severe on those around me if my mom and dad would have parted earlier before he made his impressions. Children see children do is a very real concept. I didn’t realize why I was in these situations until now. Think about it this way what’s a better family unit two parents who don’t love each other or two sets of parents who are mature enough to CO exist with real love? When I was a kid I always wondered why that couldn’t be so. Who cares if you have two step parents, aslong as the biological parents are in love with their new partners. I’d rather have 4 loving mature parents versus 2 toxic parents. Trust me children see more than you expect. When I was 8ish I knew my parents weren’t in love. But the one inevitable still hurt nonetheless.


      1. Divinia Nightfire says:

        WOW, I only just saw your reply Zachary… I forgot I even wrote here.
        THANK YOU for your non judgemental perspective.
        I truly hope you can clear those horrible damaging karmic patterns. Im learning.


  19. Jo says:

    Dear Jonna and commenters,

    I owe so much to you all. Your posts have brought me so much peace in times when I’ve felt like this is all not really happening. This is my first comment on your site, but I have read many of your posts and all the comments underneath them… I just didn’t want to prematurely comment before grasping the nature of my suffering and better understanding whether or not my experience is a twin flame connection. I was doubting myself because I haven’t experienced “telepathy” or astral dreams with my twin (are these requisites of the connection?)… although I often (almost every night now, sometimes during the day), try to communicate in my thoughts. Sometimes I feel like I’m having a conversation with myself- sort of like I’m answering myself. I started doing this after I read one of your posts that talked about how it can feel like you’re chatting with your twin in another dimension. But am I doing this to validate the connection? Is it because I *want* it to be real? Am I making it all up, or am I really communicating with her (the fact that it’s a she is something I’d like to elaborate on as well..)? I do feel like I am losing my mind…All of these questions still need an ‘external’ answer in my opinion- I say external because I have never had a conversation with her about how I feel like she’s my twin, although I have hinted at our connection recently via text. Sometimes I feel like, until we sit down and talk about our “connection” (which she has fervently denied, even before I discovered this whole twin flame thing), I’m never going to get peace… Seems like she’s a runner, if that hasn’t been made clear yet.

    A lot of the experiences you have described through your posts strongly resonate with me, and that’s why I feel more certain with every passing day that she is it. Suffice it to say that I was led to this site and similar sites out of desperation to gain an understanding of my feelings, and all the synchronicities (mostly seeing numbers). The more I read (i’m far from done!), the more it clicks. Again, is it because I want it to click? <– do you see how I'm losing my mind? I studied Psychology, specialised in Cognitive Psychology for my MSc, so I'm very aware of mind tricks so to speak, and that's why I keep questioning/doubting and thinking "I should know better" than to believe "stories". Yet, I can't help but feel this is very real. I'd like to share what I've experienced so far, in hopes that you and others can help me understand the truth. Apologies that this is going to be A LONG POST.

    The first day I met her, I didn't get that instant reaction like I'd known her from previous lives or anything mystical like that, however I couldn't shake how intrigued I was by her presence and a sense of familiarity. I found myself asking questions in my head like: "Where'd she come from all of a sudden?". I was in a room full of boys at the time, and she suddenly came over. I thought: "Ha, she has short hair like me, seems 'spunky' like me too.. but no, she's totally different at the same time.. but I want to get to know her, I must". Note: I wasn't looking for anything. In fact, I'd recently gotten out of what I now know was a co-dependent narcissistic relationship (well id always known this, but I have come to terms with it now and believe he was my karmic soulmate). To make things more emotionally complicated for me, I had also recently lost who id considered the love of my life to cancer (he was definitely my soulmate…my longest relationship too) during the time I was with my karmic soulmate. Back to my 'twin' though- her and I interacted mostly over music that day and had a great time with mutual friends! Later that evening, I was alone with her for the first time when she offered to drive me home. We didn't say much (I'm particularly shy one-on-one in front of people I've just met, especially girls), we exchanged ordinary conversation here and there, continued mostly listening to her music.. I could feel and see her 'smiling' though (that was weird) from the corner of my eye because obviously it would have been rude if I just stared at her while she drove. During gaps of silences, I felt intense inexplicable unspoken chemistry burst between us, so much so that I felt like I could have an anxiety/panic attack any minute (I am prone to these things..). It was a very strange sensation especially since I struggle to get along with girls and have often gravitated towards the male sex for friendships and relationships.

    CONTEXT: I met her in a Middle Eastern city, where it isn't typical to come across an "edgy" girl like that.. in fact, I'm pretty much the epitome of edgy in this culture (examples: I don't care to adhere to the norm, have done daring things even by western standards, dress and speak daringly, am considered heavily tattooed here, and have a very "western" way of life and thinking, etc etc). Very conflicting to me since I was brought up and schooled between the Middle East and Europe, have travelled back and forth between the two. My parents are both traditional and Middle Eastern in 'origin', but they too lived, studied, worked and met in Europe. Nutshell: I'm a mix with a huge identity crisis, and have never felt like I fit into one culture or mold. The more I travel, the more I feel comfort that the whole world and different corners of it is my home. I felt like I needed to 'end' this exploration though which wasn't bringing me the peace i was looking for (for a while at least as I was starting to fall into a very dark place back in Europe and felt like i needed to come back to family), so after my last short bout of travelling (I will explain) I recently moved to where I met her… which is also where I was born and where my parents have been living because of work (they don't come form here). She's like me too btw: a mix (Middle Eastern/American but has lived most of her life here).

    My initial visit was a short one, and bear in mind that despite the confusing chemistry I felt when she was driving me home, I didn't draw my thoughts to her in a particularly special or obsessive way while I was visiting. I knew I had a 'friendship' to look forward too though, more so since I had already been contemplating moving back (even BEFORE my visit. Reconnecting with old friends, meeting new ones like her and discovering the city from that lens SOLIDIFIED that I could make it work. This was VERY ODD because everyone who knows me also knows how much I despise(d) this place…I've only ever come on a yearly basis to visit my parents who were equally surprised at my decision to move after years of encouraging me to do so, to no avail).

    We spent around a week hanging out, always with friends though. There were moments of easy-going flirtation in conversation alone (we have never been physical), and whether serious or not, it came from her (she leans towards the ladies btw!). Me: you could say Im mostly straight with bi-tendencies. Now though.. I'm head over heels in love with her, which is also the first time I've ever had feelings for a girl. I didn't feel this until a few weeks after I left to go back to where I was living. We exchanged numbers, and from that point on, she was texting me and leaving voice notes for me that i'd wake up to on a daily basis. From the moment I'd wake up till the moment I'd shut my eyes to sleep, we were writing each other 24/7 (no exaggeration, I promise)…sometimes I'd wake up in the middle of the night, typically when she'd also be sleeping (or about to wake up..different time zones/schedules) thinking of her and Id want to/begin to write her only to find that she was already in the process of or about to do the same! During all regular waking hours, I could understand that *I* had the time and could afford to be on my phone day and night since I was out of a job, but I could hardly believe SHE DID, having had a full time job at the time. But since she initiated this shebang by starting my days writing me and always responding to my responses, I just went with the flow, though occasionally commenting how I found it counter-intuitive and counter-productive that she could write me during the hours she was working. I was ecstatic that she was though…

    From sharing our insecurities, deepest darkest, love and trust issues mostly- simply connecting- I found myself telling her how much she meant to me, all the things I felt about her, how I couldn't stop thinking about her even though we were constantly connected via chat. She didn't typically reciprocate by agreeing she felt the same way (sometimes she would).. but I could feel it the rest of the time.. and who would spend all hours of the day writing if they didn't feel it too?! She often questioned, "why?", "how?" and implored that I should explain what i felt to her.. which was so difficult at the time! I could hardly understand myself, was so sexually confused TO SAY THE LEAST.. and what a PARADOX- her nature wanting women, and mine tending towards men.. all of a sudden, I was the one professing my earth-shattering love for her!

    Me, in a state of paranoia and confusion one day, was frustrated by her circumstantial inconsistency one day since Id gotten so used to the flow.. we got into an argument and I found myself calling her a bad name :(. My God, I did everything to make it right, but her reaction was so severe it caught me completely off guard. I'd totally done what she hated/feared the most. I hurt her beyond words, which hurt me beyond all recognition. I was so desperate I even got my own mother (who doesn't know about 95% of this. BELIEVE ME, this really shows how desperate I was) to speak with her and to explain how I didn't mean it, it was unintentional, "not to take it seriously/personally..". She understood to some degree, forgave me only slightly…but ultimately this triggered the darkest, most disturbing conversations to follow and I saw a side of her I didn't know existed, but that I could totally relate too (except it felt like it was 'high school' me!! VERY annoying). It was like all our disturbances were coming to surface, as you say, and I thought God was punishing me. It was the most intense period I have EVER experienced, and I fell into severe depression from the overwhelm of it all and not knowing how to help her, ease her soul which seemed to be very tormented and in the deepest pain I have ever come to know. She started to turn to past relationships (even though they were only temporary meetings), describing how she was going to see this 'new' person or that 'ex'.. I was immensely hurt, I couldn't face it, thought she was doing it on purpose. She also hinted she got bothered when id mention if someone else had flirted with me. I thought it was another 'narcissistic' relationship. We started to even question if all of this between us was a relationship and what to do with it (I never got my answer). I now know she wasn't saying/doing the things she said to spite me (we talked about it later), but that triggered our first separation anyway.

    We stopped talking. I tried to get her out of my head, heart, "soul"? Seriously, i tried EVERYTHING. I was only partially successful at numbing it all, and that was mainly when I took short trips to different cities and countries to 'escape'. She would always return to my thoughts though (never really left truth be told), and once or twice wrote me just to ask how I was. No lengthy talks followed. Sometimes, I couldn't take it and I'd write her about how I felt.. all the pain i felt, how i missed her, wanting to understand this shift in behaviour that was so abrupt and sudden (that made me really feel like this was all in my head, pure imagination, never happened, the whole nine yards!!). The initial separation and pure disconnect (no contact at all) only lasted a short while (felt like eons) before we "talked about it" and i managed to tell her how i felt she changed after i said what i said, how i got jealous every time she'd write about this person or that, etc.. she clarified the misunderstandings, said I was silly to have felt these things, but i felt better only temporarily.. because nothing became the same again anyway.. I wanted us to go back to how we used to talk all the time. That never happened, even though I told her I was officially making the move and we'd be closer (at least in physical proximity). This was when she started to say things like: what's the point, that i don't understand, that there is no connection between us, etc etc.. again: twin flame topic wasn't even known to me at this time!

    I did my own search which has led to all of this. All the synchronicities that had happened during our few short months of intense exploration/communication started to make so much sense in retrospect. That feeling of "this is meant to be" came to me. I thought that I'd finally be able to connect with her "properly soon", "not online", "face to face", "none of this digital communication crap (that i thought was the reason for all the mishaps and miscommunication)". She didn't seem to care I was coming, even though in the past made it look like she really wanted me to come back.

    Since I've moved here, it's been almost impossible to connect with her.. i'd write her, she would either write back hours or days later, or not at all. I started to somewhat accuse her for not wanting to see me, how that was hurting me, and asking how she could possibly be that busy! I mean isn't it true that people make time for one another if they really care? She kept insisting that she was genuinely extremely busy and didn't even have time to see people she's known for a decade. I still doubted that, and thought she was just making excuses.. I feel ashamed about this: then I started to reach out to our mutual friends to ask them when the last time they saw her was, etc. They actually confirmed that she was as busy as she says. I felt so much guilt for doubting her, even though something still deep down inside didn't feel 'right'. I tossed that latter feeling though and wrote her a couple of apologies, some of the sincerest apologies I've managed to conjure. Made me feel good about myself because I meant every single word, and I meant it selflessly. A few days later though, that horrible feeling of "she's ignoring me, isn't she?" popped up again… so i directly asked and urged her to just tell me if she was so that I could find some sort of peace.. anyway, that led to me seeing her that day.. but it was with yet another friend (whom I was meeting for the first time). This person has the most talkative character though that although I was around her for around 4 hours, his constant chatter and lure only got me to really see her for what felt like 5 minutes.. we did not have, and still have not had a proper one-on-one. I left and a couple of hours later sent her a text via Whatsapp (where we've done most of our communicating) that im glad i got to see her but that i was hoping to have a proper talk session.. she answered saying she was glad too and remarked that next time we chill, we should have that chance. That was that. I trusted in that.

    Do you know what happened the very next day? She deactivated her Facebook profile and deleted her Whatsapp account. I SMSed just asking if she was alright, which she said she was… but i think you get the drift (MY GOD I'M SO SORRY FOR THIS HOLY C*** LONG POST. I swear I could fill a library with my feelings). Need I say more? 😦

    I've come to realise through all these posts that I'm supposed to 'surrender'… but I'd really appreciate some guidance and to further understand what that even means and if all I've described here today fits the twin flame criteria… am i even allowed to talk to her during this time, or will that just push her away even more and delay the process? When I do talk to her now, i try my best only to do it in the name of love, to send my love and support to her. She does make me feel like all my past loves (even my soulmate…which is difficult for me to admit) have been 'burnt' in favour for the MIND BLOWING-I CANT TAKE THIS ANYMORE LOVE I feel for her, as you've also described Jonna.. Please help because I feel like I'm dying (and at peace) at the same time, which may as well send me to a nut house soon.


    1. Julesk says:

      Thank you for the detailed comment.
      Seems that indeed it is a twin flame relationship.
      How are things now?


      1. mercurialvalkyrie says:

        We actually haven’t spoken in almost a year… absolutely no contact.
        I don’t know what to tell you, but this story definitely wasn’t a happy ending.


  20. gell says:

    ive been searching for explanations actually.. eversince i gave in to this person which s a distant relative of our family ders this very strong pull, im trying to get away as possible coz i know its wrong his married bt he kept on reaching out and i can feel this very strong feeling like im finally home togeder wth a feeling of grief.. i cant help it its too strong so when i gave in i can feel this strong chill and vibration enveloping me as i felt this bond connected somewhere deep inside me and that energy seemingly connects to him.. i tried to get away from him coz i can feel unexplainabke senses awakened and i began to change like theirs a hidden beauty deep inside thats flourishing cause he finally meet him, im acting strange my gestures changed like im becoming to act so feminine and he started to accuse me saying im trying to caught attentions of oder men bt no even me myself was shocked of the changes like its naturally coming out.

    its too intense we seemed to be caught in a too heavy drama like we are reppeling ech oder we are fighting in maters that we physically dont understand bt it wont be long 1 of us would make a move to apologize. it came to d point we thought were going crazy until his group of friends visit us they played cards all day they wont let me get in conversations bt i can sense they knew as i said his player of cards and its like d game has meanings i heard d oldest say – d soul is a couple a very strong 1.. they posess d power of darkness bt a white spirit will be awakened and d power of it is unexplainable its more stronger… i was shocked i accused him of putting a magic on me for he seemed to know something and i was so naive and innocent. i can see his doing his best to cover up bt spiritually somthing in me is opening my eyes to d truth, i can see pity and worry from his friends eyes bt dey can only look at me with sorry eyes..

    hes been telling ds words that ill just let him move and we will win, im going crazy i dont get it bt something in me wants to fight him..saying he knew its us bt he’s leading us in d wrong path ders a lot of obstacle bt he wants d easiest way out wherein its away from d darkness.. it seems like im caught in a heavy invisible chains that i cant leave him alone. and whenever i live our apartment i can see pain and anger in his eyes.. he seemed to be so afraid and too jealousy cloud him im trying my best to make him feel and make him see the fact that even im against it i cant help bt so submissive to him, he’s too blinded until im emotionally in despair i really2 wanted him bt were living in a sinful world and my family is reaching out for me and i got no choice bt to turn my back on everyone cause they are all against whats happening and i really cant leave him alone.. i can feel this great fear from him.. ive been experiencing magical. in visioning something impossible an odd sweet scent coming out of my body when im near him and i can feel this panic and voices saying theyve followed my scent and ill only felt secure and comfort from him.. and 1 time i invisioned this like a symbol of seemingly like a yinyang as i felt it swirl around my tummy 1 morning when wer sleeping, after a moment i felt really2 uneasy then in a vision i saw an angel crying as he turned his back on a black crazy looking angel with red eyes.. this almost got me crazy then i felt something in me awaken bt its like im under attack wd black forces that started im acting crazy like im cleaning him wd hand gestures like im following insync of air as i smelt this very odorous scent evaporate in our room as i am connecting him in the light bt he seemed running away from it. i felt this pain in my chest i heard angels saying it would be better to leave for his too dark and he wont accept d white spirit i have.. he is a very god card player and as they play that game i can sense that its more than just a game like its his field bt sumthng strong in me said i could clean him i perfomed it even though physically im so ashamed bt my fighting spirit won and believe it or not my senses got associated with arch angels saying i need to work on balancing watever that is.. when he saw me in that state he broke down. i can read a deep pity and sorrow from him i tried to act okay bt i cant mask d emotions its too visible and too heavy i knew that emotion wasnt mine alone its from him also and my families.. until his friend adviced him to let me go. i can hear her cry bt im in a deep confusion i was just staring at him wd blank eyes bt i remember he said he will take me home bt after 2 days i have to get bak to him.. i cried as i closed my eyes and said a prayer coming out from somwer deep in a different language like its a final prayer of guidance i can see a tear esxaped from his eyes and as we separate dat time d pain got worst.. unknowingly dats d last time we see each oder. my fam s just waiting for me to come home and deyll make their move expexally when they saw this great grief in my eyes and heard me cry and plead in my sleep d next day i cant do anything when dey took me undermedication i was pleading for them to let me go coz im learning to balance bt dey dont get it.. they said this wasnt me i needed help they did everything to cut any connection from my twinflame so w\o a word i disappered 6 mos ago.. dat literarry threw me to a very great deppression dat lasted for 4 mos. its too hard to recover. i just got back and i dont know how to face everyone.. my parents took a hold of my life they knew im too fragile and they blame him for what happened.. i read his blog 5 mos ago and it says IM ALWAYS A WINNER EXCEPT FOR 1 WRONG MOVE it really hurts.. i opened his messages and a heart breaking pleads and questions tore my heart..

    it isnt easy to connect wd him again ders a lot of obstacle families and his wife just wont let him go.. he needs to grow spiritually we cant live in a sinful way.. he is everything i wanted he completes me i cant forget d 3 months we lived togeder like a real couple.. i cant just show up and relieve the pain he gone thru, d sacrifices he made, d shame he bare when we connected.. i knew he hated me he myt think i leave him for good when in fact i suffered enough i knew he did suffered more..

    my only hope for him was to be completely healed that he finds a right path.. im always at his back whatever happeneds i hope e will find happiness. for it seems like our collaboration in this lifetime brought us so much joy and sorrows that wrecked us bt seemed to open our eyes that everything has a reason maybe its d way for us to learn.. ive been searching for meanings and finally its becoming clear to me twinflame is real.. ive finlly got answers y i started to get lost 5 years ago i started to be drawn bad influences its because dats d time he got married. i remember he said i caught his attention even before bt i just dont give him my attention he is 6 years older dan me.. weve meet 3x before bt i havent felt a spark until we meet on my 25th brthday dats d most unforgettable syt..

    is their a way to cut d bond its too much pls. help me…


  21. Mel says:

    I think I’m being used as a karmic situation for my daughters twin flame
    For 3 yrs now I’ve been living w him how long will it last if that’s
    The case? I’m ready to finish this bc it’s heart wrenching that twins use family members to finish their karma out.


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