Throughout the years there have been many things that have blown my mind about my twin flame connection. For a very long time I kept all the weird and wonderful experiences to myself, thinking that no one could possibly understand what was happening or the depth of feelings I was experiencing with this man… Anyone who knew about us knew that I had fallen hard for this man, but when I tried to explain what I was experiencing beyond the usual falling in love experience, no one seemed to understand. That is, until my very own grandma completely caught me off guard by telling me she knew all about the connection.
I still don’t quite understand how, but my grandmother always had psychic link to my beloved; long before I ever met him. It is only now, a year after she died, that I have really started to understand this, and it has at times made me sad that she is no longer here. I find myself in awe of the fact that she was able to pick up on our connection. This may be only because she loved me very much and was very in tune with me, but I also think it was because she had her own role to play in my spiritual growth and this undoubtedly provided her with an energetic link to my beloved.
My grandmother was an exceptional person: a bohemian artist, a peace activist, an animal & human lover, a baker’s daughter, and a talented writer, sculptor & painter. She was a visionary who saw the unity of nations and religions beyond the disunited front they often presented. She held a mixture of beliefs from Christian to Buddhist to Islam – a religion she fondly identified with in her final years. She was buried with her cherished peace sign necklace (that I had given to her as a teenager) and green Islamic prayer beads (which my ex-boyfriend had gifted her). Those beads never left her side.
A wartime child, she dreamt of nothing more than peace on earth, for all humanity. An extract of John Lennon’s “Imagine” was read out at her funeral, and this described her word view so well. My grandmother was a sensitive soul who would cry on cue whenever the adverts showing starving children in Africa would come on. She felt the despair and pain of the world so strongly and sought to transform it with her art.
My grandma had been a tomboy growing up, and she was unaware of her own beauty. The critical and often mean comments made by her own mother and sister, and later husband, about her physical appearance had distorted her body image and affected her deeply. Yet she was gorgeous and in her younger years had even been invited to participate in the Miss Finland pageant but had chickened out thinking she stood no chance. Even in her old age she was gorgeous; tall with long legs and long black hair, which she wore in a loose bun over the top of her head.
She was never afraid to do as she saw right, regardless of what anyone said; feeding the birds, foxes and hedgehogs in the city even when specifically told not to do so. She always stood up for what was in her heart. She had an amazing memory, up to her death aged 89 years old, remembering names, faces and events dating back nearly a century as if they only happened yesterday. She used to write me long letters with lovely drawings scribbled down the sides, no matter where I lived in the world; often posted together with a big Fazer chocolate bar. I was her first grandchild and always very close to her; and she was very fond of me. She knew I was a sensitive soul and often told me that this was making me too naïve, too trusting. I guess she also in her gentle way wanted to toughen me up for the “real world”. But I never held grudges against her because I knew she loved me. And in one of the final times I saw her, she admitted that perhaps I wasn’t as naive and innocently trusting as I would have others believe, and that this too, had a deeper meaning which she only now could see. My heart she said was my weakness, but also my strength.
While my grandmother was an amazing person with a strong vision of peace and unity, she unfortunately also lived a very 3-dimensional existence; which lead to her experiencing some very dark energies. She was married to my granddad for 55 years (until my granddad’s death in 2004) and those years were full of fighting, disagreements and abuse (mental, physical). Their marriage had a huge effect on my own ideas about love and marriage. This of course was necessary for me to break out of the patters I grew up with, yet it was very hard to watch and also played its part in me ending up in a very similar relationship for a part of my life. My grandparents were total opposites of each other. During their early marriage my grandmother went through a mental breakdown and the state of their marriage affected her relationship with her own daughters. But as a grandmother… she was perfect. Unconventional as hell, yes! But perfect!
But what was most amazing about her was that she was deeply psychic. She did palmistry & fortune telling from cards – and she had premonitory dreams about people and events. Her “speciality” was major transport accidents, especially air-plane disasters. It was always a traumatising experience for her because she always lived them as if she was there: screaming, getting hurt, seeing people die etc. She could relay things that happened in the plane back to us very accurately; and sometimes it was only after years of government secrets and air investigations that things would come to light about the cause of some of these accidents that she had been accurately describing all along. So if she had one of those dreams and you were going to fly shortly afterwards, well, you didn’t. She wouldn’t have let you! And no one dared to anyway! My grandmother also accurately predicted the future “for fun” for those who would ask and she was often spot on about mine; to the point that I often refused to have her read for me as I believed we should not know too much in advance but rather discover our own path.
A few years before my twin physically came into my life, my grandma started seeing another man in the cards when she would read for me. We would be sat around the small kitchen table at our red little summer cottage that her dad had built, and she would lay out the cards on the table and there were always two men in them, without a fail; both there, side by side. I had a long term boyfriend at the time, always represented by the King of spades, yet now the Jack of Clubs (and sometimes King of Hearts) was there too. When she would relay things she saw about the Jack of Clubs I always felt a familiar energy with me; one that I had felt since my childhood, but it soon became a joke between all of us, since I really couldn’t see who it could be. I was happy with my boyfriend and loved him very much.
When I met my beloved in 2002 the summer we spent together was a whirlwind and I never got to tell my grandma about him until he was out of my life again; leaving me only seeking to forget. When he returned to my life in 2005 after my awakening, I told my mother and made her swear she wouldn’t tell anyone; and she never did. I specifically asked her not to tell my grandmother since I was still with my boyfriend and my grandmother adored him. As far as I was concerned, my grandmother had no idea my beloved existed, nor did she know anything about him. Yet my Grandmother, bless her, was onto me: she knew he was back in my life.
Only a couple of weeks after I had physically, albeit it temporarily, reunited with my beloved in 2005, my grandmother had a dream about him that she knew she had to relay to me. The dream happened a night or two after he, to my great disappointment, had replayed his old tape about our friendship being the most important thing and how the rest of it is a bonus and how he had learned to redirect his love into his passions and how life is different shades of grey etc. So, my grandma had this dream; then tells my mum that she’s had a dream for me but won’t tell her what the dream was. So, at my mother’s request, I call my grandma and she tells me she’s had a dream and felt that dream would mean something for me.
She tells me that in her dream she came across a man on the street. The man was young but had the appearance of a much older man. He was walking with his shoulders hunched like the world was weighing on them. He looked quite unhappy and told my grandmother his life was over, to which my grandmother replied “Oh, surely it can’t be that bad”. My grandma reached out her hand to the man and the man reached his left hand back to her, and taking his hand she started to read the lines in his palm (which she would always do in real life too; she always wanted to read the lines in any new acquaintances hands). She told him that from what she could see, his childhood and youth had been pretty normal, until a close encounter with death. She could see that he had been in a very serious accident/ very ill at some point, but that the accident was also a catalyst for big changes (for the better) in his life. He did not seem to believe her so she proceeded to point out and trace his lifeline with her fingers, and showed him where the lifeline is near-enough interrupted and then starts a constant upward rise. She said he might not realise it but since this accident his life has been moving toward happiness greater than what he could ever imagine. He was shaking his head in disbelief. She said “Well whether you believe me or not, look, it’s right there, carved into your hand!”
She told him that in that upward rise of his lifeline there was a sign of a great love/ great happiness. She said it is a love of such magnitude that it corresponds to winning the jackpot in the lottery (similar lines appear in the hand for this too) – only it’s better! He shook his head; saying he could not see it or believe it. She told him: “It is written in the lines of your hand so there you have it. You are blessed beyond your belief”.
So she tells me this over the telephone and says she was meant to pass this dream on to me. Then, before I could say anything she says “Look, I know you have loved him for years, even before you ever knew he existed. And for several years I have seen him in the cards“. Then she laughed, in the most irresistible way, with the deep wisdom of her (then) 82 summers. That laughter revealed this secret I now knew she shared, and it made me feel like something much bigger than us was involved. There was true intimacy and a sense of wonder between us that day that still amazes me to this day. I even asked my Granny what this man looked like. And she went on to describe him as accurately as I would be able to if he stood right here in from of me.
Funnily, a year after our reconnection my twin told me in an email: Meeting you for the first time is like winning the lottery, and having you as a friend is like winning a jackpot. Just like my grandma’s dream!
My grandma unfortunately passed away very suddenly in 2013. In the fall of 2014, in between my letter to my twin (which i blogged about here) and his response to me five months later, she came through for me during a mediumship session I had been dragged into by a friend – the only session of this kind that I ever have or will attend. She told me that she knew that I truly loved him and that she had always known this. She also knew I had been writing to him without receiving any response. She told me not to stop and to keep writing to him as often as I wanted because this was all having a positive effect and he was in fact “relishing in my emails.” She said she could see amazing things in my future and to keep on the path.
Two months later, my twin broke his silence. During the all-night conversation we had (which I blogged about here) he told me that although he had not been able to find it within himself to respond sooner, or to encourage me to write more, he had been “relishing in my emails”.