You have given me God
And in God I trust
But I don´t know how to read them signs
And read the signs I must
Time is running out here
And on time I depend
But I just can´t see which road to choose
And choose one without an end
I have but one wish
And that wish is so strong
But I would not want to follow that dream
And in following it be wrong
You have given me Faith
And before Faith I kneel
But I just dont know what truth to believe
And believe the truth that´s real
Jonna, 19/6/2006
When we first spoke after three years, prior to our reunion in NY, the first thing you told me was “I always knew you were that little bird I had to let go and let fly. I knew you would come back to me. You will always come back to me.”
There seems to be a wonderful link between love, God, birds and our eternal souls.. We tend to accept that birds are God’s messengers; well it is very clear from old stories such as the one about Noah in the Bible. Birds do not tire themselves unnecessarily by flapping their wings in the skies – they let the wind carry them, sometimes for very very long periods of times. We need to be doing the same – not fighting the flow of life, but letting it lift us up and carry us to our destination! Birds are wise, they know the wind will take them wherever they need to go and they do not question it. They do not stop and ask for directions or change direction or their minds! They just KNOW, from the moment they are born that there is a plan in place for them. They have no free will, no insecurities.. And you know what, they are free. They could go wherever they want, become what they want – but they know that the only thing they must/can/should BE is a bird and the only place they must/should/can DO is to go where their Creator wants them to go. This is because they do not question it because as birds they do not have the choice – however we as human beings we do. And we make choices based on illusion, past fears and hurts and future needs and wants and projections.
If you had wings then where would you go? If there was a place in the world you wanted to be, then would you not just go there? Spread your wings and fly there? If you were really a bird, really free, and you FELT that connection to your purpose, then you would not need to ask yourself what, where or why. There would be no doubt. Because you would JUST KNOW. You would hear that inner call and you would never ever doubt it. If we were birds then we would already be where we wanted to be because we would have taken the shortest way there – no questions, just acceptance and knowing. Why don’t we just follow the signs like the birds do – the wind, the stars, the sun, our instincts, the magnetic pulse of the earth.. the small voice of our heart? Why can we not just do what we are supposed to do because that is where the love and the peace of mind are?
I guess we are so disconnected from it… Because if we were connected, we would see that even the birds themselves are trying to tell us this! Have you ever noticed how birds migrating in groups (another wonderful miracle of life!) always fly in the form of an arrow? It’s like they are showing the others the way, they are saying “Come with us, we are going!!!”, just in case the others forgot what the perfect plan is.
I think this is what I felt and still feel, about you… I want to so much just to take off and soar with you!! To let the winds gently take us where we need to be 🙂 I know in my heart that if we were birds we would be together… Because we are of the same kind.
If you’re a bird, then I’m a bird.
Simple as that.
YOU
Like the river of life
I want to flow into you.
To sink into you completely, fully.
To become an Ocean of love.
Like the heart of a sparrow
trembling in your hand
I am helpless
Surrounded by your love.
You are close to me like the breath of God
There is no distance in us, no you or I,
Still I am so far away
That each step I take is on my way home.
My lips are moist from tasting your wine
this divine drunkenness
The smell of your celestial perfume
Tortures my senses.
Even in my sleep I get no rest,
I still hear your call
In silence, or through the jungle drums
Always asking me not be to afraid.
The veils are down
And I stand here naked
bewildered, in awe
of something, someone I know so well
Trying hard to find the words to capture
That one eternal moment
When I watched you sleep in the morning sun.
Little did I know, it was that eternal moment
that captured me,
and not the other way around.
And we talk about all the things we long to believe
About love and the truth and
What you mean to me
But the truth is you’re all that I need
We are reflections of the divine dream
When we reach for it, like water
It slips through our fingers
We cannot hold onto it
But let’s bathe in it together.
We are the lovers of love
on a path of love
We are the bearers of the key
into hearts of humanity
The treasure is the door of divine love
Will you step through with me?
Trust me and take my hand.
Let’s shine this love on the world.
I say come, come fly with me.
You know, you know it’s meant to be.
I say, there is only love here
It is the only thing that does not fade away.
02/05/2006 Jonna
I spent a lot of time
searching for affection
in shallow spaces
I gave people bits of
me they didn’t deserve
and I let myself be hurt,
because I thought that’s
what I deserved
but once I let go of
trying to shove the
puzzle pieces in places
that did not fit, once
I let go of all the hate
I secretly had stored in
the gashes that decorate
my heart —-
I met you.
(m.k.)
As awakened spiritual beings, we become aware of our innate ability to soar higher, raise our vibration, as well as to gain greater knowledge and insights about our own spirituality and connection to God. Often times during our search, we catch glimpses of an elusive higher reality that we just cannot seem to maintain permanently. We leap – and crash and fall; finding ourselves lying face flat on the proverbial ground time and time again, wondering why we never quite manage to reach it despite the strong urge to leap & fly.
This scenario repeats itself in our lives: we go through crisis after crisis questioning our belief in God, the meaning of it all as well as our own intuition & knowledge; to our very foundation. All this goes to show us just how fragile we are; highlighting our own nothingness in the face of God, who is everything. The reason we repeatedly land flat on our faces is simple: to truly surrender and reap the benefits requires us to fully trust God. Until we acknowledge this and fully hand over the reins to God, our face will continue hitting the ground; for God has the ability to reduce us down to nothing over and over again.
Surrender does not happen by weighing the pros and the cons, or by a conscious choice, but rather, surrender happens after years of trying to find purpose, serenity, meaning, a deeper way of relating to others, or perhaps to control our own behaviour. Therefore, surrender often comes after a long road of seeking and once it happens, even the seeker knows fully that this is not only the right option, but the ONLY option. Surrender is a call to the traveller lost in the desert to see clearly. It is the letting go of the old, of that which no longer works for us, and building the world that we always dreamt possible.
We cannot reach this stage until we understand what is required of us, which is complete surrender to God. Holding up our hands in frustration and giving up on our beloved or love itself is not surrendering but rather resigning. To fully surrender means to fully accept and acknowledge all that is there; in my own case, this meant that finally I had to give my beloved the space and position in my life which was rightfully his, regardless of what that meant for me, my marriage, my sanity etc.- and regardless of whether he wanted to be any part of it. There was simply no other option left for me, since for me to find peace and to be who I really am, I needed to accept who he is to me. And more importantly, I had to do it to align myself with what I felt was God’s will for me.
This requires a major leap of faith and signals a huge advancement in our spiritual development. In surrender, we are asked to let go of what we cannot control; easier said than done when we have held onto this control as if our life depended on it. In surrender, we realise just how acutely disconnected we have been from ourselves, others and God, while at the same time realising why such was perhaps necessary. We realise that changes, big and small, are needed.
Surrender implies the end of resistance, or fighting. Often it seems that this fight is against those people who get in the way of the fulfilment of our desires and wants, however we realise that this is merely a reflection of the conflict we have inside us. The real enemy is within and in order to find peace with others we must first face our own demons and annihilate our own ego. This happens when we stop fighting ourselves and others. By fully accepting who we are – the good, the bad and the ugly, we are able to accept the way others are too. This acceptance however does not, and should not, stop us from seeking to better ourselves, or from wanting to contribute to the harmony and beauty in this world.
Surrender is that moment when we are finally ready to rise into Oneness with God. In surrender we see just how totally dependent we are on God and God alone. We surrender so that we can be made into nothing so that God can become everything in us. It is a moment of the lifting of a burden, of deep, deep peace and serenity. Surrender asks us to die to ourselves; to empty ourselves of who we think we are, the should’s and should not’s, the cannot’s and will not’s. God needs space in us to work through us. When God can move us to any direction He wants, we can easily and effortlessly receive inspiration from Him. When we realise that everything in existence only happens through His will, then that will becomes ours. When this happens, God’s abundance in us is always there. We are never emptied or empty.
My resistance towards the TRUTH that is my connection with my beloved and what this implied for me, and for my carefully set up life, was the final bit of resistance I personally had to overcome. It was that DEEP LOVE that needed to be acknowledged and given its rightful place in my life, regardless of whether he was physically around or not. The deep realisation that this connection will ALWAYS & FOREVER be there NO MATTER WHAT was the one last thing that I had to accept about myself.
During the years that I spent without the physical presence of my beloved, I felt myself grow ever closer to him and to my Creator. I reached spiritual heights that many only ever dream of; and learnt to trust & follow that quiet voice that spoke to me in my heart. The love that I felt for him remained steadfast, unwavering, relentless. I became very intuitive, and received many revelations and insights which helped me grow spiritually. I also found that the more we have been spiritually powerful, the more surrendered we must be. We are called to surrender the very things that we have held onto in our hearts as truth. So, in a way, since it is this love that helped me reach so high into closeness with God, it is therefore the surrender of this love that was required. And the deeper our surrender, the more God is able to work through us.
What ended up happening was that rather than lose this love, through surrender it grew stronger as instead of looking into the past, the love found itself being renewed in every now-moment, replenishing the vision and emotion on the inside: reaffirming what is, what is developing and what will be. Suddenly it seemed like everything, including the return of my beloved into my life as a changed man, started to happen and click into place, just as I had always wished they would! Everything IS truly unfolding in utter perfection; for only God truly knows all things. All we have to do is to choose God – and let Him choose everything else.
Disconnecting from my beloved was never going to lead me to anything other than a disconnection from myself. He was, is and always will be part of my energetic make-up, and the One person who reflects me in the most awe-inspiring and unforgiving way. We always got and understood each other instantly, silently. Our souls sat in knowing silence in the mountain meadow with the crescent moon and stars above us, love & friendship flowing between us. However, through surrender to what is in the Now, it became clear that the journey really is about me, about me being true to who I am – to All That I Am. In surrender, I became clay in God’s hand – fully remouldable to the exact shape He wants me to take.
A lot of things can flow to us when we surrender to the reality that is actually before us. It becomes increasingly clear what is right for us and what needs to change. You can see where you need to take action since you are no longer blind but rather trusting in God with your eyes wide open. This also opens us up to the deeper purpose of the relationships and connections that are available to us in this life. We consciously know who is right for us, and we understand the type of relationship we want in our life.
For me, this meant that I could no longer settle for anything other than the soul-shaking, trans-formative, one-soul-in-two-bodies kind of love that I always knew existed and that I have come to know with my Twin. For once we have experienced the fullness and rightness of loving & being loved fully for who we are as an eternal soul, we come to realise that we could want nothing more, nor accept anything less than this. The truth is that having anything in our life that doesn’t resonate with it becomes unbearable. No matter how wonderful, no matter how loving, no matter what the reasons or dilemmas. Our ultimate and only hope then lies in our own internal vision and our trust that where there is God, there is a way.
Ever since my earliest childhood I felt like no one could fully reach into my world. I was a sensitive, kind and intuitive child, who, I guess to many, seemed oblivious to all the vile things going on in the world. Well-meaning relatives and friends often told me that I had to “toughen up” to survive in the “real world”, and that my kindness left me open to being used. As the years went by I grew more and more protective of my inner cocoon, preferring to refuge into it to recharge myself, to protect myself and what I believed in. Somehow I always felt that being all of the above was actually my strength, the real me. Contrary to what some believed, I was not blind to wickedness, poverty, violence, selfishness, suppression; I knew all this but I always wanted to, and chose to, see a world beyond it. This safe place that existed within me was my haven; it was where I turned when I felt alone and misunderstood. I was convinced that what was inside me was the reality, and not the other way around, but that for various reasons it was not “safe” to be this same person on the outside.
I longed so very much to find that meaning, that sense of belonging, that presence to match what was in me. Yet no one I connected with could quite reach the inner space of my heart; no one could quite return back to me what I was sending out. I always had an eerie feeling that a part of me was calling to out me from somewhere out there. I could feel something, someone reaching out to me. I remember connecting with this someone in dreams; on a beach, watching stars together in the meadows, sat on the top of a sand dune under the stars and a smiling crescent moon, watching our children laughing in the garden etc. I always knew that once I reached adulthood I would set out to travel the world to find what was calling out to me – and this is exactly what I did.
I had been living abroad, in a City that spoke to my heart, for six years when, on what started as an ordinary day, my beloved burst into my (at best) grey world in what I liken to a colour palette explosion of a thousand rainbows. My search, which had started when I was only a young girl, stopped there and then. The feelings, the energies, the depth of the connection were so unlike anything I had ever experienced. He was unlike anyone I had ever met and I was BLINDED by his light and his LOVE. Undeniably, underneath all our emotions and feelings is a soul, connected to everything and everyone. This soul is capable of things that transcend all limitations and defy all logic of the human mind. This soul, which contains all of universe within itself, has, in a single instant, the power to recognize its counterpart. It only takes one second, one moment for the memories of real, unbridled love to come rushing back. When I felt this, and it spread like fire to the rest of my body, I knew *this* was REAL; this, and NOTHING else.
I believe that there is deep truth in the saying that the only things that we can ever really understand are things that we already know; and that the only affinities we can have are those that are already there. Similarly therefore, the only LOVE we can experience is the rediscovery of love that always was. All that is needed is someone/ something to REMIND us.
My beloved once said he had learned so much about love and relationship dynamics from me, and that his understanding had been more aligned with my amazing communications skills; however I knew I could take none of the credit for it. I am his mirror; all I am doing is reminding him of what he already knows. I never believed that we were here to teach each other anything us such, but rather, to REMIND each other of WHAT already IS. We are here to help each other through this classroom of life and to rise in love lifting the hearts of humanity with us. But we are not the sources of this LOVE, all we are to do is to remove all the barriers to allow it to shine through! We are just the humble servants of ALL THAT IS…God.
As the connection would have it, we hit a crisis and he pulled away. I had no idea what the hell was happening to me, to him, to us. I ran, and thought the separation from him would kill me. To have shared the intensity of what we were – and still are, and then have him turn around and shake me to my newly rediscovered, still fragile, core, doubting who I was, telling me that he never made any promises, listing all the should not’s, cannot’s, do not want to’s, etc. in the world. I was left there with my arms in the air, not only with my heart shredded to pieces but with the “me” I had only just gotten to know and fallen madly in love with, now lying on the ground in pulp, unrecognisable, and acutely unloved. I tried to understand, to analyse, to still be his friend, wishing I could just dismiss myself as crazy because that would have been the EASY way out. I prayed to God – a God I had not even believed in until then – to release from this illusion, and I was terrified when it became clear to me that every time I opened my eyes he was still there; out of reach, but still there.
As I sat in a dark room feeling like death, I convinced myself that he had never existed, that I had made him up. Yet a couple of years later, when I started to finally see light at the end of the proverbial tunnel, and finally reconnected with my own inner space, I recognised him, firmly at HOME, there within my heart. It was a surprise; a turn of events we could not quite comprehend. My mind ticking in overdrive with question after question, asking him “what are YOU doing here?”
Then, in an Aha! Moment, I realised that he had not just appeared “out of nowhere”, and more importantly, he had never gone away or left me, as he had always been there, before I even realised that he existed, before I ever realised that this common ground existed. That this connection IS, WAS and WILL BE there regardless of me or him, regardless of what I choose or do not choose to do with it … And that in this shared place, we are eternally connected. Often in my heart I would speak to him and draw him close, and the minimal contact we had during the years that followed was enough to confirm to me just how connected we were. I knew that he could hear me; perhaps not consciously but nevertheless. What seemed to flow through his mind somehow always flowed through his too.
I came to the deep realisation that perhaps he simply did not know who I was, not out of spite or because he intended to hurt me, but because there were lessons he needed to learn, or because such was the choice he had made. I even allowed for the possibility that beyond our short time together our connection meant nothing to him – and certainly did not come with the intense questioning, turmoil and growth I associated with our togetherness. I did initially want to fight for him, to shake him awake and perhaps at times I tried just this. But I also realised that fighting for love in a forceful way was like fucking for virginity; there was NO SENSE in it. Love is about surrendering to what IS, not about fighting what is or isn’t. I also realised that it doesn’t matter whether that LOVE is returned or acknowledged, because as long as I KNOW the truth in my heart and soul then it should not matter what anyone, including the object of that love, does or says because true LOVE is not dependent on anything. It existed long before I discovered it and will continue to exist long after I am gone! This acceptance allowed me, after a long time fighting and trying to make sense of it, to trust it all into God’s hands, simply asking him to bring forth whatever is in the best interest of all.
I understood that none of this belongs to me; the connection, the words it inspires, even the people whom it has helped to heal; it isn’t mine. I am just a portal for this love to make its way into this world, into this dimension. It was never mine to start with. God can do whatever he wants with it, after all, he knows me better than I know myself. And then, “Knock on the door and the door will be opened”, like my beloved once said, or “Ask the question and it will be answered”: God does listen and God does hear. And he DOES answer! What followed was as an infinite parade of signs, visions, serendipity, synchronicities, telepathy and the BEAUTIFUL light of love!! There is no way to ignore it when God is involved! Suddenly, I started to see everything through new eyes… And I saw my beloved there with me, EVERY STEP OF THE WAY, undeniably.
I understood that there is no need to fight, no need to “build” anything, or to calibrate or fix it. There are no initiations to take, no climbs to make, no holy books to memorise, no hand stands to master: it is already there, waiting for us; we just have to find our way there first. Then we no longer search for anything outside of ourselves, but find infinite joy, bliss, rapture and inspiration in taking in everything that IS already there, inside us.
I remember once writing something in the lines of Rumi’s “Whoever brought me here will have to take me home.” Well, I know God brought us here in a wave of LOVE and God will take us home. I think that is what is meant to happen. We must die to ourselves, to our egos, in order to truly love each other. We must lose ourselves to find each other, and in finding each other we find ourselves. And through the discovery of our inner space filled with passion, friendship and unconditional love, we relearn to live in the heart of another… safe and snug, as One. Home at last.
I reunited with my beloved in 2005, just under three years after I cut all contact with him. It soon became clear to me that despite his feelings for me, his soul searching during our separation had led him down a different path where the words “duty and responsibility” were the flavour of the day. In the weeks that followed my visit, we both tried to put into words what we felt – and didn’t feel – for each other. On the phone one day, he told me that he did not feel romantic love towards me. I could see what he meant because ours had never been a romance with flowers and candle lit dinners but rather a friendship set on fire; a deep resonance that consumed us with its fierce, unapologetic flame of truth and unconditional love.
As nothing he ever says goes unnoticed, I went and looked up definitions of romantic love on the internet, coming across this one by Canadian sociologist, John Lee: “ Romantic love –the lover thinks constantly about the loved one, is jealous, unrealistic, will tolerate anything, is sexually attracted by physical appearance, needs repeated reassurance he/she is loved in return.” Although initially I had felt disappointed by what he had said, the more I thought about what true love really was, I became relieved and glad that he did not feel that way about me. And, for the first time in my life, I did not feel that way either. Suddenly I knew that this kind of unrealistic love – the weak-kneed, starry-eyed kind of love – had nothing to do with real love.
Romantic love consists of thinking that once we find the perfect mate, fall in love and lose ourselves in that love, that all our problems will be solved. Sadly, by the time we awaken from this dream, we often find ourselves in a loveless marriage, wearing yet another mask, yet another layer hiding the real us, or perhaps already in middle of a bitter divorce or separation, wondering what went wrong. Or even worse, we stay put in that relationship, lying awake at nights staring at the ceiling wondering “Is this all there is?” and fooling ourselves into thinking that this is all we deserve. But the thing is; the co-dependency of this kind of unrealistic “love” keeps us from growing into a whole person, whereas true love… is the acceptance of the fact that our lover is not perfect and neither are we. We understand that each of us needs to grow, and believe that we can be catalysts for each other’s growth. We can nurture one another, challenge one another and encourage one another. We can help one another become fuller individuals.
I ALWAYS wanted my Beloved to become the person he is capable of becoming, the person he already IS on the inside – not the person anyone else, including I, want him to be. I wanted this even if it meant he would be taken away from me. Nothing in this universe is easier than being YOU – and nothing more difficult than trying to meet everyone else’s expectation of what that should be. This is how we end up taking on more and more personas, putting on more and more masks. But my love for him is not an unrealistic dream-like state, nor an ever- changing, ego-based emotional state. It is the ESSENCE of my being. I see and respect him as the infinite being of love and light that he is, and I truly believe that he can – and should – empower himself to do and feel whatever his heart tells him – regardless of me or anyone else.
Through our talks, I also realised that sometimes it is we who keep ourselves from having this freedom out of some misunderstanding about what our responsibilities really are. We forget that our responsibility should first and foremost be to our Self and to God; and to serve that truly and fully. What we fail to see is that once we do this, we serve All, even those that we think we would hurt if we aligned ourselves with what is within. This does not mean that we should abandon people who have been in our lives for years, but that we should reconsider anything that is no longer serving our growth, and relinquish anything that is not in alignment with what we KNOW inside.
When I tried to understand why he was blowing hot and cold with me, my Beloved again insisted that we were only ever “just friends”; this despite the fact that even after no contact for 3 years, we were still sharing intense, tender, intimate and sensual moments. While yes, it was true that we were close friends and that our friendship meant the world to me, we were so SO much more than this. In fact, we had only ever been platonic friends for about a day or two before we had kissed: a kiss he initiated and which lasted hours, during which time and space stood still as we watched galaxy after galaxy being born in each other’s eyes and where when we finally came up for air we both uttered “Finally!!” simultaneously, as if from one mouth and definitely rising from one heart. Very platonic and “friendly” in deed!
Once again, it all comes down to being true to ourselves. Despite his momentary denials, he had on several occasions admitted that we were more than friends – and I would have had to be daft in the head to believe anything else after the intense spiritual, emotional, mental and PHYSICAL connection we shared during the summer we met – and subsequently. That didn’t however stop him from quickly turning around and denying that he felt anything other than just a “special friendship”, whenever it suited him. It used to confuse and hurt me that he could say something and then so quickly deny it, after all I hadn’t had my spiritual awakening yet and knew nothing about these kinds of dynamics. However as I awakened, I realised that by saying that we were only friends, he was not ready to stand in all of his truth, which included the feelings that he had felt and still feels, for me.
But even he could not hide those deep feelings when we first saw each other after 3 years apart. There are no words to describe the passion, the longing, the love in the way he grabbed me and kissed me with a “I missed you soo much” arising from deep inside his chest. He kissed me as if he had done nothing but anxiously await every single second of those 3 years to do just that; as if my lips held the last drop of water on this planet, or perhaps the nectar of life that he desperately, at the brink of dying, needed. When he later tried to pass it as a “neutral kiss,” I could do nothing but wonder who he thought he was fooling.
I had always known that what we had, what we felt for each other was so unlike anything else we had ever known, with anyone – and he had often confirmed this to me. Maybe that’s why he felt the need to calibrate it and to put it in a box (friend, lover etc) where rules could then be applied to it? It was not easy to understand; in fact it was impossible, and he pushed it aside because he was able to. I did not want to chase him or force him into anything. I did not want to make him feel bad for not seeing it and I would never have made him choose between me and anyone else in his life.
In the final days before I returned home, his behaviour towards me alternated between hot and cold, pushing and pulling. To justify it, he gave me his old speech about not wanting to give me the “wrong impression” and mentioned MY expectations as the reason behind it. This made no sense to me as I had been driven to NY & him by my spiritual awakening, without even knowing why. With time I realised it was never about my expectations but about his fear of what was about to unleash within him if he let himself feel the depth of what was in his heart. As I pleaded with him for some integrity, he eventually talked about an unbreakable bond, a connection, masculine-feminine attraction, passion and unconditional love. He said he wanted to touch me; that the lightest touch of my fingertips felt electric and turned him on. He then admitted that he wanted to take it “to the end of the line” with me but felt like he couldn’t because only a few weeks earlier I had not wanted to see him and he did not know when he would see me again. He asked me whether I would disappear again for another 3 years, or would I double the time. He spoke about his hurt when I had returned to my boyfriend and how he did not want to lose me again.
While it took me years to realise how much he had probably suffered during the time I ran, it also became clear to me from his words that he was still caught up in the illusion of the duality. He knew what he needed to do, he knew his soul but he did not know how to get from A to B, or if he did, fear of change, the fear of letting someone down was paralysing him. Or maybe he was simply being kept from seeing the whole truth?
This was never more clear than when, driving in his car one day, we ended up in the wrong lane approaching a junction. The car came to a halt at the traffic lights. He was nervous, realising he had taken the wrong lane. Despite the fact that the junction at that point was pretty empty and he could have with minimal disruption manoeuvred himself onto the correct lane, we just sat there, with his indicator now indicating completely in the wrong direction. I encouraged him to cross over to the correct lane; the one he KNEW he had to get on to get where he needed to go. He said it was too late to change now, when clearly it wasn’t. He said he realised he had made the wrong choice. He knew what he had to do to fix the situation but unable to make a move, for fear of something, he was now about to take the wrong turn.
The parallel between his life and this moment at the junction was only too clear to both to us while we sat there, and I pointed it out to him. I said it was all happening because he was refusing to deal with the situation here and NOW. I said, why are you doing this, you know that being on this lane is not the right thing to do; and that if you don’t make the necessary changes now, all you will do is end up lost on a road you never wanted to take, as you drive further and further away from where you REALLY needed to be. If you are lucky, maybe one day you will end up back at that same junction and you will get to choose again, who knows. Maybe then you will decide to go where you always knew you need to. He looked at me; nervous, I could see he was torn. He asked me what he should do. We were no longer talking about the junction. I said this is your life. I can tell you what I feel, what I think, what I know you should do, but I cannot do it FOR YOU.
See, co-dependency, attachment, blame games, emotional blackmail; they give you no choice. When we are held in relationships by a perceived “duty” to care-take, or out of guilt, or because it would be a shame to “throw away” a number of years spent together, even when we know that during that time we were not loved the way that we deserve to be loved, then we are no longer choosing love; because True love is just that; a CHOICE. If people can love each other in a mature way, they can make choices. They will not compromise their own feelings and preferences in a hopeless search for approval. They will marry for love and they will marry their equals.
Falling in immature, romantic love requires no effort whatsoever. There is nothing to choose or decide: this kind of love chooses you. It says “I can’t survive without you.” Real love focuses on the will. It involves choices: I can live without you, but I make a choice not to. It says “Life is richer with you.”
It is the greatest feeling in the world and a true experience of freedom: having the most important thing in the world without owning it.
What is it about you that touches me so deep inside,
Connects me to this inner knowing, never leaves my side.
Finds its way to inner spaces no one’s ever been,
Knows me inside out, finds Truth in me never seen.
Nothing can be changed, there’s nothing to decide,
No escape, no change of heart, no anyplace to hide.
There is nothing to say, no nothing I can do,
To explain why my world stands still when I am with you.
There is no logic, no reason, I fail to understand,
how you hold me like a flower in the palm of your hand.
Touching, nurturing, slowly you let me unfold,
For always, for eternity, my heart is sold.
Maybe it’s the way you hold me, I feel the warmth of the sun
Maybe it’s the way you smile, I come all undone.
Maybe it’s the resonance of your voice, I need not ask why
with the way you touched my soul, I could touch the sky.
You look into my eyes and I feel my soul open wide
In the shadow of fear I can no longer hide,
All the love, the passion, the longing break free
Now nothing can take you away from me.
You make me want to believe in all my dreams,
To forsake the solid ground, I believe so it seems
That this is my chance to live and love and show
that our faith will lead love where it has to go.
I lose track of time and space, it doesn’t matter, I don’t care,
My soul has spoken, forever my love, with you I will share,
For in your eyes, my past, present, future ‘til I die,
They pass in an instant, in the blink of an eye.
My mind is made up, I have no choice, it’s where I want to be.
For how could I resist when every part of you is home to me.
Sparks fly and the flame of creation dances around you,
I am whole, I am complete now that I have found you.
I recognize your eyes, your voice, your hands, but not your face.
This remembrance so deep makes my heart and soul race.
For even when I try, my heart and soul will not let me erase
My eternal promise to find you in this new time and place.
My heart pounds in remembrance of the heights our love reached.
There’s a memory burned into my soul of a promise we beseeched.
I am drawing the memory to my senses to see
this yearning for oneness that lingers in me.
For in every single moment, in every breath I take,
In each and every heartbeat and the love that we make,
This is the way it was, is, and always will be,
The feeling of you resonates deep within me.
You gave me wings when I wanted to fly,
You were by my side when I reached the sky.
You took me as I am, not who I was dressed up to be,
Even through your tears you let me go, you set me free.
A thousand dreams but I still believe
You will catch me if I fall
I’ll swallow my pride and I’ll be alive
If my beloved, you hear my call
You fingers speak the language of my body so clear,
I am secure, warm, content when you hold me near.
With my tongue, my lips, my body, my fingers, my hand
I know your every curve, every contour like my native land.
In the gentle caress of your nose against my nose,
Without words we greet each other, you pull me close.
Your breath in the curve of my neck sends shivers up my spine
Tell me would I even exist if you were not mine.
I yearn for you, I miss you, you are all I desire,
You turn me upside down, you set my inner core on fire.
The passion, the love, the desire, shamelessly grow,
expanding to heights, to dimensions only we know.
Let’s make love, my dearest, we’ll set the planets in motion,
for only you can move through me like the waves in the ocean.
I cannot get enough of you, but can we carry on much longer,
with every cell trembling with desire my love only gets stronger.
This primal creative force, moving through us, burning still,
Our souls intertwine, to become one, and we will,
For all eternity, seal our love with a kiss,
in this magical field, it holds such bliss.
With the glow of your love you take my breath away
Laying in your arms there is nothing I can say
Yet I still do not know what you would do
If you knew how I am in love with you.
My love, we have nothing to lose, but everything to gain,
I look at you and I wonder if I’d ever come down again,
If you chose to love me and I let myself go,
If you feed the fire with all the passion you can show.
My world is a better place because of you,
Let the promises of many lifetimes be realise and true.
With my love I will lift you and carry you to paradise,
I will show you the Heaven I have found in your eyes.
Never wonder how I feel as years go by,
You don’t have to ask me and I need not reply.
Know that the way to my soul, is the way to you,
and if we live this love, all our dreams will come true.
Written in May 2006
So many spiritual paths, while seeking the same oneness with the Creator, still manage to uphold the illusion of separation. God is made into something so vast, so unattainable, that we forget and are discouraged from exercising our own ability to reach into the spiritual realms, to reach God and to commune with Him, where in truth this close relationship with Him is needed. It is implied that we can never truly know the nature and character of God, only his will. But is God’s will limited to what is written in the Qur’an, the Bible or other Holy books, and their interpretation by a chosen few, or does God speak to us continuously in a myriad of ways, such as through people we meet, music we hear, dreams we dream and through the intelligent design of Nature and the creatures in it?
Likewise, isn’t God’s energy an ever-present, dynamic, healing, and creative flow from the ethos into our consciousness and heart, revealing itself to us when we open ourselves to connecting with something greater than us? Therefore, isn’t it our right and privilege, to not only find the truth of God in what is written, but also to go beyond this and seek to know God personally? Hafiz, the great Sufi poet who often expressed his love for the divine in his poetry, knew the entire Qur’an by heart, but he also grew in God’s love until he “held hands with God”, becoming a shining beacon of light for all those seeking God and the Beloved, such as when he wrote:
Let us be like
Two falling stars in the day sky.
Let no one know
of our sublime beauty
As we hold hands with God
And burn
Into a sacred existence that defies –
That surpasses
Every description of ecstasy
And love.
Many people believe that God gets angry when human rules are broken. But is it really so that the love of God and His benevolence are withheld from those who practise certain deeds or manifest a certain character, such as the sinners and unbelievers, and that only certain categories of individuals become recipients of God’s love because of their deeds? I believe only those who are still waiting to feel the Oneness of God’s love would ever believe anything like this, since this would be making God’s love a conditional statement based on human activity, rather than permanent state of unconditional Love and Mercy. It seems contrary to all logic that God, the Almighty, Merciful, Loving would at any given time choose to only love some of us with conditions attached to that love. How could something that is Unlimited, Eternal and Infinite, limit itself and not be All That Is, in any given moment, towards all of his creation? How could this ever be so?
God is One – if truly a separation exists between those who deserve his love and those who don’t, this separation would also exist within the One who gives out that love. This would bring into existence something which is OUTSIDE OF GOD, no longer making God all-compassing. Surely no religious or spiritual person would argue on behalf of God being ephemeral or powerless, in any shape or form? Furthermore, if as humans, in all our imperfection, we are able to unconditionally love one another, even those who have abandoned us, hurt us and whom we have hurt, and we are aware that it is DIVINE to do so, then how could it ever be possible that God would not be able to do this too? It just isn’t. Think about it.
Isn’t all that which appears in duality merely the result of a choice to turn away from God? And if the illusion of separation comes from the decision to believe that we are separate from God – then we reclaim our closeness by releasing this illusion. It is only once we are truly in unison with God and when we understand this blending of God in everything that we see and are; that we will ever be able to fully rejoice in who we are and accept ourselves as part of God. Then, we become fountains of light, with our love overflowing everywhere, showing up before us as our divine counterpart, our twin flame, who is of course nothing but a reflection of this; of our own togetherness in love with God.
How I have experienced God
My experience of God and the spiritual realms, and the perceived infinite beauty of All That Is, is that God has unconditional love for us. God is personal, fully conscious and fully present in us. We vibrate as divine sparks within the heart of God, which sustains us at the very core. God, the Almighty, is everywhere and there is nothing that isn’t a part of Him. He sees everything – and everything that he sees is Him. We are surrounded by God as much as he is within us, after all, how could there ever be anything within us that isn’t part of God, our Creator?
Thinking back to my own childhood, I was brought up by parents who were both, more or less, atheists. My upbringing was free of religion, except for secondary school “Life stance studies”, which included philosophical subjects such as ethics and moral principles, but also covered different religions in depth. My parents always encouraged free thinking, respect for other people’s belief and openness of mind. I now realise that the fact that I didn’t grow up in the shadow of anyone else’s religious beliefs or impressions of God allowed me to experience God in my own way, initially without the label of “God” or other.
This of course doesn’t mean that I didn’t at various moments in my life seek God through an interest in religions. I have always had a fondness for various teachings in Christianity and Buddhism, and in my adult life, Islam; I shared my life with a Muslim man for ten years; attended a women’s group at a the local mosque, frequented message boards for women married to Muslim husbands; I joined in fasting during the Ramadan, and what really spoke to me – and still does – is the Sufi path of divine love, with masters such as Hafiz and Rumi as my inspiration.
Despite these and many more ways in which I sought closeness to the Universe, or God, and learned about All That Is, I never knew that a person could reach into the realm of the divine and experience God in a way I now know to be true. I thought it was a matter of having blind faith, which it of course isn’t as having faith is not an act of blindness, but an act of seeing and trusting, even when your senses, other people – even your mind, tells you the contrary. It is a feeling, a peace in the heart. I always yearned for and sought “home”, and there are many definitions and levels to this of course, however ultimately I guess our ultimate “Home-coming” is the return to our original state of Oneness; a return to love, to our divine counterpart / twin flame, God, All That Is.
The biggest influence on my spiritual path has however without a doubt been the otherworldly, metaphysical, transformative love for my “beloved”. In meeting him, I felt within me but also emanating from him, a LOVE so huge and so unlike any that I had ever known. He was like a Sun that warmed up all the unloved, hidden parts of my heart and soul, covered by eternal ice, never to be rediscovered, always to be kept from the Light. Not only did he melt the ice from around parts of me that even I could no longer reach, but he breathed new life into a barren landscape and something flourished. Every moment as I recognized the power of our closeness, not to mention its depth and beauty, I found MYSELF blossoming like never before.
The feelings of recognition, belonging, remembrance and reminiscence, of unconditional love, acceptance, friendship, creativity and passion knocked me into another dimension. It seemed as if the whole Universe had conspired to bring us together. I had never felt the closeness of God, nothing even remotely like it, but suddenly with him I caught myself feeling complete, at one with him, God and the whole world. I also learned so much about the nature of real LOVE which I now liken to the qualities of God. I saw SUCH PERFECTION in his soul that I knew without a shadow of a doubt that I also could be NOTHING ELSE but perfection. This realisation literally BLEW MY MIND. It was as if I was experiencing an aspect of myself- and in fact I was. I knew that there had to be a divine force behind all this; God, Creator, All That Is, because it was much more than I could ever have dared to dream, yet whoever it was that orchestrated it clearly knew me better than I knew myself by not only sending me a reflection of myself but also a physical manifestation of a person I had loved since the beginning of time, although it took me some time to fully piece the puzzle together. Eventually, when our budding connection met resistance and I was hurt by what seemed to be his rejection of me, I ran and asked God to help me forget – and he did. He granted me the relief I so desperately needed.
It wasn’t until 3 years later, in 2005, after a moment of deep despair and loss suddenly descended on me and culminated, that I spoke to God again in my most heartfelt prayer; for the first in a long time. I asked him, is this all? Is this really all I am here for? I asked him to show me meaning and purpose, to show me what is expected of me and to lead me to what is in my highest good. I promised to follow him wherever he would lead me. Well, as the Universe would have it, it didn’t take long until things started happening big time: I narrowly avoided an accident on the motorway; a moment during which suddenly I saw myself swirling upwards in a current of love with my beloved. This was followed within days by him appearing to me in his light body, with my soul immediately recognising him and igniting a kundalini awakening within me that left me in no doubt of whom he has to me.
During the months following my kundalini awakening, this divine force absolutely took me by the hand and led me. I went where I was guided to go, even when I didn’t know why. I listened to messages coming through from above, through friends and strangers, through music, birds etc. – and wrote down hundreds and hundreds of pages of inspired messages. Suddenly, the man I had begged God to let me forget was everywhere, and little by little, as if awakening from a deep sleep, memories of him and me started coming back to me, except now I saw them differently. I saw only LOVE, not rejection and lies, but pure divine love, mixed with a hefty dose of imperfect humanness. After 3 years of not even allowing anyone to mention his name, I got back in touch with him. He was ecstatic to hear from me. After much internal debating, I flew across an ocean to see him, not understanding why. I never stopped feeling God’s closeness to me since then. The intensity of it all has been such that if it had all been revealed to me at once I don’t think I could have survived it.
But the thing is, when the longing and memory of LOVE LOVE LOVE of such magnitude is in a person’s heart, and when one has had a taste of that love, then one will do everything to feel that love again. Perhaps things didn’t go our way, or we are ourselves still caught in the illusion that somehow we can find that feeling of fulfilment and nourishment elsewhere. Yes perhaps, but all we are really doing is setting ourselves up for a major serving of humble pie washed down with salty tears. We wander around with a gaping hole in our soul seeking that fulfilment, that oneness, in other relationships, in meaningless sex, in drugs and alcohol etc. In my case, I threw myself back into my old relationship, and then eventually into a new one.
The truth is, once we come to know that love within us, the expression of that love within, which has no choice but to give, seeks it’s opposite, it seeks it’s return in an infinite figure eight loop – it seeks that which is able to effortlessly match all that it is breath to breath, soul to soul, heart to heart. But the thing is, there is only one person who matches us fully: our twin flame. When deep within we know this but are in denial of it, failing to see it, we will remain UNTOUCHED to the deepest part of our heart and soul; something we yearn for so much. No matter how much love we give those other partners; they will never be able to return that love to us. It is only when we become whole onto ourselves that we rise in this realisation. Until then, the sweet perfume of the desert rose evades us, and the jungle drums turn into echoes inside our hollow heart.
The soul never stops wanting a reunion with itself but also begins to crave the original feeling of oneness with its source, God. While part of this hunger is satisfied by the spiritual nourishment of the divine counterpart, eventually, for the seeker, there is nowhere left for to turn other than God. And this is truly where our journey Home begins. The thing is, only closeness with God can fill every empty place, every feeling that is less than whole, less than perfect. It is an error to seek that fulfilment in the other, just as it is their error to seek other lovers rather than seeking the wholeness within. This is only a detour on the path back to God. It is an easy mistake to make, because once you look into your beloved’s eyes and he looks into yours, what you see there will set your heart into an unstoppable expansion, and the perfection that you understands he IS, must be manifest in your life because nothing else will do, nothing else will honor the perfection of your shared love.
The truth of who we are
In time, this spiritual, divine force showed me the truth of who my Twin was, is and always will be to me in so many ways and so many times that I had no choice but to surrender to it. I had to trust that there is a divine/perfect plan in place, that nothing is ever lost and that everything is as it’s supposed to be in every moment. God does not make mistakes, He’s got this – and if indeed I sought to be guided by him in the higher good of all and according to his will, then surely this would lead me to where I needed to be. I learned that seeking and finding God is not a shortcut into happiness and eternal love, nor can it, without work, heal our deep wounds caused by our perceived lack of love and Oneness.
So I started the tedious task of bringing all those things about me that I had spent years hiding, avoiding, all my feelings of unworthiness and rejection, all my personality, ego, and emotional debris to surface. And, sure enough, the more I surrendered them to God, the more I started to feel my beloved as part of me, but not as a static memory but actually as a loving, reassuring energy, completely entwined, interacting with mine. I realised that the more I became free, the more in became myself; and the more I was moving into closeness with him – and with God.
The truth is that each part must FEEL these things on its own and know and recognise itself as a part of the equation, within the bigger plan that God has for us. It is an enfolding process; a quest which will eventually lead us to a balancing of the energies within (masculine – feminine) and inspire us to question and discard everything that is not the Truth of our heart, including other relationships. This is only ever a decision – a decision to finally release all the false beliefs, roles and personas and become the bridge between God and his people, as He always intended.
The thing is, through this internal work this becomes the most magnificent bonding that one can ever have, in or out of human form. But it will be bliss only when you let go of all of the illusions of who you might be; when you have fully embraced and come to know the truth of WHO YOU ALREADY ARE. The delay is only because you are still working on fully loving YOU, and on fully accepting God’s will. Then, rather than feeling that deep abandonment of Love, you can recognize that God’s Love, and within it, the love of the beloved, is always there. When you are ready to say “Yes” to this Love, then the old ways are healed and forgiven and totally dissolved, because they came from your separation with God. By accepting the divine plan and your own purpose within, we then come to realize that we chose all of this – the good, the bad and the ugly. We chose the twin flame path, in service to God, each other and humanity.
As spiritual beings having a human experience, the truth is that we are here to experience love in physicality. The whole purpose, the whole “plan” was to know love and joy in our physical form and in sacred union. This is the opportunity we have planned for ourselves and a living proof of the love that God has for EACH and EVERY one of us, regardless of our virtues or vices. We are here to help each other, as eternal souls, to lift each other up. We all have our mission and purpose here; to become all that we are meant to be – or more precisely, to UNBECOME everything we THINK we are, and that social, societal conditioning has moulded us into, in order to BE who we really are. Otherwise, wouldn’t we simply have stayed on the other side of the veil, in perfect peace with our Creator?
Once you find and share this closeness with God, He fills your heart completely until you are overflowing and you feel his touch in every moment, and everything will start to seem immersed in God. Not only will you see it with your heart, but the words that you speak will touch other lives and awaken this light in them. You become as a living sun pouring forth this radiance, transforming the very idea of duality into unity. This love now becomes your only option, your only desire, because its potency, depth, movement and richness nourish you in a way that NOTHING ELSE ever has or ever will. And once you come to this place of fullness, every measure of this Love pulls you closer into union with your beloved. This is just you responding to a yearning, to a sense of belonging and being where YOU need to be, not only in the greater scale of things but within your own journey. It is only within your heart, in your own energy, that you will find your beloved. In God’s creation, they are the part which vibrates to closest to us, in a shared internal space where mind, spirit and emotions flow from a common source.
By opening our hearts and letting love flow we are supporting our beloved, whether they know it or not, whether you know it or not. By turning away from your mission and purpose; from our Self, you turn away from your beloved. But you will never cease to hear their call, their beckoning – and eventually they get your attention, no matter what, because such is the divine law; like attracts like, as above, so below etc. And when you finally acknowledge and know this soul who shares our mission, there is enormous opportunity. This love is then to be delivered to the world as this glorious, living flame to guide everyone to the one clear answer – closeness with God.
There is a saying which says that a woman’s heart must be so lost in God that a man must seek HIM in order to find her. This IS the TRUTH, for only God can reveal who our beloved/twin flame/divine counterpart is. By seeking God this way, we are helping not only ourselves, but also them. But the path to a true and lasting union is for each of the parties, together or apart, to achieve wholeness within, in union with God. Then you, your Beloved and God are united and inseparable forevermore.
It is this closeness with God that allows me to have only LOVE to my beloved and all those that he loves and has grown close to, including his wife. Ultimately all relationships are our mirrors and we are always seeking the qualities of our divine counterpart in our partners and in deed, we can choose to see the divinity even in the most difficult of partnerships. But in the process of returning to Love, there is an opportunity to expand into a Sacred union. Once we come to a place of wholeness and know that this is our only choice, we should continue loving our beloved for the sake of God, regardless of their choices or physical presence or lack thereof.
In our hearts, we can always have Faith that he will be led to God if and when he is ready to receive this most perfect love. Then, he will choose with absolute conviction to honour that which is in within his heart and there will be nothing left hidden, unrecognised, untouched and misunderstood within him. May God free us all from judging the Truth which is in our hearts. May the day come when we are no longer blind or fearful, and when there are no more conditions attached to how we are able to allow ourselves to Be-loved. May everything which keeps us from our own wholeness in God come to light, so that we may surrender it to God and excel in the path assigned to us, since this is what our souls have chosen.
“Love is not a game”, she says,
But she’d still play it with you.
The universe as your playground
and the endless sky so blue.
Your innocent game of hide and seek
Somehow became a tricky task:
“Count to hundred, promise not to peek
Then come find me behind my mask.”
“But how will I recognize you?” she wondered,
“If your true face I cannot see?”
You said, “I will plant the seed of you inside my soul,
I will carry it deep within me.”
“You promise to seek me and I promise to remember
To find you whatever the name, age, or gender.
Promise me one day you’ll hear my call,
It will whisper, “Come back where you belong.”
“We will mirror each other in every way
Be each other’s perfect match,
But just when you think you’ve found me,
You will find out there’s a catch.”
“No need to ask me what I want
’cause all I’ll ever want is you.
But you cannot hide and be someone else
I’ll only see straight through.”
“Don’t forget it’s only a game
No matter how long it seems to last.
For life is not measured by minutes or hours
But in lessons learned, slow or fast.”
“Beyond the boundaries of time and space,
We’ll return to meet in the night.
Nothing will stop us from finding that place
Where we hear our souls say, “This is right!”
The counting started and so you fell;
What was true, what false, you no longer could tell,
Through lifetimes of pain and thousands of years,
You were separated by your egos and fears.
You aimlessly searched for life’s true meaning,
Always doing more but never just being;
Blinded by games of power, wealth and pleasure,
You forgot eternal love; your only real treasure.
Having your hopes crushed a thousand times
Made you lose sight of it all;
Questioning what we are doing here
Made both feel insignificant and small.
You sometimes came across each other
As you wondered south, north, east and west;
You searched for her, she searched for herself
Not remembering it was you she loved best.
Then one moment in time is all it took
When she saw the mirror of your eyes,
She remembered the bitter sweetness
Of when you last said your good byes.
She knew your paths had crossed before
Not knowing where or when;
Never in her life could she have wished for more
Than what you gave her there and then.
It was not because of your beautiful face
It wasn’t even because of you;
something in your loving gaze
Simply touched her and she knew
She didn’t need to touch you, to feel you
Or to ever know your name;
If she had never found you
she would have loved you just the same.
“How did you find me here?” you asked her
And took her for a spin;
Little did you know, she would never again
Wipe off that silly grin.
“How did this happen?” you asked
Well if you only knew,
That love was that seed that you planted
And that it simply grew.
There are things she’d like to tell you
That words just cannot say;
They make her want to sail away
To galaxies far away.
It was never about what you could become
Or what you could mean to her;
It was about what you already meant
And about what you already were.
It was all written a long time ago
into destiny’s magnificent web;
She would never have known herself
had your eyes never met!
You say you’re afraid to take your first step
To leave this sorrowful life,
But how will you ever know life
If you are too afraid to die?
No need to wait for death to see
Life for all that it is worth,
Ever since she saw God in you
Every day is Heaven on Earth.
When you say you cannot go further,
Then simply let it be.
Spread your wings and fly away,
Her love will set you free.
And when God one day pulls her aside
And reveals all that is right and true,
If he then asks her what she liked the best,
she will not hesitate to say it was YOU.
“For souls like you, I’ve got work to do,”
God says, “For a lifetime or another,”
You will look at each other and smile:
“Yes, as long as we’ve got each other.”
Written 19/04/2006 (pretty much came to me whilst driving my car!)
You asked me why I ran away, no promises were broken.
It’s not because of words you said; but because of those unspoken.
For the mirror there, within your heart, showed who You are to me:
and I knew that nothing could hold me back, if the longing inside me broke free.
See, the search of a lifetime ended, and my soul was laid bare in our kiss
The answer to all my dreams and hopes, to everything I daren’t wish.
Like a magician, mixing science and art, cradling me tenderly, with a smile in your heart,
You turned emptiness into Love I knew not existed, my illusion of reality shattered and twisted.
Undeniably, that summer, you made my head spin, as I helplessly watched you crawl under my skin.
Me, then a prisoner of my self-made chains: unafraid, you made your home in my veins.
The light of your love lifted pain to surface; your acceptance, there, to lighten the burden,
But when demons arose, not what I expected, you turned your back, left me feeling rejected.
You weren’t there, when you should have been, I turned but you were nowhere to be seen.
No explanation, no reason I could find, no escape from the pain, no place to hide.
I must have been blind; nothing is as it seems; as I said goodbye to my desires and dreams.
I prayed to God that I could forget: about you, and I, and that summer we met,
Missing you more than words can say; but still, within my heart, you were there each day.
Your voice asking me, why I always hide, I laugh, “My dearest, I never left your side!”
‘Cause even in my world, even so cold, you’ll always be my man, as I let life unfold.
You still linger here in an indelible mark; closer to the edge, you beckon from the dark.
If I trust and leap, will you break my fall?; here I go, crash again, I stumble and crawl.
If you know, tell me why, this urge to leap so strong; as I wake, no paradise, how to choose: right or wrong?
Other nights, as I leap, you carry me, then disappear,
You voice rings in echo, “How did you find me here?”
With a promise of a moment, when tired from trying;
We will soar like eagles, we will find ourselves flying!
For true love, ever new; is never anchored in the past.
As souls, we only get, one eternal moment that will last.
Let me hold you for an instant, before anew we are torn apart;
I love you, remember, that your home is in my heart.
I have learnt life moves in circles, and that true love never dies;
That hope, faith and love, erase all doubt, fear and lies.
God, in his wisdom, created this blessing; for a while, hesitant, we are to keep guessing;
Until, surrendered, we no longer fight; and unashamed, as One, step into the light.
No doubt exists, in the heart of my hearts; then, it will seem like we’ve never been apart.
For the Love of our souls, finally free flowing; its seed in our hearts never stopped growing.
Love bows in reverence, and in kindness; it keeps no count of past wrongs or blindness, For I know, you also in your heart suffered; and died a death when you finally remembered.
Mirror of my soul - Stories of you, me, the world and eternity 