For me, there has been no greater joy on this path than the discovery of the Self in the other. No other human bond provides more latitude and depth for this than the Twin flame connection, since it is in the reflection of our truest self in the other that we find our Self, as well as the answers to our deepest existential questions.
Unfortunately, it is also here that we come to know our most devastating pain which does NOT come from seeing them love another, but from having to feel our way out of the proverbial darkness they often unexpectedly leave us in. It is the pain of not knowing “what” or “why”, brought on by their silences, denials, absences, avoidance and contradictions that kills us. It cuts so deep that to make it stop we often literally disconnect from a part of ourselves, just to be able to function. In the midst of it all, we wonder whether the love that we shared with them ever really existed, and if it did, was the reason we lost it because we never deserved it in the first place? The struggle to find our wholeness again, this time not through them but through a deep dive into our soul, is REAL. Yet the journey must be made because it is the only way for us to heal.
With this in mind, I inadvertently happened upon the movie Hancock, featuring Will Smith (John Hancock) and Charlize Theron (Mary Embrey). Having seen the trailer years ago I thought the film would be an action flick about a drunken, arrogant superhero with no past who slowly becomes a better man through his efforts to find himself and his purpose. To be honest, I wasn’t interested, however just as I was about to change the channel the following scene between the two main characters and Ray, Mary’s husband (Jason Bateman) came on. In the scene, Mary tries to explain her connection with Hancock to her husband.
Mary: “Whatever we are, we were built in twos, ok? We are drawn to each other. No matter how far I run, he’s ALWAYS there, he finds me. It’s physics”.
Ray: “What are you saying? Are you saying you two are fated to be together?”
Mary: “I’ve lived a very long time, Ray, and one thing I’ve learnt is: fate doesn’t decide everything. People get to choose”.
Hancock (to Mary, in disbelief): “And you CHOSE to let me think I was here alone?”
Mary: “I didn’t think you’d remember”.
Ray: “Great. So now what”?
Mary: (upset) “I didn’t plan for this”.
Curious, I switched onto channel +1 and watched the film from the beginning. It turns out that what the Hancock movie trailer completely fails to touch upon is the mystical, divine connection between the two main characters, which is effectively the big plot twist of the movie. Hancock is in fact not a comedy about a drunken superhero — but a drama about fate, love, sacrifice – and twin flames.
Hancock is the story of an immortal “superhero” who has lost his identity to alcohol and his memory to amnesia, having woken up 80 years prior in a Miami hospital unable to recall anything of his past or origin. His physical struggle is however only a reflection of his inner turmoil to physically find himself and his true identity, and to act on his purpose in life. I really liked the fact that even though this is a “twin flame movie”, this wasn’t the main focus of the film, but rather it was Hancock’s journey to find himself.
When Hancock rescues the well-meaning Ray from being killed by a train, Ray invites him to dinner at his house and it is here that Hancock meets Ray’s wife, Mary, and son, Aaron. Mary seems to have an instant dislike for Hancock and even warns her husband to not get involved with him. However Ray, always seeing the best in everyone, has a plan to improve Hancock’s public reputation and invites him on a journey of redemption; a journey which Hancock first rejects – only to return to it later.
The battle for the Truth
From the beginning, there is a subconscious knowing for Hancock that there is something going on with Mary that he can’t quite put his finger on, whether it is sexual chemistry or more. When Hancock and Mary are together, everything is stronger and actually a little “off”. Without really understanding the magnetism between them, Hancock finds himself pulled to Mary for answers to his deepest questions; almost as if by understanding their connection he will learn to understand and know himself. What Hancock cannot remember – and what Mary is keeping from him – is that they are twin flames. Having settled into a “normal” life in the matrix as Ray’s wife and mother to Aaron, she wants nothing more than to get Hancock out of her family’s life. Despite this, she cannot help but feel drawn to him.
When Hancock discovers that Mary also has superhuman powers and that he is not the only one of his kind, he demands answers. Initially, like any good twin flame “runner”, she avoids the subject, goes out of her way to tell Hancock what a good man Ray is and how happy she is with him and then eventually turns hostile and extremely protective of her family, warning him to stay away. She wants to keep her “normal” life intact. Although she seems unnecessarily cold towards Hancock, it is only because she knows that this connection, should she give into it, would not come without the complete destruction of life as she knows it; a life that she chose.
Many twin flames, just like Mary, know EXACTLY who the other is upon meeting. Whether they put the twin flame label on it or not, they will (at least subconsciously) know that they are meant to be with this person – no matter how long down the line they feel it will be. Often the arrival of the twin flame catches them by surprise, unprepared, not knowing how to deal with the calling and magnetic pull they’d rather ignore – yet knowing that one day they will have to give into it, because it is WHO THEY ARE.
The thing with this connection is that it engages us fully; and undeniably, when we choose to ignore it we somehow end up ignoring a part of ourselves; in Mary’s case her superpowers and immortality. Having rejected her destiny and purpose in exchange for a “normal” life, she now wants to keep Hancock’s relationship with her and his past a secret as well. This really struck a chord with me because where there is twin flame separation; there is often denial and secrecy, in one way or another. Isn’t this exactly what so many of us experience? There are certainly moments on this journey where I feel like John Hancock, just figuring it all out, while there’s a chance that my twin flame is like Mary, having known who I am from day one.
In the film, Hancock must battle Mary to discover who he really is. In Hancock’s case, the more he pushes for answers, the more Mary resists, determined to keep Hancock from ruining her “happy life” but likewise determined to live her life apart from him so he can continue to be a superhero. Hiding the true nature of their connection she tells him they were “brother and sister”, but Hancock calls her bluff and threatens to tell Ray. Afraid that Hancock will ruin her marriage, Mary attempts to stop him, causing their argument to spiral out of proportion – exactly like true twin flames. I liked how the film showed the intensity of their disagreement; how exaggerated it all seemed. After the two battle each other to exhaustion Mary finally comes clean and reveals the truth to both Hancock and her husband.
Mary tells Hancock that they are divine, angelic beings created in pairs and drawn to each other across millennia. Unfortunately when the eternal lovers succumb to their fated attraction, their powers fade and they become mortal, which makes them susceptible to aging, injury and death. Mary and Hancock had survived together through numerous lifetimes, for more than three thousand years, until 80 years prior – having succumbed to their mutual desire to live human lives together – they were assaulted on the streets of Miami. With Hancock no longer able to recognize her, and struggling with a moral dilemma over her calling (and his), Mary leaves him in the hospital so he can live and carry on with his mission. Even though she is conflicted about her decision, she chooses separation for the greater benefit of all, including Hancock, who she knows will regain his strength with her away. In a way, she also wants to avoid her destiny by denying her powers.
While Mary eventually falls into a less destructive kind of love with Ray and lives a “normal” human life, Hancock, on the other hand, is lost. Unaware of who or what he is, yearning to be known fully – not least to himself, he wanders aimlessly, aching for a connection that he can’t quite articulate. He ends up following the path of many lost souls and drowns his existential malaise in alcohol while still attempting to rescue lives; often with disastrous results. It is only eighty years later on the other side of the country that he finds Mary once again but due to his amnesia does not recognize her.
The backstory tells us that Hancock and Mary purposely dismissed their calling as angelic beings sent to assist humankind and gave into the temptation of a human life together. In doing so, Hancock ended up not only forgetting his true nature but also opened himself up to the susceptibility of mortality. His amnesia therefore is no accident; it is the direct consequence of him rejecting his calling; indeed, Hancock lost himself because he tried to be something that he wasn’t; he tried to be human when he was really an immortal. It is here the first lesson this film offers: that it is only by accepting our God-given identity and mission that we gain knowledge of the Self, and can lead truly purposeful and happy lives. Everyone, just like Hancock, has the choice to accept or reject who they are called to be – and both these choices have consequences.
Personally, I believe that the call to be true to ourselves and to realize our purpose here MUST COME FIRST. After all, even Hancock found out the truth about himself and his connection with Mary only once he had fully surrendered to his mission with grace and dignity. As long as we are being true to ourselves, twin or no twin, we find the fulfilment we seek. By pursuing our true identity with perseverance, we achieve what we came here to do, whereas if we reject who we are by faux self-rationalization or self-loathing, we fail, living an aimless life, or come to a diseased demise.
Another lesson in the film revolves around the possibility that sometimes we may have to temporarily sacrifice our heart’s desire for the greater good of all. Of course, at the level of our deepest being, the yearning for our counterpart never goes away: it is how we were created and how we find our way back home. However, what this film suggests is that we may not be meant to live a human existence with our Twin flame – but rather, it is eternity that is reserved for the deepest love of all; the sacred union of the soul. Could it be that perhaps to fulfil our mission on this planet we must temporarily sacrifice our desire to be with them? Is it that we are more valuable to the world if we are apart and focus our energy on healing the world and its people? This is a possibility every twin flame should at least consider. In the film it is only through the sacrifice of their desire to be together that Mary and Hancock can function and complete the mission they came here for.
I can certainly resonate with how loving our Twin flame does not always mean that we have to be with this person, right here, right now… In fact, we can love them with all that we are and still choose to be apart… Sometimes we must step back and allow them to live. Regardless, the love never lessens or goes away and if like Mary and Hancock we acknowledge and accept it as part our Self, we can never truly be without our Twin again. Then, the connection becomes a source of reassurance and comfort for us; and acts as an anchor which not only helps ground us deeper into this human experience, but that also helps us excel in our mission.
Although the film lacks the storybook happy-ever-after of a physical union that often comes with the romanticized idea of twin flames, I actually think that the ending is a realistic and positive one, portraying a serenity and acceptance of the choices that each of the film’s characters has made. It resonated with me that Hancock, now secure in the knowing of who he is, dedicates himself to his mission, content to keep his distance from Mary until the time comes for them to be together again. It resonated with me because this journey is never about the other, it’s about the Self – and no matter what the outer circumstances are it is always within our gift to grow, heal and serve. If truth be told, I think many of us could do with taking a page out of Hancock’s book and use the connection to propel ourselves deeper into our mission, rather than wasting away counting days to a reunion which – by the way – is only a matter of time.
This leads me to the final and the most important lesson in this film; that union with our counterpart is a CHOICE. To borrow Mary’s words, people get the choose. Indeed, Mary and Hancock are not prisoners of their earthly circumstances, or of their divine calling. For them (and perhaps for us?) there is no right or wrong – just choices. According to the film backstory, all the other angelic beings had already paired up and died, i.e. returned to source. Mary and Hancock could also do so at any time but ONLY once they are ready to leave their human existence, i.e. their work here is done, or because they BOTH choose it – or because they are being called home.
This is a very thought-provoking idea in itself; to see Union as the final step before ascension; as the direct consequence of relinquishing our free will in favour of fate. In order for this to happen, we must be willing to let go of all our resistance, egoistic needs and the search for short term gains and turn our eyes towards Heaven, because in doing so, we gain so much more. We must surrender to the connection and allow it to naturally draw the counterparts together – which it will do, amnesia or not! Like Mary says; it’s physics!
What we did not get to see in the film is that once the Twins heed to the call to pair up and go home, they get to experience sacred union in the human form, before eventually having to “die”. This death is two-fold: first, they die to themselves through the annihilation of the ego, and then finally step off the wheel of reincarnation, away from this ”test bed” that is the Earth and transition through death beyond this physical form and dimension. Here they experience a rebirth, like the Phoenix rising from the ashes, and receive eternal life, true sacred union, and God’s pleasure. This is the reassurance that this film offers us beyond the physical and temporary circumstances of the main characters.
Indeed, we die here so that we may rise elsewhere and it is exactly what Twin flames who heed the call have to look forward to – sooner or later.