Mirror of my soul – Stories of you, me, the world and eternity

When twin flames meet, the feelings of recognition brought on by the Soul are felt so intensely that for a while everything outside of this awe-inspiring, wondrous connection simply ceases to exist. If one or both individuals are already in relationships, these often get temporarily pushed aside and totally eclipsed by the power of the connection in order to allow the strong bonding between the lovers to take place. While this brings on a whole new level of “it’s complicated” into our life, from the viewpoint of Spirit the earthly relationship status of these two individuals is irrelevant.

Many bolt out of existing relationships upon meeting their beloved simply because the love and connection is felt so strongly that staying in the old relationship becomes an unbearable lie. Although this is often an unavoidable consequence of the twin encounter, in many instances once the bubble phase is over and the often inevitable separation hits, one or both parties return to their old paradigm marriages or swiftly move onto new relationships in an attempt to regain normality and to fulfil the void left by the other. Nothing however is ever lost: it simply means that there are still lessons to be learnt or important work to complete on other timelines before a permanent union can happen.

The truth is that sometimes the only respite these eternal lovers can find from the turbulence of the connection is in the “safety” of old paradigm relationships. This does not mean that our beloved does not love us or does not wish to be with us, however consciously or unconsciously they know that the intensity of the connection would require their full attention and dedication; and that to rise to the challenge they would have to acknowledge their shadow and learn to live with it. Often they fail to see that what is being offered here is not a new relationship but the opportunity to become all that they are meant to be, and so they rate the “risk” of moving from that which is safe, familiar and manageable to that which is unconventional, passionate and intense as simply too high.

Whether we want it or not and regardless of our choices, meeting our beloved signals the start of a metamorphosis; a journey of self-discovery and transformation which calls us to re-evaluate everything we know. Like the dream cells which enable the metamorphosis of the caterpillar into a butterfly, this destructive process helps bring us out of the co-dependent, ego-based relationship mind-set into the reality of TRUE love and Union. In fact, what both twins often don’t realise until much later is that this separation and the temporary choice to shy away from the connection is a blessing; it is a beautiful gift because it helps rid us of our illusions of what “should be” and opens us up to what is REAL and lasting.

This shift is not only necessary but inevitable for any potential union because as long as we still “need” our beloved to complete us, the relationship will never turn out the way we had hoped on a human level. The thing is; switching from a 3D marriage into a sacred union does not equal moving from one relationship to another, but is an actual quantum jump between levels of consciousness and parallel dimensions. To maintain a physical union with our beloved necessitates a completely new level of honesty, transparency and acceptance and it requires a strong, REAL connection to our Self as well as Source/ God. More often than not, when twins first meet they are simply not ready or strong enough in their connection to themselves to be able to make this move at once.

Coming into sacred union is a PROCESS during which both individuals may make choices which seem to take them away from the Union; however it is these very choices which create the circumstances that allow both to mature spiritually and emotionally into Union. The end result is the shift from a fear-based thinking to a heart-based BEING, where the closeness with our beloved becomes impossible to deny as time passes and as we grow closer to ourselves and to them.

The steep learning curve of marriage to another

When I reunited with my beloved after three years of running I was ecstatic to have him back in my life. 18 months later however it was a different story: I was exhausted from being on the constant emotional roller-coaster of push and pull, forever alternating between shared moments of closeness followed by his silences, contradictions and denials – I was ready to get off the hamster wheel of insanity. When I met a man who treated me with respect and consistency and who echoed my desire to start a family, I grabbed onto this chance without hesitation or guilt. Within a year I was married and had a baby, and for the next 8 years concentrated on building the family I had always wanted.

Despite my beloved’s attempts to include me in his life I kept him at a distance, often with long gaps between our infrequent emails. I wasn’t consciously avoiding him, I just couldn’t for the life in me understand what he wanted from me when all he had done after our reunion was to avoid and delay seeing me when I had hoped to be his friend, lover or whatever. I felt like I had tried everything, given everything, yet he was still a complete mystery to me. Nevertheless, throughout the years I was always genuinely happy to hear from him and shared my news with him as I would an old friend, with all the love and affection I felt for him.

Of course I knew that I harboured many unresolved feelings for him but it was easier to steer away from him rather than having to face them and go through the disappointment the interaction with him always inevitably brought. I didn’t realise until much later that while I had resented him for reverting into his “safe” marriage, I had done the same by jumping into mine. As the years went by I knew that he was still struggling to find peace, love and meaning and he often conveyed this to me in his emails. He told me how proud he was that I had realised my dream of having children and settling down. As his 40^th birthday approached (and despite the fact that he was still married), his restlessness seemed to only grow. “Home”, he said, was becoming “increasingly elusive”.

Even though I was fully committed to my marriage and loved my husband, there was no denying that as the years went by I started to deeply yearn the connection that mirrors and gives it back to the other. Although I had always known that I did not have such a connection with my husband and had accepted it, I could never forget what it had felt like to meld essences with another being and to see them filled with that energy, that vibration – or even, what it felt like to be fully seen, loved and accepted. Naturally, as my marriage started to deteriorate for unrelated reasons, it was that same energy that I now sought for comfort.

My husband was often away for months at a time and I was struggling to balance work, my health and caring for my three small children in a country where I had no family and barely any support network. The only time I would have to quieten my mind was in bed at night, and this is where I would always feel my beloved’s presence. I started to seek out the calming, spiritual energy that he represented for me and in fact for a period of about two years those moments of connection were the only moments of solace and comfort I could find. Oftentimes the last thing I would recall before falling asleep was his energy coming to me, and in the mornings I could still feel him lingering in the room, as if he had JUST left. Yet in the “real world” I had no contact with him and had not seen him for 8 years.

Throughout the years of our connection I had grown accustomed to feeling him; in fact, I had known him in this way since I was a little girl so it was nothing new to me and I never gave it too much thought – that is, until the day I realised that he is always here with me; as an energy, a reflection and a presence, as an integral part of me. This brought with it the awareness that there are two sides to me: the one that knows the reality and depth of the connection and the other which says it’s OK to be disconnected and do this with another person. Ironically, I had always been aware of and quick to point out this same division within my beloved, and so seeing it in myself was an eye-opening and humbling moment. I instantly knew there was no one else to blame: I was the one creating the separation by acting like it’s alright not to be with my beloved; the only one who can nourish me. While initially I had convinced myself that I could find fulfilment outside of our Union, I realised this was only because I was not finding that deep connection within MYSELF.

The journey from feeling his energy come to me in an uncontrollable way to actually realising how he is always WITHIN me in a very REAL way was a process which took several years for me. However the day did come where from the spiritual emptiness of my marriage – God Bless it – arose a place of serenity and solitude where the only truth left standing was that he, my beloved twin, was like no other. Along with this was great sense of freedom, of being free from want, from sadness, from my restless search, from all the conditions and barriers that I had let myself and others impose on me when I had not yet known my own power, or the power of God.

I knew now that no matter how much I tried, I was never going to find that connection with anyone else. It would never be as fulfilling, as nourishing, as deep, as intimate, as spiritual, as infused in God. He is always here with me, his energy, his presence, in a way that is impossible to describe. All this time I had been trying to give the love that I am to my husband, but the truth was that he could never return it to me. It was like trying to fill a sake cup with a flowing fountain; the sake cup cannot contain or understand such abundance or hold any of it, whereas the true counterpart would always naturally, automatically, simultaneously expand to accommodate and reflect the outward, as well as the inward, always matching, resonating and reflecting. Finally through the connection to my Self and through allowing this pure God-infused love to flow through me I realised I no longer wanted to mix my essence and energy with anyone who could not match me perfectly; mind to mind, heart to heart, soul to soul.

I realised that all the difficulties within my marriage were in fact a blessing, meant to show me once and for all that I deserved better. My marriage provided me with the rock bottom I had to reach to realize that this is not who I am, nor is this the way I wish to live my life – or to inspire my children to live theirs. Thus, I could not harbour any ill feelings towards my husband since he had provided me with the experience which taught me that I am the ONLY ONE responsible for giving myself the love that I deserve – and I could not resent my beloved’s wife for doing the same for him.

Finally I was ready to lay his ghost to rest and make peace with his failure to “show up” for me in the past in the way that I had hoped. Instead, I put my full faith into the truth of our unbreakable inner bond and the reality of a love which against all odds just seemed to grow and cement itself further into every area of my life. I knew I had to choose this path and that I had to do with FOR ME, whether he decided to make this same choice or not. I realised that being able to meet him in this life is an amazing blessing and opportunity which meant that I should not to settle for anything less than the soul-shaking, transformative, one-soul-in-two-bodies kind of love that we had always shared. If there was the slightest chance that I could be with him, to serve God and to work in Service for the greater good of humanity then I had to take it. Ultimately, I knew my life had to be about this LOVE and this love only, with or without him.

Moving on from a marriage into sacred Union once the energies of Oneness are felt WITHIN is definitely one of the toughest yet most empowering experiences on this journey. The leap from one to the other is a leap of FAITH, which requires us to stand tall in our own KNOWING and light. For me personally, the key to finding the courage to leave my marriage was finding this Union within myself. Since the “twin flame” union is first and foremost an inner happening, with this inner completion comes the realisation, often through trial and error, that we no longer want to be stuck in a 3D relationships which drain our energy but that we’d rather follow the path which make us feel alive, radiant, joyful and connected to purpose, to ourselves and to God.

When we truly want this for ourselves and proceed with self-love and faith in the journey, God guides us and moves for us in the most miraculous ways. The key in the meantime is to be patient, not only with the other but also with our own situation. The truth is that even if today our beloved shrinks back into their old 3D ways, they will only ever be offered a temporary respite from the connection. Sooner or later, the path always leads back to the ONE LOVE, ONE GOD, ONE TRUTH – that our destiny is with our beloved.