Mirror of my soul – Stories of you, me, the world and eternity

Each set of twin flames goes through a period of preparation leading up to their reunion. Having fully surrendered, they enter the flow of synchronistic & predestined events, finding themselves increasingly empowered and guided by a higher power. This is the magical path from surrender into illumination where many lessons are finally understood, where insights and events bring about validation and awareness, and where the twins align with the vibration of the Twin flame Sacred Heart and Consciousness.

Since I wrote about the positive direction my own path has recently taken, many automatically assumed that the shift happened because my twin had finally “got it”. Unfortunately, this perception that our twin flame is somehow the culprit to our reunion not happening is both misleading and counterproductive. Rather, what enabled the shift was BOTH of us consciously seeking to take FULL accountability for ourselves, as well as our part in bringing about balance within our connection. Personally, I came into realization about who I am, about how I perceive and create my own reality and then consciously sought to align these with the KNOW WHAT YOU KNOW of my heart. Here is my story of the events and realizations which catalysed these changes.

1. You are responsible for giving yourself the love that YOU need

Almost a decade ago, I spent 18 months trying to build a relationship with my twin and failing at it. I grew increasingly frustrated at his contradictions and not knowing which foot to dance on with him. While he insisted on how much our “close friendship” meant to him, he kept pushing me away using my supposed “expectations” as an excuse. In the end, the emotional price simply became too much to pay and so I jumped at a chance to marry and build a life with someone else. This life, while not fully reflecting who I was inside, provided me with a respite and a temporary escape from the connection – and more importantly, gave me the family I had always wanted. Not realizing it at the time, I acted in perfect reflection to my twin who at the time reverted to his “safe” marriage where he was not able to be his full authentic self but which did not come with the intense fire brought on by the mirror of his soul.

It wasn’t until crisis after crisis started to appear in my life at a fast succession now nearly 2 years ago that I became aware of all the time that had passed. I knew in no uncertain terms this was my wake-up call from the universe. After six months of personal hell, I ended up critically ill in hospital. On that very day, my twin sent me a letter telling me about “a positive image, reflection and energy” of me which he carries within him wherever he goes. It was the first time in 8 years he mentioned our connection and the first I’d heard from him in over 18 months. However as I lay in hospital ravaged by a potentially deadly infection and recovering from major surgery, he was the last thing on my mind. I simply felt numb and I knew things had to change.

During my slow recovery I could hardly muster the energy to do anything other than the bare minimum to look after my job and children. Underneath it all I just wanted to find myself again. Inspired by a YouTube video, I started doing only things that a self-loving person would do. I would ask myself “What would a person with self-love do?” and go by that. As I made loving choices for myself, I began to feel my whole and complete self being activated and my soul began to feel free. I finally understood that it was MY responsibility to give myself all the love that I needed. I could not expect anyone to fully love me if I did not first fully love myself.

As I started to love and recognize myself more, I moved from making small positive changes to making bigger changes to create a more balanced, loving life for myself and my children. Eventually I made the decision to leave my marriage as I finally had enough self-love to recognise all the ways in which it did not serve my highest good.

2. You are already whole and at One with your Twin Flame

It didn’t take me long to notice that the more I did things that I loved and that brought out the real me the more I was feeling my twin as part of me; always present when I was present. It was more than just a lingering static memory of him; it was his actual loving, reassuring presence and energy completely entwined and interacting with mine. The more I became my true Self, the more I was moving into closeness with him – and with God. This led me to the deep realisation that the disconnection from him all those years ago had actually led to a disconnection from my Self. This was the first of many Aha moments to come.

It hit me that this reflection, this part of him that I carry within me will never cease to be magnetised by the whole that is him because it is part of him. And I will never cease to long and ache for the part of me that he carries with him, because such is the divine rule; that all that which has been separated from God must return to him. I knew now that I would never return to the way I was before I knew him since this connection would ALWAYS be there. It is forever. I understood that to find peace and wholeness within myself I needed to accept who he is to me. The choice was mine: to accept and deal with it; or to live a life of pain exiled from my own wholeness?

I realized that the Twin Flame reunion is an inside job. Undeniably since we are part of each other, to gain balance within our greater One-Soul, we must first gain balance within. It is only by creating harmony within that we can bring about harmony without. As I remembered the words in his recent email, I wondered whether he was feeling this same oneness with me that I was now recognizing within myself.

3. You can change your reality by changing your perception

With the realization of my own wholeness, the feeling of my twin being very close to me at heart level became very real, and I was feeling him moving closer and closer with each breath. Spirit was now nudging me to approach him and so seven months after his email I wrote and told him about the events of the past year. He replied, saying he hoped I still considered him a close friend and how he wished that I had told him about my illness so he could have come and looked after the house and kids. I was perplexed. How was he still, after almost a decade of little or no contact talking about our “close friendship”? Surely he hadn’t expected that I would contact him in time of need after he had constantly failed to show up for me in the past? This puzzled me a great deal.

In his email he also told me how sad he was that I never had the time to see/catch up with him. It dawned on me that he had asked to speak to me, to see me or to catch-up with me in almost every email during the past 8 years, and that I had simply ignored these requests without any explanation. I suddenly felt like he deserved to hear my reasons and so I wrote to him again, telling him the simple truth, which was that I could not consolidate him with the rest of my life, and how seeing him would bring into ruins the life that I had so carefully built for myself. It was the first time that I had been able to be honest with myself, let alone him, about the pain that I still carried. However as I wrote the words down, I knew I no longer wanted to be afraid.

He replied saying he hoped my dilemma would never get in the way of our common ground, shared values and dreams. I was even more puzzled. This was not the first time he had told me this. Why did he keep on talking about our shared values and dreams when clearly he had never wanted to nor had any time to share them with me? I was now seriously questioning my interpretation of past events, choices, words etc. I was so puzzled that I read through nearly a hundred of our old emails and suddenly a new level of understanding and consciousness was bestowed upon me. My understanding suddenly shifted and I saw both him and myself with new eyes.

4. You are not your story – and neither is your twin

I realized all the ways in which, my vision blurred by my own ego, I had misinterpreted and even completely misread his words and reacted to him from a place of fear & ego rather than love. Things, conversations, moments all came back to me. The first thing I saw were all the ways in which I had simply not been ready or mature enough to step into my union. Having blamed him for 12 years for being the “runner”, I could now see that I had been the runner all along and that I had been just as scared and unprepared for the intensity of this connection than he had! My heart melted in compassion for him as my renewed understanding towards my own behavior allowed me to deeply understand his.

I could see how our long separation had been both necessary and inevitable. I also saw that his past and current withdrawals had nothing to do with me but rather with the intensity of having to face himself. Certainly I was not the victim here; it was just a story I had been telling myself. At last, I made the decision to finally release all the false stories, beliefs, roles and personas and to fully embrace WHO I ALREADY AM. As I did this I felt free; free from want, from sadness, from my restless search, from all the conditions and barriers that I had set up for myself when I hadn’t known my own power, or the power of God, yet.

5. Your twin flame is of divine service to you, as you are to him

I had been quick to assume that my twin was the unconscious one who either failed to see the truth or who denied it, however I was now bestowed with the knowing that he had always known about our connection, just like I had, and that all this time he had been waiting for me to come into this same awareness. I finally understood that this validation regarding his feelings could never have come from him – it could only come from realizing the truth of our One-soul where our love is always felt and experienced as a One.

Clearly, his love for me was just as unexplainable to him as my love for him was to me. He had always, regardless of circumstances, loved me and cared about me – I no longer needed to hear it, I could feel it. He had always showed up to guide me past the thresholds of the various stages and realizations of our journey, facing me in his own way, in order to serve our spiritual growth. I saw how by triggering and challenging me, he had always invited me to heal, to connect with my true self and to face my fears. He always knew just what to do/say to get me to expand in the love.

My twin flame had always been my biggest champion, my biggest ally and my closest friend even when appearances had me believe the contrary. I realised that it was him who by not being there taught me to seek and find comfort within our shared inner space; it was him who by triggering all that was unhealed within me taught me how to heal it; it was him who by turning down my love taught me that it needed to be returned to God; it was him who by withdrawing his love from me taught me that I did not need anyone’s permission to give it to myself; and it was him who by allowing our separation to go on for nearly a decade guided me to a place outside of time where we are never separate.

I suddenly felt humbled and immensely grateful as I realized that all this time he had been of Divine Service to me. He had awakened me, reminded me who I am, taught me the meaning of true love, and then called me home to him, to God and to Divine service so beautifully. I felt such deep love and reverence for him. This love filled all my empty spaces and started overflowing everywhere and I prayed to God that I could be of such Divine Service to my Twin in return. I wanted to always be there for his growth for the greater good of all, whatever it took. I now trusted him fully, and I could finally sigh in relief – we are in this together, no matter what.

6. You set the standard for how you show up in the connection

I had always known he was my mirror but I was now starting to see the precision with which the mirroring happens. I saw the internal balance and vibration that we BOTH had to demonstrate to be able to come together and I started to relax in the knowing that if I could balance the inner, the outer would alter in reflection, and that if I increased my vibration, he would have no choice but to do the same.

I felt like there was still a way to go to for things to fully fall into place, however in the meantime I decided to set a new standard for how I show up in the connection. I vowed to remain centered and connected and to meet whatever arises with love, compassion and honesty. I would no longer pussyfoot around him or treat him like some emotionally and spiritually impaired person who is afraid of my love, my passion, my feelings, or expectations, and I would no longer censor my words, emotions or experiences for fear of scaring him away. That energy had only ever created doubt and confusion between us. Instead, I would only emanate the power of knowing what I know and I had absolute faith that he would reflect it back to me. If he didn’t then it simply wasn’t time yet.

I wanted to reach out to him, to let him know that I now take full responsibility for my part and acknowledge all the ways in which I had contributed to the imbalance between us. I offered to meet him. No reply. I sent him my phone number: no reply. I was intrigued. Why was he suddenly silent? I could feel the energy between us pulsing with something unprecedented. Little did I know that once again he knew exactly what to do in order to get me to fully open up to this new awareness within me. His silence literally pulled the truth out of me.

7. It is by knowing WHAT YOU KNOW and by owning it that both you and your twin will be lifted out of confusion into alignment with your destiny.

With a whole new level of transparency and accountability, I wrote him a long, heart-felt letter. I didn’t ask, beg, hope or make any demands – I simply told him everything and invited him to take my hand and rise in love. I was responding to a higher calling, to a sense of belonging and being where I need to be, not only in the greater scale of things but within my own journey. I felt like a bird who never questions its existence or path yet which without any hesitation simply arises high into the sky and allows the warm winds to carry it to its destination.

I knew I did not want him back at any less than his fullest and truest self and he could take all the time and space he needed to get there. I knew that in the meantime God would continue to guide me and provide me with all the love that I needed. However, if I was hearing this call to return to him in order to align with the divine plan, then as part of the One-soul he had to be hearing that same call. There was NO OTHER WAY. Therefore, wasn’t I simply claiming our destiny by asking him to join forces with me on the outside like he had done on the inside?

I knew my email was a signal which would tell him that it was time to come HOME. I was truly calling forth his divine masculine to match my divine feminine; I was now a Queen ready for my King to return home to rule the Kingdom that we had built together. No matter what, we would end up being ONLY LOVE, vibrating together in the heart of God in our eternal Oneness and Life. To return to who we are, to where we belong is to simply stay there: to stay in this love, and this now became my only option.