Mirror of my soul – Stories of you, me, the world and eternity

Kundalini is the ancient Sanskrit name for the primal life force that animates all living beings. The activation of this energy, also known as Holy Spirit, Chi or Prana, initiates the process of spiritual growth and enlightenment by unifying our body, mind, and soul. Since it originates from the Divine Source, it leads into an expanded state of consciousness and interconnects us with all living beings – and ultimately God. It also unveils our true nature, nourishing our individual uniqueness and validating our sacred purpose – while encouraging others to do the same. Since the illumination of the kundalini in the brain allows a person to discern the truth of Oneness, all self-realised persons see this same truth.

This seed or spark of god energy lies dormant within us, coiled tightly around our root chakra awaiting the time of our spiritual awakening. Once ignited, the kundalini fire moves up through the rest of the Chakras (energy centres), activating each of them in turn by burning away any blockages that it meets on its way, causing negative emotions to rise to the surface to be cleared. Once all blockages cleared, the energy reaches the top of the head and passes through the crown Chakra, where it melds with the descending flow of spiritual energy, namely universal consciousness and God. In the resulting sacred mystical experience, known as Kundalini Awakening, we find not only the decisive proofs that God exists but also the secret to living this human life as divine beings.

This same principle – that life’s ultimate truth & treasure lies within us, exists in every great religious, spiritual and wisdom tradition, from Jesus’ “The kingdom of God is within you” (Luke 17:21) to Prophet Muhammad’s (PBUH) “Man is my mystery and I am his mystery, for I am he himself and he is also I myself” and the Quranic “We are closer to him than [his] jugular vein” (Quran 50:16). In the Hindu tradition, Oneness is reached through the union & spiritual marriage of the divine masculine and feminine, where Kundalini Shakti, the Goddess, rises to the head and reunites with the Supreme Being Lord Shiva. 

Why & how do people seek to awaken their kundalini?

An awakened kundalini creates a direct connection to the spiritual and divine realms and opens up our intuition; enabling us to receive messages and revelations coloured with inspiration. We are able to tap into the Universal Consciousness and akashic records; to receive downloads of extraordinary wisdom & knowledge and more importantly, to commune with God through our ‘third eye‘. It is for this very reason that all spiritual and religious traditions seek the release of this life force energy actively, either through a systematic approach of exercises, breath practise, prayer or meditation. Even the Muslim prayer position where the forehead repetitively touches the ground seeks to awaken the Kundalini, in the same way that Yoga does.

Our kundalini can also be awakened through more passive means, such as a path of surrender where one lets go of all the impediments to awakening. Often this passive awakening (known as shaktipat) happens through a spiritual transmission or spark from a “teacher”, whose kundalini has already been awakened. This can happen during a physical or ethereal encounter, and can be intentional or not. This only raises the kundalini temporarily but gives the student an experience to use as the basis. Kundalini can also be triggered or released by an outside force such as a traumatic accident, near-death experience or emotional trauma.

Will meeting my Twin Flame raise my kundalini?

A kundalini awakening is one of the effects of coming into contact with your Twin flame. It is the very purpose of your Twin Flame to burst into your life in divine timing to spark you into remembrance of your true infinite & immortal nature. The force required to release the pulsating, creative kundalini energy is atomic – just like the nuclear fusion of the complementary polarities of the energetic bodies of the Twin Flames!

When Twin Flames connect this ignites the eternal fire of kundalini within them. Often the ignition happens through sexual union, however it can also happen through online contact, hearing our twin flame’s voice, spending time with them etc. The reason the physical contact is not required is that twin flames are connected to each other through the 5-body system; of which physical togetherness is only a small part. The awakening of the Kundalini is a gradual process and the symptoms leading up to the energy reaching the crown chakra producing self-realization and englightenment can take years. This process can take longer if the Twin Flames have not physically consumed their union since it is their sexual union through the sacred marriage/alchemical union (also known as hieros gamos) which helps bring on the union on all levels.

The reason a full-blown kundalini awakening rarely happens immediately upon meeting the Twin Flame is that it is often only through separation that their passion for each other becomes internally validated and their egos heal sufficiently to allow the merging can take place. This is where, even when the Twin Flames are no longer in physical contact, the energy connecting their central nervous system and five major organs will be linked up. The awakening now emerges from the unconscious interaction with the energy body of our Twin, often cumulating after we have reached a moment of surrender. The resulting atomic fusion then releases the secrets that are locked within our DNA and changes the frequency vibration of the mental body, sparking unity within ourselves as well as with the Divine.

Once this happens, specific spiritual abilities manifest, such as sensing each other’s thoughts telepathically and each other’s energy naturally, even when not physically together. This often also includes an incredible sensation of unconditional love, bliss and desire for our Twin Flame. This does not mean that both Twins are ready for union at this point, it just means that the spark has been ignited and everything from this point on is preparation for their final union together. As the Twins adjust and balance their energies on all levels these entwine and form one single being– with the physical level often being the final icing on the cake. Therefore, in reality the kundalini awakening is the awakening of the oneness they once shared.

Sometimes once we get to close proximity of the physical union with our Twin Flame and look back at the beginning of our spiritual awakening it may seem like perhaps our Twin Flame knew about the connection before we did. It is possible – and often the case that one Twin with an already activated Kundalini acts as the “Teacher” for the other. This may or may not mean that they knew all along that you are their Twin Flame; however they may have been able to have a more balanced view and approach to the whole situation and connection. Often with our spiritual awakening we catch with clarity a glimpse of our definite future with our Twin Flame but we also know that there’s work to do, including existing soul agreements, before we can reach that point.

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How will I know my kundalini has been activated?

During the gradual awakening process, Kundalini can be felt in various parts of the body, depending on which Chakra is being cleansed and activated. Some of the most common symptoms are tingling, flushes of energy, cold/heat running through various parts of the body, fluttering, twitching of muscles and pinching or burning sensations, and these are felt all along the awakening process.

There are many resources on the internet detailing the various Kundalini symptoms. For example, when kundalini reaches our heart we may feel heat, pressure and movements in heart area, including intense and uneven heartbeats. Our feelings rise to the surface, accompanied by crying, raging, being easily moved to tears etc. When the kundalini reaches our throat Chakra, we feel pressure, aches and pains in our throat, jaw and neck and we find our selves speaking our truth, or even yelling and demanding things that have been suppressed; whereas kundalini on our 3rd eye Chakra brings about headaches with burning, tingling and pulling sensations around the brain and skulls.

Once the kundalini reaches our crown Charkra opens, we experience a full-blown, big bang type expansion of our consciousness. With this we may see some of the rarer symptoms, such as experiencing divine light within, a complete (temporary) paralysis of the physical body or feeling very blissful to the point that it would completely overwhelm your consciousness if you allowed it to. Often a person will experience feelings of spontaneous bliss and ecstasy, as well as intervals of tremendous joy, love and compassion. The kundalini awakening also brings along many psychic experiences, such as pastlife memories, astral travel, awareness of chakras and auras, extrasensory perception, contact with spirit guides, dreams and visions, increased creativity (spiritual music, art, poetry etc.) and healing powers.

Help! Kundalini is making me act crazy!

The overwhelming pressure on our energetic body caused by the meeting with our Twin Flame and everything this brings to surface to be cleared causes our kundalini to rise faster than it otherwise would. Meeting our Twin Flame is already a very intense event, and having our kundalini spontaneously awaken on top of it can be very unsettling and often hits us with no advance warning.

We have all, including the undersigned, acted in ways we hope we could take back when hit with the kundalini fire. We may for a while be unable to process what is happening to us properly and become overloaded. When we are hit by all these energies and the deep knowing of who our Twin Flame is, they are often the first and only person we turn to since we are now acutely feeling them energetically. We know undoubtedly that they have something to do with the energies and believe that because of their magnitude they must be feeling something too. This is also the moment where many become just a bit too obsessive about their Twin Flame, resulting in some desperate behaviours.

We should however keep in mind that our Twin Flame may not have had their spiritual awakening yet, and even if they had they might not be able to make any sense of it, and may be just as freaked out as we are, unable or unwilling to share what is happening to them. Chasing them and coming at them with all the spiritual definitions and Twin Flame theories will only push them further away. It is very important at this point to do whatever it is that you need to do to move the energy along – write, sing, howl at the moon, run in the meadows, cry or laugh like a maniac, see an energy healer and do whatever it takes to find some solid ground to stand on. Your are doing great and probably just as well as anyone would in your situation. You are not alone, you will not become a danger to yourself and you will not lose your mind, although it may feel so!

Personally I found that learning to channel the energy by being attuned to Reiki helped me ground myself and approach the incoming energy in a much more balanced manner. I love writing and found that channelling messages from universal consciousness provided me with an outlet to express the new ideas and the humongous love that I was feeling.

My kundalini awakening – the days leading up to it

Prior to my kundalini awakening I had been running (without really realising that I was the runner) from my Twin Flame for almost 3 years. The story of how I became the runner can be found in one of my previous blog posts “The Folly of Running from Love“. As time went on I rarely thought of him, and when I did it was with great confusion about how something that had felt so divine and so grand and right could go so terribly wrong and finish before it had even properly began. The memories of our time together were shrouded in a cloud of confusion. However, meeting him had forced me to grow and mature spiritually and emotionally, but even then, in the deep of the night, I often felt empty and alone and an existential crisis was brewing within me.

Three months short of three years after our last encounter I was settled in a new country with the same long-term partner I had repeatedly tried to leave upon meeting my Twin Flame. I had an exciting new job, new house, new friends and a new life with lots of international travel, yet I felt empty on the inside. One night out of nowhere I was hit with the most devastating, heart-felt feeling of loss. Was this really my life; is this really what it’s supposed to be like? Is this all? I remember lying on my bed crying, and although I suspected that God rarely looked in my direction, I turned to him in prayer and asked him for help. I said I was ready to accept whatever was in my highest good and I promised that whatever it was I would follow it, honour it and do my best to accept it, no questions asked. Obviously I had no idea what I was committing myself to!

Only a week or so later in April 2005 I was driving home from work in the middle lane of a three-lane motorway. Suddenly a car appeared out of nowhere next to me on my left and veered straight towards the front of my car. To avoid him, I turned the steering wheel sharply towards the lane on my right and to my horror saw in my mirror that there was another car there, almost parallel to me and that I was going to hit it. It all happened very quickly but in my mind I was swearing at the idiot who cut me off and whose fault it was that I was now going to die. Then I became fully conscious; aware of myself as an observer of my mind chatter. My mind was afraid of dying, but the observer wasn’t. The observer was not bound by time, space, form; nothing could hurt, scare or kill it. This observer knew only love, peace and serenity.

I seemed to spiral into another dimension where I saw myself with the man I was about to be shown is my Twin Flame; not as two individuals but as ONE being filled with a blissful vibration of love, bathed in intense light. Just like the first time he kissed me, I could feel the touch of his lips on my forehead burning my third eye. We were entangled as one, like a tree wrapped around itself, in an upwards rising double-helix of love surrounded by blissful silence and magical sparkles, out of time and space. I don’t know how long this moment lasted but it felt like a slice of eternity.

Suddenly I heard the noise of a car breaking. I had no idea who was breaking; was it me or the other car? While I am convinced to this day that humanely I could have not avoided an accident, I was still in one piece when I opened my eyes. It was over in the blink of an eye but it felt like forever. My whole life was in that moment. Love is All That There Is. Nothing else matters. The kiss on my forehead was a kiss of life, not of death. It was a Welcome home, not a goodbye. It was a new beginning, not an end. It was the reality, not a delusion. I was confused and shaking when I got home. My mind could not process what had happened. I could not for the life in me understand what this man, whom I had only known for a few weeks a couple of years ago, was doing swirling up in what looked like a DNA helix with me, entwined into me as if we were just ONE BEING in love with itself.

The night of my kundalini awakening

A night or two later as I lay alone in my bed wide awake reading I started to notice a series of subtle energy currents running through my body. They were creating almost a tickling sensation, like little wavelets of vibration, very clear and distinct. I felt the vibration in my arms and legs but mostly in the lower half of my trunk. Suddenly the room was filled with intense white light and a magical silence; and along with it a tremendous vibratory energy. As I felt that energy and light, I saw him, my Twin Flame. He appeared at the end of my bed, bathed in light. I had not been in touch with this man for nearly 3 years but there he was; his body like a vehicle of radiant white light.

I could not make out his features but I recognised him instantly from the energy that he was emanating. It was as if he was transparent; the inside of him filled with a very intense, pure white light which was just breathtakingly and incredibly beautiful. The brightest part of the light was around his heart, bright as the sun; albeit smaller. In fact, it was so bright that I raised my arm to cover my eyes but I could still see both him and the light. I smiled as I realised I was also filled with this light. From within me, I heard a voice say loud and clear: “It’s YOU. You were there all along”.

With that, he seemed to ignite something in me, and I felt a distinct opening in my heart, very very clearly. In an amazing powerful surge of energy, the kundalini shot through me along my spine, like a pulse of liquid fire. The energy surge shot out of my heart that then up the centre of my body, and then up toward the top of my head. I involuntarily arched my back, my body pulsating as intense waves of bliss came over me. It was so pleasurable that it was almost painful, like an ache, like a longing, a reaching out, a desire and vulnerability… like how I would feel perhaps all the time if I dropped all my defences and let myself go. It felt wonderful, very alive and very real, and it jolted my inner core alive.

I felt my Twin Flame’s presence transform into a million particles of coloured lights that rained down on me, washed over me and felt nothing but complete bliss. We melded together, we were ONE. It felt like a cell-level climax, like MY WHOLE BEING, every single atom within every single cell within me, from my smallest toe to the deepest corners of my brain climaxed and it was pure bliss. I saw the interconnection and non-separation of everything, and I experienced myself as part of the ONE, swimming through a Universe of non-duality, emerging into the sublime, absolute realm of the divine. I felt an outpouring of love and compassion for All, and the deep realization that “the other” is really me. I travelled through the Universe, seeing galaxies being created from within my own being, feeling the intense closeness of God. I knew that I was responsible for my own wholeness as the Love that I Am. Love is ALL THERE IS.

How did I feel afterwards

As I woke up to a new day, I found that everything had changed: I was no longer just another soul swimming in the fish soup of humanity but rather a drop in the endless ocean called Universal consciousness, or a droplet of love vibrating in the heart of God. I realised that even though I was just a droplet within the greater whole, I was also one that contained All That Is within itself.

In the days, weeks and months that followed I found myself feeling ridiculously happy and blissful, feeling powerful surges of energy all around my body, growing in intensity as time went by. I barely needed any sleep or food, and I enjoyed many of the psychic experiences brought on by the awakened kundalini, such as being able to read people’s mind & energies, and immediately being able to connect on a deep level with anyone in any situation. I became aware of my night time escapades astral travelling with my Twin.

I had dreams and visions filled with meaning, especially with regards to my purpose on this planet and how this related to my twin flame. I discovered that I was able to do energetic healing and found myself in receipt of endless downloads of spiritual information which I spent hours writing down every day for almost a year. After that night, I also found that I could ask any question about creation, life, God – anything, and be answered immediately. It was a constant discourse with God, or, as I perceived it at the time, a higher intelligence.

The unbreakable connection with my Twin Flame

Along with all this came an undeniable awareness of feeling another person – my Twin Flame – in the ether. He was there, on the inside, and I was sensing what he was sensing, feeling what he was feeling. He was part of my energetic make-up, and an undeniable part of me. At first I thought I was insane or that perhaps my sensory perception jumped up a few notches. My mind was full of questions: WHAT IS THIS? WHAT DOES IT MEAN? The strangest thing was that at first when the energies started to flow I could not remember one thing about the time I had spent with him. I was surprised by my own amnesia, unable to recall that we had worked together, what he looked like or why exactly he was no longer part of my life. What I did remember was looking into those intense blue eyes for the very first time and seeing my own soul, the timelessness of it all… I remembered what it felt like to have someone believe in me and accept me. I remembered how he always read my thoughts and knew me like no one else. How he was the only person to ever really understand me.

Every day I tried not to think about it but memories kept resurfacing in my mind, returning to me as clear as if they happened only yesterday. I remembered how he told me I was his mirror image. I remembered that kiss on the forehead, then standing at the train station with him that first night, then kissing him on Pont des Arts, spending all those days and nights together, the laughter, the tears.. The following week I got chatting to a guy at work who had been there for a couple of months but that I had never spoken to. We found ourselves talking about travel; a passion me and Twin share, and I found myself thinking how much he reminded me of him. Little did I know this man would become an important part of this stage of our journey since a few months later he also found himself reunited with his twin flame after 20 years apart and struggled to accept her unconditional love, just as my Twin Flame struggled with accepting mine.

Everywhere I turned I was being constantly reminded of my Twin; every conversation I had, people I overheard talking, the songs I heard; everything served to tell me that I had to find him again. The speed and frequency with which events, signs and synchronicities unfolded left me in no doubt that the Universe was trying to tell me something. This combined with the intense energies I was feeling which seemed to relate to him made it impossible to concentrate on anything. I wasn’t totally sure why he was now suddenly such a part of my life again but I e-mailed him, feeling both pushed and guided to do so. I had no choice. I had erased his e-mail address but suddenly after 3 years it popped back into my mind. I just wanted to know he was happy. I wasn’t expecting to see him; I didn’t know if I even could or should.

He replied within hours of receiving my email, telling me how much he had missed me all these years. Nothing could have prepared me for the flow of energy I was now experiencing from just thinking about him. I seemed to be able to feel his energies resonate and interact with mine. Soon we were emailing and calling each other daily, discovering how closely our lives had once again reflected one another during the time we were apart. Amazingly he had also moved to the same country, right before I had and was now living less than an hour’s drive from me. Every day the energies between us kept intensifying to the point that it felt like a huge energetic vacuum was pulling us together with a force that was simply beyond our imagination. The connection took on a life of its own and we were both swept up in its undeniable magnetic force. Little did I know that in only a few weeks I would be back in his arms on the other side of the Atlantic, discovering just how deep and intense our connection really was, and simply picking up where we had left off last time.

What did my Kundalini awakening teach me

My kundalini awakening hammered into me the fact that my Twin Flame and I were created together, never apart, never separate; always spiritually connected, always one. He is always with me, and he was here all along. My spirit was lifted up into a moment where no time and space existed and where he and I melded as galaxies were born. We were held in the warm embrace of God, infused in his light and power, yet where I knew that we are nothing but small particles in the vibrating heart of God, merged in All That Is and in each other so deeply that it would be impossible to untangle God from what is between us, or either one of us from our connection with God. We are bound together for eternity by God; our spiritual growth always a reflection of the other.

It was only years later that I learned that I had experienced a kundalini awakening – funnily enough for many years I had referred to it as a “spiritual orgasm” because that’s what it had felt like. With time I realised that this mystical expansion was just the beginning of my journey and that we don’t just become spiritual angelic beings just like that. Rather, we are given a glimpse of a higher reality which is now within our view and reach, and we are given the tools to get there, but we still have all our baggage to shed and internal work to do. Our only hope lies in the promise that the bliss and serenity we feel when we concentrate on the love and on becoming our true self will eventually lead us HOME.